How to Break Your Addiction to a Person


Howard M. Halpern - 1982
    Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted - to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction - and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:Why you can get addicted to a person.Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."How to get through the agonizing breakup period - without going back.How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist


Ramani Durvasula - 2015
    But how do you know if you are in a relationship with one—and, what can you do about it? We live in a world of romance and rescue, where many believe love will conquer all, and that the more we endure unacceptable behavior, the more likely that we can “fix” our relationships. It doesn’t always work that way—despite what the fairy tales tell us. There are a few hard facts about pathological narcissism that most people don’t know and most psychologists will never tell you. Should I Stay or Should I Go? uses checklists, clinical wisdom, and real stories from real people to prepare you for the real terrain of pathological narcissism. It raises the red flags to watch for and provides a realistic roadmap for difficult situations to help you reclaim yourself, find healing, and live an authentic and empowered life. Whether you stay. Or go.

Emotional Unavailability


Bryn C. Collins - 1997
    This book offers usable solutions to this human dilemma. Michael Share, Psy.D., L.P.Emotional Unavailability is an innotive look at ho a person's emotional style impacts his or her relationship patterns. The book goes beyond definitions of the various styles to provide techniques and tools for change. James W. Keenan, M.S., L.P., Director Power of Relationships, PAI kept falling into stories that sounded uncomfortably like some that litter my own personal landscape. Trudi Hahn Minneapolis Star TribuneBryn Collins examines the reasons we get into painful, frustrating relationships, and how we can make positive changes without blaming ourselves. Gerrie E. Summers Today's Black WomanIn this groundbreaking book, psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with an emotionally unavailable person. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, she profiles the mos common types of emotionally unavailable partners, then offers the skills you need to change these painful associations. Based on her extensive clinical experience, she offers ways to recognize toxic types before you get too deeply involved, and she gives the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that teach how to connect with anothe person.

Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong


Barbara De Angelis - 1992
    Relationships psychologist De Angelis reveals why you've chosen the partners you have, how to make better choices, types of relationship that won't work, how to spot fatal flaws in a partner, and why you may fall in love for the wrong reasons.

Red Flags: How to know he's playing games with you. How to spot a guy who's never going to commit. How to force him to show his cards. (The Truth about ... of commitment and sudden loss of interest)


Brian Keephimattracted - 2015
     It’s time to use the secrets of the men who “play” games with women and find out - What the Red Flags are that will give him away sooner - How to find out if he sees a future with you - Why men play games with you (what are their motives?) - Two reasons why men won’t commit - The types of men who play games with you - Strategies to get him - How to force him to show his cards, how to find out the truth sooner than later - When and how to let him go, if needed. - How to test him and see if he’s willing to go the extra mile - My quick strategy to make a man commit. There are different types of men who play games with women. Not all of them are the obvious ‘player’, that’s the only type of player you can see from a mile away. No no, there are other types of men who use under the radar manipulation techniques to keep women interested, even though they see no future with her. It’s hard to date a man or be in a relationship (let alone a marriage) with a man who’s not really honest about his real feelings for you. In this book, you’ll learn what types of men play games, why they play those games, red flags to watch out for, and how to filter the true bad boys out of your life. You’ll learn how you can protect your heart from men who don’t even deserve your attention, let alone your love and devotion. I want you to understand what types of men play these games because this will help you identify them a lot sooner. Then I’ll teach you some strategies to quickly test him and turn things around. If he doesn’t respond well to those tests, at least you can be sure that he’s playing with you and it’s time to move on. I’ve been coaching women for many years now, and it frustrates me when I see how many men simply don’t respect women. They play with their hearts, their feelings, and their future. Since I’m a man myself, I know why men do what they do. I’m here to help great women like you who keep walking into the traps of the same disrespectful men. Men who play games do it with every woman they meet. If you’ve ever encountered one, it wasn’t personal; it’s just the way they are built. They don’t know any better. In my series of books, I try to uncover the truth about the man behind the game, so you’ll know what’s really going on in his mind. In this book, we’ll focus on the type of men who play games with women. These men know how to touch a woman’s hot buttons, how to make her happy, how to attract her into his trap. The problem is, because they’re not genuine, your gut feeling will start to notice the discrepancies, the little white lies, when his words don’t align with his actions. That’s when the emotional rollercoaster ride starts. Men who play games, and as you’ll see it’s not only the player type who does this, know how to hang a carrot on a stick in front of a woman. You might think this only happens to not-so-intelligent women. It doesn’t. Some of my clients have very high positions in international companies, household names, lawyers, surgeons, and so on. Yet they too fall for his games and step into his traps.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love


Sue Johnson - 2008
    In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations.Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving


David RichoDavid Richo - 2002
    Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:    1.  Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.    2.  Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.    3.  Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.    4.  Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.    5.  Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You


Susan Forward - 1997
    Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They can be our parents or partners, bosses or coworkers, friends or lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to win the pay-off they want: our compliance.In Emotional Blackmail, bestselling author Susan Forward dissects the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation to give blackmail targets the tools they need to fight back. In a clear, no-nonsense style, she outlines the specific steps readers can take, offering checklists, practice scenarios, and concrete communications techniques that will strengthen relationships and break the blackmail cycle for good.

The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples


John M. Gottman - 2011
    In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.Gottman draws from this longitudinal research and theory to show how emotional attunement can downregulate negative affect, help couples focus on positive traits and memories, and even help prevent domestic violence. He offers a detailed intervention devised to cultivate attunement, thereby helping couples connect, respect, and show affection. Emotional attunement is extended to tackle the subjects of flooding, the story we tell ourselves about our relationship, conflict, personality, changing relationships, and gender. Gottman also explains how to create emotional attunement when it is missing, to lay a foundation that will carry the relationship through difficult times.Gottman encourages couples to cultivate attunement through awareness, tolerance, understanding, non-defensive listening, and empathy. These qualities, he argues, inspire confidence in couples, and the sense that despite the inevitable struggles, the relationship is enduring and resilient.This book, an essential follow-up to his 1999 The Marriage Clinic, offers therapists, students, and researchers detailed intervention for working with couples, and offers couples a roadmap to a stronger future together.

More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory


Franklin Veaux - 2014
    Now the new book More Than Two can help you find your own way. With completely new material and a fresh approach, Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert wrote More Than Two to expand on and update the themes and ideas in the wildly popular polyamory website morethantwo.com.From partners, authors and practicing polyamorists Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert comes the long-awaited, wide-ranging resource exploring the often-complex world of living polyamorously. Highlighting the nuances (no, this isn’t swinging), the relationship options (do you suit a V, an N, an open network?), the myths (don’t count on wild orgies and endless sex—but don’t rule them out, either!) and the expectations (communication, transparency and trust are paramount), the authors share not only their hard-won philosophies about polyamory, but also their hurts and embarrassments. More Than Two is entirely without judgment and peppered with a good dose of humor. Franklin and Eve underscore the importance of engaging in ethical polyamory, while gently guiding readers through the thorny issues of jealousy and insecurity. And no, they’re not trying to convert you: they know that polyamory isn’t for everyone. Franklin and Eve simply provide those who might be embarking on this lifestyle, or those who have already begun, with a toolkit to help them make informed decisions and set them on a path to enjoying multiple happy, strong, enriching relationships. More Than Two is the book the polyamory community has been waiting for. And who knows? It may just be the book you didn’t even know you were waiting for.

The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags


Natasha Burton - 2011
    Saw something wrong with him--whether it was suspect grooming habits or ridiculously childish behavior--but let it slide. It's not that big of a deal. Except it totally was. You wanted to fall in love, but ended up going insane. You swore you'd never do it again. But did.Don't beat yourself up. In the search for love, we've all either blatantly ignored or completely missed red flags. Instead, smarten up. It's time to figure out what you missed and learn how to avoid similar flagtastic fiascos in the future. If you raise your red flag awareness now, you'll be able to greenlight a real relationship down the road.

Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change


Robin Norwood - 1985
    Therapist Robin Norwood describes loving too much as a pattern of thoughts and behaviour which certain women develop as a response to problems from childhood.

The Codependency Recovery Plan: A 5-Step Guide to Understand, Accept, and Break Free from the Codependent Cycle


Krystal Mazzola Wood - 2019
    You can stop people pleasing and start setting boundaries. You can ask for what you need. You can love and be loved—without sacrifice—by breaking the codependency cycle.The Codependency Recovery Plan empowers you to have healthy, happy interdependent relationships. This actionable 5-step program is designed to help you get in touch with yourself, assert boundaries, and communicate confidently. You’ll be free to nurture true intimacy.The 5-steps to break the codependency cycle include: Step 1: Get in Touch with Your “Self”—Learn how to stand on your own two feet. Step 2: Prioritize Self-Care—Show yourself respect by caring for your mind and body. Step 3: Build Boundaries—Take a stand for what feels good to you in life and love. Step 4: Communicate Confidently—Open up about what you think, feel, and need to share with others. Step 5: Get intimate—Experience healthy and joyful connections. You can’t change your history with codependency—but you can take charge of your recovery. Starting now.

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy


Jessica Fern - 2020
    Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a theoretical treatise and a practical guide.

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman


Ian Kerner - 2004
    The New York Times praises Kerner’s “cool sense of humor and an obsessive desire to inform,” as he “encourages men through an act that many find mystifying.” An indispensable aid to a healthier, more fulfilling sex life for her and him, She Comes First offers techniques and philosophy that have already earned raves from the likes of bestselling author and Loveline co-host Dr. Drew Pinsky as well as Playgirl magazine, which cheers, “Hallelujah!”.