Featuring all new, never before published material, Crows, Papua New Guinea, and Boats is the latest release by David Thorne, author of The Internet is a Playground and 27bslash6.com

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.

    When the 23-year-olds are transferred to a remote army unit, several hilarious situations follow, thanks to the stark novelty of a feminine presence in the traditionally male army. However, with each passing day, the differences in their personalities begin to emerge. Deepa is more ‘officer’: she insists on being called ‘Sahab’ and even takes to swearing like the troops. Anju is more ‘lady’: she can’t give up her make-up and Mills & Boon romances. Or resist the charms of a certain dashing young officer, despite her friend’s warnings to stay away. The girls frequently fall out and get back together, but face the same dilemma: is any man worth more than their uniform?

    The economy is collapsing, his health is failing, and around his hometown of Broughty Ferry, Bob is struggling to get the respect he deserves. Fortunately his email junk folder is bursting with offers of assistance from around the world. In these genuine emails, Bob Servant looks to the Internet's worst con merchants and charlatans for answers to his many woes. The author of the bestselling Delete This At Your Peril and the critically acclaimed Radio 4 series The Bob Servant Emails is back with an all-new compilation of emails targeting a fresh batch of email spammers—the false lenders who have bravely stepped into the credit crunch, supposed doctors offering expensive treatments for Bob's ailments, and fake foreign soldiers offering him military advice in his campaign against a local bowling club. They all find a man from Broughty Ferry who is ready and willing to give them his valuable time.

    The cruel bon mot which has its sting drawn from the laughter that ensues. It was Oscar Wilde who pointed out that no comment was in bad taste if it was amusing - and if for that reason alone it is worth while preserving these delightful examples of verbal dexterity.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

    . . in other words the back-to-schoolers and the university goers. __________________________________This is a student.He is leaving home for the first time.By the time he graduates, he will be grown-up: exhausted, hideously in debt and unable to imagine going to bed sober.__________________________________Reynard has brought everything he needs for his first year.He unpacks his fancy-dress costumes, his four-way extension leads, his pair of pants and all his didgeridoos.By doing front, back, inside-out front, inside-out back, and using Febreze and Imodium, he plans to make his pants last until half term.__________________________________ This delightful book is part of a series of Ladybird books which have been specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. Other titles in the Ladybirds for Grown Ups series: How it Works: The Cat How it Works: The Dog How it Works: The Grandparent The Ladybird Book of the Meeting The Ladybird Book of Red Tape The Ladybird Book of the People Next Door The Ladybird Book of the Sickie The Ladybird Book of the Zombie ApocalypseHow it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum How it Works: The Dad The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

    

    Pick up a copy today and find out what makes Pinoys stand out in a crowd!

    It is here that Laxman's sense of parodyand satire find some of their finest expressions. A selection of these rare and masterly cartoons which comment caustically on our social and political character were togethter in the first volume of "laugh with Laxman", and proved to be immensly popular. This is the second volume in the series replete with timeless gems that continue to amuse.

    Gumball thinks he’s the coolest kid on the block, but his little sister Anais begs to differ, and Darwin just wants to keep them all out of trouble.

    ever wanted to quit your job...?‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is the amazing true story of one man's quest to escape his monotonous nine-to-five existence and open a charming delicatessen and restaurant in a delightful market town.With honesty, humour and breathtaking naïveté, it records his steep learning curve, radical lifestyle change and the immediate revelation that the customer is not always right!Amidst tales of bulimia, public menstruation, endless abuse and hilarious customer encounters, this eye-opening story unveils what happens after you walk into the boss and say: “I quit!”‘I’d Sooner Starve’ is a shockingly comical tale of culinary highs, customer lows and one woman's unhealthy fixation with thigh-warmed Stilton…‘An absolute hoot!’ ~ Anonymous celebrity chef‘This hits the nail on the head so much I can't believe it! So much so, I can't possibly put my name to it!’~ UK chef‘I am delighted that Mark has written this book. Maybe now people will believe me when I tell them the stories!’ ~ Matt, co-ownerI'd Sooner Starve - the book the celebrity chefs were too afraid to endorse!

    The laughter continues to flow in Gina Kirkham's brilliant sequel to the hilarious Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong.Our hapless heroine, Constable Mavis Upton, is preparing to walk down the aisle with her fianc� Joe, but has to deal with her temperamental teen daughter, as well as investigate a serial flasher on a push bike.Throw a diva drag queen into the mix and you can expect more marvellous Mavis mishaps...Revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant, and moving stories of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.

    He is going to change the face of British comedy.Unfortunately for the residents of north London, he's going to finance this dream by becoming a gardener.The result is The Day Job, an account of a year spent working in other people's gardens: people like Mrs Fleming who is convinced there is buried treasure in the bottom bed; Mr Walters who is trying to create a fascist state policed by gnomes in his well-guarded plot in Gospel Oak; Mrs Glover who is probably the most attractive woman living in Britain; and poor Mr Nugent, who likes to save his urine in jam jars and pour it over his compost.Over four seasons Wallington crosses Hampstead Heath from job to job. He survives brushes with the evil contract gardeners who keep trying to knock him off his bicycle. He strives to impress literary agent Herman Gapp who might represent him - depending on what sort of job he does on Gapp's Alpine Terrace. He even finds time to fall for a housecleaner-cum-actor named Helen, as he becomes part of a strange band of artistes, each with a day job of their own, all waiting for that first break.This is the story of long nights spent in the back room of a pub trying to write unsolicited scripts, and of much longer days spent trying to understand the British and their strange obsession with gardening.

    Both are pretty easy to put off as they're very expensive and tend to wreck your house.' Stand-up comedian Sam Avery (aka the Learner Parent) started his award-winning blog when his twin boys were born. A million nappies, Peppa Pig episodes and a lot less sleep later, he shares all the lows, highs and hilarious in-betweens of his experiences of first-time parenthood in this, his highly anticipated first book. Sam's honest, messy and laugh-out-loud account of trying for a baby (which transpired to be babIES) and figuring out what to do with them once they arrived - right up to the toddler years of talking, walking and tantrum-ing - will have you crying with laughter between your own nappy changes and nursery runs.