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Fortune's Bastard
Robert Chalmers - 2004
He wears his temper like a badge of honor, would rather step over a homeless beggar than walk around him, and engages in petty warfare with his staff over expense receipts. He's also never been much bothered with monogamy, but when one morning he spontaneously seduces his temp in an office storeroom, he's definitely crossed a line in blatancy. Miller has made few friends and many enemies—not to mention the fact that the storeroom is a notorious trysting place and he and the temp both emerge covered in dust and airmail stickers—so the news doesn’t take long to reach his cold, beautiful wife. Conveniently, it just happens to be their anniversary. Imagine the celebratory dinner, capped by her returning her house keys and consummating her desire to sleep with the neighbor.Not a man to suffer rejection well, Miller heads for a London media hangout, where two employees introduce him to cocaine. By morning, his exploits are public (a photographer captured him snorting the cocaine in public), his career is over (thanks to a damning interview he gave a journalist from a rival paper), he's not only painted the word 'WANKER' on the cuckolding neighbor's car, but misspelled it, and his house is on fire (never leave a goodbye bonfire of wedding photos unattended). . . . Clearly, it’s time to leave town. Miller has an engagement to speak to the boys at his old prep school, but he can't seem to stop pouring gasoline on the fire that his life has become, showing up hungover after a night partying with an old school friend and a gaggle of Spanish flight attendants, and calling the headmaster by his behind-the-back nickname of "Stiffo" to the students, for a start. After the speech, he speaks with his doctor and learns that his father-in-law plans to kill him.Leigh, the old school friend, works for an English language school in Barcelona, and Miller wrangles its address out of him, for he clearly can't go home. He gets the job and adapts surprisingly well to a life of an underpaid teacher, despite the fact that some of his students will clearly never learn the language (there are hilarious scenes of their attempts in this section) and even starts up a romance with a tough-talking English girl who's one of his fellow teachers—but he doesn't tell her who he really is when he has the opportunity, and when she figures it out on her own she is livid and that bridge is burnt. To make matters worse, his father-in-law's goons have tracked him down.Miller flees again, winding up in Florida, in a town populated by ex-circus freaks and presided over by the Half Man, a criminal and sadist with no legs who welcomes Miller to town by shoving a gun barrel in his mouth and breaking his teeth. But ironically, it seems that despite the fleas in his trailer, the one-eyed albino hit man who seems to overhear every compromising conversation between Miller and the Half Man’s beautiful wife the Lizard Woman, and the fact that the Half Man’s stranglehold on the local police mean that Miller isn’t actually free to leave, it seems that Miller somehow belongs among the freaks. These misfits—among them a black dwarf, a gay clown with a penchant for altar boys, a heroin addict who is their unlicensed doctor, a biker hit man named Hollis after Grove’s erstwhile publicist, and the Lizard Woman’s wonderful eight-year-old daughter—unwittingly teach Miller what normal life never could—how to love, and how to stand up for something he truly believes in. When Miller's wife tracks him down and has him sign over the spoils of his old life to her, he gets enough money out of her to hire the albino to hit the Half Man. And though all certainly does not go smoothly with the hit—someone as vicious as the Half Man is unlikely to go quietly—Miller and the Lizard Woman are able to close that chapter and start a new life together.
The Bear in a Muddy Tutu
Cole Alpaugh - 2011
While on his final assignment, Bagg knocks a policeman unconscious to save the life of a runaway circus bear, and suddenly finds himself responsible for a band of stranded roustabouts who've pitched their tents on a small island along the New Jersey shore. Eight hundred miles away, a young girl searches for her dead father on the beaches of Bermuda. Dead people, after all, become birds-a theory she derived from her mother's explanation that when you die, you grow wings and fly away. A hapless cult leader and the sulking newspaper reporter hatch a plan to save the circus, which includes a plane ride into the Bermuda Triangle accompanied by a man who holds the record for being struck by lightning. And it's starting to cloud up ... In THE BEAR IN A MUDDY TUTU, hope is something vigorously avoided because it usually means someone is about to be run over by a speeding car.
Hot Cripple: An Incurable Smart-ass Takes on the Health Care System and Lives to Tell the Tal e
Hogan Gorman - 2012
And she got one-coming at her at forty miles per hour. Hit by a car and suffering debilitating injuries, and with no health insurance, the fashionista attempts to bounce back into her (thrift store-purchased) Jimmy Choos even as she deals with short-term memory loss, stalker ambulance drivers, trying to stay vegan on food stamps, crazy judges, hot doctors, and unsympathetic government workers.Inspired by her acclaimed one-woman show, this is a bitingly funny and keenly observed account of the cracks in our medical and social welfare system and how one woman's resilience combined with a generous dollop of humor helped her fight her way to recovery.
The Bad Mother's Wedding
Suzy K. Quinn - 2020
Dreams of rose-covered cottages, rolling pins and two parents living with their own biological child were well and truly shattered.But now Juliette is engaged to her childhood sweetheart, Alex Dalton, and everything is looking up. Juliette can’t wait to marry Alex and live happily ever after at the Dalton Estate.The trouble is, Juliette isn’t the only one getting married this year. Her ex-partner, Nick, is getting married too and is trying his hardest to sabotage Juliette’s wedding day. Plus, there’s the small matter of the global Covid-19 pandemic.Will Juliette get the wedding of her dreams? Or will Nick succeed in ruining yet another wedding day?Wednesday 24th JuneAnother meeting with our wedding planner today – this time about party favours.Cressida showed us cute little hangover kits, personalised wine glasses, mini champagne bottles, chocolate truffle boxes, watches, toiletries, all sorts. There was even a monogrammed rum and Coca Cola can and a little treasure chest of sugared almonds, should we choose a Caribbean destination wedding.When Nick and I got married, all we thought about was drink, food and the church, in that order.Who knew there was so much sparkle and magic in the wedding world?Perfect for Jill Mansell and Unmumsy Mum fans. Can be read as a stand-along novel or as part of the series. Download this Kindle Unlimited comedy as part of your subscription.Editorial Reviews for Suzy K Quinn‘Suzy K Quinn is the literary equivalent of hot chocolate …’ – Liza Foreman, New York Times journalist'Suzy K Quinn is a born storyteller' -- Erin Kelly, bestselling author of He Said, She Said.'I read Suzy’s latest novel in one sitting, with a break for sleep. This does not usually happen. It's a terrific read.' -- Fay Weldon, author of the Lives and Loves of a She Devil.'Unputdownable. I was completely absorbed.' -- Julia Crouch, author of Cuckoo'A seriously skilful page turner ... don't read it on the beach unless you want sunburn.' -- Kate Harrison, author of The Secret Shopper's RevengeThe writing is skilful and vivid and the tension doesn't let up. Suzy K Quinn is one to watch.' -- Julia Gregson, author of East of the Sun“Funny, real, honest, and raw—this is an excellent book about the roller-coaster that is being a mum.” —Charlene Wedgner“Books like this, books that share honest and realistic experiences are a breath of fresh air.” —Diary of a Book Mum“I just love its honesty/real-ness and the way it ends on such a high note helped me to realize what a privilege it is to be a parent.” —Busy Mama Book Club“The reason I loved this book so much was the honesty of it! Unlike other parenting books nothing is sugar coated! This is Motherhood!! You will find yourself relating to almost everything she writes!” —B Club Betty“Would highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a fun and honest read about parenting.” —Em Digs Books“It’s funny, it’s quick, short chapters, all of these things are really important, easy read, when you’re a sleep deprived new mother. I really wish I had it when I was a new mum five years ago.” —The Motherload Book Club“A real breath of fresh air and a massive reality check for when you’re trying to be the perfect mum.” —Mrs Cooke’s Books“Had me in fits of laughter…I really do applaud Suzy for being so honest …She really does tell it like it is, which is that parenthood is a challenge but it’s totally worth it!” —Kirsty’s Book Buying AddictionAbout the AuthorSuzy is a bestselling British fiction author. Her books have sold nearly 1 million copies and been translated into nine different languages.
Camp Scoundrel: Doing what it takes to survive paradise
David Luddington - 2018
What Michael doesn’t expect, is to be put in charge of a group of offenders and sent to a remote location in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in Spain to teach them survival skills as part of their rehabilitation programme. But Michael knows nothing at all about survival skills. He was sort of in the SAS, yes, but his shining record on the “Escape and Evasion” courses was more a testament to his computer skills than his ability to catch wildlife and barbecue it over an impromptu fire. Basically, he was the SAS’s techy nerd and only achieved that position as a result of a bet with a fellow hacker. Facing a stark choice between starvation or returning home to serve out their sentences, the group of offenders under Michael’s supervision soon realise that the only way to survive is to use their own unique set of skills – the kind of skills that got them arrested in the first place.
Tennis and the Masai
Nicholas Best - 1987
Drop him into a ghastly Kenya prep school in the middle of Rider Haggard country. A school where cricketing news comes by carrier pigeon, leopards are assaulted with a red-hot poker, and runaway boys are hunted down with spearmen and a pack of foxhounds... For Martin Riddle, the experience is unforgettable. For the riding mistress, Lady Bullivant, it is all part of the day's work. And for the headmaster, a disreputable ex-Guards officer, it is simply a means of staving off bankruptcy for a few more weeks. As for the Masai, tennis may be on the curriculum at Haggard Hall, but midnight meetings with naked warriors definitely are not! 'The funniest book I have read since David Lodge's Small World' - Sunday Times 'Wickedly funny' - Daily Mail 'Less savage than Evelyn Waugh, Best is every bit as sharp... an immensely enjoyable book' - Evening Standard 'Very good entertainment' - Sir Alec Guinness (Sunday Times book of the year) Nicholas Best's books have been translated into many languages. He was the Financial Times's fiction critic for ten years and was long-listed in 2010 for the Sunday Times-EFG Bank 30,000 award, the biggest short story prize in the world. For more details, see www.nicholasbest.co.uk
Red Dragon (Winds of War Book 3)
William Dietz - 2020
Dietz, the New York Times bestselling author of the America Rising novels, comes RED DRAGON, the third book in the Winds of War series following RED FLOOD. World War III is a few months month old. After attacking, and sinking the Destroyer USS Stacy Heath, the Chinese seize control of Nepal and Bhutan and push into India where the Allies manage to stop them. But for how long? Pakistan is attacking from the north--and China is preparing for the "big push” from the east. Worse yet, China’s Ministry of State Security has orders to assassinate the Dalai Lama, rather than run the risk that he will inspire a Buddhist rebellion in Tibet. As a team of assassins close in on the Dalai Lama, Green Beret Captain Jon Lee and his men are behind Chinese lines in Nepal, battling to rescue a downed fighter pilot before enemy troops can capture him. The entire subcontinent is at risk if the assassins succeed… And, if the region falls, hundreds of thousands of people will die--even as millions more are lost to the Axis. Together with a self-centered army doctor named Wendy Kwan, and a team consisting of both green berets and Gurkhas, it will be Lee's responsibility to navigate treacherous terrain--and prevent Chinese Agent Fan Tong and his special ops team from changing the course of the war.
The Snake Charmer
Sanjay Nigam - 1998
Magazine, The Snake Charmer tells the story of Sonalal, a middle-age snake charmer making a living with his been pipe and his beloved cobra, Raju. Despite his great skills, Sonalal's drinking and womanizing seem to have marked him for a life of insignificance. But that all changes one remarkable afternoon when he produces music so beautiful he is certain the gods must be listening. In a moment that will change his life forever, Raju bites Sonalal, and Sonalal bites back, destroying the one creature who loves him. The Snake Charmer traces Sonalal's bumpy journey through brief celebrity, profound remorse, and a quest for answers to unanswerable questions of love, life, and art. Sparely and beautifully written, this "novel of enchantments" (Oscar Hijuelos) is an unforgettable debut, confirming the Washington Post's comparison of Nigam to Arundhati Roy and Vikram Chandra.
The Love Song of Monkey
Michael S.A. Graziano - 2008
Part magic realism, part science fiction, part theater of the absurd, and part over-the-top, unrepentant spoof, this novel packs more into its few short pages than do most epic trilogies. Graziano has fabricated the rare kind of tale that the reader can honestly say ends much too quickly. Perfectly woven, self-enclosed, multifaceted . . . Kosinski’s Being There sprinkled with a strong dose of Frankenstein . . . the kind of simplicity that speaks volumes.”—Michael Mirolla, author of The Formal Logic of Emotion“An amalgam of fairy tale, satire, science fiction, medical thriller, and soap opera. . . . It is difficult to fathom that a novel so brief can be so epic in scope. Inventive and deftly crafted, The Love Song of Monkey is a tale no reader will soon forget.”—Eric Linder, Yellow Umbrella Books, Chatham, MassachusettsIn a surreal exile on the floor of the Atlantic, a young man faces his own death and his wife’s infidelity. The Love Song of Monkey is a meditation on the simple, inexplicable, and lasting power of love, cast in the metaphor of a journey to the depths of the ocean floor. Precise and beautifully crafted, this modern fable is rich with humor and deep thought.Michael S. A. Graziano, professor of neuroscience at Princeton University, is the author of the novella Hiding Places (New England Review), The Seclusion Zone (2007 fi nalist in the William Faulkner–William Wisdom Creative Writing Competition), and The Intelligent Movement Machine (2008, Oxford University Press).
Bass Reeves Lawman
Fred Staff - 2013
Reeves truly was the most unusual US Marshal to ever serve this country. His accomplishments earned him the title of the most feared lawman in the wild and untamed Indian Territory. The reader will follow his never ending contacts with murders, robbers, horse thieves and whiskey runners. His remarkable life should be an inspiration for any reader. They will be impressed, and astonished by his fearlessness, dedication to honor, commitment to the law and his impact on history. Bass Reeves Lawman is the second of a trilogy based on the true life of Bass Reeves, the first Black US Marshal west of the Mississippi. You will follow him from as he meets famous people of the time. Pistol Pete, Belle Starr, Judge Isaac Parker, Heck Thomas and Sam Sixkiller were just some of the famous and infamous who crossed paths with this amazing man. Bass Reeves was born a slave, escaped captivity during the Civil War. His years of service, as a US Marshal, to the lawless Indian Territory helped write the history of Oklahoma. His honor, accomplishments and courage makes him eligible to be called the greatest lawman of his time. Bass Reeves’ story will make any lover of the old west wonder why he is not more famous. The history of the Old West is filled with stories of heroes and villains, and those stories have been a source of fascination for generations. The fact that the stories of these unique and colorful characters continue to intrigue people is a true testament to the grit and determination it actually took to tame a wild and unpredictable country. Among those stories, readers will seldom find a character that overcame more challenges and had more determination than Bass Reeves. As a slave, Reeves served a man who ultimately became the Speaker of the House of Texas. He was a participant in the Civil War and escaped to the lawless Indian Territory that is now Oklahoma. His life with the Indians, gave him the skills to make him a great tracker and hunter of outlaws. He learned five languages and gained respect of the Indians of the Territory, which made him one of the few who could gain information and accomplish the task of hunting down the lawless. Bass Reeves faced challenges in his new homeland that would have destroyed a lesser man, but his natural gifts of determination and intelligence helped mold the man into one of the most feared and respected lawmen in history. The story of Bass Reeves was illuminated in his day by only a flicker of candlelight, because he was black. If he had been a white man, the entire world would have known of his great exploits, and his name would have been mentioned with the likes of Wyatt Earp, Bat Masterson and Bill Hickok. If the real truth had been known, the name of Bass Reeves would have been a beacon of historical light, shining brighter than any of his contemporaries. The truth is, many of those more famous lawmen also reveled in some of the less honorable sides of life, like gambling, prostitution, profiteering, murder and vengeance. To the contrary, research into the life of Bass Reeves has shown that he strictly obeyed the laws of the land and strove to treat the men he hunted with even more respect than was customary for that time in history. Amazingly, Reeves stuck to these high standards in a wild territory that was often filled with greater danger than any of his contemporaries could have even imagined. Bass Reeves brought law to a territory of outlaws that spread out over seventy thousand square miles. He arrested more than three thousand offenders and delivered them to face judgment before Judge Parker, in Fort Smith, Arkansas.
Blue Moon Investigations: Boxed Set Part 2
Steve Higgs - 2019
They say everyone has a skeleton in their closet, but why are so many of them coming to life? Tempest and Amanda work at the only paranormal detective agency in the book and business is booming. This second box set gives you over 1000 pages of pulse-pounding hilarious paranormal mayhem as they get themselves into yet more hot water solving cases no one else would be dumb enough to take. Dead Pirates of Cawsand – A ghost ship has been spotted off the coast of a quiet Cornish village where gold coins were recently found. Now skeletal pirates are wandering the streets, hiding in the mist to strike fear into the local community because they want their gold back. But they didn’t count on England’s best paranormal P.I. turning up. His well-earned break soon goes sideways as murder, kidnap, and ghost hunters ruin his vacation and threaten more than just his life. In the Doodoo with Voodoo – A client cursed by a voodoo priest is the start of a case that will push Amanda to her very limits. With Tempest away in Cornwall, Amanda has no back up, but she wants to do this for herself even though the priest is a scary character. However, when BFF Patience goes missing, it’s a race against time to solve the case before someone dies and she is about to find out just how badly she underestimated her suspect. The Witches of East Malling – There’s a storm brewing. It’s late Autumn in England, but the wet weather is hiding a dark crime – witches using lighting to kill! Hired to investigate, Tempest soon becomes a target himself when he comes face to face with a witch and she knows who and what he is. Is he closing in on the coven, or are they closing in on him? The deadly conclusion with leave you breathless. Crop Circles, Cows, and Crazy Aliens – Aliens? Really? There are lights in the sky, crop circles in the fields and the cows are producing glowing milk. It’s Amanda’s case, and seems a simple one until the first body shows up. Suddenly she has a mystery person leaving her clues, an internet star trying to help her investigation and conspiracy nuts raining from the sky. Is this the first wave of an alien invasion, or something far worse? Whispers in the Rigging – His dad reported stories of a ghost in the old Royal Dockyard, but that’s not why Tempest is going undercover. He’s there because his dad was found unconscious in a dumpster when he tried to poke around. Now Tempest must find out what is going on, but all too soon he realises there’s something beneath the dockyard that is much worse than ghosts. The paranormal? It’s all nonsense, but proving might just get them killed.
Christmas Past
Glenice Crossland - 2007
Though initially employed as a maid, Mary soon becomes the daughter the couple were never able to have.
With Britain at war, unable to remain idle, Mary finds employment in the local steel works but when her fiancé Tom Downing is killed in action Mary is convinced it is retribution for their night of sin during Tom's Christmas leave.
However, Mary grows to love Jack Holmes, a local miner. They marry and move into a humble terrace house with little but their love to keep them going. As the years pass Mary is determined to achieve success for herself and her family. She sets up her own dressmaking business and it seems as if she has finally found peace of mind. But the business starts to dominate her life until tragedy once more threatens to destroy all she most cherishes...
Everyone Left Behind: 4 minutes to chaos
Time Day - 2014
He just wanted to retire in peace. Change descended when he accidentally shot a Peeping Tom. Though he buried him on his remote Montana property, he couldn't bury the man's curse. Haunted by it, and about to be found out, he sent up a desperate prayer. That night he had a strange dream. Priscilla's interpretation of the dream was to stockpile enough food to look after seventy people for five years because perilous times were surely coming . . .
The Cowboys
William Dale Jennings - 1971
Will Anderson, a flinty old rancher, has a huge herd of cattle ripe for market when his regular hands, inflamed by gold fever, desert him. In desperation, he hires the only "men" available for the perilous 400 mile drive - a pack of scraggly schoolboys. Through skill and harsh discipline, Wil Anderson whips them from greenhorns into seasoned cowhands. But before the long drive is over, the boys discover that the price they must pay for manhood is a terrible one- murder and revenge! the stunning, heartbreaking climax of this extraordinary story will surprise you - and perhaps even sock you.
Origin
Dave Higgins - 2016
Edmond was born to village idiots who put all his skill points into Luck. They knew an opportunity to win the lottery when they saw it.Edmond doesn’t want to be a winning ticket. He dreams of becoming a great hero and scholar. Impossible goals when your Intelligence and Wisdom stats couldn’t be lower.Is Edmond nothing but a walking rabbit’s foot? Will his parents’ dreams of easy fortune come true? It’s all just a lucky roll away.