Homeland Insecurity is Volume 17 in the always bestselling and always entertaining Onion series.The Onion is the world’s most popular humor publication, with more than 3.8 million weekly visitors to its website (theonion.com) and a print circulation of more than 500,000. More than a million copies of its various books have been sold to date, beginning with Our Dumb Century, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller and winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor.

    Excerpts from the original Anne Morrow Lindbergh bestseller on love, happiness, solitude, and contentment.

    Today, their daily YouTube talk show, Good Mythical Morning, is the most-watched daily talk show on the Internet, and nearly 12 million subscribers tune in to see the guys broadcast brainy trivia, wild experiments, and hilarious banter (not to mention the occasional cereal bath). Now the award-winning comedians are finally bringing their “Mythical” world to the printed page in their first book.A hilarious blend of autobiography, trivia, and advice, Rhett & Link's Book of Mythicality: A Field Guide to Curiosity, Creativity, and Tomfoolery will offer twenty ways to add “Mythicality” to your life, including:Eat Something That Scares YouMake a Bold Hair ChoiceInvent Something RidiculousSay “I Love You” Like It's Never Been SaidSpeak at Your Own FuneralThe goal of these offbeat prompts? To learn new things, laugh more often, and earn a few grown-up merit badges along the way. Heartfelt and completely original, this book will be the perfect gift for anyone looking for a fresh dose of humor and fun.

    She spends her days stuck between a mother with permanent PMS and a desire to create a spectacle wherever she goes and a father determined to blend into the background and avoid being noticed at all costs. When you add to the mix strange childhood friends, sadistic teachers, haircuts from hell and events that had to be lived to be believed and it makes for some amusing reading. If you remember sitting in tin baths in front of the fire, outside toilets in freezing backyards and doing PE in your knickers then this book might bring back a few memories and make you smile. "Our first term at Junior School saw the whole class caught up in a sex scandal. Not that any of us realised it, we were all still as clueless as each other." "We were very excited to be at the City Hall, as for the first time we wouldn't be dancing in our underwear." "Me and Johnny went everywhere together, we were like Forest Gump and Jenny, only with Yorkshire accents" A must read for everyone that ever had to grow up wearing their mother's dubious knitting and enduring humiliating visits from the nit nurse! Volume One : Volume 2 Dont Tell My Mum! available for download now.

    Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that she's highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...MARRIAGE?"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."MEN WITH DOGS?"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"STEPPARENTHOOD?"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you." WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.

    He’s the most loveable of rogues with the most common of dreams: to become a professional footballer. And he isn’t about to let trivial details like talent and achievement stand in his way. . . not when he has so many other ways to get what he wants.In one of the most remarkable football stories ever told, Kaiser graduates from abandoned slumdog to star striker, dressing-room fixer, superstar party host and inexhaustible lover. And all without kicking a ball. He’s not just the king… he’s the Kaiser.

    The role of Jenny in "Love Story" brought Ali MacGraw stardom. She married producer Bob Evans and bore him a son, but after two years she left Evans for Steve McQueen. McQueen was a troubled man who longed to live simply, almost reclusively, with his wife barefoot and pregnant. At his insistence MacGraw gave up acting at the peak of her fame, making a decision from which her career never recovered. When the tumultuous marriage ended after six years she was not much in demand, and what acting she did, for example in television's "Dynasty", was ridiculed - justly, she felt. A lifelong pattern of destructive love affairs continued and her depression was abetted by unacknowledged alcoholism. When a friend persuaded her in 1986 to go to the Betty Ford Clinic, MacGraw felt she needed only a "tune-up". What she found instead was life-saving help. Now Ali MacGraw takes stock of her life, revising the mythical childhood she once invented for a "Time" cover story and describing the heady early years in New York, her attempted transformation by the Hollywood machine and the realities she faces today as a woman who hopes her greatest adventures are yet to come. ** Publisher's Weekly In this candid, courageous autobiography, MacGraw discusses her artistic, emotionally cold parents, her schooling at Wellesley College and her stint as Diana Vreeland's ``girl'' at Harper's Bazaar . The focus, however, is on her struggle with addiction--alcoholism and ``male dependency''--that grew as her acting career and personal life sputtered. A sudden star in her first major role, in Goodbye, Columbus in 1969, and the following year with the even more popular Love Story. Library Journal - Thomas Wiener McGraw now tells the whole sad story of her life. In what could be appropriately filed under ``self-help,'' she writes extensively about coming to grips with her addictions to alcohol and men. This is certainly not a series of pretty pictures. Entertainment Weekly - Margot Miflin This competently written memoir hinges on McGraw’s discovery that women can be addicted to men. Chicago Tribune - Jon Anderson "Love Story"; the subject of a Time cover story, "The Return to Romance"; and the wife, in turn, of two powerful Hollywood figures: Robert Evans, head of production at Paramount, and actor Steve McQueen....McGraw reveals that a lot more action, not all of it happy, was going on off- stage. Los Angeles Times - Constance Casey "Moving Pictures" demonstrates that underneath all that shallow stuff, lies "an ordinary human heart."

    John Crace and Spurs were made for each other. But then the team started to play like possible champions. For most fans, these are the glory moments they dream about. For Crace they just opened a new dimension of anxiety: the fear of success. Crace has supported Spurs for 40 years. His wife thinks he suffers from a psychiatric disorder, but fandom is not only one of the ways he negotiates his relationships, it also helps him make some sense of his life. Vertigo is the story of why fandom that starts out in boyish hope always ends in dark comedy.

    More than just an engaging personal account, it's a story about personal growth, coming of age, and the real power of punk and hardcore. Gain an insider's look at a truly influential underground movement.

    You could say we're the #1 nation at being the best at greatness.But as perfect as America is in every single way, America is broken! And we can't exchange it because we're 236 years past the 30-day return window. Look around--we don't make anything anymore, we've mortgaged our future to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief goes on world tours just to bow before foreign leaders. Worse, the L.A. Four Seasons Hotel doesn't even have a dedicated phone button for the Spa. You have to dial an extension! Where did we lose our way?!It's high time we restored America to the greatness it never lost!Luckily, AMERICA AGAIN will singlebookedly pull this country back from the brink. It features everything from chapters, to page numbers, to fonts. Covering subject's ranging from healthcare ("I shudder to think where we'd be without the wide variety of prescription drugs to treat our maladies, such as think-shuddering") to the economy ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're shipping them to the Chinese to make our lemon-flavored leadonade") to food ("Feel free to deep fry this book—it's a rich source of fiber"), Stephen gives America the dose of truth it needs to get back on track.

    When you learn about women in history, it's hard not to wonder: why do they all seem so prim and proper? The truth is, you're probably not being told the whole story. Also, (mostly male) historians keep leaving out or glossing over some of the most badass women who ever walked the surface of this planet. Fake news! But fret not. Former Buzzfeed senior writer and Washington Post pop culture host Hannah Jewell has got you covered. In 100 Nasty Women of History, Hannah will spill the tea on:-the women with impressive kill counts-the women who wrote dangerous things-the women who fought empires and racists-the women who knew how to have a good-ass time-the women who punched Nazis (metaphorically but also not)And that's just half of the women in this book. That's pretty metal.So, if you think that Nasty Women are a new thing, think again. They've always been around - you just haven't always heard of them. Take these stories and tell them to your friends. Write them on a wall. Sneakily tell them to your niece (who's old enough to hear the bad words, of course). Post them to your local MP (especially if it's a man). Make your friends dress up as Nasty Women for Halloween. These are the 100 Nasty Women of History who gave zero f*cks whatsoever. These are the 100 Nasty Women of History who made a difference. These are the 100 Nasty Women of History whom everyone needs to know about, right now.

    Ringed by a jail, a sewerage works, a rifle range and a housing commission estate, it was where the streets of Sydney met the beach. It was a place where the local boys surfed hard and partied harder. It was also a place where trouble easily found you. Adopted by Maroubra Beach at a young age, the four Abberton brothers, all born to different fathers and a mother in the clutches of heroin addiction, grew up at a time when the area was shadowed by drugs and gang violence. Raised largely by their grandmother, Sunny, Jai, Koby and Dakota found solace in the surf, and solidarity with their mates, the Bra Boys.The official biography of the Abberton brothers follows their story from a turbulent upbringing on the sands of Maroubra to international surf stardom, and the fateful events of 5 August 2003, when Jai shot dead Maroubra underworld figure and childhood friend Tony Hines, only to be acquitted on the grounds of self-defence. The Official Bra Boys Story: My Brothers Keeper is raw, gritty, from the heart ... and everything you won′t read about in the newspapers.

    Why cope with insecurities I don't already have?That last one's just me? All right, then.But if the rest sounds familiar, you are experiencing Girl Logic: a characteristically female way of thinking that appears contradictory and circuitous but is actually a complicated and highly evolved way of looking at the world. You end up considering every repercussion of every choice (about dating, career, clothes, lunch) before making a move toward what you really want. And why do we attempt these mental hurdles? Well, that's what this book is all about.The fact is, whether you're obsessing over his last text or the most important meeting of your career, your Girl Logic serves a purpose: It helps push you, question what you want, and clarify what will make you a happier, better person. Girl Logic can be every confident woman's secret weapon, and this book shows you how to wield it.

    Waiting for My Cats to Die is a passionately and profoundly honest look at what happens the moment you realize--beyond a shadow of a doubt--that some day the credits will roll on your life. There are all those things you haven't done yet. There are all those things you have and wish you hadn't. In the battle against time, a frontal attack is the best strategy. Horn explores abandoned cemeteries and descends into crypts. She researches long-lost relatives, interviews the elderly, and learns all she can about the ghost haunting her apartment. No sign indicating the downward pull of things goes unnoticed. And yet life, with so much to celebrate, is irresistible. Here is a wonderful, quirky, refreshing memoir of hilarity and heartache: life at the mid-point of life.

    She told me to write when I am doing my big business. “Five to eight minutes max!” she said. “I don’t want you to develop piles!” And so my writing in the bathroom began. My entries started with the boring old stuff…then Mum got this new job as a writer and, following her around, I got to do fun stuff, like ogle at deformed frogs, see into the future with a fortune-telling parrot and wow at a life-sized F1 car made of chocolate! That’s how I got more interesting things to write about. Plus, I had to deal with an EVIL bully who was tormenting me at school…thank goodness for my best friends, Alvin and Anthony, we rallied against the bully and got through the year with lots of adventures and good fun!