But there are so many other ways red shirt-wearers can be humiliated. By mining the humorous depths of Star Trek's most popular in-jokes—that anyone wearing a red shirt is doomed—this book chronicles the many ways one Starfleet officer's day can be ruined.Poor Red Shirt just can’t catch a break. Whether he's dealing with real-life problems we all face like accidentally mixing whites with colors or being stuck sitting behind a very tall Gorn in a movie theater or trying out a standup comedy routine in front of an audience of surly Klingons, our hapless hero faces a universe-sized number of obstacles.Featuring hilarious illustrations and witty gags that both pop culture fans and Star Trek fans will adore, Star Trek: Redshirt's Little Book of Doom is a fresh new take on one of the most beloved sci-fi sagas of all time.

     ...but what the salvage crew finds on their mission will change their lives forever. Colonel Tucker Petersen, retired five years from the military, is suddenly recalled to active duty and is put in charge of the Salvage-5 mining/recovery mission.Four previous civilian salvage missions have gone missing from the Kirkwood Gap. Tucker is sent, with his crew of eight, to discover what went wrong with the Self-contained mining dredge, the Euna-1, at Asteroid 15 Eunomia... Find out what discoveries are waiting for the crew of Salvage-5. ˃˃˃ Join Colonel Tucker Petersen, and the crew of Salvage-5, for this new Techno Thriller ˃˃˃ This will be sure to keep you biting your nails and on the edge of your seat. Scroll up and grab a copy today.

    One discovery. Everything at stake. When Gail Turner discovers an ancient library under the sands of Egypt, she hopes it will get her closer to uncovering the mystery of Queen Nefertiti. Instead, it pits her against the ruthless Seth Mallus in a race for the truth that will push humanity to the very edge of existence.

    Regardless of religion, race, sex, sexuality or nationality. He hates all of you. Basically, you are fucked." God is pissed off. He has run out of patience with humans and decided that our time is over. We've had our chance and its back to the drawing board. "Fuck the lot of them" is his newest gospel. Mo, and Jay, best Friends who've fucked up in the past, beg him for one more chance to get the humans back on track. Alongside Mr Saluzar, the head of a global charity foundation, and Nick, The Fallen Angel, they hurtle towards Armageddon and their one chance to prove God wrong. They have seven days to save us. On The Seventh Day contains strong language and religious irreverence which some may find offensive. Irreverent dark humour from the author of Lanarkshire Strays and the dEaDINBURGH series.

    Jay, a large-hearted wiseass who’s nearly impossible to dislike, has a narrative patter so deeply laced with groaner puns, pop-culture bombs, and warp-speed free associations that it’s almost a new language. It’s an argot he shares with vivacious Cam (whose real name, hilariously, is Cameo Appearance Parnell), but after he gets rebuffed trying to share a bit more with her, he starts seeing another cutie who’s more or less the anti-Cam. While their awkward love triangle takes shape, Jay’s parents get mired in their own supremely embarrassing love-life disaster. To help him out of his funk, Jay’s government teacher (who can match him bon mot for bon mot) challenges him to use his considerable powers of clever to write a school blog. OK, so it’s not the most thrilling goal ever, but getting there is both flippantly fun and surprisingly resistant to ironic detachment. Most of all, though, Jay’s smarts, originality, and warmth make the old teen trope of the hot girl(s) falling for the doofus guy actually believable. Grades 8-11. --Ian Chipman

    None of the killer’s other victims have survived. Yet somehow, after spending two long nights trapped at the bottom of a dry well with a broken back, Valkyrie miraculously came through. She lost everything that night: her husband, her son, her dreams. Lying at the bottom of that well, staring up at a tiny circle of sky and waiting for the killer to find her and finish the job at any moment, Val lost one more thing: She lost her fear.The doctors told her she might never walk again, but Val refused to give up. After years of rehabilitation and relentless determination, Valkyrie regained her mobility. She didn't stop there. Valkyrie went on to take training in self defense and firearms, and developed a strategy to track down the killer. She dedicated her life to bringing him to justice. She walked away from her past forever, and began moving from to town to town in search of the man who had slaughtered her family.Now, after a series of missed opportunities, Valkyrie finally has her chance. An anonymous phone call informs her that the man she has been hunting has surfaced again in Sequoia County, a rural California landscape of redwood forests, vineyards, and isolated coastlines. Valkyrie knows it could be a trap. She doesn’t care. Armed with her skills, her intellect, and her determination, Valkyrie heads straight into the heart of danger. She thinks she’s prepared for anything. She’s wrong.

     Best Laid Plans Part 1 & 2 combined. For a limited time, only 99¢.Jillian Whitkins is an event planner who is ready to throw in the towel. She is managing a birthday party with a 50 Shades of Grey theme--and it's turning into a disaster! The birthday girl is drunk, the guests are harassing her staff, and she is about to offend a real-life Christian Grey.The last thing Jackson Hunter needs is more bad publicity. So when a certain event planner snaps a picture of him with his unconscious ex-sub slung over his shoulder, he has no choice but to confiscate the evidence. He will soon find that Jillian is not as easy to get rid of as that picture.

    Strange things are happening on the empty streets of Rockwell, Idaho. People are disappearing, and there are shadows in places where there is nothing to create them. In this upside down world where unnatural creatures walk the earth, Johnny is left with difficult choices about who to trust and how to survive.This breakthrough novel will completely revolutionize the horror genre. Just kidding. It's really more of a vampire love triangle.

    . . as well as his own. Now fans of the movie can journey back even further—to the 16th century, when the Bard of Avon unveils his latest masterpiece: William Shakespeare’s Get Thee Back to the Future! Every scene and line of dialogue from the hit movie is re-created with authentic Shakespearean rhyme, meter, and stage directions. This reimagining also includes jokes and Easter eggs for movie fans, from Huey Lewis call-outs to the inner thoughts of Einstein (the dog). By the time you’ve finished reading, you’ll be convinced that Shakespeare had a time-traveling DeLorean of his own, speeding to our era so he could pen this time-tossed tale.

    The New Fighting Technique may have sprung from the crucible of cubicle culture----Rees created the strip while working a deathly boring temp job, harnessing the potential energy of his PowerPoint software, Internet connection, laser printer, and vast expanses of fallow hours into this Unstoppable ass-kicking phenomenon----but the result has less to do with clockwatching than with the explosive energy of freestyling gangsta rap, airborne Bruce Lee maneuvers, and a profane, deadpan sense of humor that just may establish David Rees as the Lenny Bruce of our times. As soon as Rees began faxing MNFTIU comics to friends, those friends were faxing it to friends who were faxing it to more friends. It was the birth of a genuine underground publishing sensation. Soon it was a regular serial, then there was merchandise, then a website that received 25 million hits last year.

    after a cleaner unplugged his cryogenic freezing machine by accident, Detective Inspector Capstan wakes up to find that he's been in a state of suspended animation for over four hundred years. As he's forced to adjust to life in the future he finds himself reinstated as a policeman, and together with the great great great great grandson of his former subordinate, Sergeant Dewbush, he's put on the case of a missing cow.

    Beverly Cryer (Vurl) has to choose a dystopian faction to live with for the rest of her life. If she doesn't make it through initiation, she'll be factionless and declared a Detergent. But, Vurl is determined not to spend the rest of her life doing everyone else's laundry. She is an independent young woman with skills she doesn't even know about and with the help of handsome number Two she'll not only make it through initiation, she'll save the city from disaster. Okay, that's the serious book pitch. This is a book that makes fun of Divergent. It's a parody, so it follows the same basic story but is more outrageous, silly, stupid and all the other things that make a great parody great. Mockery has a proven track record delivering laughs and this one doesn't disappoint. If you loved Divergent, try Detergent!

    After they recover an NBN executive’s PAD at a protest in Broadcast Square, it seems Lana Rael and her friends, Johnny and Tim, might finally have their chance to discover the truth behind NBN’s saccharine and explosively popular franchise, Sunshine Junction.But when the aspiring activists stumble into the corporation’s all­ seeing eye, they find themselves in the limelight—and not in the way they hoped.As camdrones begin to follow them through the megacity and broadcast their every move on live threedee, Lana and her friends will have to ask themselves just how much they’re willing to sacrifice to fight the corps. Is making a difference worth risking their privacy, their lifestyle, or their lives?Fans of media giant NBN, its colorful programs, and its high-profile characters gain unparalleled access to the megacorp's HQ in Leigh Alexander's Monitor. As the media-focused megacorp responds to the threat posed by a trio of wannabe activists, we learn more about such popular characters as Jackson Howard, Victoria Jenkins, and Dinosaurus.Meanwhile, as the protagonists have their privacy stripped away, they lose control of their lives. Their actions become increasingly desperate and surprising. As they look for ways to retaliate, will their lives spiral into total anarchy? Will they regain control of the context that defines them? And who is responsible for their suffering? In Monitor, the truth is malleable, and learning how to shape it is paramount.In addition to its 96 pages of fiction, the hardcover edition of Monitor comes with a sixteen-page full color insert with setting information on activism in the Android future, NBN's Global Adaptive Entertainment, MegaBuy, and the future of marketing.

    He's confronted the HOA. He's even taken on Santa himself. He doesn't usually win. These are the tales of the Dumb White Husband and they are all available here in this collected edition.This handsome volume includes:Dumb White Husband vs. the Grocery Store - John would rather sit and watch the game, but his wife needs some things at the store. Can he complete the list and get back in time to see the end of the game?Dumb White Husband vs. Halloween - Every Halloween, Chris has the scariest house on the block and gives out the best candy. But, this year, someone is showing him up and he'll stop at nothing to find out who.Dumb White Husband vs. Santa - Erik has planned the perfect Christmas for his family. The plan is foolproof, bulletproof and flame retardant. Nothing can undo the hours of planning and preparation. Nothing except maybe odd-shaped packages, ill-timed fruitcakes or an errant neighborhood Santa Claus.Dumb White Husband vs. the Tooth Fairy - Erik always has a plan and he's sure he would have figured out the whole Tooth Fairy thing eventually. But, when his three-year-old son takes a frisbee to the mouth, he's forced to speed things up. Between neighborhood kids with big mouths and unhelpful dentists he's going to need to improvise. Will he bend to the pressure of inflation? Will he get caught in the act? And, what do you do with those teeth anyway?Dumb White Husband for President (A novella) - There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand for the things he believes in. John doesn't believe in bagging his grass. So, when a new allergy-prone neighbor gets the HOA to require it, there's only one thing he can do - run for President of The Creeks of Sage Valley Phase II.John, Chris and Erik put aside most of their differences to run a campaign that they hope will see John elected as President and end the meddling of the rule-loving new kid on the block. Will they succeed? It's doubtful.

    But only if he doesn't fall for her first.Conner and his stepsister are new to town, new to Talmore High, and very new to this whole step-sibling situation. As of three weeks ago they were only children...and now? Well, now their parents' newly wedded bliss is wreaking havoc with both of their lives. Not that Conner is worried. He might be the new kid but he's never had a problem being the big man on campus. Until now. No one at this school seems to have gotten the memo that he's beloved. The girls aren't swooning and the guys are looking for any excuse to kick his butt back to California. When his stepsister throws out the challenge, it's a no brainer. If he can make head cheerleader Rosalie "The Ice Queen" Farlow fall at this feet, he'll have it all.But then again, if he wins the bet...he'll lose her. And what's the use of having it all if he loses the only thing that matters? Author's Note: Though this is the first book of a duet, the romance is standalone and features a satisfying, swoonworthy HEA. The timelines of these two books intersect, however, so be sure to read book one first to avoid any spoilers!