Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    In this highly readable short biography, Alexander Kennedy brings Mozart and his times vividly to life. Here we see the sweeping grandeur of the courts Mozart visited as a child prodigy, and the grasping desperation of his scheming father. We follow the composer through the flush of his first love up through his marriage to Constanze Weber, and from his first, half-plagiarized concertos to masterpieces like The Magic Flute. We watch Mozart clash with family and friends, with archbishops and emperors, and we feel again the tragedy of his mysterious early death. And above all, we hear his eternal music: music that captivated a continent, defined a genre, and changed the world. “I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings” - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Buy Now to Discover: A layperson’s explanation of the devices that made Mozart’s music unique. The complicated relationship between Mozart and his demanding father. Mozart’s love affair with his cousin Maria Anna Thekla. The surprising story behind the premiere of La nozze di Figaro. Mozart’s friendship with fellow master Joseph Haydn. The most likely cause of Mozart’s young death. Mozart’s influence on Rossini, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and more. Read Your Book Now Your book will be instantly and automatically delivered to your Kindle device, smartphone, tablet, and computer. FREE Bonus Book Buy this book now and receive instant access to your free Kindle ebook. Money Back Guarantee If you start reading our book and are not completely satisfied with your purchase, simply return it to Amazon within 7 days for a full refund. Go to Your Account -> Manage Your Content and Devices -> Find the Book -> Return for Full Refund. Buy Now and Read The True Story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart... Thank you in advance for buying our book. We know you'll love it!

    Students play in varied positions, reinforcing reading skills and recognizing intervals through the 5th. Musicianship is built with the introduction of legato and staccato touches. This level continues the interval orientation to reading across the full range of the Grand Staff. The 5-finger approach is presented here in a fresh, musically appealing way. Boy On A Bicycle C Chord March Classic Dance Dinosaur Stomp Firefly Ferris Wheel Forest Drums Girl On A Bicycle Grumpy Old Troll Half-Time Show Jazzy Joe Jumbo's Lullaby Kite In The Sky Lightly Row Legato Skips Legato Steps Li'l Liza Jane My Pony Magnetic March Merlin The Wizard Mexican Jumping Beans No Moon Tonight Paper Airplane Party Song Piano Adventures Lesson Book Level 1 Playful Porpoise Rain Forest Row, Row, Row Your Boat Runaway Rabbit Russian Sailor Dance Scarf Dance Sailing In The Sun Shepherd's Song (From The Sixth Symphony) Skipping In Space Sneaking Past The Sleeping Dog Soaring Eagle Song For A Scarecrow The Juggler Tap Dancing The Bubble The Haunted Mouse The Lonely Pine The Super Secret Agent The Talking Tuba Two-Note March When The Saints Go Marching In Warm-Up In G Young Hunter

    The profession requires cops to see people at their worst. They see death, tragedy, crime, and despair on a daily basis. The very nature of the tasks cops perform and the things cops see skews their sense of humor. Sometimes, a sense of humor is the only defense mechanism in a police officer's tool box. Stripped of the ability to laugh, or forced to be politically correct in a politically incorrect work environment can be hazardous to one's health. Coping becomes an essential component of a police officer's arsenal. One of the primary coping mechanisms utilized by cops is humor. A cop can find something funny about almost anything, regardless of how tragic the circumstances. Dark humor involves making light of a serious, disturbing or taboo subject matter. It is sometimes viewed as morbid, cruel, offensive, and graphic in nature and is yet, still found funny. This is the story of the author's twenty-year police career with the New York City Transit Police and NYPD as he worked with some of New York City's darkest knights - those cops who did and said the funniest things under the most difficult circumstances.

    Inspirational, original, stunningly creative, they forged an extraordinary connection with their fans. Author Tom Bryant was given unparalleled access to the band over the years and now he draws on interviews with Gerard Way and his brother Mikey, Ray Toro and Frank Iero, as well as friends and associates, to bring their stories to life. In this unauthorized biography, he takes us behind the scenes from their very first gig in front of thirty kids in New Jersey - the Ways downing beer to calm their nerves - to international arena-storming superstardom. He sheds light on the personal demons the bandmates battled and the haunted recording session that resulted in the brilliance of "The Black Parade". He also explores the genesis of their music, the constant reinvention that culminated in the visual splendour of "Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys", and the strains that led to their split in 2013.Insightful and revealing, "The True Lives of My Chemical Romance" is the definitive biography of the most adored rock band this century, a story of self-belief and the pursuit of dreams.

    Now four-time Emmy winner Joe Toplyn reveals his proven methods of writing for late-night television in this one-of-a-kind insider's guide. Toplyn analyzes each type of comedy piece in the late-night TV playbook and takes you step-by-step through the process of writing it. His detailed tips, techniques, and rules include: - 6 characteristics every good monologue joke topic must have - 6 specific ways to generate punch lines - 12 tools for making your jokes their funniest - 7 types of desk pieces and how to create them - 9 steps to writing parodies and other sketches - How to go after a writing job in late night - PLUS a complete sample comedy/talk show submission packet Also use this comprehensive manual to write short-form comedy for the Internet, sketch shows, magazines, reality shows, radio, advertising, and any other medium.

     Learn a Proven Step By Step Mixing Process That's Helped Thousands of Musicians Like Yourself Make Amazing Mixes in Their Home Studio, Using Only EQ, Compression, Reverb, Delay, and Saturation "This is the NO BS guide to taking your mixes to the next level! Björgvin has been teaching and writing about recording for a decade, and really understands that stuff that we all struggle with in the home studio. Step By Step Mixing takes you through the full process of making sure your mixes rock from ruff to radio ready!" -Lij Shaw, Award winning Producer and Podcaster of Recording Studio Rockstars Let Me Ask You This: Do you fight to make all your instruments fit together in a busy mix? Do you struggle to EQ each instrument to sit in their frequency range without getting in the way of everything else? Do you tear your hair out finding the right compression setting for each track? Do you have a hard time using reverb and delay without cluttering up your mix? Do you get confused by saturation and how to use it to get a warmer sounding mix? If you answered yes to one of those questions - don't worry - you're not alone. If you want to make better mixes immediately in your home studio that translate to every speaker system, whether you're working on demos for your band of mixing records for your clients, grab Step By Step Mixing right now. Here's What You'll Learn Inside: Learn to get organized and simplify your mixing process to create more mixes that sound better in less time Learn practical EQ tips to make all of your instruments fit in your mix Learn to use compression to create punchy and tight mixes Learn to use reverb and delay to add space and depth to your mixes without cluttering up the song and making yourself sound like an amateur Learn everything you need to know about saturation to add that secret sauce to your songs that make people take notice of your skills Learn an invaluable process to getting your mix to translate to any speaker or sound system Step by Step Mixing covers the theory behind each processor while giving you simple to use, practical audio tips you can use to improve your mixes. Every chapter is broken down as such: Explanations on the theory behind what the plug-ins do and how to use them: You’ll get a thorough walkthrough of the various regions of the frequency spectrum. You’ll understand exactly how to use your compressors. You’ll learn all about the various reverb and delay settings (some reverbs are just too complex!) and you’ll get very familiar with using saturation (without overloading and distorting your mixes!). Common Problems and Their Practical Solutions: After you understand how each processor works we’ll talk about some real world scenarios. I’ll give you some practical and easy to use tips to make your mixes jump out of the speakers. Once you've mastered these five processors above you’ll be ready to make a killer mix in your home studio, whether you’re working on demos for your band or mixing records for your friends and

    But the process of creating is not something that "comes easily" or "is enjoyable" for her. So, over the years, she’s invented a number of helpful techniques for tricking, shaming, coercing herself into doing things. You Are (A Comedy) Special is 15-step comedic send up of a self help guide that examines Maria’s approach to stand-up in a hilarious fashion. So if you’ve ever found yourself alphabetizing your cans of soup instead of, oh, writing that screenplay, you might find this book interesting. Or at least an entertaining distraction from that tough soup-alphabetizing work.

    As he walked around looking for help wanted signs, a series of unfortunate accidents occurred resulting in him entering a coma. When he woke up, he discovered he'd been granted a mysterious system. Moreover, the system finally provided him with some direction about what he should do with his life. Follow Alan as he explores his new found calling!

    Another adventure of Milo Snotrocket based on Star Wars saga.

    From her well-remembered New Yorker essays about the financial demands of big-city ambition and the ethereal, strangely old-fashioned allure of cyber relationships to her dazzlingly hilarious riff in Harper's about musical passions that give way to middle-brow paraphernalia, Daum delves into the center of things while closely examining the detritus that spills out along the way. She speaks to questions at the root of the contemporary experience, from the search for authenticity and interpersonal connection in a society defined by consumerism and media; to the disenchantment of working in a "glamour profession"; to the catastrophic effects of living among New York City's terminal hipsters. With precision and well-balanced irony, Daum implicates herself as readily as she does the targets that fascinate and horrify her. In a review of The KGB Bar Reader, in which Daphne Merkin singled out Daum's essay about the inability to mourn a friend's death, Merkin wrote: "It's brutally quick, the way this happens, this falling in love with a writer's style. Daum's story hooked me by the second line. Hmm, I thought, this is a writer worth suspending my routines for."

    At the age of 15, in 1964, Lulu - born Marie Lawrie in Glasgow - was already a star with her international hit song 'Shout'. At 18 she stole hearts as an English schoolgirl to Sidney Poitier's teacher with the movie hit 'To Sir With Love'. At 21, she married a Bee Gee, Maurice Gibb, and tied as winner of the Eurovision Song Contest with 'Boom-Bang-a-Bang'. Yet in 1993 she reached No.1 with 'Relight My Fire' (with Take That). Nearly forty years at the top of the showbiz tree, Lulu has never been afraid to experiment with new trends, and her book reflects the daring that took a girl from a Glasgow tenement to international stardom - as 'To Sir With Love' says, 'from crayons to perfume'.I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT (the title of a song Lulu wrote and Tina Turner recorded) is the devastatingly candid autobiography of a singer who has never shirked from facing anything.

    The book contains the lyrics, melody, and chord symbols for eight hit songs. The CD contains demos for listening and separate backing tracks so you can sing along. The CD is playable on any CD, but it is also enhanced for PC and Mac computer users so you can adjust the recording to any pitch without changing the tempo Perfect for home rehearsal, parties, auditions, corporate events, and gigs without a backup band. This volume includes 8 top hits from the show "Hannah Montana" The Best of Both Worlds * I Got Nerve * If We Were a Movie * Life's What You Make It * Nobody's Perfect * The Other Side of Me * We Got the Party * Who Said.

    Lumped into the burgeoning alt-country movement, the band soon landed a major label deal and recorded an instant classic: Strangers Almanac. That's when tour manager Thomas O'Keefe met the young musician.For the next three years, Thomas was at Ryan's side: on the tour bus, in the hotels, backstage at the venues. Whiskeytown built a reputation for being, as the Detroit Free Press put it, "half band, half soap opera," and Thomas discovered that young Ryan was equal parts songwriting prodigy and drunken buffoon. Ninety percent of the time, Thomas could talk Ryan into doing the right thing. Five percent of the time, he could cover up whatever idiotic thing Ryan had done. But the final five percent? Whiskeytown was screwed.Twenty-plus years later, accounts of Ryan's legendary antics are still passed around in music circles. But only three people on the planet witnessed every Whiskeytown show from the release of Strangers Almanac to the band's eventual breakup: Ryan, fiddle player Caitlin Cary, and Thomas O'Keefe.

    You'd expect a drummer to have better timing. Yes, he parted ways before The Patrol became the Stone Roses. Yes, he turned down The Smiths because he didn't like Morrissey's voice. Right place, right time, wrong choices. Timing is everything.But the beat goes on and while Simon Wolstencroft can see what might have been, cultivating bitterness bears no fruit. And 'Funky Si' has tasted the nectar. Spending an unlikely 11 years in The Fall and hooking up with his old mate Ian Brown during his solo days, 'You Can Drum But You Can't Hide' reflects on a life driven by a passion for playing. Taking you from the warehouses of Manchester and the beaches of Rio de Janeiro to the high rises of Tokyo, this book hands you a backstage pass to an evocative age that restored pride to the city of Manchester. With humour and detail, Si recounts a fascinating tale of drumming and drugs, friendships and fall outs, but, above all, a love of music.