Whether this is because they haven't yet mastered the 21st century phone or because they live to embarrass you throughout all forms of communication, Text Fails from Mum, is a hilarious collection of our all time favourite texts from Mum.Please stop changing the google logo so much, I like the original one.Mum I don't change the logo. Google changes it.On my computer, you don't run the Google?If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 Ford.Andy, I can't find my phone. Can you call it so I can try and track it down?I don't have time to be quippy, mum. It's in your hand.What? No it's not. I've got a bag of groceries in my hand. Are you saying it's in the grocery bag? How do you know these things!?WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING ME WITH!?Never mind! I found it! Thanks!This humour gift book is the laugh out loud answer to the annual conundrum what should I get Mum for Christmas, Mother's Day and her Birthday? Text Fails From Mum is the perfect stocking filler, and a gift all the family can relate to and enjoy.

    Before their old master died, her family lived in comfortable servants' quarters beside a garden where birdsong echoed through the day. But the new young master turned them out, and now Olive, her parents, and her five-year-old brother Jimmy are struggling to get by. In their cold and desolate tenement, Olive sings to Jimmy about the birds of the garden, trying to cling to hope. Things go from bad to worse when Father succumbs to consumption. Without his job at the docks, the family can't get by. They try to survive on the streets, but it's an impossible task for a destitute mother and her two small children. Olive embarks on a journey of loss and survival in the brutal setting of Victorian London. She has to survive the deaths of loved ones, the appalling conditions in the slums of Old Nichol, and worst of all, the horrors of a match factory and the deadly diseases lurking inside. But one bright thread runs through her story: a kind and handsome boy who gives her bread and whistles just like a nightingale. Might he be the thread by which she can pull herself back up into a better life?

    Now, I can add Margaret Lashley to that very short list." “Her characters are lovable and believable and you cheer, and cry, along with them.” “I found myself deeply immersed in Val’s journey and laughing out loud.” “If you enjoy Janet Evanovich, you’ll love Margaret Lashley!” “From the first page to the last, I was captivated.” “The characters are great – so many laugh out loud moments…” “Hilarious! I can completely relate to Val.” “Made me laugh, made me cry…. Couldn’t stop reading it.” "Margaret writes with a "smirk" of a Cheshire cat. Fantastic read.” If you like deeply flawed characters and laugh-out-loud situations, you’ll love Margaret Lashley’s hilarious Val Fremden Mystery Series. Why did you decide to write women’s fiction? I grew up in an era of strong women role models, such as Marlo Thomas in That Girl, as well as Mary Tyler Moore and Carol Burnett in shows that bore their names. These women were pursuing their own dreams, their own ways. I didn’t see much of that in fiction today. I wanted to create a character that was strong, yet vulnerable. One that celebrated the everyday, self-made woman who was struggling to finally put her own needs first. My main character, Val, is a survivor who bears the scars of her hard journey proudly, and with her own quirky coping mechanisms and sense of humor. Where did you get the idea for the Val & Pals Series? Real life was my inspiration. Today’s society makes it hard for a woman to be less than beautiful and perfect and subservient. I wanted to explore the idea of a woman who decided to lay down her tiara and mirror and scorecard and begin to play by her own rules. This type of freedom costs her dearly in many ways, but would it be worth it? That’s what this series explores with tears and triumphs and a barrel full of laughs. What type of reader would enjoy your brand of women’s fiction? Readers who like to be taken by surprise – who like to laugh and cry and dissolve into another world when they read. My characters have their great triumphs and cringe-worthy failures. They are flawed and vulnerable and funny as hell. My stories draw laughs using a wide net – from Pat Conroy’s twisted, dark family humor to Bridget Jones’s slap-stick situational gaffs. Things don’t always turn out like they planned. But that’s life – when it’s truly lived.

    Want to read an example? Have a look at How an Elephant was Weighed.A hippo believes he is the most handsome of all animals. But do the other animals in the forest agree? Find out in Hippo Humbled.Shonar the deer is in trouble! What’s Kalia the Crow going to do now?A washerman is convinced his donkey can turn into a man! Find out why in The Dhobi and his Donkey.

     So waste no more time, scroll up this page and order the the ebook right now.

    . .Janie and her husband James have a strong, loving marriage. A move from an inner-city slum to a peaceful new estate outside of Bolton should have been a fresh start for them and their three children. But when war is declared and James announces he has signed up, Janie fears it's the beginning of the end.Waving goodbye to their menfolk is a sacrifice that families are making all over the country and Janie does her best to make do, forging friendships in her new community.But when James comes home on leave a traumatised and desperate man, then goes AWOL, Janie's heart goes out to him. Determined to keep him safe, she plans to hide him in their new house. But how long can they keep the secret, and what threats lie ahead if they're found out?A page-turning new wartime saga about love, friendship and secrets, for fans of Katie Flynn and Rosie Goodwin.

    Octopus, the Vulture, Electro, Mysterio, and the Gentleman's mysterious ward, Pity. But Mysterio, the master of illusion, has a plan of his own! A number of Hollywood people have been targeted for murder, and the Webhead must halt Mysterio's deadly rampage before more lives are claimed.

    As the festive season approaches in a small Welsh village, two friends, Patricia and Vanessa, fall for the same man. Vanessa will stop at nothing to win his affections, but ultimately it is Patricia who finds love.Yet when tragedy strikes, it is Patricia who has to piece her life back together. Throwing herself into revitalising a traditional gelato business, she finds comfort from an unexpected source. Soon local gossip makes her worry if her new suitor can be trusted… is he too good to be true? An atmospheric and emotional saga, Ice Cream in Winter is steeped in period detail. Its author, the much-loved Grace Thompson (here under the pen name Kay Christopher), is one of the bestselling saga writers of recent years.

    

    From TV's award-winning comedy mum, Lucy Beaumont, comes her hilarious debut on the trials and tribulations of motherhood.

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    If you enjoyed the first book, I'm sure you'll enjoy this one just as much. This journey starts where The Unknown Mongol "the first book" left off. The year is 1998 and Scott "Junior" Ereckson the National President of the Mongols Motorcycle Club has been convicted of assault with a deadly weapon. Because he's an ex-felon and its his 2nd strike, he' been sentenced to 14 years in state prison. Follow Junior as the unforgiving steel doors of freedom slam behind him. Go with him on this wild rollercoaster ride to hell and back. Experience the in's, out's, ups and downs of Los Angeles County Jail (the closest place to hell on earth), then on to California State Prison. Hold on tight as you share the happiness, sadness, and relationships in this unbelievable but true gripping expedition of one man's life.

    His glittering international rugby career that took him from England to New Zealand and France – including 77 caps for England – is over. What will he do now? What is his purpose in life?In Ruck Me, James sets out on a voyage of self-discovery speaking to ex-colleagues, friends and family, reflecting on his career and diving into some of his most memorable personal anecdotes to date. But what started out as a search for understanding and meaning soon turns into a – let’s face it, sometimes warranted – chastisement opportunity with James directly in the firing line. Turns out he has a lot of work to do…As funny as it is outrageous, this brilliant book acts as a lesson on how (not) to retire gracefully and move forward. And ruck me – you won’t want to miss it.

    Caitlin Bridges is a young woman looking for love. She has never understood why her parents hate her so much but when she discovers that her life is connected to Glyn's in an unexpected way nothing can prepare her for the shocking revelations that follow.

    She fled from a tyrannical mother into the clutches of a sadistic man. She endured poverty, fear and pain. Then along came Ben Starling, older, wiser, who smoothed her path and gave her love and security. But now Ben has become a stranger who has slipped beyond her reach. As her stability threatens to disintegrate once more, a thin, waif-like girl from Liverpool thrusts her way into Laura's life - a girl who is to prove a link with the past. But no one can help Laura make the decisions that will alter the course of her existence. As the September starlings gather, Laura realises she must take courage and forge her own future.