Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    Now in this beautiful keepsake edition, Bombeck's moving words are paired with original art that bring to life the warm portrait of motherhood contained within. An angel marvels at the detail and overtime that the good Lord is putting into his creation of mothers. Despite the six pairs of hands and the three pairs of eyes that every mother needs, the angel thinks she has discovered a flaw:"There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model.""It's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear.""What's it for?""It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride.""You are a genius," said the angel.The Lord looked somber, "I didn't put it there." Every mother will treasure this moving tribute, penned by America's most beloved expert on motherhood.

    Thus are the seeds of yet another tragedy sown.The To Do List: A much-loved sportscaster becomes the prime suspect in the murder of his wife. His alibi appears solid but is undone by one glaring oversight.Twisted: The victim lay face down on the bed, the back of his head obliterated. It looked like a botched robbery but something bothered detectives. The man’s shorts were on backwards. The Ripper’s Apprentice: We all have our heroes. For Anthony Arkwright, it was Peter Sutcliffe, the Yorkshire Ripper.Hate Crime: Shawna was obsessed with her married lover. The only thing standing in the way of her happiness was the man’s wife. She had a plan for that.Dearly Departed: Marie had lived a tragic life, with so many of her relatives dying before their time. At least she had a steady stream of bequests to ease her suffering.The Body on the Train: The trunk gave off an offensive smell and, on inspection, turned out to contain the mutilated remains of a middle-aged man. Who was he and why had he been killed?Friend Request: An online predator lures a naïve teenager into a face-to-face meeting. What happens next is both tragic and shocking.˃˃˃˃˃˃˃˃˃ Plus 10 more riveting true crime cases. Scroll up to get your copy now. Book Series by Robert Keller Most of my works are about serial killers, while the “Murder Most Vile” series covers individual true crime stories. These are the main collections; American Monsters 50 American Serial Killers You’ve Probably Never Heard Of Murder Most Vile Human Monsters British Monsters Australian Monsters Canadian Monsters German Monsters Cannibal Killers Plus various other standalone books, including the The Deadly Dozen, which is available as a free download on Amazon, and Serial Killers Unsolved, which you can get for free when signing up to my mailing list. Robert Keller’s True Crime eBook Categories: Serial Killers True Crime Serial Killer Biographies Murder and Mayhem True Murder Cases Serial Killer Case Files True Crime Short Stories

    Get paid to travel and write about it.Only no one told Jules that it would mean eating oily seabirds, repeatedly falling off a husky sled, getting stranded on a Mediterranean island, and crash-landing in Iran.The exotic destinations come thick and fast – Hong Kong, Hawaii, Huddersfield – as Jules navigates what it means to be a travel writer in a world with endless surprises up its sleeve.Add in a cast of larger-than-life characters – Elvis, Captain Cook, his own travel-mad Dad – and an eye for the ridiculous, and this journey with Jules is one you won’t want to miss.

    Around every corner lies a potential faux pas waiting to happen. But if you've ever struggled for the right response to an unwelcome gift or floundered for conversation at the dinner party from hell, fear not: help is at hand.In Rules for Modern Life, Sir David Tang, resident agony uncle at the Financial Times, delivers a satirical masterclass in navigating the social niceties of modern life. Whether you're unsure of the etiquette of doggy bags or wondering whether a massage room in your second home would be de trop, Sir David has the answer to all your social anxieties - and much more besides.

    But with humour and courage, Julia faces the greatest challenge of her life – and in the process becomes the person she'd always wanted to be.A survivor of child abuse, brought up by a mother with mental illness, Julia was no stranger to adversity. After her daughter Georgie was born with Down syndrome, she thought she'd faced it all. But when doctors offer her the chance of risky but potentially life-saving surgery, Julia faces her toughest situation yet.Follow Julia and her family, as she writes her way through the crisis, chases her dreams, gets her dancing shoes on and discovers the lighter side of life with a colostomy bag.This is a candid, entertaining look at life with cancer and living each day with humour and hope.

    How did he get here? From the vantage point of his prison cell, Toby pens his memoir, trying to piece together how he fell so far, all the while fielding the uninvited literary opinions of his murderous cellmate, Gary.What Toby unspools is a tale of twisted bureaucracy, public servants gone rogue, and the ever-present pervasive stench of rotting prawns (don't ask). Realizing that his political career is far from the noble endeavor he'd once imagined it would be, Toby makes a bid for freedom...before the terrible realization dawns: it's impossible to get fired from the public service. Refusing to give up (or have to pay for his relocation fee), Toby's attempts to get fired grow more and more extreme, and he finds himself being propelled higher and higher through the ranks of bureaucracy.

    Find yourself in the middle of torrid love affairs, undying devotion, and scandalous betrayal as you uncover long-lost correspondences between lovers.From great Kings to War Heroes to Philosophers, spanning a period of five centuries, this collection illustrates that the human desires of sex and love were as powerful then as they are now.

    It also contains material from the BBC archives and reveals how the show was rejected when it was first offered to the BBC, how David Jason nearly missed out on the starring role and the tragedy of the death of one of its stars during filming.Steve Clark was the only author on set for the filming of Only Fools and Horses, spin-off The Green Green Grass and prequel Rock & Chips and his book gives a fascinating and unique insight into this legendary series. Dragon's Den star Theo Paphitis a long-time fan of the series - has written a foreword to the book, which also includes rare photographs and other exclusive material.

    Welcome to the ER. This book is not about life and death struggles. This book is the polar opposite. It is about the absolute, over the top insanity that I have witnessed during my time in the ER. This book is the untold, unseen, and unshared rants and raves of an ER nurse, who has been slowly being driven mad by his patients. I want you, the reader to step into my scrubs, see this bizarre world through my eyes, and understand that once you stop laughing in the ER, it's time to quit. This book is the stupid stories that I still don’t believe. It’s the codes gone crazy. It’s the “I can’t believe you said that.” It’s a testament to everything an ER nurse puts up with on a day in and day out basis that most people don’t know exists. It makes Scrubs, E.R., House, and all the other medical shows look like fairy tales. As an ER nurse, I want to let the world know that when we pull that curtain and leave the room, we are laughing because let’s face it, it’s funny. Please from this moment forward stop and close this book if you think you are about to read about nursing at it’s finest. This is not Florence Nightingale’s kind of nursing; this is the grit, spit, vomit and s#!t that comes with the job I love/hate so much.

    

    Poems, sketches, cartoons, short prose pieces and doctored photos.

    

    You may find it for free on the web. Purchase of the Kindle edition includes wireless delivery.

    Of all the presenters, Clive James was a clear favourite, and now, for the first time, his original pieces - 60 in total - and all new postscripts are collected together in one volume.