From the author of the sensational bestseller I Was Told There'd Be Cake comes a new book of personal essays brimming with all the charm and wit that have earned Sloane Crosley widespread acclaim, award nominations, and an ever-growing cadre of loyal fans. In Cake readers were introduced to the foibles of Crosley's life in New York City-always teetering between the glamour of Manhattan parties, the indignity of entry-level work, and the special joy of suburban nostalgia-and to a literary voice that mixed Dorothy Parker with David Sedaris and became something all its own.Crosley still lives and works in New York City, but she's no longer the newcomer for whom a trip beyond the Upper West Side is a big adventure. She can pack up her sensibility and take us with her to Paris, to Portugal (having picked it by spinning a globe and putting down her finger, and finally falling in with a group of Portuguese clowns), and even to Alaska, where the "bear bells" on her fellow bridesmaids' ponytails seemed silly until a grizzly cub dramatically intrudes. Meanwhile, back in New York, where new apartments beckon and taxi rides go awry, her sense of the city has become more layered, her relationships with friends and family more complicated.As always, Crosley's voice is fueled by the perfect witticism, buoyant optimism, flair for drama, and easy charm in the face of minor suffering or potential drudgery. But in How Did You Get This Number it has also become increasingly sophisticated, quicker and sharper to the point, more complex and lasting in the emotions it explores. And yet, Crosley remains the unfailingly hilarious young Every woman, healthily equipped with intelligence and poise to fend off any potential mundanity in maturity.Show me the doll --Lost in space --Take a stab at it --It's always home you'll miss --Light pollution --If you sprinkle --An abbreviated catalog of tongues --Le Paris! --Off the back of a truck

    Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.

    He is frustrated, confused, baffled and, quite frequently, very funny. He is also a GP. These are his confessions.A woman troubled by pornographic dreams about Tom Jones. An 80-year-old man who can't remember why he's come to see the doctor. A woman with a common cold demanding (but not receiving) antibiotics. A man with a sore knee. A young woman who has been trying to conceive for a while but now finds herself pregnant and isn't sure she wants to go through with it. A 7-year-old boy with 'tummy aches' that don't really exist.These are his patients.Confessions of a GP is a witty insight into the life of a family doctor. Funny and moving in equal measure it will change the way you look at your GP next time you pop in with the sniffles.

    But when a shirtless god jogs down your street, grabs your face, and kisses you… you kiss that man back! Cooper is on a mission to find the love of his life, and he’s gotten desperate. Over thirty years old with more money than he could spend in his lifetime, he’s ready to spoil and love his soul mate. After hiring the beautiful woman he kissed on the street as his realtor, he’s convinced that fate has led him to her. Maya doesn’t buy into fate and definitely doesn’t want something serious. She’s not ready to become one of her baggy-eyed friends who all have two or more kids and one or less husband. But when Cooper challenges her to a week of living the married life, Maya dives in headfirst thinking she’s sure to prove that singlehood is really the way to go, even if she does end up falling head over heels.

    There, a bore is "a person who talks when you wish him to listen," and happiness is "an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another." This is the most comprehensive, authoritative edition ever of Ambrose Bierce’s satiric masterpiece. It renders obsolete all other versions that have appeared in the book’s ninety-year history.A virtual onslaught of acerbic, confrontational wordplay, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary offers some 1,600 wickedly clever definitions to the vocabulary of everyday life. Little is sacred and few are safe, for Bierce targets just about any pursuit, from matrimony to immortality, that allows our willful failings and excesses to shine forth.This new edition is based on David E. Schultz and S. T. Joshi’s exhaustive investigation into the book’s writing and publishing history. All of Bierce’s known satiric definitions are here, including previously uncollected, unpublished, and alternative entries. Definitions dropped from previous editions have been restored while nearly two hundred wrongly attributed to Bierce have been excised. For dedicated Bierce readers, an introduction and notes are also included.Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary is a classic that stands alongside the best work of satirists such as Twain, Mencken, and Thurber. This unabridged edition will be celebrated by humor fans and word lovers everywhere.

    Some call it morality. Others call it religion. But Bros in the know call this holy grail the Bro Code.Historically a spoken tradition passed from one generation to the next, the official code of conduct for Bros appears here in its published form for the first time ever. By upholding the tenets of this sacred and legendary document, any dude can learn to achieve Bro-dom.

    Her boyfriend? The guy who came off as sweet and devoted, the life of the party? Try obsessed, out of control and hell-bent on ruining her life.One year later, a new and improved Darcy Donovan is back on campus and she’s got a plan. That plan doesn’t include Tom Farrell, or any other guy for that matter. He’s surfer-boy hot and he talks a good game, but don’t they all?Hell to the yes…She’s back.Going after his friend’s girl is wrong, but Tom is too hung up on Darcy to care. Screw principles, screw ethics, screw the bro code. An hour in her presence would lead the best of men to veer off the high road.And he has his work cut out for him. She still thinks he’s a joke, nothing more than a walking, talking one-night stand. What she doesn’t know is that Tom has spent the past year changing his ways. He’s not all talk, and he’ll do whatever it takes to prove it.But when a menace from Darcy’s past resurfaces and Tom’s past comes back to bite him hard, their one shot at happily ever after may be shot to hell.What you don’t know? Turns out that it can hurt you.Let Me Be the One is the first book in Lily Foster's Let Me series. Gripping and emotional, these stand-alone romances are intended for the 18 and older crowd due to mature language and sexual content.

    Desperate Measures serves up laughter, romance, cookies, tea - and a whole lot of love. Aimee: A housewife left in the dust by her philandering husband, with an outdated high school education but a serious talent when it comes to confections...Elizabeth: An accountant tired of crunching numbers for hundreds of clients with more money than they know what to do with...Kiki: An exotic dancer who wants nothing more than to get out of the game...Content warning: Due to sexy situations and content, this book is definitely not appropriate for younger readers.A message from Elle about this book: Being a huge bookworm myself, the idea of writing a story about friends finding one another through books was really appealing to me. One thing I’ve learned about people who love books is that they come in all shapes and sizes and from all backgrounds and places, but the common ground of literature somehow makes everything work. When I was younger, I was the only bookworm I knew. Now that I’m an adult, I’ve found the joy of seeking others out and spending time with them. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to me, and so of course I wanted to write about it! Not that I have a former stripper in my book club or anything…

    Q-Anon makes perfect sense! Perhaps the abyss is staring back at you because your outfit looks extra nice today! At the center of the book is a virtuosic account of the past four years, a history as surreal and deranged as the Trump administration itself. This Panglossian venture into the swampy present will soothe—and terrify—readers who have died laughing to ClickHole, the Onion, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, or Veep.

    So when he learns his father has invited a journalist to Waterford Farm to write and produce an in-depth profile on him, he doesn’t care that she’s a childhood friend or drop dead gorgeous. He has zero tolerance for the media…until he sees a different side when she gets through the walls of a rescue dog who’s refused to eat during her short stay at Waterford. Unwillingly charmed and undeniably attracted, Garrett agrees to the interview that could break down a few of his emotional walls, too. Garrett might not want to share the story of his colorful former life, but Jessie Curtis has the skills to peel back the layers of this sexy, complicated, caring man. In the process, she not only discovers his secrets, she finds herself falling for a man who touches her heart in a way she never thought possible. Her entire career is riding on this one explosive interview, but can she bear to repay Garrett’s trust by selling his secrets? Or can a woman who gave up on happiness a long time ago learn to believe that all it takes to rescue a lost heart is the love of a good man?

    . . Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody is bringing panic back. Twenty illustrated, hilariously fear-inducing 
essays reveal the chilling and very real experiments, dangerous emerging technologies, and terrifying natural disasters that soon could—or very nearly already did—bring about the end of humanity. In short, everything in here will kill you and everyone you love. At any moment. And nobody’s told you about it—until now: •   Experiments in green energy like the HiPER, which uses massive lasers to create a tiny “contained” sun; it’s an idea that could save the world if it doesn’t consume us all in a fiery fusion reaction first. •   Global disasters like the hypercane—a hurricane so large it could cover all of North America and shoot trailer parks into space!•   Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat—an invention in the running for “Worst Decision Made by Anybody.”

    It's a set of quirky, twisted, macabre, hilarious tales crammed into one beautifully pants-burning package.

    The mystery enshrouding Hutton’s Bridge is as impenetrable as the fog that descended at its borders eighty years ago. Each year, three villagers enter the mist searching for answers. No one ever returns.Then a dragon falls from the sky to the town square, dead—the first glimpse of an outside world that has become nothing more than a fairy tale to Hutton’s Bridge. Except to Tressa.Tressa grew up with Granna’s stories of the days before the fog fell. When Granna dies, leaving Tressa without any family, Tressa ventures into the fog herself, vowing to unravel the foul magic holding Hutton’s Bridge captive. What she discovers beyond the fog endangers the lives of everyone she loves.

    It's an occasionally ribald, frequently witty and unerringly erudite guided tour of the secret labyrinth that lurks beneath the English language, taking in monks and monkeys, film buffs and buffaloes, and explaining precisely what the Rolling Stones have to do with gardening.

    She has barely had time to acquaint herself to the dorm food before finding herself threatened by a jealous She-Devil, fending off the advances of a thirty-something redneck, and stumbling upon an art fraud scheme. To top things off, her parents go their separate ways: her mom to follow a psychic calling; her dad adrift in his midlife crisis.Bad decision-making, law-bending behavior, and surprise romances make freshman year memorable in Paisley Ray's DEEP FRIED AND PICKLED.