Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

    His publisher has turned down his wonderful new novel, his agent is out of ideas, and the only person to turn up at his latest reading is his mum. He's deeply jealous of the marketable Francesca Brady, a hugely successful author of fat romantic books for fat romantic people, whose expansive hair and bright red lipstick mock him from posters everywhere he goes. He's also living at home since his marriage broke up, and he's just collected the wrong child from school.But one night Connor stumbles on a route back to the top, via a beautiful model, two deranged psychopaths, a multi-million pound publishing fraud, true love and utter heartbreak...

    He has, however, been a disappointment to his family in several ways: In appearance he is insignificant looking both in face and figure; he went to the University of Florida instead of Harvard where his forbears had been mainstays of the varsity crew for generations, and he studied agriculture instead of pointing himself toward a career in banking, bonds, or law. To say the least he is not apparently the stuff from which heroes are fashioned.As an agricultural expert specializing in fruit farming, Arthur becomes a Peace Corps volunteer and is assigned to the Republic of San Marco in the Caribbean. This weak-chinned Don Quixote soon acquires his Sancho Panza in the person of a rascally eleven-year-old boy, Pepe, who makes a bargain to be paid 400 pesos each time he saves Arthur's life. (The payments mount alarmingly!)The island's dictator thinks he can use Arthur to obtain military supplies with which to wipe out the band of guerillas in the hills who oppose his corrupt dictatorship. Failing in this the dictator decides to murder Goodpasture and cause an international incident by blaming it on the guerillas. This, he reasons, will bring the U.S. in to help stamp out the rebels.This plan also backfires (with Pepe's help, of course) and Goodpasture is taken prisoner and when they see he is a harmless eccentric he is appointed chief cook for the guerillas. From then on Arthur's life becomes a series of misadventures through which he moves serenely and from which he generally emerges unscathed (again with Pepe's assistance) until he surprisingly finds himself the guerillas' leader.Following one of the funniest bloodless revolutions imaginable Arthur Peabody Goodpasture ends up as Arthur el Gavilan, the new dictator of San Marco. "His strength was as the strength of ten because his heart was pure."

    One waiter, one customer. The overnight fry cook rambles up to the pie case to take his nightly hit of dessert-topping propellant. It’s not a complete surprise when he falls to the floor; the stuff gives him the spins. That’s the point. It’s a bad moment for the boss to arrive, though. It’s worse when the cook turns out to be dead - from a bullet no one heard. For the waiter, it’s the start of the the worst few months of his life, and before it’s done he’ll be neck-deep in drug deals, romances with a faithless minx and an unintelligible Russian teacher - and a plot by campus radicals to blow something big. It’s 1980, after all. No shortage of things to deplore. They’re not too concerned with disco, though; that seems to be on the way out. “Graveyard Special” is another humorous mystery by the author of “Falling Up the Stairs,” and the first in a series of interconnected mysteries that span six decades.

    He had just lost the man he was trailing and then got into a crazy highway chase with a Cadillac. Now he just wanted to get some sleep. But his thoughts of sleep ended when a screaming brunette woke him with her screams and a hand covered in blood. It looked like a murder, but where was the victim? And Lew Archer only had one suspect―an imaginary blonde that nobody seems to have seen.

     Ex-Apache helicopter pilot Doug Reeves is happily living out his retirement on board a power yacht in the Monterey marina. When his neighbour’s boat suddenly explodes he begins asking questions. It soon becomes clear that what first seemed like an unfortunate accident was actually part of a much greater conspiracy. Unable to let things lie, Reeves calls in favours from his old friends in the military. But his investigation soon imperils both his life and his blossoming relationship with Donni Brakken. Will Reeves get to the bottom of this crime? Will his relationship with Donni be put at risk? Will he make it out alive? Praise for William H Lovejoy: “Tightly plotted,..well-written…engaging!”---Nelson DeMille, author of The Lion’s Game “Paperback vet Lovejoy makes his hardcover debut a memorable occasion with an ultracool, swiftly paced take of cyberspace chicanery...A grand user-friendly yarn that gives new meaning to the words computer error.” - Kirkus Review "Lovejoy tells another great story of fast-paced aerial action…Phantom Strike rings with authenticity and puts you in the middle of the action--makes you feel as if you should strap on your G-suit to go along on the mission." ---Jimmie H. Butler, Colonel, USAF, Retired, author of The Iskra Incident "Delta Green is an exciting aerial thriller. Buckle your seat belts!"---Joe Weber, author of Defcon One "Alpha Kat is an action-packed, rip-snorting adventure tale from William Lovejoy, this time with high-tech fighters and red-hot fighter pilots. Technothriller fans are going to enjoy this one." - Stephen Coonts, best-selling author William H Lovejoy has publications in English, Spanish, Hebrew and Japanese. He is the author of twenty-five thriller, suspense, and mystery novels, including Delta Blue, Delta Green, Alpha Kat, Phantom Strike and Ultra Deep. A Vietnam veteran, he resides in Colorado and is Vice Chancellor Emeritus from Mohave Community College.

    As a rank amateur who just thinks he can help, this Ames alter ego quickly becomes embroiled in the search for a missing NYU coed. He moves from one scrape to the next, all while trying to escape a life of periodic alcoholism, dead-end relationships, writer’s block, and hours of Internet backgammon. Bored to Death was originally published in McSweeney’s Issue 24 and is the centerpiece of Ames’s collection of essays and fiction, The Double Life Is Twice as Good. Bored to Death Artwork © 2009 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Office, Inc.

    He can hardly remember his days of wanderlust, and he’s grateful to have left behind the violence of a raw frontier. In a celebratory mood, Steve invites his mother to a meet her new grandchild in a chic resort in Monterey, California. With the delivery of a handwritten note, his world suddenly reverts to the savagery of his bygone days. There will be no peace.

    Feeling at a loss now that Mike has moved on, Mary nevertheless works diligently to uncover the story behind a ghost—or two— who are terrified to talk to the police, even an ex-cop like Mary. Luckily, Bradley is right beside her when the story she seeks somehow leads back to a scattering of bones.

    

    after a cleaner unplugged his cryogenic freezing machine by accident, Detective Inspector Capstan wakes up to find that he's been in a state of suspended animation for over four hundred years. As he's forced to adjust to life in the future he finds himself reinstated as a policeman, and together with the great great great great grandson of his former subordinate, Sergeant Dewbush, he's put on the case of a missing cow.

    Morty Martinez is known in the industry of estate liquidation as a "feeler."  If you were to look him up in the Brooklyn yellow pages, he would be listed under "home content removal," but his real job is looking for stashes of cash crammed into tin cans that have been left out of wills, kept out of banks, and hidden away for decades by the frugal elderly suspicious of ATMs and the IRS.  When Morty hits upon the biggest score of his life, over $800,000.00, he knows that news travels fast and he must operate quickly and carefully to safeguard his booty, his life and his destiny as patrician of a seaside Mexican village.  But what he doesn't know is that there are others after the same buried treasure, including the recently paroled prison assassin Danny Kessel.

    Finally, a new author as witty and sassy as Janet Evanovich." -- Lark SusakMedium Dead is a fun urban fantasy chronicling the crime fighting adventures of Brenda - a reluctant medium - and Brian - a Vigilante Demon with an impish sense of humour. Think Stephanie Plum with magic and a dash of Carl Hiaasen. Brenda Steele is smart, funny and out of her depth. A Vigilante Demon called Brian wants her to find murdered spirits and help him track down their killers. But Brian doesn't just catch criminals, he likes to play with them first, and make the punishment fit the crime. As he tells Brenda, "if all you did was turn up, capture the bad guy then leave - century after century - you'd die of boredom."He's also reckless - his last partner died during one of his takedowns.Along the way, Brenda discovers that Brian isn't as old, or as powerful, as he led her to believe. He might even be human. Whereas the murderer they're hunting, and the child he's holding prisoner, might not. REVIEWS"I was hooked by the end of page one and laughing out loud by the middle of page two. Finally, a new author as witty and sassy as Janet Evanovich." -- Lark Susak"Yes, yes, yes you will want to read Medium Dead by Chris Dolley. Yes, if you enjoy your mysteries with stumbling heroines and heroes trying to exercise detective skills they may not actually have. Yes, if you don't mind laughing out loud as you read. And yes, if you enjoy your terror without horror," -- Kathleen Kempa"This was a very entertaining story. I enjoyed the characters and humor. Nothing better than a good belly laugh. Can't wait for the next installment," -- Stephanie Robert

    Renovating the home, Dock stumbles upon a treasure trove of Civil War memorabilia squirreled away in an old root cellar, including pictures and possibly even a recording of Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg. As he's forced to defend his new find from the onslaught of collectors, history buffs, and media hounds, Dock discovers that, much like Honest Abe himself, he's the right man for the fight--independent, funny, loyal, and stubborn as a Missouri mule. When the scallywags and opportunists--including an easy-on-the-eyes television reporter with one hell of an attitude--start crawling out of the woodwork, he'll need all of that and a bit more.