Dan Kennedy is ten years old and wants a black Gibson Les Paul guitar, the kind Peter Frampton plays. It will be his passport to the coolest (only) band in the neighborhood—Jokerz. He doesn’t get it. Instead, his parents present him with what they think he wants most, a real-estate loan calculator (called the Loan Arranger) and a maroon velour pullover shirt with a tan stripe across the chest. It is the first of what will become a lifetime of various-sized failures, misunderstandings, comical humiliations, and just plain silly choices that have dogged this “hipster Proust of youthful loserdom,” as author Jerry Stahl has so eloquently called Mr. Kennedy.Dan’s hilarious and painfully awkward youth soon develops into a . . . uh . . . hilarious and painfully awkward adulthood. His first two choices for university are Yale (Lit or Drama) and Harvard (Business), so he reviews his high school transcripts and decides on Butte Community College in Oroville, California, where he studies for about four and a half weeks. We could go on here and describe in detail all of Dan’s good-natured stabs at ambition, but he, himself, sums it all up quite nicely: “If you’ve ever tried and failed miserably at being a rock star (no guitar/talent), a professional bass fisherman, an extra in the movie Sleepless in Seattle (guy drinking martini in bar while Tom Hanks makes a phone call), a Madison Avenue advertising executive, a clerk/towel person at a suburban health club (named Kangaroo Kourts), an espresso street-cart owner and operator (in the one neighborhood of that coffee-swilling town, Seattle, where, remarkably, no one really seems to drink coffee), a dot.com millionaire, an MTV VJ, or a forest fire fighter, this book is for you.” Along the way, a few lessons are learned and we are treated to one of the most original, riotously funny, unsentimental, and offbeat memoirs in recent history. Dan’s a favorite in McSweeney’s and at the very popular Moth readings in New York City. We should be happy that he failed so miserably at so many things—and took notes!

    In My Fair Lazy, she expanded her mind. Now the New York Times bestselling author gives herself—and her generation—a kick in the X, by facing her greatest challenge to date: acting her age.Jen is finally ready to put away childish things (except her Barbie Styling Head, of course) and embrace the investment-making, mortgage-carrying, life-insurance-having adult she’s become. From getting a mammogram to volunteering at a halfway house, she tackles the grown-up activities she’s resisted for years, and with each rite of passage she completes, she’ll uncover a valuable—and probably humiliating—life lesson that will ease her path to full-fledged, if reluctant, adulthood.

    Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins is Kathy's funny, juicy index of all of the celebrities she has met during her many years in show business, bursting with never-before-told stories. Starting with Woody Allen and ending with Warren Zevon, Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins is a who's who of pop culture: Leonardo DiCaprio, Nick Jonas, Kendall Jenner, Anna Kendrick, Lily Tomlin, Suge Knight, Barbra Streisand, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Maria Shriver, Jared Leto, Selena Gomez, Meghan Trainor, Macklemore, Bruno Mars, Aaron Paul, Pink, Pitbull, Sia, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera, and many more. Who would imagine that Kathy was an extra in a Michael Jackson commercial (guess which one)? That she and Salman Rushdie trade celebrity stories? That Donald Trump once drove Kathy and Liza Minelli around on a golf cart? That Sidney Poitier has a wicked sense of humor? That Demi Lovato has none? That David Letterman is still scared of Cher? That Channing Tatum is as polite as they come, and Tom Hanks might have the best perspective on fame of anyone? Kathy, that's who. Kathy has met everyone, and after reading this book, you will feel as if you have, too.Kathy Griffin has seen it all. Shocking and sidesplitting, Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins is an indispensable guide to the stars from one of our most beloved comedians. Can you handle it?

    The first of these came out in 1946: the ever famous "How to be an Alien." Later he enlarges the picture with "How to be inimitable" and "How to be Decadent." All three books were illustrated by the master of the cartoonists' art, the late Nicolas Bentley. Here they are, all in one volume, which will make life much easier for today's would-be Brits than it was for those who pervaded them. It is said that a few of the latter actually failed to become indistinguishable from the genuine British article because they found it too tiresome to seek out three separate books: a misfortune that need never again occur to anyone.

    What began as a solitary ramble through the nooks and crannies of pop culture evolved into a way of life. My Year Of Flops collects dozens of the best-loved entries from the A.V. Club column along with bonus interviews and fifteen brand-new entries covering everything from notorious flops like The Cable Guy and Last Action Hero to bizarre obscurities like Glory Road, Johnny Cash’s poignantly homemade tribute to Jesus. Driven by a unique combination of sympathy and Schadenfreude, My Year Of Flops is an unforgettable tribute to cinematic losers, beautiful and otherwise.

    Host Peter Marshall recounts his years on this revolutionary hit game show, featuring stories of stars Paul Lynde, Karen Valentine, Charlie Weaver, and a host of superstars from the movies, the pop charts and more! Includes a discount on the newly reissued CD ZINGERS FROM THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES.

    Doubtfire—as a brilliant new chronicler of the experience that is growing up young and female.   Mara Wilson has always felt a little young and a little out of place: as the only child on a film set full of adults, the first daughter in a house full of boys, the sole clinically depressed member of the cheerleading squad, a valley girl in New York and a neurotic in California, and one of the few former child actors who has never been in jail or rehab. Tackling everything from how she first learned about sex on the set of Melrose Place, to losing her mother at a young age, to getting her first kiss (or was it kisses?) on a celebrity canoe trip, to not being “cute” enough to make it in Hollywood, these essays tell the story of one young woman’s journey from accidental fame to relative (but happy) obscurity. But they also illuminate a universal struggle: learning to accept yourself, and figuring out who you are and where you belong. Exquisitely crafted, revelatory, and full of the crack comic timing that has made Mara Wilson a sought-after live storyteller and Twitter star, Where Am I Now? introduces a witty, perceptive, and refreshingly candid new literary voice.

    There, along with famous cast members John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtain, Garret Morris, and Gilda Radner - Bill Murray was passed over at first and joined in a later season - Laraine was part of the show that changed TV - and comedy - forever. But it isn't all yuks and glamor. Laraine struggled with demons.Arriving in New York City with an attraction to drugs that started as a vice and grew to be an all-consuming addiction even as she sky-rocketed to fame via her memorable characters on SNL.May You Live in Interesting Times is a warm, funny, heartfelt snapshot of 1970s New York City and SNL's unexpected rocket to success, with all the giddy headiness that that entailed.After five seasons, Laraine left SNL, worked in movies and television, while having adventures and relationships in Hollywood that, in her words, “should have gotten me killed.” Now with long term sobriety, she became a parent and reinvented herself as a voice over actor and has a thriving career working on such animated favorites including Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc., Despicable Me, Inside Out, Shrek, and Minions. ©2020 Laraine Newman (P)2021 Audible Originals, LLC.

    Never fear, there are hundreds of ways to revolt against the tedium of everyday life. Whether it’s making rude gestures to a hotel clerk under the desk or making your own "Do Not Disturb" sign that says "Come In If You Like Swordplay," Rich Fulcher's inventive collection will allow readers to unleash their rebellious sides—without getting arrested. Other tiny acts include unbuckling your seat belt before the plane has fully stopped, squeezing a zit into the ATM camera, driving through a lonely red light in the dead of night, wearing a French Renaissance outfit on casual Fridays, and greeting a stranger with a limp, well-lotioned hand. Featuring original illustrations by Mr. Bingo, the illustrator of The Book of General Ignorance whose clients have included Absolut, New York Times, Nike, and Suicide Girls; and designed by Dave Brown, also known as Bollo the gorilla in The Mighty Boosh and designer of The Mighty Book of Boosh.

    Jokes? People tell jokes on Twitter? YES, they do. And they are hilarious ... but who wants to sift through the hashtags, RTs and FFs to get to the good stuff? WE GET IT! Parents don’t have time for all that. That’s why the duo behind the illustrated humor blog Science of Parenthood teamed up with Twitter maven Kate Hall of Hall of Tweets to create The Big Book of Parenting Tweets —a laugh-riot collection of more than three-hundred tweetable moments straight from the parenting trenches from the most hysterical comedians on Twitter, who just happen to be parents. Here is just a peek at some of what you’ll find inside:My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.— @FatherWithTwinsWith my wife away, my children keep asking me for things like meals and bandaids and sympathy, but I don't know where we keep any of that.— @KalvinMacleodShe took 4 y/o to the park & texted "Can I get her ice-cream?"Get her a Heineken for all I care. Free babysitters get to call the shots.— @BunmiLaditanI wish bottles of ibuprofen came with a little prize inside, like maybe a babysitter.— @SuburbanSnapsTo anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2yo threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow. — @XplodingUnicornPeppered with cartoons by Science of Parenthood, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets is the perfect gift for every over-worked, under-showered, sleep-deprived parent who could use a quick laugh, because who has time for more?

    Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

    In these pages both everyday riders and pros tell their stories of freak accidents, animal attacks, sabotage, idiotic decisions, eerie or unexplained incidents, and other jaw dropping, adrenalin-pumping calamities. These stories bring to life the strange things possibilities that await, once we step on the pedals of our road, mountain, or commuter bikes. A sampling of misadventures in this collection includes the stories of: the mountain biker who follows a bull and then gets gored by it; the twenty African Americans who pioneered cycle touring by completing a Transamerica ride in 1897, but wait - this story gets strange...; the large rat that leapt on top of a woman's bike and slapped her repeatedly with its tail; an inside-the-head narration by a professional racer as he rides a brutal race, and then gets humiliated in changing room afterwards; the recreational cyclist who accidentally rides deep into a prison yard; the computer programmer who crashes a stationary bike during his first spin class; the bike messenger who can't call it quits even after getting hit by eight cars; and, the man who carefully spreads out tacks on the route of an all female race in an attempt to get a date. These stories will make you wonder, drop you to the floor laughing and leave you shaking your head with disbelief.

    He hits people with pile driver force. Running backs and pass receivers shudder with expectation as the charging free safety crashes into them. Surprisingly, Jack Tatum is a gentle man off the gridiron. Though he loves the combat, he hates the injuries that result, some permanently, and he has been responsible for his share. He also hates the cheap shot. Tatum says enforce the rules...cut down the injuries and allow the game to be played with some degree of civilized behavior. This is the only sport, except for boxing and hockey, where everyone is inevitably injured because the rules don't provide for adequate safety. The classic combat of the gridiron began for Tatum, an under-privileged kid, in Passaic, New Jersey, where he became just about the most celebrated football player that area of the country had every produced. Tatum makes no apologies for his roughness; but he says the wold picture and was strongly moved by the terrible accident which paralyzed Darryl Stingley after Tatum hit him in a pres-season game. In the book, Tatum evaluates the players, especially the quarterbacks, the coaches, his teammates, the fans and the total ambiance of the football experience in a hardhitting colorful style.

    However, The State’s innovative members continue to make groundbreaking and celebrated films, television, online series and live shows. “The Union of The State” is the oral history of the troupe’s creation, dissolution, reinvention and reunion over the last three decades, told by the members of the group: Kevin Allison, Michael Ian Black, Robert Ben Garant, Todd Holoubek, Michael Patrick Jann, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Thomas Lennon, Joe Lo Truglio, Ken Marino, Michael Showalter, and David Wain. “The members of The State are my heroes, my peers and my friends. Individually and collectively they are responsible for an impressively large percentage of everything funny that currently exists in the world. For comedy nerds like me, it’s essential reading,” “Weird Al” Yankovic said about "The Union of The State." The book follows the members of The State from their time as classmates at New York University in the late 1980s to their quick ascent to fame via their three-season, sketch-comedy series at MTV and through their post-MTV projects. It also includes histories of the movie-turned-Netflix-series, “Wet Hot American Summer;” the Comedy Central hit, “Reno 911!;” and cult favorite comedy show/series, Stella. "The Union of The State also features commentary from The State's collaborators and cohorts such as, Paul Rudd, Keegan-Michael Key, Chris Meloni, Rob Corddry, A.D. Miles (Head Writer for “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon”), Doug Herzog (President of Viacom), James Dixon (agent for Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel), Mo Willems (best-selling children’s book author), cast and crew from “Wet Hot American Summer,” “Reno 911!”, and more. “The State was the first time I’d ever seen ‘sarcastic sarcasm.’ They are the all-time champions of bum-out humor. They embodied the lameness of the lamest people and celebrated them for our enjoyment. Every time a comic does an intentionally lame joke and it makes you go, ‘Ewww’ with delight, you have them to thank.,” said Andy Samberg. The projects the members of The State have written, directed or performed in leave no degree of separation between them and nearly everyone working in comedy today, such as Key and Peele. The book also features rare photos and illustrations from the troupe’s 25-year history. “The Union of The State” will appeal not only to The State’s extensive fan base but also to comedy aficionados, showbiz biography fans and those who love an underdog success tale.

    Clearly, geeks know something about life in the 21st century that other folks don’t—something we all can learn from. Geek Wisdom takes as gospel some 200 of the most powerful and oft-cited quotes from movies (“Where we’re going, we don’t need roads”), television (“Now we know—and knowing is half the battle”), literature (“All that is gold does not glitter”), games, science, the Internet, and more. Now these beloved pearls of modern-day culture have been painstakingly interpreted by a diverse team of hardcore nerds with their imaginations turned up to 11. Yes, this collection of mini-essays is by, for, and about geeks—but it’s just so surprisingly profound, the rest of us would have to be dorks not to read it. So say we all.