This is a collection of original essays that can not be found anywhere else. Each volume is different and you never know what you'll find. They are an assortment of Jen's childhood memories, stories about her family, and rants about everything that make her punchy all told with her usual snarky take. Volume Three of this series includes 3 NEVER BEFORE SEEN essays: HEY DICK, WOULD YOU SEND YOUR MOM THAT PICTURE? LAURA INGALLS WILDER NEVER HAD A SIGNATURE LIPSMACKER FLAVOR MISSED MOM CONNECTION

    The pleasure of whoa. The surprise of the “unscheduled dismount.” And why, when jumping, to throw your heart over first. Drawing on her lifelong passion for horses and riding, award-winning artist Bonnie Timmons offers up a book full of whimsy and wisdom and a huge helping of giddy up. These are the truths as recorded by an astute observer:Of little girls who spend every minute after school mucking out the barn in hope of one trail rideOf the mechanics of riding: the walk, the trot, the canter, the gallop—a gait so fast your worries can’t keep upOf English vs. Cowboy-speak. Of Outfits and Accessories, and Good Horse-Keeping Tips, (including how to weigh your horse so you know how much to feed him: 1. Weigh yourself. 2. Weigh yourself holding your horse. 3. Subtract 1. from 2.)And finally, of knowing at the end of the day that when you hold your hoses, they will hold you right back

    Here, featuring gloriously pseudo-scientific diagrams and the inimitable writing style that made footballcliches.com a smash hit, they are covered in all their glory.

    Peter Serafinowicz's Questions and Answers is a showcase for the razor wit and joyful nonsense of one of Britain's cleverest comedians, firing back genuinely funny instant replies to a stream of questions from the general public. This book collects together several hundred jokes from Peter's store of one-liners in a stylish, faux-Victorian, gifty hardback, just in time for Christmas. 'Peter Serafinowicz is hilarious' David Walliams' 'It's funny, but Peter Serafinowicz is the kind of funny person that funny people find funny' Simon Pegg 'Peter Serafinowicz is one of the funniest women in the world' Derren Brown

    Most of us do that. And most of us would like to keep things as they are: humans in the dark, dogs with the upper hand.But we dogs are about to let you in a little secret. Okay, a lot of secrets. We graduated first in our obedience class three times. This should tell you something. Puppies know that they're being cute. They're using you. We don't sound anything like those silly voices you use to imitate us. We hate those ridiculous names you give some of us. Moonbeam is not a dignified name for a mutt. You might want to check your herb garden for fertilizer. We are only wearing this stupid birthday hat so we can get some cake. No self-respecting dog cares about his birthday. We are not spoiled, certainly not in comparison to teenage girls. We are in charge of the house. We let you pretend that you are. We'd be lost without you. We love you.It's all in our new book, Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You To Know, as told to humans Hy Conrad and Jeff Johnson. Even Steve Martin (yes, THAT Steve Martin) raves about us Inside you'll find revelations such as the reason we at the sofa (leather tastes very similar to rawhide), and what we really think of the costumes you dress us up in.I'm not alone. Ten other courageous canines have stepped forward to tell you what your dog won't - every last dirty, hairy bit of it. If you have dogs, love dogs, or have ever been baffled by a dog, this book is a must-have.

    Millipedes do it. Dinosaurs did it. You do it: I do it. Octopuses don't (and nor do octopi). Spiders might do it: more research is needed. Birds don't do it, but they could if they wanted to. Herrings do it to communicate with each other. At the beginning of 2017, an innocent question on twitter about snakes formed the hashtag #doesitfart and spread pungently across the internet - and major newspapers - as dozens of experts weighed in on which animals do and don't fart, and if they do, how much, how often, what it's made of, what it smells like, and what it's for. Does it Fart? is the result: the fully authoritative, fully illustrated guide to animal flatulence, covering the habits of 80 animals in more detail than you ever knew you needed. What foods make hyena farts smell especially bad? What is a fossa, and does it fart? Why do clams vomit but not fart? What is a fart, anyway? With contributions from dozens of biologists, Does it Fart? is a book that will allow you to shift the blame onto all kinds of unlikely animals for years to come.

    Now out on the prowl with a new cover that's the cat's meow, it's ready to inspire a second wave of cats and their owners to relax into a catnap. Author and illustrator Alice M. Brock (of Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant" fame) counsels cat owners to approach the cat quietly with palms "up and open." Beginning at the rear, the masseur works all the way around the cat using a "vigorous kneading motion," then rubs, presses, twists, and tugs the cat into a state of complete relaxation. We are assured that a well-massaged cat may remain in a state of prolonged calm "for some time." Brock's instructions are accompanied by charming illustrations sure to inspire a mischievous chuckle in both friends and foes of felines everywhere.

    I found myself lying in the middle of the street with two little, yellow eyes staring down at me. If the cat hadn’t tried to cross my path, I wouldn’t have found myself in this predicament.But then Logan appeared. He was tall, sexy, and built like a god. I’d prayed to be rescued by a superhero, but after one glance at Logan, he was even better. Except, he seemed more interested in saving the cat I almost ran over.Forced to be his receptionist at the vet clinic in order to pay the bill, I’m not sure I’ll survive. Not when the animals have it in for me and I’m trying my hardest not to break the one rule I’d been given: Don’t fall for the handsome vet. But I’m about to find out the hard way what happens when you don’t follow this rule.One-click today and sink your claws into this hot Romantic Comedy that will keep you purring.

    Edgy as in Bosco, the demonic Siamese with the out-of-focus eyes, razor-sharp fangs, and his own idea of Feng Shui. Or the half-shaved freak named Mr. Fliegel, who looks like a cross between a poodle and a lion. Mr. Fliegel shrugs and says, "Chicks dig me." Or Kato, resplendent in his Three Musketeers outfit: "One for all, blah blah blah . . . now just get me out of this @#%&ing costume!" Or Clark, whose hobby is eating other cats' food. Tina, who somehow always just misses the litter box . . . sucker. And the guilty-looking Clarence, caught with a Barbie doll in flagrante delicto. Clarence's defiant defense: "She was naked when I came in. . . ."Just as Kliban got us to think about the cat as something far more interesting than an innocuous house pet, and Suzy Becker taught us that cats possess a Buddha-like wisdom (together Cat and All I Need to Know I Learned from My Cat have more than 2.6 million copies in print), Jim Edgar reveals yet another facet of the ever-mesmerizing animal. Brooding, deranged, antisocial, these are kitties with attitude and borderline personality problems—ah, but what hilarious fun it is to read about them. All 244 photographed in terrifying full color in their most unflattering moments, with a quote plus vital stats: name, breed, age, and hobby. Get to know them. Then see if you can ever forget them.

    An open bedroom door. An ill-timed squat. Dogs seem to have impeccable timing. Yet how quickly calamity turns to comedy in the company of a dog, and the wrong moment turns out to be just the right one. In this delightful follow-up to Dog Is My Co-Pilot, which won the Best Book of the Year award from the Dog Writers Association of America, the editors of The Bark bring together more stories, essays, and artwork that highlight the hilarity of dog behavior and the comical interactions between dog people and their four-legged friends. From playful puppies who wreak havoc in the home to dogs with a whole array of comic shticks and tricks, Howl celebrates the verve and the laughs pets offer their people. It includes laugh-out-loud reflections (and confessions), rib-tickling tales, and whimsical vignettes from well-known writers such as:• Dave Barry• Margaret Cho• Al Franken• Kinky Friedman• Pam Houston• Haven Kimmel• Neal Pollack• And many more!From the Hardcover edition.

    Join author Douglas Adams and zoologist Mark Carwardine as they take off around the world in search of exotic, endangered creatures.

    human cohabitation conundrums. It's the perfect gift for crazy cat lovers and anyone who appreciates hilarious (and so true!) insights into cat—and human—nature, including:Your cat sits on your laptop not just for warmth or attention, but to prevent you from interacting with the outside world. After all, isn’t the main reason to have a cat so you don’t have to waste time developing normal human relationships? If you spent a third of your life licking yourself, you too would occasionally forget to stick your tongue back in your face. Eating grass has medicinal purposes, and most cats believe grass should be legalized. The cat feels bad about barfing on your bed…because now it must get to up to go sleep on your clean laundry instead.

    But when an unusual event happens, they learn there is another dog out there who is counting on them.Based on true events that happened in the author's life, this short story tells the tale of two very different dogs that loved their way into the heart of one family and how, through both life and death, they each formed a bond that would be cherished forever

    More than six million adoring fans on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat can’t get enough of him. Doug spreads love everywhere he goes, and now with his literary debut, he’s coming to living rooms around the world.It’s hard to find a more well-connected pup than Doug. He’s homies with the hottest stars out there: Justin Bieber, Steven Tyler, Ed Sheeran, John Legend, and Chrissy Teigen, to name just a few. Did you catch him in Fall Out Boy’s latest music video? Doug can ball with the best of them. He’s a rising star and everyone’s favorite squishy face. Doug has made appearances at music festivals including Lollapalooza and the Billboard Hot 100 Music Fest, but he doesn’t let fame go to his head.Doug is a humble pug, but the people have asked for more, so he’s obliged with this awesome collection of photos. Doug is a fashion icon, a culinary gourmand, a music enthusiast, and an all-around happenin’ guy. This book is just a sneak peek at some of his greatest adventures so far. From his furry heart to yours, enjoy!

    What can be funnier than cats?Cat trivia! That's what.Funny cartoons and fun trivia explore the cool world of cats.