The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC and Mashable.

    This plant is used exclusively to comply with the extremely complicated ritual laws set down in the Tablets of Enku.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

    A scientific look at zombies-the ultimate guide to how the other half lives (or not)How fast and far would a zombie infection spread? What would a nutritionist say about an all-brain diet? Why are the undead so pissed off? Here are the answers to all of your essential zombie questions (you know you've asked them), with a lively, science-based exploration of every aspect of the undead.First book to examine the possible science of our undead brethren, from what a zombie brain looks like to why zombies don't get fatFact-based approach-looks at zombies through the lens of real sciencePerfect gift for zombies (assuming they could read) and zombie-philesDripping with great zombie factoids and insights, The Proper Care and Feeding of Zombies will flesh out your understanding of the living dead.

     Agatha Blackmore has grown. She finished her internship with the Magical Crimes Division of the FBI with flying colors. Now her and her team are on their own fighting magical creatures across the nation. Witches, Wizards and Dragons had better beware because nobody touches the witch! This volume contains three individual books: Special Agent in charge Witness Enchantment Night of the Unicorn

    However, one new job appeared that was humans-only; gold farming in VRMMOs (Virtual Reality MMO). Ken worked as a gold farmer in the popular fantasy VRMMO Avantheim Online. However one day, while gold farming in AO, he was suddenly teleported into another VR world, where he soon realizes that he and his NPC allies are far stronger than anyone else in this new world. 2nd Edition, first published November 15th, 2016.

    Cherry Paget's is a Chihuahua.Cherry was young, beautiful and rich-just golden enough to imagine that she had the world by the balls. Death was the furthest thing from her mind. But even a morbid obsession with the afterlife could not have prepared her for what happened.Chihuahua Karma chronicles the horrendous consequences of Cherry's bad choices. She trades love for a Black American Express card. She dumps veterinarian, Richard Preston, to marry gangster, Larry Finkelstein. And, when a smudge of magenta lipstick confirms that Larry is cheating she washes down a fist-full of Vicoden with a bottle of wine for breakfast. That mistake is the beginning of her problems.In an inebriated attempt at tanning, Cherry plunges from the terrace of her penthouse to the street below. She escapes extinction only to encounter a more complicated fate. Cherry regains consciousness trapped inside the body of a very tiny dog.Cherry's diminutive prison is a mini Chi named Sugar. The Lucky Dream Dry Cleaners is her dismal new home. With the unwitting assistance of her former housekeeper, Cherry escapes the dirty clothes and cotton dust. Once again ensconced in Larry's luxurious penthouse, she becomes his girlfriend's prized purse-buddy.In her diminished state, Cherry finds new perspective. She yearns for Richard. And she forms an unlikely alliance with Don Paco Fernandez, a temperamental ghost with a taste for tequila and pretty ladies. Through Don Paco, Cherry discovers that only she can save an orphaned child from her impending adoption by a sinister couple. The cast of off-beat characters collides, and Cherry meets her destiny at a casino night Christmas party.Chihuahua Karma could easily share a shelf with humorous fiction like the Devil Wears Prada and the Nanny Diaries. Sugars fans include women who love fashion, passion and small dogs and any reader who enjoys unraveling a quirky plot to its surprising conclusion.Debby Rice is a writer from Chicago. She has spent time in Mexico City, San Miguel Allende, New Orleans and San Francisco, and her experiences in those cities color her work. Rice blurs the distinctions between fantasy and reality and immerses her readers in a vividly imagined new world.

    Open at your own risk. Sarah and Tommy have the same kinds of problems as most any ten-year-old girl and six-year-old boy. Homework, bullies, Dad not going in to work since Mom ran off to fuck the postman. That sort of thing. But they're not going to take their problems lying down. After a quick bus ride into town to buy a gun, they think their problems are all but solved. That is, until a creepy weirdo follows them into an alley. But they aren't the only ones in that alley. What they discover will make you soil your pants in terror. It will make your skin crawl. It might even give you... Shingles.

    Slump and one of the strangest places on Earth!

    It's taken months for Iris to work up the nerve to spend time around her baby sister after her vampire transition, so she enlists help from Jane Jameson and Company to keep her blood-thirst under control and assure Gigi's safety.Gigi, on the other hand, has problems of her own, including the demise of her relationship with high school sweetheart, Ben, and a looming job interview with Ophelia Lambert, the scariest potential employer in the Hollow. And then there's the small matter of the handsome, frustrating vampire who keeps appearing in Gigi's peripheral vision, then disappearing before she can talk to him.Can the Scanlon sisters negotiate romantic problems, vampire politics, and Christmas cookie disasters and enjoy a relatively normal holiday?Duration: 3 hours 43 minutes

    Toby has been waiting for years to finally get his chance to see the game, but after server problems and issues with the download he only has a few minutes to do so before real life calls. And nothing seems to go right. His first glimpses of the world leave him confused, and it turns out he isn’t alone. Someone has broken into the server and changed things to suit themselves. Everyone has only one character, one life, and an impossible goal: make it to the end in a week. Everyone is mortal, and everyone is a killer. It’s open season on other players. The man who usurped the world chose Toby to be the champion of this cause, despite his lack of knowledge of game… or perhaps because of it. He is given a terrible weapon, the only one capable of setting things right. Yet he is just as mortal as everyone else. Or worse, as his character remains in the world even if he logs out. But with the future of their hard work on the line, the developers are not about to sit out of this fight. Their game, their reputation, and their very company are on the line. With Toby’s help they take up the challenge and fight to reclaim their world.

    Vampires, a funeral home, and a sleepy little town set the stage for murder with a whole lot of laugh-out-loud fun to keep you turning the pages. Detective McBride has his hands full as he tries to catch a murderer while dealing with the voice in his head…a deliciously sexy voice that has his libido working overtime. The voice of a vampire and maybe a murderer! Spencer Polanski is an embalmer at her family-owned funeral home. Perfect job for a vampire, really. Especially one who's sans a working schnoz. That’s right. She has a bum nose. A plus when preparing the dead for eternal slumber—a big fat zero when it comes to sniffing out your true life mate.Devoid her sense of smell, it’s business as usual when a clueless Spencer meets Larkin McBride. The detective's at Polanski’s to attend the wake of his best friend when he discovers something very unusual…He can hear Spencer’s every thought.Her every vampire thought.So what’s “Detective McYummy” to do when the luscious Miss Polanksi’s thoughts are consumed by the body count in her sleepy town…and the possibility that the murderer could be one of her own kind?Dear Readers, First and foremost, if you recognize the title and concept of this book, do note, this is an expanded, revised, updated re-release of a small-press publication, originally released as a multi-part serial.Content Notes: Paranormal Romance, Vampires, Supernatural, Romantic Comedy, HumorousPreviously published (2014) Dakota Cassidy |(2006) Changeling Press

    

    The remarkable reality of this wondrous character is not what you might expect: it is a perilous adventure full of the kinds of frightful and extraordinary things you read about in farfetched novels authored by dusty old professors with extremely vivid imaginations. The difference here is that this is not fantasy. Through an extensive, quite dangerous and very expensive venture I have catalogued all the details; thus it is in the following pages that I am able to present, quite faithfully, an accurate narrative of the birth and marvelous triumph of that indomitable spirit who has, through the ages, been the bearer of gifts and magic for young and old and who will always be the greatest champion of that most miraculous of holidays which happily never fails to fall on the 25th of December. Before I continue, however, I must provide a clear warning: the true story of Santa Claus is perilous, indeed. There are no frolicking reindeer, no jingling elves, no tidy ribbons or bows... Santa was a hero, and as such his tale is epic. So if you want to avoid being frightened nearly out of your wits then do not proceed. But if it is your wish, I respectfully give you the true story of Santa Claus.From internationally bestselling author B.C.CHASE comes an imaginatively fantastical take on the man in red featuring fiery dragons, swashbuckling swords, and of course elves. This not-to-be-missed tale of courage, determination, and selfless love has been critically acclaimed as an instant classic destined to be passed down for generations to come.This tale is allegorical in the spirit of The Chronicles of Narnia.