Finally, at 26, she may have actually lost the dreaded ‘McMaster the Disaster’ nickname that has followed her around her whole life. Josie’s quite content to be single, much to her mother’s disappointment. So when a bizarre contest is announced where a socialite is holding a lottery to pick her bridesmaids (and rake in a little extra cash), she can’t roll her eyes fast enough, even if it does mean meeting Jake Hall, her one and only movie star crush. Obviously, Josie doesn’t enter the bridesmaid lottery, so you can imagine her surprise when her picture pops up among the winners, thanks to Mom. With a little prodding -- okay bribing -- Josie agrees to participate.The wedding turns into the event of the year, and Josie finds herself in the middle of a paparazzi feeding frenzy, which gets even crazier after Jake Hall takes a special interest in her. Can Josie handle the pressure in the spotlight? Is it possible she might really have a chance with Jake Hall? And if she’s busy worrying about all that, how in the heck is she going to keep ‘McMaster the Disaster’ from showing up in front of the entire world?

    Suddenly, he’s given a mission way above his paygrade — to uncover the truth about First Lieutenant Robert Davidson, the son of an American military legend and a war hero who died in combat during the Afghanistan conflict. Or did he?To find the answer, Max must take a road trip into the heart of America’s darkness as well as his own. Along the way, he encounters an exploding home, a murderous clone of a classic TV hero, a sexy heiress, and a misguided teenager desperate for a father figure. And, oh yeah, there’s also a para-military organization that’s just waiting for the right moment to kill him. It all happens in DARK SKY, a sardonic and suspenseful mystery-thriller in which an underwhelming hero must confront an overwhelming conspiracy — not to mention himself.

     From the author of the sensational bestseller I Was Told There'd Be Cake comes a new book of personal essays brimming with all the charm and wit that have earned Sloane Crosley widespread acclaim, award nominations, and an ever-growing cadre of loyal fans. In Cake readers were introduced to the foibles of Crosley's life in New York City-always teetering between the glamour of Manhattan parties, the indignity of entry-level work, and the special joy of suburban nostalgia-and to a literary voice that mixed Dorothy Parker with David Sedaris and became something all its own.Crosley still lives and works in New York City, but she's no longer the newcomer for whom a trip beyond the Upper West Side is a big adventure. She can pack up her sensibility and take us with her to Paris, to Portugal (having picked it by spinning a globe and putting down her finger, and finally falling in with a group of Portuguese clowns), and even to Alaska, where the "bear bells" on her fellow bridesmaids' ponytails seemed silly until a grizzly cub dramatically intrudes. Meanwhile, back in New York, where new apartments beckon and taxi rides go awry, her sense of the city has become more layered, her relationships with friends and family more complicated.As always, Crosley's voice is fueled by the perfect witticism, buoyant optimism, flair for drama, and easy charm in the face of minor suffering or potential drudgery. But in How Did You Get This Number it has also become increasingly sophisticated, quicker and sharper to the point, more complex and lasting in the emotions it explores. And yet, Crosley remains the unfailingly hilarious young Every woman, healthily equipped with intelligence and poise to fend off any potential mundanity in maturity.Show me the doll --Lost in space --Take a stab at it --It's always home you'll miss --Light pollution --If you sprinkle --An abbreviated catalog of tongues --Le Paris! --Off the back of a truck

    It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints, Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day-to-day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

    Pure Drivel is a collection of pieces, most of them written for the New Yorker, that demonstrate Martin's playful way with words and his unerring ability to create a feeling of serendipitous improvisation even on the printed page. Here's a passage from a piece that announces a shortage of periods in the Times Roman font: "Most vulnerable are writers who work in short, choppy sentences," said a spokesperson for Times Roman, who continued, "We are trying to remedy the situation and have suggested alternatives, like umlauts, since we have plenty of umlauts--and, in fact, have more umlauts than we could possibly use in a lifetime! Don't forget, umlauts can really spice up a page with their delicate symmetry--resting often midway in a word, letters spilling on either side--and not only indicate the pronunciation of a word but also contribute to a writer's greater glory because they're fancy, not to mention that they even look like periods, indeed, are indistinguishable from periods, and will lead casual readers to believe that the article actually contains periods!" Although some of these pieces flirted with topicality when they first appeared, Martin is most successful when he leaves the real world behind and gives his wit free rein. This collection preserves the best (so far) of his glorious improvisations. --Simon Leake

    These workplace disasters bring out the voyeurism, Schadenfreude, and plain old warped sense of humor in all of us. And so . . . from my naïve colleague who called our CEO a dildo, to the employee caught on videotape licking door handles in the company parking garage, their stories must be told! “...the entertainment factor is consistent and the laughs should come easily for readers who fancy the awkwardness of workplace weirdness... Ideal for readers who need a refresher course on the consequences of impropriety.” - Kirkus Reviews

    (Janet Maslin, New York Times)Someone is telling the story of the life of Charlie Barnes, and it doesn't appear to be going well. Too often divorced, discontent with life's compromises and in a house he hates, this lifelong schemer and eternal romantic would like out of his present circumstances and into the American dream. But when the twin calamities of the Great Recession and a cancer scare come along to compound his troubles, his dreams dwindle further, and an infinite past full of forking paths quickly tapers to a black dot.Then, against all odds, something goes right for a change: Charlie is granted a second act. With help from his storyteller son, he surveys the facts of his life and finds his true calling where he least expects it—in a sacrifice that redounds with selflessness and love—at last becoming the man his son always knew he could be.A Calling for Charlie Barnes is a profound and tender portrait of a man whose desperate need to be loved is his downfall, and a brutally funny account of how that love is ultimately earned.

    Be blessed and be encouraged!!Like to read? Like free stuff? CONTACT MICHAEL WINN AND LET HIM KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AND BE CONSIDERED FOR A FREE GIFT!!About The Book of Joe B:Why do bad things happen to good people? Middle School gym teacher Joseph Bustamante more than reflects upon this ageless question, he demands an answer! And for good cause. There’s nobody nicer, more polite, and kind in all of Uz, yet in an unrelenting span of three weeks he loses his girlfriend, family, home, job, friends - everything - as he helplessly watches his life spiral out-of-control. Within this whimsical, darkly comic, and ultimately uplifting, modern-day retelling of The Book of Job, this gentle, big-hearted lug is forced by circumstance to stand-up and confront the universal truths that affect us all. Joe B: A Love Story starkly presents one innocent man’s rise, fall, and fall some more, as his remarkable spiritual journey leads him to not only question but challenge the core injustices of this world. Yes, Joe B is brought to the brink and he won’t take it anymore! He demands an explanation for his suffering. And, like it or not, he’s gonna get it. More than 25,000 downloads so far!! Share a link to the page with anyone who may be facing life's struggles! They'll be glad you did.

    In this collection of sometimes outrageous, sometimes sad, often heartwarming interconnected vignettes, author Alex Shahla enters the fray with a delightful confessional celebration of family life told in stories from a dad’s unique perspective. Centered around the untruths parents regularly tell their kids in an effort to protect (or silence) them—from “Daddy Loves his Job” to “There’s a Jolly Fat Man who Brings You Presents (Assembly Required)” —Lying to Children is an unforgettable familial history filled with laughter, tears, and life lessons, and brimming over with a somewhat-less-than-perfect suburban dad’s unwavering love.

    And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race. Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

    Oblivious to the mayhem unfolding, Matthews highly strung wife frets over giving birth to twins and Katy's much younger boyfriend refuses to take fatherhood seriously.Love and life are messy but Katy and Matthew take things to a whole new level as deep emotions begin to resurface and hormones run riot.How will they navigate their way through this almighty pick-up?

    Except maybe her posh long-lost grandmother Matilda...But life isn't going well for Matilda either. The acclaimed etiquette books she wrote in her youth are no longer selling, her mortgage repayments are enormous and now her disheveled granddaughter has turned up out of the blue and she is not at all what Matilda hoped she'd be...In an attempt to get a new book deal and make some much needed money, Jess and Matilda decide to use Matilda's old etiquette guides and teach messy, modern Jess how to become the ultimate demure lady. The true test of their project will be to capture the heart of the sexy, notorious playboy Leo Frost and prove that Matilda's guides still work.Transforming Jess from trashy to tasteful will be no easy feat, and when Leo starts falling for Jess's newfound charms, what started out as a way to make some cash suddenly becomes a whole lot more complicated ...**THIS BOOK WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED UNDER THE TITLE THE VINTAGE GUIDE TO LOVE AND ROMANCE/LESSONS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE**Laugh your socks off with this hilarious feel-good chick lit read! It's packed with laugh out loud feel good moments, swoony, sexy romance, and truly unforgettable characters ! If you like funny romance books by Sophie Kinsella, Christina Lauren or Sophie Ranald, then you'll LOVE this hilarious laugh-out-loud romantic comedy from bestselling romance author Kirsty Greenwood.

    What began as a mutual interest in sneak-reading comic books in class evolved into a friendship which has outlasted a great many Presidents and a whole lot more, besides.Teddy and Ray, along with two other boys, formed the core of a group of kids who did everything together. As teenagers, they discovered that restaurants gave free coffee refills even if you didn't order anything else, leading to a lifetime's worth of bottomless cups and frustrated restaurant owners. Now in advanced age, Teddy and Ray still meet regularly to drink too much coffee and talk about the things old guys usually tend to talk about. In between, they flash back to various times and events which helped shape their lives.One of their once-close group, who has enjoyed a modestly successful career in Hollywood, comes up with the idea of making a movie about their youthful experiences together and what came after for each of them. This would, of course, include starring the surviving originals as the present-day versions of their cinematic selves. For some, however, facing their past, present and inevitable future all in one sitting proves considerably more difficult than it looks on the silver screen.

    Of course, secretly I already have made a name for myself: as Candy Sloane, self-published erotic romance writer. Though thrilled that my books are selling and I have actual fans, if anyone at UM found out, I could lose my scholarship…and the respect of my faculty advisor, grade-A-asshole Professor Dylan.Enter James Walker, super-hot local barista and—surprise!—my student. Even though I know a relationship is totally off-limits, I can’t stop myself from sneaking around with James, taking a few cues from my own erotic writing…if you catch my drift. Candy’s showing her stripes for the first time in my real life, and I’ve never had so much fun. But when the sugar high fades, can my secrets stay under wraps?

    Sort of."It was his pheromones that did it. With one sniff, sex researcher Leigh Fromm recognizes that any offspring she might have with the mysterious stranger would have a better-than-average chance of surviving any number of impending pandemics.But when Leigh finds out that the handsome “someone” at her great aunt’s wake is Prince Roman Habsburg von Lorraine of Austria, she suddenly doubts her instincts—not that she was intending to sleep with the guy. The royal house of Habsburg was once completely inbred, insanity and impotency among the highlights of their genetic pedigree. (The extreme “bulldog underbite” that plagued them wasn’t called the Habsburg Jaw for nothing.)It doesn’t matter that his family hasn’t sat on a throne (other than the ones in their Toilette) since 1918, or that Austria is now a parliamentary democracy. Their lives couldn’t be more different: Roman is routinely mobbed by paparazzi in Europe. Leigh is regularly mocked for having the social skills of a potted plant. Even if she suddenly developed grace, charm and a pedigree that would withstand the scrutiny of the press and his family, what exactly is she supposed to do with this would-have-been king of Austria who is in self-imposed exile in Denver, Colorado?