What a way to kick off the holidays. Brandon earned every inch of the phallic surprise on his car, but that doesn’t mean Fate cares. You see, she and I have been battling for years. Things are looking up, though. I scored a break, and community service is my only punishment. After that, I’d be free and clear, right? Not. Volunteering at the first responders’ holiday party should have been a breeze. All I had to do was dress like an elf for the night. I could do that. But that would have been too easy. Why? Because I’m Juni Mullen, and poor life choices and I are best friends. What’d I do now? Let’s just say Juni was doing a lot more than kissing Santa Claus.And the man playing him? My brother’s best friend.Yeah, I know.If you need me, I’ll be in the tub with a bottle of wine. XOXO Juni

    But when he is stricken with an ill-timed case of ED (Erectile Dysfunction), the desperate player faces his biggest campaign killer of all and goes to hilarious extremes to keep himself in the running. Peter Lefcourt holds a perfectly cracked mirror to the spin-filled world of Washington's sexual politics and asks a penetrating question: How hard does a politician have to be?

    It's teeming with savages, thugs, angry toddlers, and disgruntled clowns. And every one of them is secretly mulling a scenario that ends with them kicking you square in the junk. What do you do if you want to take on The Batman and live to brag about it to your kids? What do you do if a rabid alligator picks a fight with your little sister? What do you do if the beloved star of "Forrest Gump" tells you to "shut the hell up" in front of a huge crowd?You read this book. It offers simple, effective instructions for beating up zombies, robots, co-workers—anything. The only limits are your imagination... and your habit of not following through on things, and possibly your uncoordinated, at times comically frail body.

    Schirripa, The Sopranos’ own Bobby Bacala, exposes the inner mysteries of this unique Italian-American hybrid in A Goomba’s Guide to Life so that anyone can walk, talk, and live like a guy “from the neighborhood.”Über-goomba Steve Schirripa shows how being a goomba made him what he is today, offering lessons learned on his own journey from Bensonhurst to Vegas, and to his current gig as Bobby Bacala on one of TV’s most popular shows. Along the way, he shares secrets that will help you get in touch with your own inner goomba. You’ll learn what music to enjoy (Sinatra, yes; Snoop Dogg, no), what movies to watch (Raging Bull, yes; Titanic, never), which sports to follow (baseball is good; golf and tennis, fuhgeddaboudit), and even tips on goomba etiquette. Ever wonder how a real goomba gets the best seat in the house? (Hint: It involves tipping, jewelry, and intimidation.) Schirripa even includes goomba do’s and don’ts (never, ever criticize a goomba’s mother or her gravy; always wear more jewelry than you think you need).With knockout photographs of Schirripa and his compares, and insider information on how to think goomba, speak goomba, cook and eat goomba, and even how to behave at goomba weddings and funerals, A Goomba’s Guide to Life will show any wiseguy wannabe how to sing like a Soprano.

    From New York to Alaska, he tries to fend for himself without his trusty PA and life support, the unflappable Charmaine, for whom contentment lies in Jesus Christ and custard creams.With his blend of waspish wit and mischievous charm, Steward seeks out normal Americans, such as Joe le Taxi, the former NYPD officer who was one of the first on the scene at the Twin Towers and now runs an extortionate executive taxi service; Pam and Bob, a paranoid psychiatrist and a failed actor who once saw the back of Meryl Streep s head; Taylor the Alaskan bushwhacker who was raised by wolves and revels in their scat; Jeb the Yosemite inn-sitter who lives his life at the pace of a Ford Model T; Kacey Musgraves, the controversial country music star staying at the farm in Tennessee; and Sheriff Duke of Calhoun County, South Carolina, who reintroduces Steward to the long (and armed) arm of the law.For anyone at a crossroads, contemplating a temporary or permanent career break, this affectionate travel romp is essential reading. Journeying coast-to-coast across the US with Steward might just remind you that, despite the post-Trump hysteria, there are many normal and decent Americans out there

    Here's the first in a new series of in-depth discussions on a variety of subjects relating to humanity's greatest endeavors.Around the table, Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, and the glabrous luminary Karl Pilkington.In this episode, MEDICINE, we explore the treatment of human ailments through history - from trepanation (or 'oles in the 'ed) in early tribal societies right through to the possible, if improbable, future of medical technology.Ricky Steve and Karl offer a uniquely ill-informed appraisal, from medicine's superstitious roots in shamanism, the beginnings of empiricism and on to today's holistic ideal.Areas of discussion include the dangers of leaving yoghurt pots in fridges; how over-enthusiastic janitors can stifle scientific progress; how hygiene impacts on immunity; Karl's ideas on empathic diagnosis; fruit-based contraception; the risks of eye surgery; the politics of treating obesity; conjugal care-workers; geriatric clinical trials; Karl's take on palliative care; and the inevitable anal-probing....

    But the pendulum is swinging back in the Germans' favour, with the emergence of a devastating new fighter, the Albatros, and the growing obsolescence of the slower Sopwith Pup and the outgunned Nieuport 17.Three raw pilots have arrived at the Western Front: Anderson, to join the Royal Flying Corps; Fournol, to join l'Aviation Militaire; and Schonborn, to join Die Deutschen Luftstreitkräfte.They are very different men in their background and character. But the impact of air combat and the fate of other pilots is about to change all of them. While in their private, romantic lives, they about to experience both happiness and misery.But they all have the war in common.How men and machines adjust to the pressures of swiftly changing demands is absorbingly recounted against a historically accurate backcloth of the contemporary events in the campaign on the ground: culminating in the badly planned Battle of Arras, in which tanks went into action for the first time.This novel bears all the popular Richard Townsend Bickers hallmarks of technical accuracy, factual authenticity, acute characterisation, profound knowledge of air fighting, humour and good prose.Dawn Patrol was previously published as Dawn Readiness and is the first book in The Victory Trilogy saga. Praise for Richard Townshend Bickers ‘A thrilling page turner,’ - Tom Kasey, bestselling author of The Trade Off Richard Townshend Bickers volunteered for the RAF on the outbreak of the second world war and served, with a Permanent Commission, for eighteen years. He wrote a range of military fiction and non-fiction books, including Torpedo Attack, My Enemy Came Nigh and Summer of No SurrenderEndeavour Press is the UK's leading independent digital publisher. For more information on our titles please sign up to our newsletter at www.endeavourpress.com. Each week you will receive updates on free and discounted ebooks. Follow us on Twitter: @EndeavourPress and on Facebook via http://on.fb.me/1HweQV7

    Another super collection of naughty and not-so-naughty jokes, humorous anecdotes, comic interludes, hilarious situations and bitchy remarks, selected by Khushwant Singh from amongst the thousands contributed by his readers and fans - and some manufactured by him.

     In May 1942, the Japanese were poised to take Port Moresby in New Guinea. At all costs the Americans had to stop them. Admiral Frank Fletcher was dispatched with two aircraft carriers - Yorktown and Lexington - with orders to destroy the Japanese invasion force. The fate of the Pacific was in the balance. 'Coral Sea 1942' tells the dramatic story of that conflict. The battle spread over five days as each side desperately searched for the other. At first, all Fletcher could find were side shows. He smashed a secondary invasion at Tulagi. He sank the light carrier Shōhō protecting the invasion fleet. But only on the fifth day did he find his real prey: the carriers Shōkaku and Zuikaku. The Zuikaku fled to hide under thick cloud, while the Shōkaku was pounded by American bombers and torpedo planes. Crippled, she too fled. Meanwhile the Japanese carrier planes mounted attack after attack on the Yorktown and Lexington. The latter was mortally damaged by volcanic-sized explosions in her fuel tanks. But the great Coral Sea victory came at a price. Pilots died in dog-fights; crippled planes fell into the sea; damaged planes crashed onto carrier flight decks; and pilots found themselves stranded on remote islands. But the battle was an American triumph. Japan entered it as an aggressor at the peak of her imperial power. She left the battle with her dominance shattered. The tide had turned. 'Coral Sea 1942' is a brilliantly concise and insightful guide to one of the greatest naval battles of the 20th-century. Richard Freeman graduated in mathematics before following a career in distance education. He now writes on naval history. His other books include ‘Britain’s Greatest Naval Battle’ and ‘A Close Run Thing: The Navy and the Falkland War’. Endeavour Press is the UK's leading independent publisher of digital books.

    Barry's set of experiences with these legends of humour is unique, and will delight all who made PIGS CAN FLY a runaway porcine bestseller. In this completely new, organically grown book, old Baz recalls, reminisces, recounts and other words beginning with 'R', on a trip down Memory Lane, pausing only for tea and macaroons at the Stannah Stairlift Cafe. What memories - if only he can remember them. Currently 74, a third of his life has already passed and he invites you to enjoy this wonderfully funny account of it, a decorous orgy of nostalgia.

    Criticised by her outwardly perfect mother, dearly loved by her father, she’s the ‘Queen of Low Self-Esteem’. Finding herself suddenly immersed in a world of glitz and glamour, where nothing is quite as it seems, will she finally realise ... ... ‘It’s what’s inside that counts’?

    Left with no alternative, President Lincoln surrenders, and the Confederate States of America becomes an independent nation. It’s a tragic twist that will produce dire, far-reaching ramifications.As the divided American nations move into the twentieth century, slavery has long since been abolished; but in the summer of 1941, America faces another challenge—an existential challenge. Almost a century after the Civil War, the disastrous consequences of the Union defeat are threatening freedom on both sides of the Atlantic.The Second World War represents the defining event of the twentieth century. History dictates the United States must play the decisive role in defeating Adolf Hitler and the Nazis—but that history is no longer intact. America has been divided into two nations, and the resulting shift in global power has altered the course of the conflict, bringing all of North America and Western Europe to the brink of annihilation.In the spring of 1945, as the Nazis are preparing to deliver the final blow, a young academic and a small, elite group of American airmen are about to determine the fate of the world.FREEDOM’S VERY SURVIVAL IS COMING DOWN TO ONE, LAST-DITCH MISSION.

    Unbound) ISBN-10: 0515098914

     Their Sukhoi-24 bombers, capable of undertaking short-range lethal raids, have orders for a test target: three refugee camps, filled with women, children and the old. Millions of innocent lives are set to be destroyed in this flexing of the high command’s muscles, but at the first sign of aggression the entire region is set to erupt into total war… Spurred on by the intelligence reports yet unable to wage an overt pre-emptive attack, the White House is forced to turn to Andrew Wyatt. A “covert specialists” and former top gun pilot, Wyatt marshals his squad of unmarked F-4 Phantoms as a C.I.A. agent on the ground tries to learn more prior to their arrival. Wyatt must lead them through the deadly net of Libya’s air defences, risking everything as he endeavours to deliver a final blow in the name of international peace… Phantom Strike is a gripping, contemporary military thriller. Praise for Phantom Strike ‘Lovejoy writes in afterburner!… action that leaves you dry-lipped, moist-palmed and hungry for more. An excellent read.’ – M.E. Morris ‘Fast-paced aerial action… Phantom Strike is a supersonic rush toward a deadly target that rings with authenticity!” – Jimmie H. Butler, The Iskra Incident William H Lovejoy is the author of twenty-five thriller, suspense, and mystery novels, including Delta Blue and Delta Green. A Vietnam veteran, he resides in Colorado and is Vice Chancellor Emeritus from Mohave Community College. Endeavour Press is the UK's leading independent digital publisher. For more information on our titles please sign up to our newsletter at www.endeavourpress.com. Each week you will receive updates on free and discounted ebooks. Follow us on Twitter: @EndeavourPress and on Facebook via http://on.fb.me/1HweQV7

    In this delightful collection, the longtime United States senator shares his favorite anecdotes, witticisms, and reminiscences. From the campaign trail to the Oval Office, from smoke-filled rooms to the chambers of the Capitol, Bob Dole surveys a century of political wit.  There are bon mots from Calvin Coolidge, Winston Churchill, Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy, and a host of other political figures. Bob Dole introduces each section with mirthful moments from his own experience, displaying the gift for wry humor that has made him a favorite guest on late-night talk shows.A jovial--and completely bipartisan--compendium, Great Political Wit is a connoisseur's selection of political repartee at its best.