Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    In her brief thirty-something years, Halliday has managed to rack up an impressive array of short lived stints in the paid job market, including life guard, library attendant, costume designer, actress, waitress, artist's model, professional temp, rental stylist, substitute teacher, party counselor, massage therapist, costumed mascot, and mime, to name a few. In this uproarious collection of essays, Halliday displays a work ethic all employers can admire: wearing a leg brace to work after calling in "sick," quitting the same day she starts by claiming her step-brother had been in a bike accident, and faking "vocal nodes" to avoid telemarketing calls. Along the way, she befriends colleagues and bosses who ignore her falling asleep, stealing food and clothing, and feigning skills she does not possess, and gains the respect of her customers for sheer honesty, which includes detailing her feminine hygiene problems and setting male clients straight on her brand of massage: "I'm sorry, I cannot facilitate a sexual release for you!"

    Sure, she knew Mormons didn't drink caffeine (cough), and they never swore (double cough), but life with family-centered folks would be cozy and wonderful. She could smell the fresh-baked bread just thinking about it. Join her as she honestly, humorously, and lovingly describes her quest to find someone with a real panty line problem, requests her LDS friends baptize her-after she dies-and considers her dad's suggestion to become a Jack Mormon. Although not a convert, Chrisy develops an understanding and respect for a widely misunderstood religion and has found a comfortable spot in her town, the community and the culture.

    The book also includes some of her best fiction pieces.

    They loved and acquired cats—a habit written about previously in their book, Cat People—and the few in residence at this time would serve as inspiration for the drawings. These are no ordinary cat illustrations, though. Korda’s cats read newspapers and books; go ice skating in the small country town where they live; comfort Margaret’s horse, Monty, after a stressful vet visit; sell fried mice at the Farmer’s Market, and undertake (on paper, at least) whatever fanciful endeavors their keeper conjures up.  The result is a collection of magical pieces, filled with joy, that represent a year in the life of a couple in love with one another, and certainly with their cats.

    He discovers that entering the United States with his British wife is more difficult than he had anticipated.***A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.--Chinese ProverbA journey of seven thousand miles begins with a trip to the US Embassy-- Travis Casey Experience

    Written to be read during the mind-bogglingly short breaks parents get during their busy days, these pieces will help moms find solace in a wide range of viewpoints and issues not often discussed in mainstream magazines and other parenting books. From dealing with rage to negotiating sleeping arrangements to the frustration and joy of parenting a special needs child, this is the perfect read for the hip but harried mother that says "you are still you."

    Stories so compelling you'll stay in your car to hear them through--even if you're sitting in your own driveway. "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! "host Peter Sagal captures your attention with colorful tales for and about moms. Heard in "All Things Considered, Weekend Edition, News & Notes," and other NPR programs, these stories and more are for moms, moms-to-be, and anyone who has ever known or had a mother.

    Their book promises to take mid-life by its elasticated waist and give it a brisk going over with a stiff brush. At a time of constant uncertainty, what we all need is the wisdom and experience of two women who haven't got a clue what's happening either.

    . . a sort of David Sedaris-like take on knitting. Laugh-out-loud funny most of the time and poignantly reflective when it's not cracking you up." Library Journal on Yarn HarloInside All Wound Up, New York Times best-selling author and self-proclaimed Yarn Harlot Stephanie Pearl-McPhee spins her third yarn on knitting for the 60 million knitters in North America who collectively spend $45 billion a year on knitting-related merchandise.In her trademark style, McPhee talks about knitting, parenting, friendship, and--gasp!--even crocheting in essays that are at times touching, often hilarious, and always entertaining. Fans of her popular blog at www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/ will adore this all-new collection of tales of the woolen and silky skein, which follow the Yarn Harlot's previous exploits chronicled inside Yarn Harlot and Free-Range Knitter.

    You probably haven't heard of any of them. That doesn't mean it's a book about nobodies. That doesn't mean it is a book about death. The obituaries collected here are at times humorous, ("The Woman Who Outlived Her Tombstone") and at times heartbreaking ("Love Stories from a Plane Crash"). They shine a light into forgotten places ("How to Build a Mountain") and forgotten lives ("TGhe shortest Obituary on the Page"). Inside are countless lessons of life, taught by people we all pass on the street every day. It's not too late to meet them.

    It is a comedic, self-deprecating, look into the harsh, scary, and often sad world of infertility. Hilariously Infertile will make you laugh out loud while wishing you could have a glass of wine with the author and discuss how you relate to her story is. The author pokes fun at the infertility world, with jokes, such as, equating the constant gynecological exams to her sluttiest days in college, and wondering if her husband will be home in time to stick it (the IVF ass shot) into her butt.We follow the author's journey from trying to conceive on her own, discovering she is infertile, getting pregnant, and then doing it all again for her second child. The entire journey is marked with uproarious scenes that any woman who has ever been to the gynecologist can identify with. At times, the author's candor will surely lead the reader to conclude that the outlandish stories cannot be true. But they are, all of them.Included in the journey is a chapter on being a new mom. This chapter is funny and real. It does not boast about being a parent, to those who still may be on that path; rather, it speaks candidly about the adjustment to a new life that the author worked hard to achieve, via fertility treatments, and yet still was not ready for.There is no filter for the author of Hilariously Infertile. This book tells it like it is, from sex, to infertility, to being a mother and a wife. If you have thought it somewhere deep down inside, this book says it aloud.

    Never fear, there are hundreds of ways to revolt against the tedium of everyday life. Whether it’s making rude gestures to a hotel clerk under the desk or making your own "Do Not Disturb" sign that says "Come In If You Like Swordplay," Rich Fulcher's inventive collection will allow readers to unleash their rebellious sides—without getting arrested. Other tiny acts include unbuckling your seat belt before the plane has fully stopped, squeezing a zit into the ATM camera, driving through a lonely red light in the dead of night, wearing a French Renaissance outfit on casual Fridays, and greeting a stranger with a limp, well-lotioned hand. Featuring original illustrations by Mr. Bingo, the illustrator of The Book of General Ignorance whose clients have included Absolut, New York Times, Nike, and Suicide Girls; and designed by Dave Brown, also known as Bollo the gorilla in The Mighty Boosh and designer of The Mighty Book of Boosh.

    But also, as he chillingly demonstrates, there are clever people working in the highest echelons of business who are employed to spot, nurture and exploit the irrationalities of those among us who can barely cope as it is. In part one, read about the time Jon inadvertently made a lewd gesture to a passing fourteen-year-old girl late at night in the lobby of a country-house hotel. And about his burgeoning obsession with a new neighbour who refused to ask him what he did for a living, despite Jon's constant dropping of intriguing hints. And about the embarrassment of being caught recycling small talk at a party. In part two, read some of Jon's longer stories, which explore manifestations of insanity in the wider world: the tiny town of North Pole, Alaska, where it's Christmas 365 days of the year; behind the scenes at "Deal or No Deal," which Jon likens to a cult with Noel Edmonds as its high priest; a meeting with TV hypnotist Paul McKenna, who has joined forces with a self-help guru who once stood trial for murder - but can they cure Jon of his one big phobia? As hilarious as it is perturbing, Jon Ronson's new collection is a treat for everyone who has ever suspected themselves to be at the mercy of forces they can barely comprehend.