Book picks similar to
Fat Vampire Value Meal by Johnny B. Truant
vampires
humor
paranormal
fantasy
Dark Matter Heart
Nathan M. Wrann - 2011
A new school. A new beginning. Seventeen year-old Cordell Griffin and his mother move from Los Angeles to the Pacific Northwest to deal with his "allergies," and start a healthier new life. Cor has one goal: To blend in and be invisible. Unfortunately for him, no matter how far he goes, he can't run away from his secrets. Secrets about who he is. Secrets about why he's sick. And secrets about why so many people he meets end up dead, drained of blood. In "Dark Matter Heart", the origin novel in the "Cor Griffin Bloodsuckers" Young Adult Paranormal Thriller series from filmmaker Nathan Wrann, Cor must uncover the mysteries of his past and conquer the secrets of the present in order to protect the girl of his future, and save himself
Death and Mr. Right
Kendra L. Saunders - 2013
Everyone knows They don't look lightly on important items getting lost or an agent falling in love.Can the diva-like Death navigate the modern world, recover what was stolen from him (the names of the damned ooops!) and get his job back? Or will he fall in love with Lola, the pretty thief who got him into all this trouble in the first place?
Maggie for Hire
Kate Danley - 2011
No one is better at hauling the creepy crawlies back where they belong. No one, that is, except Maggie's dad, who vanished in the middle of an assignment.Now, an elf named Killian has shown up with a gig. Seems Maggie's uncle teamed up with the forces of dark to turn Earth into a vampire convenience store, serving bottomless refills on humans. Ah, family...The only hope for survival lies in tracking down two magical artifacts and a secret that disappeared with Maggie's dad.WARNING: This book contains cussing, brawling, and unladylike behavior. Proceed with caution.
The Unnoticeables
Robert Brockway - 2015
But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns, they remove the redundancies, and the problem that is you gets solved.Carey doesn’t much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching the strange kids with the unnoticeable faces abduct his friends. He doesn’t care about the rumors of tarmonsters in the sewers, or unkillable psychopaths invading the punk scene—all he wants is drink cheap beer and dispense asskickings.Kaitlyn isn’t sure what she’s doing with her life. She came to Hollywood in 2013 to be a stunt woman, but last night a former teen heartthrob tried to eat her, her best friend has just gone missing, and there’s an angel outside her apartment.Whatever she plans on doing with her life, it should probably happen in the few remaining minutes she has left of it.There are angels. There are demons. They are the same thing. It’s up to Carey and Kaitlyn to stop them. The survival of the human race is in their hands.We are, all of us, well and truly screwed.
The Nightlife: New York
Travis Luedke - 2012
Aaron is thrust into the shocking world of vampiric slavery when Michelle shares her blood to save his life.Michelle's existence as a solitary vampire is also altered when she accepts this naive young man into her life. Bound by her blood, Aaron is subject to her authority. He walks a tightrope of strictly controlled feeding regiments and intense sexual adventures while catering to the neurotic control-freak tendencies of his new master. She vows to eliminate him if he proves too difficult to control.This story is bold and evocative, infusing blood, sex, love and turmoil in an urban drama about two vampires battling evil outside and within themselves.
When the Sea Is Rising Red
Cat Hellisen - 2012
She fakes her own death and leaves her sheltered life as one of Pelimburg’s magical elite behind. Living in the slums, scrubbing dishes for a living, she falls for charismatic Dash while also becoming fascinated with vampire Jannik. Then something shocking washes up on the beach: Ilven's death has called out of the sea a dangerous, wild magic. Felicita must decide whether her loyalties lie with the family she abandoned . . . or with those who would twist this dark power to destroy Pelimburg's caste system, and the whole city along with it.
Immortal
Gene Doucette - 2010
I like to brag that I’ve been there from the beginning, and while this may very well be true, I generally just say it to pick up girls.” --Adam the Immortal Surviving sixty thousand years takes cunning and more than a little luck. But in the twenty-first century, Adam confronts new dangers—someone has found out what he is, a demon is after him, and he has run out of places to hide.Worst of all, he has had entirely too much to drink. Immortal is a first person confessional penned by a man who is immortal, but not invincible. In an artful blending of sci-fi, adventure, fantasy, and humor, IMMORTAL introduces us to a world with vampires, demons and other “magical” creatures, yet a world without actual magic. At the center of the book is Adam. “I have been in quite a few tight situations in my long life. One of the first things I learned was if there is going to be a mob panic, don’t be standing between the mob and wherever it is they all want to go. The second thing I learned was, don’t try to run through fire.” --Adam the Immortal Adam is a sixty thousand year old man. (Approximately.) He doesn’t age or get sick, but is otherwise entirely capable of being killed.His survival has hinged on an innate ability to adapt, his wits, and a fairly large dollop of luck.He makes for an excellent guide through history . . . when he’s sober. Immortal is a contemporary fantasy for non-fantasy readers and fantasy enthusiasts alike.
Night's Edge
Maggie Shayne - 2004
Even so, when she somehow acquires a stalker, Layla Rue is surprised to find that Sean is the only one she can trust.Her Best Enemy by USA TODAY bestselling author Maggie ShayneKiley Brigham refuses to believe there's a ghost in her house, but when an unseen hand leaves a bloody message on her bathroom mirror, she's forced to turn to local psychic Jack McCain. As the two work to uncover a long-buried secret, Kiley finds that she's haunted not by spirits, but by thoughts of Jack.Someone Else's Shadow by Locus Award-winning author Barbara HamblyMaddie Laveau worries about her young roommate, Tessa, when she stays late to practice ballet in the old Glendower Building -- and when Tessa goes missing, Maddie enlists mysterious tenant Phil Anderson to help. But is Phil the white knight she needs, or the predator she fears?
The Vampire Hunter's Daughter
Jennifer Malone Wright - 2011
Before the vampire can kidnap her, there is an unexpected rescue by a group of vampire hunters. Overwhelmed by the feeling of safety, Chloe passes out and they whisk her away to their small community.When Chloe wakes, she comes face to face with the only other living relative, besides her mother, whom she has ever met: her grandfather. Chloe’s mother kept her hidden from the family; now, Chloe tries to unveil the family secrets.Through her grandfather, she learns her mother was a vampire hunter. In fact, her entire family is descended from the powerful bloodlines of vampire hunters. Chloe agrees to join the family she has never known for one reason only: Chloe vows to kill the vampire responsible for her mother’s murder.With vengeance in her soul, Chloe is even more determined to follow through on her vow when she discovers the true identity of her enemy and how he is connected to her.The Vampire Hunter's Daughter is the first in a series of short stories by Jennifer Malone Wright.
I'm the Vampire, That's Why
Michele Bardsley - 2006
And I, Jessica Matthews, have been a member of that club ever since my husband dumped me for his twentysomething secretary and then had the gall to die in a car accident. Now I’m not just a single mother trying to make ends meet in this crazy world....I’m also a vampire. One minute I was taking out the garbage; the next I awoke sucking on the thigh of superhot vampire Patrick O’Halloran, who’d generously offered his femoral artery to save me.But though my stretch marks have disappeared and my vision has improved, I can’t rest until the thing that did this to me is caught. My kids’ future is at stake…figuratively and literally. As is my sex life. Although I wouldn’t mind finding myself attached to Patrick’s juicy thigh again, I learned that once a vampire does the dirty deed, it hitches her to the object of her affection for at least one hundred years. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of commitment....
Bad Taste in Boys
Carrie Harris - 2011
Worse yet, the steriods are having an unexpected effect, turning hot gridiron hunks into mindless flesh-eating zombies. No one is safe--not her cute crush Aaron, not her dorky brother, Jonah . . . not even Kate! She's got to find an antidote--before her entire high school ends up eating each other. So Kate, her best girlfriend, Rocky, and Aaron stage a frantic battle to save their town . . . and stay hormonally human.
The Vampire Wants a Wife
Andie M. Long - 2017
Yet another prankster has applied to her dating agency. This one says he’s a vampire and he wants Shelley to help him find a wife. Meeting him for a second interview against all her better judgement, Shelley discovers that he has no clue about women. A shame because he’s super-hot, amusing, and has a lot of single friends he could recommend her struggling business to, even if he does say they’re werewolves and demons. She has to help him, even if he’s crazy. If she can ignore his delusions, she’s sure she can help him meet someone. But when death threats start arriving on her doorstep, Shelley’s not sure she’s cut out for the job… then her dating algorithm states she’s his ideal partner. Now she’s not sure if she should take the risk for love, or run like hell. Welcome to Withernsea and the Supernatural Dating Agency, for readers of Michelle Rowen, Gerry Bartlett and Michele Bardsley who like their humour to have bite.
The Southern Vampire Mysteries
Books LLC - 2010
Chapters: Living Dead in Dallas, Dead to the World, Definitely Dead, Club Dead, Dead Until Dark, Dead as a Doornail, Dead and Gone, All Together Dead, From Dead to Worse, a Touch of Dead, Dead in the Family. Excerpt: A Touch of Dead A Touch of Dead is a collection of short stories from Charlaine Harris 's series The Southern Vampire Mysteries . This title was released on October 6th, 2009. This book only contains the short stories Harris has published in which Sookie Stackhouse is present. Stories References (URLs online) A hyperlinked version of this chapter is at All Together Dead All Together Dead is the seventh book in Charlaine Harris 's series The Southern Vampire Mysteries . After being betrayed by her vampire love, Bill Compton, Sookie Stackhouse attends an all-important central U.S. Vampire Summit on the shores of Lake Michigan as a "human geiger counter" for Sophie-Anne Leclerq, Vampire Queen of Louisiana and who will be tried during the event for murdering her husband, King of Arkansas. The summit is a tense situation. The queen is in a precarious position, her power base weakened by hurricane damage to New Orleans. And there are some vamps who would like to finish what nature started. Sookie knows the queen is innocent, but she is hardly prepared for other shocking murders, not to mention protests by the Fellowship of the Sun, a right-wing anti-vampire movement. Sookie's bond with Eric Northman gets closer and she discovers Quinn 's past. Plot summary The summit, which has attracted undead power players from all over the central United States, is sure to be tense, due in no small part to the rampi...
Crimson City
Liz Maverick - 2005
The angels are no longer in charge. From the extravagant appetites of the vampire world above, to the gritty defiance of the werewolves below, the specter of darkness lives around every corner, the hope of paradise in every heart. All walk freely with humans in a tentative peace, but to live in Los Angeles is to balance on the edge of a knife. One woman knows better than most that death lurks here in nights of bliss or hails of UV bullets. She’s about to be tested, to taste true thirst. She’s about to regain the power she’s long been denied. And Fleur Dumont is about to meet the one man who may understand her: a tormented protector who’s lost his way and all he loved.
Space Team
Barry J. Hutchison - 2016
Imprisoned and forced to share a cell with a cannibalistic serial killer, Cal thinks things can't possibly get any worse. He is wrong. It’s not until two-thirds of the human race is wiped out and Cal is abducted by aliens that his day really starts to go downhill. Whisked across the galaxy, Cal is thrown into a team of some of the sector's most notorious villains and scumbags. Their mission should be simple enough, but as one screw-up leads to another, they find themselves in a frantic battle to save an entire alien civilization - and its god - from total annihilation. A hilarious, fast-paced space adventure from the author the Independent calls "the new Terry Pratchett."