The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    Anderson has written 160 books—nearly fifteen million words!—most of them by dictating into a hand-held recorder while hiking. Award-winning novelist and short story writer Martin L. Shoemaker dictates chapters and stories while driving, turning his daily commute into a productive work session. These two die-hard “dictators,” share their techniques and insights into how dictation can help you *Improve your writing productivity *Use otherwise lost time to brainstorm, plot, develop characters, write articles, and more *Get inspired by leaving your confined office and getting a fresh perspective elsewhere *Stay in shape while writing On Being a Dictator, part of the Million Dollar Writing Series, will help you think outside the box, consider a different writing method, and up your game in the fast-paced ever-changing world of publishing.

    5,000 Words Per Hour also has a companion app available for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch! The fastest way to succeed as an author is to write more books. How do you do that with a day job, family, school or all your other time commitments? The secret is efficiency. 5K WPH will help you maximize your writing time by building effective habits that both measure and increase your writing speed. - Create an effective writing habit - Track and improve your Words Per Hour - Stop the endless editing and tinkering so you can finish your draft - Use voice dictation software to dramatically increase words per hour. It’s time to shift your writing into high gear.

    [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said. 'Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'"With this basic instruction always in mind, Anne Lamott returns to offer us a new gift: a step-by-step guide on how to write and on how to manage the writer's life. From "Getting Started,' with "Short Assignments," through "Shitty First Drafts," "Character," "Plot," "Dialogue." all the way from "False Starts" to "How Do You Know When You're Done?" Lamott encourages, instructs, and inspires. She discusses "Writers Block," "Writing Groups," and "Publication." Bracingly honest, she is also one of the funniest people alive.If you have ever wondered what it takes to be a writer, what it means to be a writer, what the contents of your school lunches said about what your parents were really like, this book is for you. From faith, love, and grace to pain, jealousy, and fear, Lamott insists that you keep your eyes open, and then shows you how to survive. And always, from the life of the artist she turns to the art of life.

    From crafting your own obituary to penning an ode to an onion, each page of this playful journal invites inspiration and provides plenty of space to write. Brimming with entertaining exercises from the literary minds of the San Francisco Writers' Grotto, this is the ultimate gift for scribes of every stripe.

     Are you finally committed to writing that novel or screenplay, but have no idea how to get started? Or are you a published author, but know you need some plotting help to move your books and career up to that next level? You CAN write better books and scripts—by learning from the movies. Screenwriting is based on a simple (and powerful) structure that you already know from watching so many movies and television shows in your lifetime. And it's a structure that your reader or audience unconsciously expects, and that is crucial for you to deliver. In this workbook, award-winning author/screenwriter Alexandra Sokoloff shows you how to jump-start your plot and bring your characters and scenes vibrantly alive on the page by watching your favorite movies and learning from the storytelling structure and tricks of great filmmakers: • The High Concept Premise • The Three-Act, Eight-Sequence Structure • The Storyboard Grid • The Index Card Method of Plotting • The Setpiece Scene • Techniques of film pacing and suspense, character arc and drive, visual storytelling, and building image systems. Based on the internationally acclaimed Screenwriting Tricks for Authors workshops and blog, this new e book edition uses an enhanced format and layout, incorporates all the basic information from the first Screenwriting Tricks for Authors workbook and doubles the material, including ten full story breakdowns. Also available in PRINT --- the textbook-quality edition is 8 x 10 inches and lies open flat for easy highlighting and note-taking.

    It is a guide to advanced improvisation. This sequel to the best-selling improv book "Truth in Comedy" is designed to help improv performers move up to the more advanced levels of improvisation. Accompanying the book is a DVD featuring performers in action demonstrating the instructions and ideas covered in the book. The DVD includes performances by four popular improv groups: Upright Citizens Brigade, Beer Shark Mice, Armando Diaz Theatrical Experience, The Reckoning and assorted short clips with Peter Hulne. Also on the DVD are interviews with many celebrity improv artists including: Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Stephnie Weir, Tim Meadows, Andy Dick, and Adam McKay.

    How do you find the time to write? How do you keep momentum? How do you deal with the horror of showing anyone a single sentence of your work-in-progress? The answers remain fun and easy, and author Elizabeth Sims will take your hand, dispel your worries, and show you how it's done in this stress-free guide to accomplishing your dream of writing your book.In You've Got a Book in You, Elizabeth is that encouraging voice guiding you through the entire process, from finding the right time and place to gathering all of your creative tools to diving right in and getting it done--page by page, step by step. It's easier than you think, and it all starts right here, right now.

    But some debates can never be settled no matter how much you run up your bar tab arguing with your friends. Well, it’s time to answer your questions once and for all: • Could an average guy start in the WNBA?• Would sumo wrestlers make great NFL linemen?• How easy is it for pro athletes to get laid? • How good are pro golfers at miniature golf?• Do pro athletes really play drunk or high?• How would a fan hit against a major league pitcher?To settle more than thirty of sports’ greatest (and most ridiculous) debates, Todd Gallagher has teamed up with coaches, general managers, and athletes—including LeBron James, Mike Tyson, Dwyane Wade, Johan Santana, Eddie George, Jose Canseco, and many others. But Gallagher didn’t just ask questions. He put these debates to the test—literally. He sent an all-midget lineup up against a pro baseball team. He swam freestyle against a doggie-paddling Olympic gold medalist. He recruited America's #1 darts player to test that uncanny accuracy in beer pong. And, yes, he stuck a frying pan in tennis star Andy Roddick’s hands and went to battle.The results are hilarious and enlightening. Best of all, once you have the answers you’ll be able to shut up the next loudmouth who tries to debate you at the bar.

    I Hate it Here comes an all-new, even more outrageous and laugh-out-loud funny collection of real letters written by children ages eight to sixteen to their parents about their adventures at summer camp. Written with the same wit and honesty that made the first book a runaway hit, these new letters take the reader on a familiar adventure that conjures up the experience of being away from home, and the hilarious and lasting memories that accompany that special place called sleepaway camp.

    Readers will learn how to adopt those habits on their quest to become novelists. The book will inspire, nourish, and provide the needed kick in the pants to turn the wannabes into doers! The 101 Habits of Highly Successful Novelists is full of "aha" experiences as the reader uncovers the collected wisdom from the cream of today’s fiction writers.

    Now, to celebrate a decade of delighting opera fans and foes alike, musical historian and humorist David Barber has prepared a special revised and expanded edition of his hilarious bestselling history of opera. Chapters such as Serious Buffoonery, Teutonic Tunesmiths and, of course, Italian Sausage Machines display Barber's rapier wit and knack for knowing fascinating, if sometimes useless, information about music, musicians and the offbeat world they live in. This expanded edition includes new material ranging from Strauss to ragtime, opera to the Tenor Menace. From Italian castrati to German Ring-bearers, from Handel's fights with rival sopranos to Puccini's nicotine habit, the author of Bach, Beethoven and the Boys and Tenors, Tantrums and Trills delivers a funny yet informative, irreverent yet affectionate history of serious music's most serious art form as only he can - and as only he would dare to do.

    Monsters are lurking in the woods, beneath the waves, and within our favorite books, films, and games--and there are good reasons why they appear so often. Monsters are manifestations of our fears and symbols of our society--not to mention they're a lot of fun--but each should serve a purpose and enhance the themes and tension in your fiction. In Writing Monsters, best-selling author Philip Athans uses classic examples from books, films, and the world around us to explore what makes monsters memorable--and terrifying. You'll learn what monsters can (and should) represent in your story and how to create monsters from the ground up. Writing Monsters includes: In-depth discussions of where monsters come from, what they symbolize, and how to best portray them in fiction Informative overviews of famous monsters, archetypes, and legendary creatures A Monster Creation Form to help you create your monster from scratch An annotated version of H.P. Lovecraft's chilling story "The Unnamable" Whether you write fantasy, science fiction, or horror, your vampires, ghouls, aliens, and trolls need to be both compelling and meaningful. With Writing Monsters, you can craft creatures that will wreak havoc in your stories and haunt your readers' imaginations--and nightmares.

    And, like any business, there are proven strategies for success. In this unique hands-on guide, television writer and producer Ellen Sandler shares the trade secrets she learned while writing for hit shows like Everybody Loves Raymond and Coach. She offers concrete advice on everything from finding a story to getting hired on a current series.Filled with easy-to-implement exercises and practical wisdom, this ingenious how-to handbook outlines the steps for becoming a professional TV writer, starting with a winning script. Sandler explains the difference between “selling” and “telling,” form and formula, theme and plot. Discover:• A technique for breaking down a show style so you’re as close to being in the writing room as you can get without actually having a job there• The 3 elements for that essential Concept Line that you must havein order to create a story with passion and consequence• Mining the 7 Deadly Sins for fresh and original story lines• Sample scripts from hit shows• In-depth graphs, script breakdown charts, vital checkpointsalong the way, and much, much more!

    Of course, he has given us glimpses in his aphorisms, short essays, articles, and speeches. But, never before has an entire book been devoted to Kurt Vonnegut, the teacher. Here is pretty much everything Vonnegut ever said or wrote having to do with the art and craft of writing - Plus - a wonderful, healing/nourishing expedition, of which McConnell has outfitted us for the journey, and in these 37 chapters, covers the waterfront of how one American writer brought himself to the pinnacle of the writing art; and the result only serves to benefit us.Kurt Vonnegut was one of the few grandmasters of American literature, whose novels continue to influence new generations about the ways in which our imaginations can help us to live. Few aspects of his contribution have not been plumbed - 14 novels, collections of his speeches, his essays, his letters, his plays - so this fresh view of him, written by a former student, is a bonanza for writers, readers, listeners and Vonnegut fans everywhere.©2019 Trust u/w of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (P)2019 Highbridge, a division of Recorded Books