Damn, now I sound stupid, too." -Bomani Jones, ESPN "It's great, and I have no idea what just happened, but Jerry Jones dick exploded and that's enough for me." -Spencer Hall, SB Nation "The only parody Twitter account worth following" -Deadspin.com "This is the least influential book of anything I've ever read. I hated it." -Adolf Hitler In what is being hailed by many, probably, as the best, funniest, most gut-shittingly poignant literary work since The New Testament, PFT Commenter takes you on a realistic-fiction journey through the backdoor politics of today's NFL. Set in the 2014 offseason, Roger Goodell and President Barack Obama become locked in a mano a mano battle over the future of the Dallas Cowboys, culminating in a literal fight to the death. Starring NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Barack Obama, Mike Ditka, Joe Biden, Michael Vick, Peter King, Ron Jaworski, Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III, Danny Woodhead, J.J. Watt, Jerry Jones, Russell Wilson, Pete Carroll, and many more of your favorite NFL stars and media personalities; "Goodell vs. Obama: The Battle for the Future of the NFL" will take you on a journey that any NFL fan is sure to love, or at least not hate. WARNING: Told through the narrative eye and screaming mouth of an uneducated internet commenter, this book is filled with grammatical errors. It was written by a someone who was raised on scorching hot sports takes, light beer, and an undying love for Roger Goodell. He cares about TELLING, not about spelling. If that's going to be a problem,, there's the door.

    And, stranger still, she sees that her mother is none other than the beautiful enchantress who cursed the castle and all its inhabitants. Shocked and confused, Belle and the Beast will have to unravel a dark mystery about their families that is 21 years in the making.As Old as Time is the third book in a new YA line that reimagines classic Disney stories in surprising new ways.

    This is a story about a lump of coal who can think, talk, and move itself around.Is there a more charming holiday tale to behold? Probably, but Lemony Snicket has not written one.

    Don''''''''t miss the series that USA TODAY calls "a powerful story of addiction." and Newsarama calls "amazing." From the writer of The Waking and the Wonderland trilogy comes Raven Gregory'' latest tale of suspense set in a world where the super heroes aren''t really heroes at all...How far would you go to Fly? Collects issues one - five of the new hit ongoing series.

    Barrie first created Peter Pan as a baby, living a wild and secret life with birds and fairies in the middle of London. Later Barrie let this remarkable child grow a little older and he became the boy-hero of Neverland, making his first appearance, with Wendy, Captain Hook, and the Lost Boys, in Peter and Wendy. The Peter Pan stories were Barrie's only works for children but, as their persistent popularity shows, their themes of imaginative escape continue to charm even those who long ago left Neverland. This is the first edition to include both texts in one volume and the first to a present an extensively annotated text for Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens.

    A charming and inspiring story written and narrated by Criminal Minds actor/director, Matthew Gray Gubler.Rumple Buttercup has five crooked teeth, three strands of hair, green skin, and his left foot is slightly bigger than his right.He is weird.Join him and Candy Corn Carl (his imaginary friend made of trash) as they learn the joy of individuality as well as the magic of belonging.

    But will the prince find Cinderella after her ball gown turns back into rags? This classic tale is retold by Ruth Sanderson with the very youngest of readers in mind.

    There are between 6 and 10 lessons.Activities in this lesson include Fill in the Blank, Multiple Choice, True and False, Comprehension, Encyclopedia Skills Activity, Journal Activity, Vocabulary, Sequencing, Handwriting, Main Idea, Prediction, ComparisonLiterature Skills Activities including: Main Character, Main Setting, Main Problem, Possible Solutions, Character Traits, Character Interaction, Cause and Effect, Description, Pyramid of Importance, Villain vs. Hero.Creative Writing Activities including: Letter, Fairy Tale, Mystery, Science Fiction, Fable, Dream or Nightmare, Tall Tale, Memoir, Newberry Award, A Different Ending.Writing Skills Activities including: Description, Expository, Dialogue, Process, Point of View, Persuasion, Compare and Contrast, Sequel, Climax and Plot Analysis.Poetry Skills Activities including: Couplet, Triplet, Quinzain, Haiku, Cinquain, Tanka, Diamanté, Lantern and Shape Poem.Create a Newspaper Layout Activities including: Editorial, Travel, Advice Column, Comics, Society News, Sports, Obituary, Weddings, Book Review, Want Ads, Word Search.Poster Board Activities including: Collage, Theater Poster, Wanted Poster, Coat of Arms, Story Quilt, Chalk Art, Silhouette, Board Game Construction, Door Sign, Jeopardy.We also offer an extended version of this unit which comes in a PDF format and offers Lapbook instructions, Hands on Art and Creative Art activities. If you purchase this unit study and let us know by sending us proof of purchase, we will download the extended version of this full unit with the additional activities in PDF version to you for $1 more.

    director Nick Fury and the Avengers. But Steve struggles to fit in the modern world, and now his past will come back to haunt him . . . Marvel's Captain America: The Winter Soldier continues the big-screen adventures of Super-Soldier Captain America, as he battles with modern times and villains that threaten the safety of his country...and even the world!

    

     That isn’t going to work for him. He is nowhere near done with her yet. She’s warm, willing and eager to please. Now, all he has to do is convince her that having him around is a good thing, both in and out of her bedroom. Maggie has never, ever had a night like she did with Terry. She’d love to keep seeing him, but she has too much to do. She has kids to care for, a job, and a house to pack because she has to move. Unfortunately, there’s no time for a hot, sexy, man in her life. Now, she just has to convince him of that.

     The Law of Attraction has been a wildly popular topic for scores of “self-help” authors, motivational speakers, and New Age thinkers. But it’s often been a source of frustration for readers who can’t quite seem to make the Law of Attraction work for them. This is because, all too often, the guides they’re reading just barely scratch the surface. Witches know that we can use the focused energy of our thoughts to bring about the healing of illness, more loving relationships, financial prosperity, and the accomplishment of long-held goals and dreams. But there is much more to it than simply thinking about what you want. The Law of Attraction is actually part of a larger framework for understanding how the Universe works. It’s one of a set of laws, and our knowledge of them has been handed down to us over several centuries. This guide is an introduction to the Law of Attraction from a Witch’s point of view, but you don’t have to be a Witch in order to gain plenty of insights here. The information is intended for Witches and non-Witches alike. In fact, you don’t have to be “religious” or “spiritual” at all to work with the Law of Attraction. But you do have to have an open mind, and accept that what you’ve been taught about the nature of reality is incomplete. This is the crucial starting point. Foundations in Manifestation: The Law of Attraction in Practical Magic If you’ve been curious, yet skeptical, about magic, this book provides the framework you need for understanding how it works. On the flip side, if you’re a practicing Witch with experience in magic, but haven’t quite grasped the full picture of the Law of Attraction, this book will clarify it for you. But whether or not you ever intend to try any magic, the concepts and suggested practices presented here can get you a long way toward making your goals a reality. You’ll discover: The ancient roots of our current knowledge about the Law of Attraction How new discoveries in quantum physics support our understanding of this Universal law Common misconceptions and FAQs about the Law of Attraction How your own thought patterns hold you back and how to change them A step-by-step breakdown of how the Law of Attraction figures into magical work A few spells aimed directly at making the Law of Attraction work for you The principles inherent to magic and Witchcraft can be very useful for understanding how to create positive change using the Law of Attraction. Indeed, If you integrate the practices offered here, you’ll see new manifestations develop in your life that feel—no matter what your spiritual orientation—just like magic. If you're ready to learn about the Law of Attraction, scroll to the top of the page and select the buy button. Readers will also be treated to an exclusive free gift!

    Her grandfather, on the other hand, intends to see her starched and pressed into a fine society lady. When she's sent to Miss Eliza Crumb-Biddlecomb's Finishing School for Young Ladies, Jocelyn's hopes of following in her father's fearsome footsteps are lost in a heap of dance lessons, white gloves, and way too much pink.So when Jocelyn receives a letter from her father challenging her to avenge his untimely demise at the jaws of the Neverland crocodile, she doesn't hesitate-here at last is the adventure she has been waiting for. But Jocelyn finds that being a pirate is a bit more difficult than she'd bargained for. As if attempting to defeat the Neverland's most fearsome beast isn't enough to deal with, she's tasked with captaining a crew of woefully untrained pirates, outwitting cannibals wild for English cuisine, and rescuing her best friend from a certain pack of lost children, not to mention that pesky Peter Pan who keeps barging in uninvited.The crocodile's clock is always ticking in Heidi Schulz's debut novel, a story told by an irascible narrator who is both dazzlingly witty and sharp as a sword. Will Jocelyn find the courage to beat the incessant monster before time runs out?

    Here in New Mouse City, the capital of Mouse Island, my books are all bestsellers! My stories are funny, fa-mouse-ly funny. They are whisker-licking-good tales, and that’s a promise!Red Pizzas for A Blue CountMy troublemaker cousin was trapped in Transratania! And before I could even squeak, my sister, Thea, dragged me along on her rescue mission. Little did we know that Transratania is the land of vampire bats! Holey cheese, bats give me goose bumps!Attack of the Bandit CatsCaptured by cats! It’s every rodent’s worst nightmare. It al started when my cousin Trap convinced me to join him on a quest for a legendary island covered in silver. But before you could say “hot cheese on toast,” we were attacked by a ship of pirate cats!A Fabumouse Vacation for Geronimo Sometimes a busy businessmouse like me needs a nice, relaxing vacation. But everytime I tried to get away, disaster struck! By the time I finally tore myself away from The Rodent’s Gazette, all the good trips were booked up. I found myself stuck in a flea-ridden old hotel, sharing a room with a bunch of Gerbil Scouts!

    Granny Rose is suspicious of Bella, and Rory doesn't trust her, but ten-year-old Mia falls under the old woman's spell. Bella tells Mia of a faraway place, a world where dragons and giants and ancient magic still exists, and asks Mia to become her apprentice and learn the old ways.One dark night Mia disappears and Rory, determined to find his sister, follows her to a world he does not believe in. Riding the 'Shadow Hound', he journeys to a strange land of legendary creatures and terrible dangers.Bella uses all her powers to prevent the brother and sister finding each other, but Rory begins a brave quest to rescue his sister, break the strange enchantment that Bella has over her and find a way home.