Love Me


Danger Slater - 2011
    foreign policy? How about cute angst-filled teenage vampire toyboys? Well, too bad. None of those things are in this book. Instead you'll join a guy in a Viking suit on an absurdly epic quest to figure out the meaning of life. There will be obstacles, of course: rabid gangs of disgruntled grannies, rival cults of pie-enthusiasts, toasters, anti-matter conversion do-hickeys, Shadow Men, bandits, hippies, annoying celestial bodies, the Department of Internationally Sexy Affairs, and probably way too many dick jokes for this book to ever be considered for any serious academic curriculum. You know, the usual. So what are you waiting for? Light a few candles, pour another glass of wine, and grab the lube. You're about to LOVE ME.

Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys


Jordan Krall - 2011
    A rare film. A donkey-headed woman.A murder. The hummingbird.Explore identity, marriage, madness, and obsession in a phantasmagoricorgy of violence and voyeurism.

Hungry Bug


Carlton Mellick III - 2014
    In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction. It ruins lives, tears families apart, and eats away at the fabric of society. Those who cast too much are taken from our world, never to be heard from again. They are sent to a realm known as Hell's Bottom -- a sorcerer ghetto where everyday life is a harsh struggle for survival. Porcelain dolls crawl through the alleys like rats, arcane scientists abduct people from the streets to use in their ungodly experiments, and everyone lives in fear of the aristocratic race of spider people who prey on citizens like vampires.Told in a series of interconnected stories reminiscent of Frank Miller's "Sin City" and David Lapham's "Stray Bullets," Carlton Mellick III's "Hungry Bug" is an urban fairy tale that focuses on the real life problems that arise within a fantastic world of magic.

Kill Your Neighbor


Andersen Prunty - 2017
    They wanted to get out of the city and get on with their lives on the quiet cul-de-sac. Instead, an object of obsession brings their lives to a screeching halt.Who is the woman living next door?Why does she do the curious things she does?Why do Emma and Kip feel like their lives have been so disrupted?How do they get her to stop?The Duprees are only sure about one thing: the social contract must be upheld at all costs.

The Mutilation Machination


Shaun Jeffrey - 2012
    What happens when a sex doll malfunctions? Sit back and listen to an orchestra with a difference. Sometimes self help can work too well. A boy who brings dead things back to life. And what happens when the devil moves in next door? Now sit back and enter a world of nightmare and illusion.

The Nightly Disease


Max Booth III - 2016
    When he clocks in at night, he’s hoping for a nice, quiet eight hours of Netflix-bingeing and occasional masturbation. What he doesn’t want to do is fetch anybody extra towels or dive face-first into somebody’s clogged toilet. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to get involved in some trippy owl conspiracy or dispose of any dead bodies. But hey…that’s life in the hotel business.Welcome to The Nightly Disease. Please enjoy your stay.

Night of the Assholes


Kevin L. Donihe - 2010
    . . From Wonderland Award Winner Kevin L. Donihe, comes a hilarious tribute to Night of the Living Dead A plague of assholes is infecting the countryside. Normal everyday people are transforming into jerks, snobs, dicks, and douchebags. And they all have only one purpose: to make your life a living hell. Today is the worst day of Barbara's life. The assholes are everywhere. They're picking fights, causing accidents, and even killing people. But she must remain calm. If you raise your temper to an asshole you'll become one of them. After losing her brother to the asshole onslaught, Barbara flees for her life. She finds safety in a desolate farmhouse with six other survivors. Cut off from the world and surrounded by a sea of assholes, they must figure out a way to last through the night. But more and more of those annoying bastards are gathering outside, preparing for the coming of something much worse. . .

The Reluctant Vampire


Eric Morecambe - 1982
    With illustrations by Tony Ross, this re-issue is sure to delight.A tale about an extremely unconventional vampire. This tale of laughter and ghoulish horror for seven and eight year-olds is sure to delight. Here, Eric Morecambe’s customary humour is employed for a young audience.

Meat


Bones Monroe - 2016
    When he sees strange individuals coming, but never leaving his neighbor’s house, he begins to suspect that something nefarious is going on. Now that he saw a small child walk in but never walk out, he and his wife Clara need to figure out what is going on. They will stop at nothing to rescue the innocent boy that is trapped inside before it’s too late. Short story: 10,000 words

Shit Luck


Tiffany Scandal - 2016
    A deft, masterful mix of both bizarro and horror."--Brian Keene, author of The Rising and Ghoul"Dark and grim and surreal." --Electric LiteratureMondays suck. You get mugged, your car won't start, you miss the bus, and your stylist burns a bald spot into your head. Suddenly you're single and unemployed, and the only friend you have left is a cat. By Tuesday, you've been murdered. But death isn't the end. You find yourself on an odyssey between weird worlds, reborn each time you die, stalked obsessively by the man who killed you.Even in death, you just can't seem to catch a break. Call it Mercury in retrograde, call it Murphy's law, call it . . .SHIT LUCK

Gone Bitch: A Parody of Gone Girl


Steve Lookner - 2014
    He's kind of dumb. Meet his wife, Amy. She's kind of a bitch. One day Amy goes missing. What happened? Find out...in GONE BITCH!GONE BITCH is the hilarious new parody of Gone Girl which will have you on the edge of your seat AND rolling on the floor. All your favorite characters from Gone Girl are here...but way funnier!First off, there's NICK. Nick doesn't seem particularly upset that his wife is missing, or particularly anxious to find her. But he is perfectly willing to stop by the searches for Amy...because he can try to pick up girls there using lines like, "I'd like to search YOUR woods." Nick also loves lying to the police. For example, Nick's alibi for the morning Amy disappeared is that he was hang gliding, taking a karate lesson, and shooting a major motion picture with Keanu Reeves.There's also AMY, Nick's wife. Amy is basically the worst person ever. Which is unsurprising, since she's a really hot girl. Therefore her one goal in life is to make her hot girlfriends jealous, no matter what it takes. Would Amy really stoop so low as to frame Nick for murder just to make her hot girlfriends jealous? If you don't know the answer, then you haven't hung out with enough really hot girls.There's GO, Nick's sister. Go makes out with Nick a lot, but don't get the wrong idea: they are NOT having sex. (Although they do get to third base once in a while.)There's RAND and MARYBETH, Amy's parents, whose “Idiotic Amy” book series chronicles the embarrassing moments of Idiotic Amy, a girl who looks suspiciously like Amy and does embarrassing things suspiciously like things Amy has done. The books have been a huge success, with millions of girls worldwide buying volumes like “Idiotic Amy Wets The Bed” and “Idiotic Amy and the Guy She Had Sex With and Never Called Her Again”.There's DESI, who's been stuck in the friend zone with Amy since kindergarten. Desi still hopes that one day Amy will come around and want to take things to another level, but tragically, he fails to realize that no guy ever escapes from the friend zone.And don't forget BONEY and GILPIN, the detectives investigating Amy's disappearance. They strongly suspect the "crime scene" in Nick's living room is fake, because it's pretty hard for a grand piano to flip upside down accidentally.With every page of GONE BITCH the tension builds:Will Nick go to jail?Will Amy ever return?Will Nick ever get over his diarrhea from eating a search volunteer's Frito pie?You'll want to keep reading to find out what happens, but you might not be able to stop laughing long enough to do so!You've seen the movie. You've read the book. Now read the parody that makes fun of both!

ClownFellas: Tales of the Bozo Family


Carlton Mellick, III - 2015
    You will never be the same.”—Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother and HomelandIn a topsy-turvy world where clowns are killers and crooks, Little Bigtop is a three-ring circus of crime, and no syndicate is more dangerous than the Bozo family. From the wildly original mind of Carlton Mellick III comes the short-story collection ClownFellas—an epic mob saga where life is cheap and the gags will slay you.For years, the hard-boiled capos of the Bozo family have run all of the funny business in Little Bigtop, from the clown brothels to the illegal comedy trade. But hard times have befallen the Bozos now that Le Mystère, the French clown Mafia, has started moving in and trying to take over the city. If that weren’t enough, they’ve got to deal with the cops, the Feds, the snitches, the carnies, the mysterious hit man Mr. Pogo, and the mutant clowns over in the Sideshow district. With the odds stacked against them, the Bozos must fight to survive . . . or die laughing.Praise for ClownFellas“Mario Puzo meets Barnum & Bailey . . . You just can’t look away as the ridiculousness escalates.”—Publishers Weekly“The most original novelist working today? The most outrageous? The most unpredictable? These aren’t easy superlatives to make; however, Carlton Mellick may well be all of those things, behind a canon of books that all irreverently depart from the form and concepts of traditional novels, and adventure the reader into a howling, dark fantasyland of the most bizarre, over-the-top, and mind-warping inventiveness. In my opinion, ClownFellas is his best work to date.”—Edward Lee, author of City Infernal and Header“I rarely enjoy clowns—which is ironic since I’ve been one for over four decades—but ClownFellas is great on so many levels, irony being one of them. What can I say besides I love it! Great read, and funny as hell . . . I have been accused of being unfunny before, and after the trial I had to enter the Witless Protection Program. This is funny!”—Barry Lubin, aka Grandma, longtime Big Apple Circus clown“If Martin Scorsese and Ronald McDonald had a baby, this would be it. . . . Each story is clever, multi-layered, and filled with witty dialogue. . . . A must-read.”—This Is Horror   “Mellick’s writing is wonderfully descriptive and wildly imaginative. . . . I was utterly delighted, amused, and engrossed. . . . ClownFellas is a gem!”—The Qwillery   “A rollercoaster ride through a strange world that borders on our own reality . . . a story that is just as difficult to define as it is to put down.”—Examiner.com   “Mellick has created another amazing read. . . . Highly recommended.”—Kitty Horror

Spermjackers From Hell


Christine Morgan - 2017
    It’ll be fun, they said… I have some friends and we had a crazy idea: let’s summon a demon. Not just any demon but a sexy devil chick that will do anything we want—even butt stuff. It’ll be easy. It’s not like it’s going to work. Monsters aren’t real. We were wrong. Really fucking wrong. The demon is not what we thought and it’s making horrible things happen. People are cutting into each other's junk, some guy is fucking his dog, and sex slugs from Hell are raping us and stealing our semen in order to build a goddamn hive! We didn’t mean for any of this. But we’re gonna fix it... Just after a few more beers and bong hits. From Christine Morgan, author of Mythic Lust: the Minotaur, and The Raven’s Table: Viking Stories, comes a sleazy and deviant satire about sex, occultism, and nerd culture.

White Trash Gothic


Edward Lee - 2017
     Plagued by nightmares of torture and intense violence, a writer suffering from trauma-induced memory loss seeks to solve the mystery of his missing past. The only clue is a single page of an unfinished manuscript found in an old manual typewriter, in a fleabag motel, in a small West Virginian town called Luntville. It is here that the writer will seek answers, believing that if he finishes the book he was writing, his memories will return. But Luntville is not just some bumfuck town in the sticks. It is a place where the locals make extra cash by filming necro porn, a place where vigilantes practice a horrifying form of justice they call dead-dickin', a place haunted by the ghosts of serial killers, occult demons, and a monster called the Bighead. And as the writer attempts to make sense of the town and his connection to it, he will be challenged in ways that test the very limit of his sanity. Deadite Press is proud to present White Trash Gothic, the first book in a series of highly anticipated novels for fans of redneck nightmares and backwoods terror which invokes Edward Lee's many classic gross-outs while exploring even more revolting and disturbing new directions.

Muerte Con Carne


Shane McKenzie - 2013
    With the right connections and with the right amount of money you can run drugs, smuggle people, commit murder, and do much worse.Felix and Marta came to Mexico to film a documentary on illegal immigration. When Marta suddenly goes missing, Felix must find his lost love in the small border town. A dangerous place housing corrupt cops, borderline maniacs, and something much more worse than drug gangs, something to do with a strange Mexican food cart…From Shane McKenzie, one of the most imaginative new voices in horror comes a south of the border Texas Chainsaw Massacre.