. . and The Douchebag Jar.Originally devised to do nothing more than alter Schmidt's wardrobe, hairstyle, and personality, the Douchebag Jar has become an apartment-wide phenomenon, forever changing the way douche-like behavior is viewed, policed, and penalized.Compiled and annotated by Schmidt himself, The Douche Journals catalogs the jar's first years in existence. Every jar-worthy outfit, faux pas, and innuendo is captured exquisitely and for all time, transporting fans and scholars alike into the inner orbit of a master douche at the height of his powers. Comprehensive, unflinching, and fully illustrated, The Douche Journals delves deep into the annals of douchery.

    His book, You’re Not Helping… is a collection of short comedy articles that guide you through his delightful, inventive, and often nonsensical take on everything from attention-seeking dolphins to home invasions by the The Barenaked Ladies. You’re Not Helping… blends both humor and heart in what literary critics around the world are describing as “technically a book.” Join the 10s of readers worldwide enchanted by Ryan’s unique brand of wit.Ryan Patricks lives in San Francisco via Philadelphia. He is an aspiring comedy writer and once saw John Cusack at a Jamba Juice. You can follow him on Twitter @Ryan_Patricks or you can choose not to, it’s totally up to you.

    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.

    And it is Modi-led India that has this high honour. Prime Minister Modi rolls out the red carpet for the aliens. He receives them at the airport, shows them the sights in Delhi and convinces them to invest in the Make in India campaign. The leader of the alien delegation even holds a broom to promote Swachh Bharat. But what is the real reason the aliens have come to India? Are they friends? Or will they turn foes? Read this hilarious, rib-tickling novel from the author of Unreal Elections to find out.

    In twenty-six essays, Codrescu turns his skeptical, amused gaze to such topics as Plato's effect on American sex, the cultural meaning of Ed McMahon, baseball's literary underpinnings, his own conception in a Romanian darkroom, an cuisine under the Ceausescu dictatorship, as well as to larger subjects, including the suicide of communism, American culture and politics, and his adopted city of New Orleans.

    Now Adrian's been volunteered to run it. From the confusion of arrival when Anne is allocated to the top bunk with a schizophrenic recovery group, and Adrian is in a low-ceilinged 'pod' at the top of the tower, to the hugs and tears of departure, this is typical Plass, humorous and heartwarming in equal measure.

    From the call of the wild to the vagaries of love to the art of curing a hangover, this is a veritable aurora borealis of Chris's own recollections, speculations, dreams, and philosophies.

    In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified. Wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words. Skeptical? Here are just a few gems to consider: � Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed. � The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone. � The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies. � The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace. And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

    KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS! includes the best of the unconsciously funny, everyday thoughts and reactions kids shared with kid-at-heart Art Linkletter on his long-running radio and television series House Party .Gems include tips for conjuring up a sibling: "Give Mommy a lot of real sweet food so she'll get fat -that's how you get a baby ";and hysterical observations: "Our pussycat has got some kittens and I didn't even know she was married. "Illustrated with cartoons by Charles Schulz (yes, that Charles Schulz) and with a new introduction by Bill Cosby, KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS! will prove as popular with the readers of today as it was when it first was published five decades ago.

    

    This is a little story about a fateful confrontation of a very feisty rooster vs. Bert the Shirt and his chihuahua. Which side will back down? Who will come away with the neighborhood crowing rights? Who's the chicken, after all?

    Woken one night when the body of a young woman is found torn apart, that peace is shattered as it dawns on him that a predator is among them.EVERYONE A SUSPECT...With little to go on, all the men in the town are potential suspects and Jesse begins an investigation that spans across the social spectrum. Unable to find the killer, the mayor goes against Jesse and decides to bring in bounty hunters. But the cure may be more dangerous than the disease.A WINDOW INTO THE DARKNESS OF MEN...As another murder occurs under their noses, Jesse realizes he is outmatched and facing an evil he has never encountered. He enlists the help of an alienist from Harvard University. Someone trained in the new science of the mind. Together they are about to journey into the darkest recesses of the human soul, and they may not make it out alive...

    

    The drawings provide a retrospective of Wolfe's twenty-three years as a graphic artist.

    SUMMER ON BLOSSOM STREET Knitting and life are both about beginnings—and endings. That's why Lydia Goetz, owner of A Good Yarn on Seattle's Blossom Street, offers a class called Knit to Quit. It's for people who want to quit something—or someone!—and start a new phase of their lives. But when your life—and your stitches—get snarled, your friends can always help! HANNAH'S LIST On the anniversary of his beloved wife's death, Dr. Michael Everett receives a letter Hannah wrote him. In it she reminds him of her love and makes one final request. An impossible request. I want you to marry again. She tells him he shouldn't spend the years he has left grieving—and she's chosen three women she asks him to consider. During the months that follow, he spends time with these three women, learning more about each of them…and about himself. Learning what Hannah already knew. He's a man who needs the completeness only love can offer. And Hannah's list leads him to the woman who can help him find it. A TURN IN THE ROAD In the middle of the year, in the middle of her life, Bethanne Hamlin takes a road trip with her daughter, Annie, and her former mother-in-law, Ruth. So, there they are, three women driving across America. They have their maps and their directions—but even the best-planned journey can take you to a turn in the road. Or lead to an unexpected encounter, like the day Bethanne meets a man named Max…