From the random braindropping (When you sneeze, all the numbers in your head go up by one.) to favorite oxymorons (holy war, for one), and from questions to ponder (Why are there no B batteries? for instance) to his classic monologue comparing baseball and football, this little book packs in a lot of laughs.

    of her.What would you do if you discovered you were the only one in the world with the hidden power to keep it from utter annihilation?What if you had no idea what that power might even be?Andromeda Slate, the self-proclaimed most ordinary girl in America, can’t figure out why the gorgeous but mysterious new boy at high school seems to hate her so much. It couldn't have anything to do with the strange dream she had the night before he first showed up in class, could it? The dream where the very same boy rescued her from a giant, green, tentacled sea monster?And it couldn’t have anything to do with that time she read aloud from that ancient tome of eldritch magic, the Necronomicon... could it?Andi Slate never imagined she’d find herself in a situation where somehow she was the key to saving the world.Her life is about to get a whole lot less ordinary.

    The wit and wisdom of the West, as documented by Dalton Wilcox, poet laureate of the West.

    But some debates can never be settled no matter how much you run up your bar tab arguing with your friends. Well, it’s time to answer your questions once and for all: • Could an average guy start in the WNBA?• Would sumo wrestlers make great NFL linemen?• How easy is it for pro athletes to get laid? • How good are pro golfers at miniature golf?• Do pro athletes really play drunk or high?• How would a fan hit against a major league pitcher?To settle more than thirty of sports’ greatest (and most ridiculous) debates, Todd Gallagher has teamed up with coaches, general managers, and athletes—including LeBron James, Mike Tyson, Dwyane Wade, Johan Santana, Eddie George, Jose Canseco, and many others. But Gallagher didn’t just ask questions. He put these debates to the test—literally. He sent an all-midget lineup up against a pro baseball team. He swam freestyle against a doggie-paddling Olympic gold medalist. He recruited America's #1 darts player to test that uncanny accuracy in beer pong. And, yes, he stuck a frying pan in tennis star Andy Roddick’s hands and went to battle.The results are hilarious and enlightening. Best of all, once you have the answers you’ll be able to shut up the next loudmouth who tries to debate you at the bar.

    

    It is also wildly inappropriate for young children. Parents: Consider yourselves warned! "This book is disgusting, I want nothing to do with it." -- my son's sixth grade teacher. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself." -- old lady in parking lot. "Don't use your name and don't tell any of my friends." -- my mother. "..." -- twelve-year-old boy. (He couldn't speak. He was too busy laughing.)

    He uproots his family—including his wife, Regina, a painter with whom he shares a pact to always honor each other’s artistic pursuits—and moves to California.What follows is a funny and ultimately moving account of ridiculous bad timing and luck. In a monumental first step, Pollack accidentally options his life rights to a major film studio. From afar he watches as his new hipster-parenting memoir, Alternadad, garners actual vitriol from the national press. The Writer’s Guild goes on strike as soon as Pollack becomes a member, and—in his breakthrough moment—he stands before the head of comedy development at HBO to deliver his pitch…and forgets what he has to say.Not Coming Soon to a Theater Near You is a lighthearted look at one man’s ill-fated worming into the heart of Hollywood, the Silver Lake School District, and Los Angeles at large, but it also reveals a darn good marriage under significant duress.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    What he got was a virtual cattle prod to the crotch, in the form of an impossible assignment delivered directly from the president's heroin-addict chief of staff. It seems the Constitution of the United States has some skeletons in its closet: the Founding Fathers doubted that the document would be able to stave off human nature indefinitely, so they devised a backup Constitution to deploy at the first sign of crisis. In the government's eyes, that time is now, as America is overgrown with perverts who spend more time surfing the Web for fetish porn than they do reading a newspaper. They want to use this "Secret Constitution" to drive the country back to a time when civility, God, and mom's homemade apple pie were all that mattered.The only problem is, no one can seem to find it . . .So who better to track it down than a private dick who's so down-and-out that he's coming up the other side, a shamus whose only skill is stumbling into every depraved situation imaginable?With no lead to speak of, and no knowledge of the underground world in which the Constitution has traveled, McGill embarks on a cross-country odyssey of America's darkest, dankest underbelly. Along the way, his white-bread sensibilities are treated to a smorgasbord of depravity that runs the gamut of human imagination. The filth mounts; it is clear that this isn't the kind of life, liberty, or happiness that Thomas Jefferson thought Americans would enjoy in the twenty-first century.But what McGill learns as he closes in on the real Constitution is that freedom takes many forms, the most important of which may be the fight against the "good old days." Like Vonnegut, Orwell, and Huxley before him, Warren Ellis deftly exposes the hypocrisy of the "moral majority" by giving us a glimpse at the monstrous outcome that their overzealous policies would achieve.

    I watched all those movies. I read all those books. In most of those, the hero of the story kills all the zombies, drives a sweet car, has plenty to eat, and always seems to get laid by the end. Yeah. Whatever.I gotta be straight with you about why I wrote this journal and it comes down to one thing, the apocalypse kinda sucks. It doesn’t meet my expectations at all. And I honestly have to tell you, I was looking forward to it. I mean, I really was. It’s not that I don’t like people. I do. But holy crap, I was so tired of all the crap I had to put up with back in the old days, paying a mortgage, high interest rates on my credit cards, high cholesterol, thinning hair and a thickening midsection. I was tired of dealing with jerk-off drivers during rush hour and I was tired of my ex wife yammering at me on the phone until my brain turned to jelly. I was tired of things always getting more expensive and my paycheck always staying the same. I guess from back in all of that, a zombie apocalypse looked like a pretty good future to me.Well, here’s my story. Read it. Let me know what you think.

    They love us unconditionally, shower us with attention, and because of them, we actually live longer. So, what can possibly be awkward about our animal BFFs? Well . . . nothing. In fact, we’re the awkward ones. We adore our pets, but let’s face it—sometimes L-O-V-E makes us go a little overboard. Like giving them middle names, throwing them elaborate birthday parties, and making them a Christmas sweater to match with the rest of the family. Truth is, what they cherish most is our companionship. And maybe that’s the reason we care about them so much—because for such simple pleasures, they allow us to be as awkward as we want.

    She has a first-kiss tree and a broken-arm tree. She has a car-accident tree. There is a tree at the hospital where Jackie’s mother passed away into the long good night. When one of them gets cut down, Jackie doesn’t know what to do but she doesn’t let that stop her. She picks up the biggest rock she can carry and puts it through the window of a car. Smash. She intends to leave before the police arrive, but they’re early. Ann is Jackie’s best friend, but she’s got problems of her own. Her mother is chained up in the basement. How do you bring that up in casual conversation? “Oh, sorry I’ve been so distant, Jackie. My mother has more teeth than she’s supposed to, and she won’t eat anything that’s already dead.” Ann and her sister Margaret don’t have much of a choice here. Their mother needs to be fed. It isn’t easy but this is family. It’s not supposed to be easy. It’ll be okay as long as Margaret and Ann still have each other. Add in a cantankerous old man, his powerfully stupid dog, a headless ghost, a lesbian crush and a few unsettling visits from Jackie’s own dead mother, and you’ll find that One Bloody Thing After Another is a different sort of horror novel from the ones you’re used to. It’s as sad and funny as it is frightening, and it is as much about the way families rely on each other as it is about blood being drooled on the carpet. Though, to be honest, there is a lot of blood being drooled on the carpet.

     Quantum Physics for Hippies shatters your perception of reality." - Dr. Mark Müller Bob, a spiritual hippie, meets the witty nerd Alice, who day-dreams about quantum physics all day long. This chance meeting starts them on a mind-blowing journey into the nature of reality that will change their lives forever. Written by quantum physicists and beautifully illustrated, Quantum Physics for Hippies takes the bizarre world of quantum physics and makes it understandable for everyone, hippies and nerds alike. Is this book for you? If you would love to know what quantum physics is really about, but complicated explanations or equations put you off, then this book is for you. Why? We found that there are two types of books about quantum physics. Type A is written by nerds. Usually, they have hundreds of pages, a lot of equations and bury you in useless details. They are mostly correct, but not fun to read. Type B is written by esoterics. They are easy to read, but often full of nonsense, not helping at all in your mission to find the truth. So we decided to write a new type of quantum physics book. Type Hippie-Nerd! Easy, fun to read and correct all at the same time, while still blowing your mind. Happy Readings!

    At seven levels, from Starter to Advanced, this impressive selection of carefully graded readers offers exciting reading for every student's capabilities.When Edinburgh restaurant owner Alex Maclennan is found dead in his bathroom, Inspector Jenny Logan is called in to investigate. At first his death looks like an accident but Logan begins to think it could be murder. Does his wife, his brother-in-law or his friend know more about his death than they will admit? Logan uncovers the truth about Alex's business affairs and personal life, and devises a plan to catch the killer.

    Michael Whitehall contrasts the glamorous image of theatrical life with the mundane realities of the business, while passing on some startling trade secrets along the way.A laconic raconteur of refreshingly unstar-struck theatrical anecdotes, Whitehall deftly sketches the social comedy of his eccentric background: growing up in suburban London in the 1950s, his schooldays at Ampleforth and his subsequent adventures as a prep schoolmaster – worthy of Evelyn Waugh himself – before becoming an actors’ agent.Shark-Infested Waters is a charming, funny and piquant view of a world that continues to fascinate.Praise for Shark Infested Waters:“The funniest show-business memoir I’ve read since David Niven’s The Moon’s a Balloon.” - Nigel Havers“One of the year’s funniest memoirs.” – Daily Express