This is a book about surviving it." I felt like a babyless freak. No matter what we tried, I couldn’t get pregnant, even after standing on my head after sex. I was pretty sure I was the only woman on the planet going through infertility, certainly the only one jamming needles into my butt on commercial breaks during my favorite TV shows. Everyone was getting pregnant around me and no one was talking about what happened if you couldn’t. After my experience, I wanted to write a book for other infertile women and couples who feel alone, the book I wish I’d had when I was going through it, filled with dark humor and illustrations of quirky ovaries and whimsical sperm. If you’re like me, you want blunt, honest conversations about all the crazy stuff you’re going through with someone who’s been there and understands at least some of what you’re dealing with and how you’re feeling. And if it can somehow give you permission to laugh without diminishing the pain you’re feeling? Even better. This is the funnest book you’ll ever read about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Each chapter covers a different challenge with infertility and is broken into sections, a little of my story and concerns, a blurb from my husband, Alex, kind of a window into his dudely brain, and practical tips on how to cope. Read it yourself, read it as a couple, and if you’re struggling to explain your feelings to friends and family, hurl a copy at them and run away. I really wish you didn’t need this book, but since you do, come on over. You’re not alone.

    Is there any practical value in knowing that your child resembles produce? And where's the good stuff, the useful details, like beware of the baby registry and all the crap you will never use, or be prepared to get breast milk all over everything you own? Hilarious, candid, and easy to read, Funny Little Pregnant Things is full of helpful information about all the stuff people don t tell you about pregnancy the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Have you ever opened a Kindle book to find that the font started out way too small or way too large? Have you tried to change to a different font while reading and discovered you couldn't? Have you jumped to a new chapter in a Kindle book and seen that the chapter heading lost its formatting? Has a Kindle completely ignored formatting you knew was in the book? According to Amazon, the simplest way to publish your Kindle book is to upload an HTML file you've saved from Microsoft Word or another app. By itself, that method can bring you maybe 80% of the way to a well-formatted, trouble-free ebook. But what about the other 20%? In this follow-up to his bestselling -From Word to Kindle, - Aaron Shepard takes your saved HTML as a starting point and tells how to quickly tweak and tune it to avoid common problems. Assuming no knowledge of HTML, he introduces the basics of the language, then reveals how to use find-and-replace and macros to touch up an entire book in seconds! If you're serious about Kindle publishing and you're technically inclined -- but not a full-fledged geek -- Aaron provides the tips you need to bring your Kindle book to the next level, making it something truly to be proud of. ///////////////////////////////////////////////// Aaron Shepard is a foremost proponent of the new business of profitable self publishing, which he has practiced and helped develop since 1998. He is the author of -Aiming at Amazon, - -POD for Profit, - -Perfect Pages, - and Amazon's #1 and #2 bestselling paid books on Kindle formatting, -From Word to Kindle- and -Pictures on Kindle.- ///////////////////////////////////////////////// CONTENTS Getting Started 1 WORKING WITH HTML HTML and Kindle HTML Export HTML Editing HTML Processing HTML Basics HTML Checking HTML Cleanup HTML Testing 2 HTML FIXES Fixes for Fonts Fixes for Paragraphs Fixes for Headings Fixes for Line Breaking Fixes for Pictures Fixes for Navigation ///////////////////////////////////////////////// SAMPLE Here are some of the things you can accomplish through changes in HTML. * Adjust bookmarks so headings retain proper formatting when jumped to. * Remove settings that stop the user from choosing their own. * Keep fonts from appearing much too small or much too large when the book is opened. * Make sure indents and other spacing stays relative to larger and smaller font sizes. * Avoid line breaks that leave short words dangling at the ends of lines or paragraphs. * Make up for features lost in translation from your word processor, like nonbreaking hyphens. * Stop -ghost hyphens- from appearing in the middle of words. * Keep pages of text from disappearing for some users. * Prevent the Kindle from applying its own defaults in place of your settings.

    It is essential reading.

    The first of these came out in 1946: the ever famous "How to be an Alien." Later he enlarges the picture with "How to be inimitable" and "How to be Decadent." All three books were illustrated by the master of the cartoonists' art, the late Nicolas Bentley. Here they are, all in one volume, which will make life much easier for today's would-be Brits than it was for those who pervaded them. It is said that a few of the latter actually failed to become indistinguishable from the genuine British article because they found it too tiresome to seek out three separate books: a misfortune that need never again occur to anyone.

    Sally Burbank has seen everything---lunatics, criminals, hypochondriacs, and even a Cocker spaniel! By popular demand, she has penned a collection of humorous and inspiring true stories to forever capture these memorable encounters. The antics of a demented octogenarian and a dimwitted patient named "Bob" will leave you laughing out loud. Her disastrous attempts to combine medicine with motherhood will reveal a new side to ladies in lab coats. The inane ICD-10 codes and decisions of insurance companies will leave you shaking your head in disgust. Stir in a wheelchair-bound, legally blind dialysis patient who insists on serving others until her last dying breath, a comatose leukemia patient miraculously healed, and an unfortunate soul doomed to chopping onions forty-hours a week, and you are guaranteed to laugh, cry, and tell your friends about this amazing new book. Hilarious cartoons and quotations relevant to each story add icing to the cake, and make Patients I Will Never Forget a must-read for anyone who enjoyed All Creatures Great and Small.

    Throw in the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and the murders of John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, Marilyn Monroe, Bugsy Siegel, Sam Giancana, Lucky Luciano, Tony the Ant Spilotro, Johnny Roselli and Jimmy Hoffa. Toss in Hollywood scandal and the mobbed up career of Frank Sinatra and his Rat Pack. Now you can begin to grasp the epic story of Tony Accardo. Why has this story never been told? Accardo killed everyone in his path: family, friends, cops, reporters, movie stars, and politicians. Operating from deep within the shadows Tony influenced national policy, exploited the FBI, owned politicians, and fixed presidential elections. Connected to every gangster from Al Capone to Lucky Luciano to John Gotti, Joe Batters is the must-read that every Godfather fan is craving.

    These are phrases that you hear almost every day in Spanish speaking countries, on TV, in movies, and when talking with friends in Spanish. Included in this book is FREE Access to Downloadable Mp3's of this book. Spanish Audio book is available by clicking link in book. This book is very basic Spanish. It is for beginning Spanish learners or students that want to review basic Spanish phrases. Some Topics Covered in this book are: Greetings Music What are you doing? Phrases about the Present (right now) Phrases about the Past Hotels Restaurants And Many More! Are you ready to learn some Spanish phrases you can use right away? GREAT! Download the book now and start learning Spanish.

    These parlances might not fit the modern hoity toity rhetoric you're used to seeing in print or hearing on TV, and that's exactly why they're more refreshing than an ice cube in July. In Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit, Author Allan Zullo offers up more than 200 vernacular verses presented in themes, such as:* Admitting You're Wrong--The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm, 'cause the colder it gets the harder it is to swallow.* Congress--Gettin' a politician to do somethin' good for our country is like tryin' to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.* Ego--Some people are so full of themselves, you'd like to buy 'em for what they're worth and sell 'em for what they think they're worth.* Teenage Boys--You kinda wish they used their heads for somethin' besides hat racks.* Revenge--Two wrongs don't make a right, but they sure do make it even.* Surprises--Sometimes you get so surprised by life there ain't nothin' else to say but, 'Butter my butt and call me a biscuit.'"

    Newly single and ready to embrace life, George was excited to turn fifty. It would be a welcome new phase in his life, a chance to say goodbye to a decade that included a kidney transplant and a divorce. But when he looked around a room full of his childhood friends, all gathered to celebrate his birthday, many now bald or overweight, it suddenly hit him that he was old. What happened? And more importantly, what was he going to do about it? George learns the hard way that when you turn 50, everything changes. You pull a muscle in your sleep. You avoid mirrors at all costs, and always, always wear a robe. You have to schedule an appointment to have sex. You have to dye your hair and buy a bathtub with a door. As George learns to embrace life after fifty, he invites readers into his world, sharing the ups and downs of getting older—from his relationship with a much younger woman to a bizarre session with a pet psychic, to a trip behind-the-scenes at his tumultuous two years at Lopez Tonight, to an intimate look at his sacred ground, the golf course—and, for the first time, he reveals in moving detail, the story of the battle for his life against kidney disease.   I’m Not Gonna Lie  will make you laugh at yourself, cry about yourself, and look at turning fifty in a way you never would’ve imagined—through the eyes of George Lopez.

    Jokes? People tell jokes on Twitter? YES, they do. And they are hilarious ... but who wants to sift through the hashtags, RTs and FFs to get to the good stuff? WE GET IT! Parents don’t have time for all that. That’s why the duo behind the illustrated humor blog Science of Parenthood teamed up with Twitter maven Kate Hall of Hall of Tweets to create The Big Book of Parenting Tweets —a laugh-riot collection of more than three-hundred tweetable moments straight from the parenting trenches from the most hysterical comedians on Twitter, who just happen to be parents. Here is just a peek at some of what you’ll find inside:My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.— @FatherWithTwinsWith my wife away, my children keep asking me for things like meals and bandaids and sympathy, but I don't know where we keep any of that.— @KalvinMacleodShe took 4 y/o to the park & texted "Can I get her ice-cream?"Get her a Heineken for all I care. Free babysitters get to call the shots.— @BunmiLaditanI wish bottles of ibuprofen came with a little prize inside, like maybe a babysitter.— @SuburbanSnapsTo anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2yo threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow. — @XplodingUnicornPeppered with cartoons by Science of Parenthood, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets is the perfect gift for every over-worked, under-showered, sleep-deprived parent who could use a quick laugh, because who has time for more?

    WITHOUT the quality suffering.

    Together, we own and run TWO successful blogs! We went from $0 to over $103,457.98 in our first year of blogging, and we now make over $100,000 per month between both of our combined blogs, and we’re going to tell you EXACTLY how we got started in this eBook. It’s going to include the ups and the downs, the great successes and the complete and utter failures, and all of the steps in between.

    Now, to celebrate a decade of delighting opera fans and foes alike, musical historian and humorist David Barber has prepared a special revised and expanded edition of his hilarious bestselling history of opera. Chapters such as Serious Buffoonery, Teutonic Tunesmiths and, of course, Italian Sausage Machines display Barber's rapier wit and knack for knowing fascinating, if sometimes useless, information about music, musicians and the offbeat world they live in. This expanded edition includes new material ranging from Strauss to ragtime, opera to the Tenor Menace. From Italian castrati to German Ring-bearers, from Handel's fights with rival sopranos to Puccini's nicotine habit, the author of Bach, Beethoven and the Boys and Tenors, Tantrums and Trills delivers a funny yet informative, irreverent yet affectionate history of serious music's most serious art form as only he can - and as only he would dare to do.

    You don't have the look, you don't have the talent, and your name is ridiculous. You are the last guy I would ever pick to be a movie star."This was the first piece of advice Steve Guttenberg ever received from an agent. Like many other times in his life, he didn't listen.In this honest, charming memoir, Guttenberg tells the unique story of his first decade in Hollywood, as he went from being a complete unknown to starring in some of the most successful blockbusters of all time. He spent his early days sneaking onto the Paramount lot and meeting more actors and casting agents than most aspiring actors ever would. Even before the hit Police Academy---which his manager said would be a flop---he had already worked with such luminaries as Lord Laurence Olivier, Richard Widmark, and Gregory Peck. Later he shared the screen with actors such as Mickey Rourke and Sharon Stone long before they became household names.Guttenberg has lived through the addictive pull of show business and worldwide celebrity (you're no one until you have a stalker, he learns). With a clear-eyed appreciation for the one-of-a-kind experiences that the celebrity lifestyle has to offer, he knew that his family would keep him grounded throughout it all. And his self-awareness and sense of humor about the ups and downs of fame make The Guttenberg Bible one of the most candid Hollywood stories to date.