It will cheer up even the most miserable of old gits.

    Never fear, there are hundreds of ways to revolt against the tedium of everyday life. Whether it’s making rude gestures to a hotel clerk under the desk or making your own "Do Not Disturb" sign that says "Come In If You Like Swordplay," Rich Fulcher's inventive collection will allow readers to unleash their rebellious sides—without getting arrested. Other tiny acts include unbuckling your seat belt before the plane has fully stopped, squeezing a zit into the ATM camera, driving through a lonely red light in the dead of night, wearing a French Renaissance outfit on casual Fridays, and greeting a stranger with a limp, well-lotioned hand. Featuring original illustrations by Mr. Bingo, the illustrator of The Book of General Ignorance whose clients have included Absolut, New York Times, Nike, and Suicide Girls; and designed by Dave Brown, also known as Bollo the gorilla in The Mighty Boosh and designer of The Mighty Book of Boosh.

    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.

    because he wants to watch Caillou, he’s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she’s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely decorate the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they’re a-holes. So it’s only natural to want to kill them sometimes. Of course you can’t because you’d go to prison, and then you’d really never get to poop alone again. Plus, there’s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. Karen Alpert is the writer of the popular blog Baby Sideburns. You may have seen some of her more viral posts like “Ten Things I Really F’ing Want for Mother’s Day,” “Daddy Sticker Chart” and “What NOT to F’ing Buy My Kids this Holiday.” Or you may know her from her Facebook page that has over 130,000 followers. I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you’ll wish you were wearing a diaper.

    On social media and beyond, we dish on all aspects of our personal lives: our relationships, our children, our sex lives, our health. But there's one thing that no one ever mentions-- our money. How much do we actually have? Who makes it? And how does that make us feel about ourselves? These are the uncomfortable questions that Rachel Shukert managed to avoid for years, buffered from the gnawing anxiety of her patched-together freelance living by the comfortable salary of her loving and successful husband. But when a sudden change in circumstances forced her to step up and start supporting her family for the first time, she had to face the depth of her phobias about money for the first time, and truth about the damage they had caused to her relationship. It wasn't pretty. Plates were thrown. Police were called. Accountants were vomited on -- or at least, near. And a marriage was pushed to the breaking point by the curious power that money -- or the lack of it -- has in our lives. Hilarious, painful, and searingly honest, CRAZY STUPID MONEY tells the hard truth about all the things that married people (not to mention not-quite-successful creative freelancers) never talk about but desperately wish someone would. The story of how one couple broke themselves down and struggled to come back together again, it's an unflinching look at what we talk about when we DON'T talk about money -- and how alone it makes us feel.RACHEL SHUKERT is a television writer living in Los Angeles. She is the author of five books, including the memoir EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE GREAT and the Kindle Single LET ME BE YOUR STAR. You can follow her on Twitter At @RachelShukertCover Design by Adil Dara

    “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from forty-five years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.” For this book, Jerry Seinfeld has selected his favorite material, organized decade by decade. In page after hilarious page, one brilliantly crafted observation after another, readers will witness the evolution of one of the great comedians of our time and gain new insights into the thrilling but unforgiving art of writing stand-up comedy.

    She clears your path of all those merciless judgments pronounced by the Quilting Queens. She invites you to make quilts that are full of life. This funny book offers these nine principles for the 20 million quilters in America:           1. Pretty fabric is not acceptable. Go right back to the quilt shop and exchange it for something you feel sorry for.           2. Realize that patterns and templates are only someone's opinion and should be loosely translated. Personally, I've never thought much of a person who could only make a triangle with three sides.           3. When choosing a color plan for your quilt, keep in mind that the colors will fade after a hundred years or so. This being the case, you will need to start with really bright colors.           4. You should plan on cutting off about half your triangle or star points. Any more than that is showing off.           5. If you are doing applique, remember that bigger is dorkier. Flowers should be huge. Animals should possess really big eyes.           6. Throw away your seam ripper and repeat after me: "Oops. Oh, no one will notice."           7. Plan on running out of border fabric when you are three-quarters of the way finished. Complete the remaining border with something else you have a lot of, preferably in an unrelated color family.           8. You should be able to quilt equally well in all directions. I had to really work on this one. It was difficult to make my forward stitching look as bad as my backward stitching, but closing my eyes helped.           9. When you have put your last stitch in the binding, you are still only half finished. Your quilt must now undergo a thorough conditioning. Give it to someone you love dearly—to drag around the house, wrap up in, spill something on, and wash and dry until it is properly lumpy.           "No reason not to have quiltmaking be a pleasure", says Lisa Boyer, who has as firm a grip on her sense of humor as she does on her quilting needles. "If we didn't make Dorky Homemade quilts, all the quilts in the world would end up in the Beautiful Quilt Museum, untouched and intact. Quilts would just be something to look at. We would forget that quilts are lovable, touchable, shreddable, squeezable, chewable, and huggable -- made to wrap up in when the world seems to be falling down around us."

    But home poker games shouldn't just be about winning: they're about stripping your opponents bare without their ever suspecting a thing. Teaming up with Mickey Lynn, Penn Jillette gives a home poker player everything he needs to know in one tidy volume. Lousy with attitude, stylish with swagger, How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker delivers a lifetime's worth of card-shark knowledge, including how to:--pick your marks--mark cards--use "shiners" to keep track of other player's hands--cut cards--stash holdoutsThis is not a book about how to play poker-the shelves are already full of those-it's about how to cheat, make money, and win big. If you're in the game, you're either a fish or a shark. How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker is the ultimate shark's playbook.

    Learn how to listen to your hunger and calm your mind. Lyndi is one of Australia's most popular dietitians, known as The Nude Nutritionist of Channel 9's TODAY show. She started dieting as a young teenager, unhappy with her growing body, and gave up in misery, having steadily gained weight for more than a decade. Almost by accident she become a mindful and intuitive eater, and along the way she gently lost 20kg. With over 50 deliciously realistic recipes (no 'superfoods' required) you'll also be inspired to eat well to boost your mood and balance your hormones. Change starts today.

    This guidebook is not meant to replace a Lonely Planet/Frommers/Rough Guide, but rather to compliment them. In NZ Frenzy you'll find info about all the South's must-see spots, plus detailed info about the lesser-known and unheralded off-the-beaten-path wonder spots. This guidebook goes WAY beyond the vague outdoor info in the mainstream travel guidebooks. NZ Frenzy is about giving you the details you'll need to find the "real" NZ, the one without lines of tour buses, the one without brochures of pay-to-see commercialized natural "attractions". NZ Frenzy, unlike any of the other mainstream guidebooks, will deliver you to the New Zealand that you've been planning for and fantasizing about. I guarantee it. Please read the reviews of NZ Frenzy North Island to see what travelers think of my info. Are you going to NZ to be a tourist at touristy crowded places or do you want to find the "Real" New Zealand that you'll tell stories about?? When you have an NZ Frenzy in hand, you'll leave the other guidebooks in the glove box and you'll leave the tourists behind!! The South Island has natural wonders beyond compare, but the mainstream media only promotes the commercialized stuff. Don't waste your precious time while in NZ waiting in line at the tourist visitor centers...get NZ Frenzy and go experience the Real New Zealand, the Fabled New Zealand. You can have the trip of a lifetime, you will have the trip of a lifetime!!

    A funny and frank look at the way Australia used to be - and just how far we have come. "It was simpler time". We had more fun back then". "Everyone could afford a house". There's plenty of nostalgia right now for the Australia of the past, but what was it really like? In The Land Before Avocado, Richard Glover takes a journey to an almost unrecognisable Australia. It's a vivid portrait of a quite peculiar land: a place that is scary and weird, dangerous and incomprehensible, and, now and then, surprisingly appealing. It's the Australia of his childhood. The Australia of the late '60s and early '70s. Let's break the news now: they didn't have avocado. It's a place of funny clothing and food that was appalling, but amusingly so. It also the land of staggeringly awful attitudes - often enshrined in law - towards anybody who didn't fit in. The Land Before Avocado will make you laugh and cry, be angry and inspired. And leave you wondering how bizarre things were, not so long ago. Most of all it will make you realise how far we've come - and how much further we can go.

    Kerry Stokes is a remarkable Australian. Not because he is one of this country's wealthiest and most powerful people but because of what he overcame to get there and because he has endured when others didn't. He is the last mogul. His rise has intrigued the business world for decades but there is so much more to him than takeover targets and balance sheets. Behind the laconic front is a human story as tough and touching as a Dickens tale: Oliver Twist with great self-expectations. It is the story of a poor boy who stared down poverty, ignorance and the stigma of his birth to achieve great wealth and fulfilment. A compelling story that, until now, he has not told. Now he oversees a multi-billion dollar media, machinery and property empire. He is renowned for his art collection and for philanthropy, spending millions of dollars to buy Victoria Crosses from soldiers' families to donate to the Australian War Memorial. But he's a private man. A man apart. He made his name in the West but kept his distance from the buccaneering band of entrepreneurs who forged fabulous fortunes in Perth from the 1960s until the 1987 crash. Bond went to jail, Holmes a Court died; Connell did both. Lesser lights flickered and faded but Stokes grew stronger, becoming a player alongside Murdoch, Packer and Lowy. His story fascinates all the more because he has spent most of his life guarding it. But now he's telling it, to one of Australia's great storytellers. This book will tell his story, scars and all.

    For someone who hates exercise, Kristy Chambers is pretty good at running away, and coming back again when her credit cards are declined. She’s not so much an international jetsetter as a loose cannon with a passport. So, in the manner of Eat, Pray, Love, a privileged white girl takes her privileged white arse on the road in an attempt to find happiness. With a family history of mental illness that goes back generations and a complicated long-term relationship with depression, will eating all the pasta in Italy help her to find the silver lining she’s looking for? Of course it won’t. It’s pasta, not magic beans. Joined by the most unreliable travel companion of them all—her mental health—Kristy openly, honestly, and humorously recounts their adventures together.

    Based on his column in the acclaimed magazine "mental_floss," this collection of conversations is incredibly funny, but each interview is also based on serious research, so in addition to laughing, readers actually learn real history. "The Dead Guy Interviews" includes discussions with: Alexander the Great Beethoven Napol?on Bonaparte Buddha Julius Caesar Caligula George Washington Carver Catherine the Great Winston Churchill Cleopatra Confucius Crazy Horse Salvador Dal? Charles Darwin Emily Dickinson Albert Einstein Benjamin Franklin Sigmund Freud Genghis Khan Vincent van Gogh Henry VIII J. Edgar Hoover Harry Houdini Thomas Jefferson Joan of Arc Robert Johnson Frida Kahlo Leonardo da Vinci Abraham Lincoln Mao Tse-tung Karl Marx Michelangelo Montezuma Mozart Nostradamus Edgar Allan Poe William Shakespeare Sun Tzu Mae West Oscar Wilde

    That's what the country is crying out for.' There is now only one certainty in life. When things can't possibly get any worse, they absolutely will. And so, after three years of Maybot malfunctioning and Brexit bungling, welcome to BoJo the clown's national circus - where fun for literally none of the family is guaranteed. Fear not, however: Decline and Fail is your personal survival guide to the ongoing political apocalypse. This unremittingly entertaining collection of John Crace's lifegiving political sketches will get you through the darkest of days - or failing that, will at least make you laugh a bit. Miss it at your peril...