Life is hard for Archie. It often seems like the world is out to get him. People are always telling him what to do... "Eat your snack, Archie!, "Don't lick the bus stop, Archie," "Stop putting Mommy's phone in the garbage, Archie!"An then one day his heart is shattered when he learns his parents are to replace him with a younger sibling--the utter bastards!The only comforts he finds are in his best friend Amelie, who teaches him all the good swear words, and the sweet relief he gets from sinking his teeth into other people's limbs.From naked protests to dealing with other people looking at YOUR THINGS!, this is a no-holds-barred account of life told through the eyes of Archie--a creatively stifled, modern day toddler.Sunday Times bestseller Hurrah for Gin has delighted fans with its honest, emotional and laugh-out-loud accounts of parenting. Brilliantly illustrated with Katie Kirby's unique stick-figure drawings and told in the same outrageously funny way, The Daily Struggles of Archie Adams, Aged 2 1/4 once again takes on the highs and lows of family life, this time with one opinionated toddler having his say.

    In no other cat book will you find such riveting accounts as:The Great Cat Butt Wiping AdventureJingle Ball HorrorsThe Creature Under the FridgeYoga CatThe Big Brown Mouse & Other Toys Our Cat LoathesLessons In Stalking is the purr-fect gift for cat lovers!Dena Harris has been a humor columnist for Cats & Kittens magazine and contributor to Chicken Soup for the Cat Lover's Soul. Her newest book, "Who Moved My Mouse? A Self-Help Book for Cats (Who Don't Need Any Help)" is being translated into 5 languages. Visit www.denaharris.com or www.selfhelpforcats.com for more info.

    Sleep on the couch to make room for her gigantic pregnancy pillowPass up tickets to the game since you'd "rather" register for the baby showerHaven't had sex since there was snow on the ground (and it's July)It may not make you sound like future father of the year, but there's one thing men everywhere can agree on: Pregnancy Sucks—for you.In this complete update of the bestselling first edition, Joanne and Jeff Kimes pair no-holds-barred humor with helpful advice to make sure you actually live to see the birth of your child.So whether you're sick of putting your foot in your mouth when you're trying to compliment her, you want the real scoop on what's going to go down in the delivery room (without the hospital-issued video), or you really just want a laugh (since you "volunteered" to give up drinking for the interminable nine months of her pregnancy), this book will tell you exactly what to do when that miracle of yours is making you totally, completely, just-cut-the-freakin'-cord-already! miserable.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    His journey from the treadmill in North London to the mountains of Wales to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway illuminates the meaning of the egalitarian race, the only sport where any weekend jogger can run with world-class champions. For everyone who has contemplated running the marathon or watched from the sidelines feeling an uneasy mix of envy and gratitude, this comical and inspiring account will change their understanding of the legendary race.

    The column “Offbase,” formally known as “Humor in Uniform,” has appeared in the Reader's Digest magazine for over half a century, and has published more than 3,500 jokes, quotes, and funny stories from the more than a million readers who have submitted them. This volume—from the world’s #1 source of humor—contains laugh-out-loud gems from one of Reader’s Digest’s most popular columns. This side-splitting collection of humor delivers hundreds of the best jokes, anecdotes, cartoons, quotes, and stories from men and women in the armed forces or their families proving that life is often funnier than fiction. Such as:·         From a Family Member: My son regaled me with stories about how they do things in the modern Air Force. Being an old Air Force man myself, I scoffed at their complicated methods. “That’s not the way we did it when I was in the service,” I said. “Yeah,” he shot back. “But when you were in, there were only two pilots, Wilbur and Orville”       — Ted Shirley·         From an Army Soldier: Our Army Unit was overseas conducting maneuvers with the Marines. On shift one night, a Marine asked my sergeant where he was from. “I’m originally from Central America,” said the sergeant. “Oh, yeah?” asked the Marine. “Kansas?”— David Denbek·         From Iraq: At the end of a tough day in Iraq, my daughter, the airman, collapsed onto the first seat in the transport truck, forcing everyone else to climb over her. “Private!” hollered the sergeant, “Skinny girls get in the back so when we men get on with our weapons and equipment, we don’t have to climb over you. Have I made myself clear?” Suddenly my daughter perked up, “Do you really think I’m skinny?”—    Margaret Culbertson·         About the Military: A soldier stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas, actually got a letter addressed to “Fort Ignorance.” “How did you know where to deliver it?” she asked the mailman. “We were stumped at first,” he admitted. “But then I remembered, ignorance is bliss.”— William De Graf For yourself, a friend, or family member—what could be better than the gift of laughter?

    But it wouldn’t hurt to get a few pointers—a road map of what lies ahead. That’s what this book is for.From Dude to Dad gives you the need-to-know essentials on pregnancy, birthing, and parenthood, and how it’s okay to be scared out of your mind. You’ll learn what the expecting mom is going through during each trimester, how you can be the best partner and dad-to-be, and how to immediately start bonding with baby.Be prepared for the arrival that will ultimately change your life in the best way possible.

    Doctors recommend it. Reviewers praise it. Pregnant couples rely on it. With over 70 new topics covered, and completely updated throughout to keep up with trends, new products, and safety recommendations, this comprehensive, authoritative, and easy-to-use guide includes:• Detailed descriptions of baby’s developmental milestones each week• Clear illustrations of how both mother and baby are changing and growing• Up-to-date information about medical tests and procedures• Tips on nutrition and lifestyle and the ways actions affect baby• Safe weekly exercises to help mother stay in shape and comfortable• Helpful hints for the father-to-be and information on how a pregnancy affects a couple

    From scorching her hoo-hah with jalapeños to attempting Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease in torn sweats and tube socks to her frustrated desire to pour tequila on her cereal when her kids say, ‘I’m booooooooored!,’ Heather Davis serves up hilarious tales of family-life insanity that are never mean (except when skewering herself) and never leave the reader screaming, ‘I’m boooooooored!’ TMI Mom FTW!” — Linda Erin Keenan, author of SuburgatoryEver wished you could say what you were really thinking?TMI Mom Heather Davis does just that. With her trademark dry wit and knack for storytelling, TMI Mom goes where no mom has been (at least in the pages of a book), with stories about the crazy things that can happen — in the minivan, the bedroom, and out in the big, bad world

    Now the bestselling author of Darth Vader and Son and Vader's Little Princess brings his witty comic observations to terrestrial parenting in this perceptive book celebrating the more surreal moments of raising a child. In charming colorful panels, Brown wryly illustrates his fiveyear- old son's take on the world around him, from watching TV ("Elton John looks pretty in that shirt") to playing with toys ("This truck can survive on very little water") to odd requests ("Don't feel happy at me"), capturing the sweetly weird times that mothers and fathers everywhere experience with their own curious, pure-minded kids.

    In search of the most unusual and wildest festivities, the author was pelted with beans, amazed by giant snow cows, stampeded in a temple full of men wearing nothing but "nappies," befriended by alien abductees, and much more while attending a Hogmanay in Scotland, a Tomato Festival in Ripley, Tennesee, a Bean Throwing Festival in Tokyo, and a Vodou Festival in Haiti. The side-splitting stories will inspire readers to attend—or create—peculiar festivals of their own, and on a more serious note, explore and appreciate other cultures.

    After Clint’s first collection of stories, which act as an apology to his wife (with essays taking a humorous yet critical look of his role as a husband), this natural follow up will place the author’s children at the center of the apology and recount funny and relatable tales of Clint’s various parenting fails. Stories will detail incidents of the author half surviving, half ruining birthdays, holidays, vacations and other important milestones in his children’s lives, and touchingly examine the ways he makes up for them.With this book exploring the widely universal theme of parenting, new audiences (as well as Clint’s dedicated following) will see stories as both a mirror of their own lives and a comic relief from it, and eagerly sink their teeth into this truthful and entertaining narrative. Essays include titles like, “I Changed A Friend’s Name in my Phone to Santa and Had Him Text Threats to my Children,” “Pro Tip: Pick Up The Dog Poop BeforeThe Easter Egg Hunt,” “Reasons My Children Cried At Their Own Birthday Parties,” and “I Am A Summer Scrooge.” Clint’s addicting voice, writing about being a parent around Christmas, Halloween, New Years and more, will help anyone who is a mother or father, who works with young children, is member of a large family or has ever taken care of another human being before relate to and connect with these stories.

    But when it was finally the perfect time, conceiving turned out to be harder than anything she’d ever attempted. Fertility problems were followed by miscarriages, and her eventual successful pregnancy plagued by health issues, up to a dramatic, near-death experience during labor and delivery.This moving, hilarious, and surprisingly informative memoir not only follows Lucy’s personal transition into motherhood but also illustrates the history and science of reproductive health from all angles, including curious facts and inspiring (and notorious) figures in medicine and midwifery. Whether you’ve got kids, want them, or want nothing to do with them, there’s something in this graphic memoir to open your mind and heart.

    Are you up to the challenge?

    As seen on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (twice!) as well as 2 dozen other TV programs, Brian's now the host of the popular online series "Scam School," (downloaded over 1 million times a month, and named by iTunes as a "top video podcast" of 2008 and 2009). ...And THIS is the book that started it all.With 57 killer tricks (and 8 bonus scams), any one of these tricks could win you the cost of a free drink or more... and yet your investment will be LESS THAN 2 CENTS PER TRICK!Short enough to digest in an evening, yet powerful enough to score you free drinks for the rest of your life... "Cheats, Cons, Swindles and Tricks" could be the single best investment of 99 cents you'll ever make.