This is the story of how he succeeds in getting it all, and what it costs him in the end.Narrated by an unlikely literary legend, How I Became A Famous Novelist pinballs from the post-college slums of Boston, to the fear-drenched halls of Manhattan's publishing houses, from the gloomy purity of Montana’s foremost writing workshop to the hedonistic hotel bars of the Sunset Strip. The horrifying, hilarious tale of how Pete’s “pile of garbage” called The Tornado Ashes Club became the most talked about, blogged about, read, admired, and reviled novel in America will change everything you think you know about literature, appearance, truth, beauty, and those people out there, somewhere in America, who still care about books.

    If Eddie wants to wed Menaka, it is Thilak Rupasinghe, her orthodox terror of a father, whom he must woo and whose farts he must kiss – Thilak wants his daughter to marry someone of the same race, religion and caste, and if possible from the same locality.In a desperate bid to make his dream a reality, Eddie tries to connect with Thilak in other ways – eating curries that make him bleed spice and breathe fire, driving drunk through red lights, threatening co-workers with violence, and sleeping with snakes. But will Eddie ever be good enough for a man who hates the colour of his skin?Sparkling with wit and featuring an endearing cast of characters, The Amazing Racist is the story of a man who finds a home among strangers, of a father-in-law whose bark is worse than his bite, and of bonds that grow to be stronger than family ties.

     As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence. And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass. Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.

    Her 6-step, proven process to get your toddler out of diapers and onto the toilet has already worked for tens of thousands of kids and their parents. Here's the good news: your child is probably ready to be potty trained EARLIER than you think (ideally, between 20-30 months), and it can be done FASTER than you expect (most kids get the basics in a few days—but Jamie's got you covered even if it takes a little longer). If you've ever said to yourself:** How do I know if my kid is ready? ** Why won't my child poop in the potty? ** How do I avoid "potty power struggles"? ** How can I get their daycare provider on board? ** My kid was doing so well—why is he regressing? ** And what about nighttime?!Oh Crap! Potty Training can solve all of these (and other) common issues. This isn't theory, you're not bribing with candy, and there are no gimmicks. This is real-world, from-the-trenches potty training information—all the questions and all the ANSWERS you need to do it once and be done with diapers for good.

    From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart, not to mention your pants.

    But none of this experience will prepare you for the world’s biggest technological marvel: a newborn baby.   Through step-by-step instructions and helpful schematic diagrams, The Baby Owner’s Manual explores hundreds of frequently asked questions: What’s the best way to swaddle a baby? How can I make my newborn sleep through the night? When should I bring the baby to a doctor for servicing? Whatever your concerns, you’ll find the answers here—courtesy of celebrated pediatrician Dr. Louis Borgenicht and his son, Joe Borgenicht. Together, they provide plenty of useful advice for anyone who wants to learn the basics of childcare.

    Most dads say a lot of sh*t. But unfortunately, what they say is usually not even worth writing down. Thats because they have about as much wit as a sack of flour. Justin Halpern's dad is the rare exception. His dads sh*t is funny because it is just so stupid and ridiculous. This book is both a parody and a tribute to the book Sh*t My Dad Says. This book is a carefully selected collection of things that dads most definitely would never say, just because these sayings are actually clever, witty and smart.

     Is slipping on a banana peel really as hazardous to your health as the cartoons imply? Answer: Yes. Banana peels ooze a gel that turns out to be extremely slippery. Your foot and body weight provide the pressure. The gel provides the humor (and resulting head trauma). Can you die by shaking someone s hand? Answer: Yes. That's because, due to atomic repulsion, you've never actually touched another person s hand. If you could, the results would be as disastrous as a medium-sized hydrogen bomb. If you were Cookie Monster, just how many cookies could you actually eat in one sitting? Answer: Most stomachs can hold up to sixty cookies, or around four liters. If you eat or drink more than that, you re approaching the point at which the cookies would break through the lesser curvature of your stomach, and then you d better call an ambulance to Sesame Street."

    Cringe at the forced poses, bad hair, and matching outfits--all prompting us to look at our own families and celebrate the fact that we're not alone. Nothing says awkward better than an uncomfortable family photograph!

    However, for the older ones among us, this is a book full of solace, humour and relief.In a charming, naively illustrated tale, we follow the adventures of Bunny - a version of all of us - as he encounters a series of obstacles that we may well recognise from our own lives.Watching poor Bunny, we end up delighted that we are not alone, and perhaps smiling darkly in sympathy with his sorrows. Children might even have the odd peek inside if they dare.

    It's overflowing with TG genius, geeky automotive facts, photographs of the slickest, fastest cars on the planet (and a few old bangers), plus plenty of Clarkson, Hammond and May as you've never seen them before, including Jeremy Clarkson as a Reliant-driving crime fighter.You'll also find Top Gear's innovative designs for a low-budget Presidential limo, Richard Hammond's guide to making nature better (or faster, anyway), the owner's manual for the TG electric car, the secret Top Gear things you've never seen, and a Foreword from the Stig himself. With all this, and much, much more, we can guarantee it's literally the loudest, most ambitious, most powerful and explosive book in the world.

    Culling over 300 pages of some of today's most thrilling writers, The Best of 2.13.61 Publications hallmarks our company's ten year existence. Excerpts include new material from Henry Rollins and Hubert Selby, Jr, as well as excerpts from Henry Miller's love letters, Nick Zedd's hilarious nihilistic New York urban spelunkings, Ian Shoales' undeniably witty social commentaries and so much more.

    But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore-unknown secrets about himself, like that he’s a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey’s premier water parks, and perhaps the world’s least enthused high-school commencement speaker.Whether he’s throwing his baby sister in the air to jumpstart her cheerleading career or heroically rescuing his best friend from death by mud bath, Clinton leaps life’s social hurdles with aplomb. With his signature wit, he shares his unique ability to navigate the stickiest of situations, like deciding whether it’s acceptable to eat chicken wings with a fork on live television (spoiler: it’s not). Clinton delves into all these topics—and many more—in this thoroughly unabashedly frank and uproarious collection.Kamikaze --Brilliant ideas --Auditions, the universe, and other whatnot --Memorizing porn --Turd in the punchbowl --Freakin' fabulous, the sitcom --The switch --Clinton for president! --You young, me restless --Textbook penis --Stockholm syndrome --The way it went --I'm waiting --Your a psychopath --Salad days --Rich and famous --Afterword

    No, please, take your time. And definitely spread out, too, so you create a barricade of idiots. I am so thankful that you forced me to walk on the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to pass you so I could resume walking at a normal human pace.Jimmy Fallon has a few people and a few things to thank. In this brand-new book, the very first to come from his show, he addresses some 200 subjects in need of his undying "gratitude." Each page will feature one note and a photograph of its recipient. But why read any more about formatting when you could just read a few more samples;Thank you, guy whose chair made a farting noise, for prompting him to spend the next 20 minutes awkwardly shifting around trying to re-create the noise, so people would know it was just the chair. Thank you, Miley Cyrus, for being 16 and acting like a stripper at the Teen Choice Awards. If you REALLY wanna piss off your dad, why not just cut off his allowance? From Hilary Clinton to a light bulb he is too lazy to replace, these are the moments and memories that make Jimmy's life a little bit fuller.

    Zombies from the zombies' point of view! The Art of Plants vs. Zombies is part zombie memoir, part celebration of zombie triumphs, and part anti-plant screed, as well as a treasure trove of rare concept art, sketches, and more covering Plants vs. Zombies, Plants vs. Zombies 2, Plants vs. Zombies Adventures, and Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare. It's a must-have for any fan and an insider's view of zombies with some Wall-nutty surprises and never-before-seen awesome art. Even Crazy Dave wants a copy - if only to learn more about his fun-dead foes!