His experience was not the little league, boys-of-summer stuff of modern America. For him, it was life and death. Now middleaged and living in California, Alan finds himself coaching a team of eight-year-olds in his beloved sport—and nothing is going right. For a start, the kids are no good at soccer. Secondly, they’re pampered. Born and bred on the sport, Black’s hardscrabble Scottish upbringing consisted of playing tough and victory at all costs. Needless to say, his coaching methods are a far cry from the “winning isn’t everything” mentality his little leaguers have been reared with; and players and parents alike are shocked as Black attempts to transform the losing team through drills and bombast. Alone at night, watching evangelicals on TV, Black finds himself searching for some truth in the culture he finds so bizarre. And it’s with the Tigers that he feels most out of sync—faced with a mix of soft suburban children, a raft of overprotective parents, and an Iranian co-coach called Ali. Told with Black’s uproarious Scottish sensibility, Kick the Balls follows the abrasive, irreverent, and hilarious coach as he contends with a team that winds up with a zero-win record. Both a celebration of his own tough childhood and an account of one man’s navigation of an alien culture, Kick the Balls will delight fans of well-told, laugh-out-loud memoirs.

    Kristen Buckley takes readers into the little-watched-but soon-to-be prime time-life of TV junkie Parker Grey...with no commercial interruptions. When she isn't waiting tables, Parker Grey doesn't have much to do except watch reruns of her favorite medical drama and fantasize about its star. In fact, sometimes she feels like her life is one big TV show-one she'd channel-surf right past. But now Parker's roommate, Lil, has disappeared. Knowing she's a lot better at watching drama than creating it, Parker turns to TV for help. Inspired by the sexy star of "La Femme Nikita," she takes to the streets of Manhattan. To find Lil. And to start writing a whole new script for her life.

    Completely recolored in the style of the 1930s and 1940s Disney animated cartoons. Illustrated.

    For example, I was once pinned down by a young lad who repeatedly asked me why I was hitting myself, when he knew full well that I had temporarily ceded hegemony over my hands and forearms. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to comprehend. In retrospect, I can only conclude that my explanation was not articulate enough.To that end, I and Phil Plait have teamed up to create precisely 128 insults designed to weaken the resolve of aggressors, while educating them in their primary field of interest. Whether the person pummeling you is a student of mathematics or belles-lettres, we have the right words for the occasion.Zach WeinersmithPS: In the highly likely situation that the person pummeling you refuses to cease his aggression until he understands the meaning of the insult, we have also provided an appendix in which the insults are explained.

    It's teeming with savages, thugs, angry toddlers, and disgruntled clowns. And every one of them is secretly mulling a scenario that ends with them kicking you square in the junk. What do you do if you want to take on The Batman and live to brag about it to your kids? What do you do if a rabid alligator picks a fight with your little sister? What do you do if the beloved star of "Forrest Gump" tells you to "shut the hell up" in front of a huge crowd?You read this book. It offers simple, effective instructions for beating up zombies, robots, co-workers—anything. The only limits are your imagination... and your habit of not following through on things, and possibly your uncoordinated, at times comically frail body.

    Laugh your knickers off with the hilarious #1 national bestselling confessions of Georgia Nicolson!Includes paperback copies of:Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal SnoggingOn the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex GodKnocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas

    During a bank robbery, she is caught in the cross-fire and grazed by a bullet to the head, leaving her with the ability to read people's minds. Not only is she hearing what everyone thinks about her, but the gunman who shot her is out to silence her forever. In her fight to stay alive she is saved from certain death by a handsome hit-man with ties to organized crime. This pulls Shelby even deeper into danger, where knowing someone's thoughts can not only hurt her feelings, but get her killed. Fast Money: A Shelby Nichols Adventure, Book Two A trip to the mall gives Shelby the shock of her life when she finds an extra five million dollars in the bank account Uncle Joey set up for her. She thought he was out of her life for good, but with this huge deposit, she’s not so sure. Soon, all kinds of people are coming after her for a piece of the money, and her survival becomes a matter of life and death. Can she figure out who to trust in time? Or will this fast money be the end of Shelby Nichols? Lie or Die: A Shelby Nichols Adventure, Book Three Shelby has her hands full managing her new agency. Her first case to track down stolen bank money leads her into the lingerie business where nothing is as it appears. She also finds plenty to keep her busy with Detective Harris, AKA Dimples. But all that pales in comparison to what she must do to help Uncle Joey, the local mob boss. When Chris receives threatening notes, and Hodges turns up dead, it is up to Shelby to determine what is going on and who is behind it all. Soon, Shelby must use all her mind-reading skills to stay alive... and her only option? Lie or Die. REVIEWS "One of the best and rarest gems of the indie book market." -Matthew LeDrew More Please? ~ BRILLIANT! Shelby is a well-rounded character and the plots are cleverly written! As much as I wanted to find something wrong, I just couldn't. Fun, Fast, Fantastic read ~ An amusing and entertaining read. I hope there are many more to come! Shelby Nichols Adventure Series Carrots Fast Money Lie or Die Secrets That Kill Trapped by Revenge Deep in Death Crossing Danger Devious Minds Hidden Deception

    Taught to drive at the age of ten by his father, Luke can do more damage with a stick and a clutch than most men can do with a bottle of whiskey and a lousy mood. He counts down the days to his sixteenth birthday when he can finally get his license. Unfortunately, the first thing he does with it is "borrow" his neighbor's car. When Luke is pulled over and found in possession of an air pistol, a ski mask, a stolen TV, and a bag of pot, the unforgiving local magistrate takes scissors to his license and vows to lock him up if he ever stands in front of her again. As Luke's mother explores bad relationships and the lure of vodka, Luke moves in with his older brother, Nick, an easygoing ex-con who wants to steer Luke onto the straight and narrow. In the gnarled, muggy summer that follows, Luke contends with a lovely kleptomaniac girlfriend, a duffel bag full of cocaine, and the realization that he must save his family from themselves even as he plots to beat a path out of town. Dubbed the "Great American Redneck Novel" by Big Fish author Daniel Wallace, Drive Like Hell is a hilarious one-of-a-kind tale set in late '70s Georgia, complete with stock car racing, honky-tonk dancing, pro wrestling, drug dealing, and syndicated television. Dallas Hudgens brilliantly evokes Southern culture in this unforgettable debut that is raucous and wrenching, funny and wise.

    When he released his debut album, Dice, in 1989, the parental advisory label simply read “Warning: This album is offensive.” His material stretched the boundaries of decency and good taste to their breaking point, and in turn he became the biggest stand-up comic in the world.In The Filthy Truth, Dice chronicles his remarkable rise, fall, and triumphant return. Brooklyn-born Andrew Clay Silverstein started out at Pips Comedy Club in Sheepshead Bay and eventually made a name for himself a decade later with a breakout appearance on the Rodney Dangerfield HBO special Nothing Goes Right. With that single TV appearance he became the new king of comedy, and Dicemania was born. He was the first and only comedian to sell out over three hundred sports arenas across the country to an audience of more than twelve million people. He was also the first comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row.But Dice’s meteoric rise and spectacular fame brought on a furious backlash from the media and critics. Billboards for his album produced by Rick Rubin and for his movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane were defaced and ripped down as fast as they were put up. By the mid-nineties, though still playing to packed audiences, the turmoil in his personal life, plus attacks from every activist group imaginable, led him to make the decision to step out of the spotlight and put the focus on raising his boys.The Diceman was knocked down, but not out. Taking inspiration from what Frank Sinatra once told him—“You work for your fans, not the media. The media gets their tickets for free”—Dice is now back with critically acclaimed roles in HBO’s Entourage and Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine, and is once again playing to sold-out audiences.Filled with no-holds-barred humor and honesty, The Filthy Truth sets the record straight and gives fans plenty of never-before-shared stories from his career and his friendships with Howard Stern, Sam Kinison, Mickey Rourke, Sylvester Stallone, Axl Rose, and countless others.

    Culled from his monthly column in 'Country Walking' magazine, this book is full of the beautiful places, magical moments and wonderful characters Stuart has encountered on his travels.

    I Did. Now What?! Now it's time for her to write about the real love of her life: Wendell. Her dog.*Do you talk about your dog non-stop? *Do you suspect your dog is a genius? *Do you name each of your dog's toys?*Does your dog get more heavy petting than your spouse? *Do all holidays revolve around your dog? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you probably have a healthy admiration for your dog. But if all of the scenarios in What Wendell Wants sound familiar, well, it's obvious that your appreciation of your pooch has truly crossed the line into true love--dysfunctional, sure, but who cares?! Jenny Lee knows this obsession inside and out, and her advice is not to fight it: there's simply no cure. Instead, she offers hysterical accounts of her own experiences--from fretting over her dog's haircut to getting his portrait painted a la Picasso to trying desperately to impress the Bed & Biscuit dog kennel--to give all kindred dog-loving spirits out there some consolation that they're not alone.From the Hardcover edition.

    A homage to beer by Cheers actor and beer connoisseur George Wendt, better known as Norm Peterson.

    We worry that we're not good enough or we're being selfish if we take time to prioritize what we need. But self-love is so important and even if we're our own biggest critic, it can be done! You deserve better xxxHands up if you're fed up with being told to take better care of yourself, sleep better, eat healthier...the list goes ooooon.Anne-Marie's been told these things her whole life too and they didn't make her feel any better. But now, she's discovered the simple tools that mean she treats herself with the love and respect she needs and this, in turn, means she's able to go out into the world and be as strong, confident and true to herself as she can be. And she wants YOU to be able to do the same.You Deserve Better is the must-read book from singer-songwriter Anne-Marie that doesn't give you fluffy promises about self-care but speaks honestly about body image, mental health, being successful at work and more. It's the real advice that every person needs to hear to be happier in themselves and in the world. Cause you know what?YOU DESERVE BETTER., ,

    In his films, Solaris, Mirror, Stalker and The Sacrifice, Tarkovsky defined a new way of looking at the world. His non-realistic, highly-charged images are a continuing source of inspiration - not only for a new generation of film-makers, but also for poets, musicians and painters. This volume collects his great works for the first time in one volume, as well as three of his unproduced screenplays. This material provides a unique glimpse into the way Tarkovsky's vision evolved from the printed text to its final form on celluloid. The book also contains an extended essay by film critic and historian Ian Christie, who places Tarkovsky's work in the context of Soviet film-making practice.

     In this enormously entertaining first novel, a lovable, stressed-out guy nicknamed Mumbles tells the story of how he and his cohorts not only struggle to survive corporate purgatory, but also find satisfying ways to strike back at the system. Fueled by a constant flow of Starbucks coffee, Mumbles and his friends take on such tasks as secretly filming a despised colleague's boardroom romp with an assistant, creating footage they plan to broadcast at the company's holiday party. But true gratification comes only when they actually start standing up to the bank's evil minions, those who have no qualms about piling on a weekend's worth of work on a Friday afternoon. With sharp comedy, episodes of inspired hijinks, and its glimpse into a world of fleeting elevator romances and not-so-infrequent nervous breakdowns, Bank is a touching and lively novel that is, at its heart, about figuring out what really matters in life.