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A Sloth's Guide to Taking It Easy: Be more sloth with these fail-safe tips for serious chilling
Sarah Jackson - 2018
It’s time that everybody relaxed and took a moment to enjoy the simple pleasures, but we also appreciate it’s easier said than done. That’s why we’ve enlisted the help of an expert to guide you along the path to peace. Meet your mentor: Brian the sloth.
Luxury Cafe Owner
Andrew Reise - 2019
As he walked around looking for help wanted signs, a series of unfortunate accidents occurred resulting in him entering a coma. When he woke up, he discovered he'd been granted a mysterious system. Moreover, the system finally provided him with some direction about what he should do with his life. Follow Alan as he explores his new found calling!
Dark Knights: The Dark Humor of Police Officers
Robert L. Bryan - 2017
The profession requires cops to see people at their worst. They see death, tragedy, crime, and despair on a daily basis. The very nature of the tasks cops perform and the things cops see skews their sense of humor. Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only defense mechanism in a police officer's tool box. Stripped of the ability to laugh, or forced to be politically correct in a politically incorrect work environment can be hazardous to one's health. Coping becomes an essential component of a police officer's arsenal. One of the primary coping mechanisms utilized by cops is humor. A cop can find something funny about almost anything, regardless of how tragic the circumstances. Dark humor involves making light of a serious, disturbing or taboo subject matter. It is sometimes viewed as morbid, cruel, offensive, and graphic in nature and is yet, still found funny. This is the story of the author's twenty-year police career with the New York City Transit Police and NYPD as he worked with some of New York City's darkest knights - those cops who did and said the funniest things under the most difficult circumstances.
Fart Wars May the Farts Be With You (The Disgusting Adventures of Milo Snotrocket)
J.B. O'Neil - 2013
Another adventure of Milo Snotrocket based on Star Wars saga.
Make it, Bake it, Sew it, or Grow it.: The craft of homemaking with no money
Kate Singh - 2019
We are in an age of abundance, overspending, mass consumerism, Dollar Tree hauls, and poor food choices. We have storage units for all our "stuff" and we are over our heads in debt and soaking in stress. This book is short but filled with inspiration and tips to overhaul the families lifestyle to one of simple, humble living, and sustainability. This is the way we live debt free and under one very small paycheck for a family of four. We live like middle class although by the government charts we are just above the poverty line. Ha! How silly. We eat organics, drink good coffee and dress well, living in a charming cottage and drive fairly attractive cars. We are happy, healthy and thriving. How do we live well on so little? I stay home to tend to the family, cook almost everything from scratch, and my front and back yards are now kitchen gardens. Brew up some coffee and come join me to see just how this lady does it.
Bugf#ck: The Worthless Wit and Wisdom of Harlan Ellison
Harlan Ellison - 2011
History has no record of him. There is a moral in that, somewhere.""The problem with being a pain in the ass is that you never quite know who's trying to get you.""Why do people keep insisting that I join the 21st Century? I *LIVE* in the 21st Century! I just don't want to be bothered by the shitheads on the internet!""I have no mouth. And I must scream.""I think love and sex are separate and only vaguely similar."
HughTube
Richard Clark - 2017
What doesn’t he get? Just about everything. That’s why he walks around with a little camera attached to his glasses that records his entire life. Then he watches it all later to try to figure out the things he didn’t get before – which, as you’ll recall, is just about everything – and he makes a weekly video blog for all to see. Unfortunately, Hugh’s cluelessness leads him to run for Student Council President. Even his little sister knows that this school election thing is just “not him”, but Hugh, as always, has to find out the hard way. At least Hugh’s campaign gets him the attention of the very confident, very pretty – and very intimidating – Molly MacLaine. But will Molly be able to help Hugh survive his disastrous campaign, or will he crash and burn… and bring the whole school down with him? If you like the Middle School series and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, you’ll love HughTube. This book is for anybody who’s ever been baffled by the secrets, contradictions and unwritten rules of middle school. Tweens and teens will easily relate to the comic mishaps of our hapless hero. This funny coming of age, middle grade story is the first in a series, so if you like it, there's more to come! Don't forget to look for the surprise after Chapter 1!
How To Clean Your House: Easy tips and tricks to keep your home clean and tidy up your life
Queen of Clean Lynsey - 2019
Featuring her make-at-home cleaning products, easy step-by-step guides and all her recommendations for toxic-free and eco-friendly products, this book is the ultimate guide to keeping on top of your house, and having fun while you do it.Lynsey shares her daily and seasonal routines, motivating and encouraging you along the way with so that you are left with the will, and the skill, to take on even the most seemingly insurmountable tasks and end up with a clean, calm and happy home.
Bridget and Joan's Diary
Bridget Golightly - 2013
Meet Bridget and Joan: Thelma and Louise on mobility scooters, reluctant residents of the Second Best Magnolia Retirement Home, and lifelong friends joined at the artificial hip.It’s been a wild year for the two rebellious wrinkletons: sherry and shoplifting, Sanatogen and sexting, and a mysterious toy boy who threatens their lifelong friendship and possibly even more…
The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book
Tim Vine - 2010
Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' Velcro. What a rip-off. Black Beauty. He's a dark horse. I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
Sawn-Off Tales
David Gaffney - 2006
Each story goes off like a tiny depth charge in the mind, leaving you with the trace memory of some new urban myth - comic, absurd and disturbingly true.
Mock the Week: This Year's Book!
Ewan Phillips - 2009
Packed with enough jokes to fill a whole new series, "Mock the Week: This Year's Book! "is a colourful riot of near-the-knuckle humour; the perfect gift for the show's devoted fans this Christmas. Categories include:UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS: Fart (noun) - expulsion of trapped methane from the anus, possibly the funniest thing ever.UNLIKELY AGONY AUNT LETTERS: Dear Agony Aunt, I keep getting dangerous advice from hugely unqualified people - what do you suggest I do?CARDS YOU NEVER SEE IN A NEWSAGENT'S WINDOW: Child Minder Available - He may be small, but he's rock hard.UNLIKELY OBITUARIES: Died suddenly and peacefully on an electric chair at the New York State Penitentiary.UNNERVING THINGS TO HEAR IN A MEDICAL EXAM: 'So how bad is this premature . . . eeearrgh!'UNSUCCESSFUL JOB APPLICATIONS: You must hire me, before I kill again!
Silver Linings: Travels Around Northern Ireland
Martin Fletcher - 2000
The province has become synonymous with conflict, terrorism and tortuous efforts to forge peace. But what is life there really like? In this enchanting and highly original book Martin Fletcher presents a portrait of Northern Ireland utterly at odds with its dire international image. He paints a compelling picture of a place caught in a time warp since the 1960s, of a land of mountains, lakes and rivers where customs, traditions and old-world charm survive, of an incredibly resourceful province that has given the world not just bombs and bullets but the Titanic, the tyre and the tractor, a dozen American presidents, two prime ministers of New Zealand and a Hindu god. He meets an intelligent, fun-loving, God-fearing people who may do terrible things to each other but who could not be more welcoming to outsiders. He describes a land of awful beauty, a battleground of good and evil, a province populated by saints and sinners that has yet to be rendered bland by the forces of modernity.
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues / Jitterbug Perfume / Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas
Tom Robbins - 2002
Why Can't Everything Just Stay the Same?: And Other Things I Shout When I Can't Cope
Stefanie Preissner - 2017
And why, at Christmas, she wrote lengthy letters to Santa (note: letters, plural) begging him not to bring any surprises. Change was the enemy. But, as it turns out, one Stefanie hasn't been able to avoid. And, in spite of herself, one she has sometimes invited into her life.Here, in her first book, Stefanie looks at the ways in which her life has changed. From birthdays, friendships and how she celebrates the festive season, to social media (no FOMO here), the importance of asking WWNSD? (What Would Nicole Scherzinger Do?) when faced with big decisions, and her career as a writer, Why Can't Everything Just Stay the Same? is the hilarious and honest account of one woman's journey to and through adulthood, coping (sort of) with the terror, inevitability and beauty of change.
'It's Stefanie's life, but her struggles are universal. Insecurity? Check. Anger? Check. Weight issues? Big fat check. Stefanie shines a light on human frailty and human strength, proving they are not opposites, but often walk hand-in-hand ... an inspiring, thoroughly enjoyable book.' Nell Scovell, creator of Sabrina the Teenage Witch and author of Just the Funny Parts