You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in their pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again.What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on.In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling novel Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the South she loves, the land of "Mama and them," "precious and dahlin'," and mommies who mow. Y'all come back now, you hear?

    Olivia Arnold is arranging the festivities ... It's the hardest thing she's ever done ... Because SHE should be marrying Kyle Houseman ... After all ... until fairly recently ... Kyle and Olivia were together ... for more than a year ... But her jealous sister, Noelle ... stole Kyle away ... and now ... Noelle's pregnant ...All their friends in Whiskey Creek know as well as Olivia does that Kyle's making a mistake. His stepbrother, Brandon, knows it, too. But Kyle's determined to go through with it, for his child's sake.Olivia's devastated, but surprisingly Brandon ... the black sheep of the family ... is there to provide comfort and consolation. The intensity between them, both physical and emotional, shows Olivia that maybe Kyle wasn't the right man for her ... But is Brandon!!!?!

    Imagine a drug that flips the valleys and makes them peaks, too. You react now to an event based not on the pleasure or pain that it brings, but solely on the intensity of the emotion created. Pain brings pleasure, grief gives joy, horror renders ecstasy.Now give this drug to a soldier. Tell them to kill. Not in the historically acceptable murder of war, but in a systematic corporate strategy--of xenocide.They will kill. And they will revel in it.Welcome to the world of Scream.Jason Trelayne is a Screamer, a soldier forced to take part in the destruction of entire races. But when Trelayne falls in love with a beautiful Scream Angel, an alien who produces the addictive drug, he sets off a chain of events that pits him and a small group of followers against an empire.An award winning novelette of rebellion, love, and an unlikely hero."A dark and powerful story with a first line that sets the tone for what is to come: 'They stopped beating Trelayne when they saw that he enjoyed it.' (A++)" --Fantasy Book Critic"A visceral work. A true pearl of the fantastic literature. Breath-taking." --Café de Ontem"...the book's most skillfully crafted story...quickly becomes one that holds the reader's attention until the very end." --SpecFicWorld"...remind me of the reasons I love the author's writing: his characterization, attention to detail and recurring themes of love, faith and redemption." --SF Crowsnest Reviews"The story has so many layers that I'm still sorting them out. And like an onion, I'm not sure if I'll ever find the final layer." --Tangent Online"One of those rare ideas that seems at once so perfect and so natural that someone must have come up with it before; but if someone has, I haven't heard about it, and regardless Smith exploits the potential of the idea extraordinarily well here." --Strange Horizons

    How much longer can she deny the feelings she has secretly harbored for her brother’s best friend?After he saved her kitten, Megan Price knew that Prince Charming didn’t always ride a white horse. Sometimes he was your brother’s best friend. As the years moved on Kingston became more and more handsome and so did the long line of broken hearts he left in his wake. The first time Kingston Halloway noticed that little Megan had grown up, was the evening of her prom. He had paid for it with a bloody nose and a promise to Alex to never look her way again. For years he has ignored her chestnut hair and amber eyes and the way her smile lit up a room.When Megan unwittingly buys the house next to Kingston and hires him to help her renovate, can they both keep denying the attraction between them?

    These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list-makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits. Whether she is dwelling on her age or talking about the pros and cons of a bedroom night light -- "A married couple can best be defined as a unit of people whose sleep habits are carefully engineered to keep each other awake" -- Roach finds a lesson, a slice of sarcasm, or a dash of something special that makes each day comical and absolutely priceless.In keeping with our mission -- curating the best reads in the land -- Reader's Digest editors neatly packaged these timeless (and hilarious) Roach essays together for the first time. Whether you read this cover-to-cover or during spare moments over morning coffee, flip to a page in this volume and try not to smile.

     Have you ever helped your parents pack for a weeklong cruise? No? I didn't think so. So shut it. So begins vacation for Summer Hartwell - twenty-six years old, living with her anxiety-ridden parents, and unwillingly booked by her brother on a weeklong cruise to Bermuda. Despite the nightmare of being trapped aboard a cruise ship with Mom and Dad, Summer sees a rare opportunity to fulfill The Prophecy – her mother’s declaration that she will live at home until she gets married. With two thousand passengers onboard, at least one of them must be husband material, right? The only problem is Graham Blenderman – her brother’s best friend who is joining them for the week, in all of his tall, blonde, extroverted glory. Graham doesn’t believe Summer needs a husband in order to break free from her parents. He thinks she just needs a little bit of nerve. And to Summer’s introverted horror, he’s willing to spend the entire week proving that he’s right.

    In a failed quest for something stable, they’ve all arrived at a crossroads. Divorce, unemployment, eviction, addiction, sobriety, an abusive marriage, grief, homelessness, breakups, and abandonment. Can Mishka, still single, self-doubting, and on the lost side of forty, help? Maybe. He’s got the idiotic idea of a pilgrimage from Southern California to northern Saskatchewan for a family reunion. Eight troupers in all. And so sisters, nieces, nephews, and mom (armed with a bulletproof positive attitude) pile into Mishka’s 1976 shag-carpeted Chevy van. It’s a little wounded itself but raring to go.With four thousand miles of road ahead of them, Mishka steers headlong on a journey toward a better understanding of what defines a family, and what it means to grow up, grow apart, and get back together again—at ten miles to the gallon.

    Duff bares the creaky, embarrassing parts of our high school cafeteria-scarred souls for us, leaving us no choice but to laugh at our failures, no matter how spectacular, and rejoice in our successes, no matter how itty-bitty. She shows women that each one of us is a wonder in our own way, with the ability — whether we know it or not — to make the best of life’s often absurd situations. Reading If You Did What I Asked In the First Place is like sitting down with a good friend who helps you make it through the day. Pour yourself a glass of whatever makes you feel better and take off any constricting undergarments: Let loose with the knowledge that you are not alone. You have Lori at your side.

    By turns sweet and comic, sentimental and serious, Joseph Bottum's "Dakota Christmas" is an instant Christmas classic. In this beautifully written account of the mad joys and wild emotions of Christmas for children, Bottum captures the universal spirit of the season even while he recounts his memories with a sharp particularity that brings them alive for readers."Her hair was the same thin shade of gray as the weather-beaten pickets of the fence around her frozen garden," he writes of one chance Christmas encounter. "She had a way with horses, and she was alone on Christmas Eve. There is little in my life I regret as much as that I would not stay for just one cookie, just one cup of tea.""Joseph Bottum is one of America’s most gifted writers, with a perfect ear and a matchless style," the essayist Andrew Ferguson notes of "Dakota Christmas." And "to watch him deck the halls with his customary humor and generosity of spirit is glad tidings indeed--guaranteed to make your Yuletide bright.""Families have always loved brief Christmas classics that could be read aloud by the fire," adds Michael Novak. "Joseph Bottum's 'Dakota Christmas' is such a classic."

    With her trademark curiosity, she decides to rewire her thinking through hypnosis. Along the way, Susan discovers a lot about the unconscious mind, suggestibility, Mesmer, Freud, today’s cutting-edge treatments, and the dulling power of a sonorous voice. Most of all, she learns what it takes to close her eyes, open them again at thirty thousand feet, and finally be able to exhale. And you can too.

    The Forrest Gump of the funeral industry, Abbott was everywhere celebrities died, from helping to prepare Marilyn Monroe’s body for burial to standing next to Christopher Walken at Natalie Wood’s funeral. Now in his memoir “Pardon My Hearse,” Abbott tells the rags-to-shroud story of how we went from a young man with a hearse to the funeral driver to the stars—a rollicking, unexpectedly hilarious story of glamorous funerals, mishaps with corpses, and true-life glimpses of celebrities at their most revealing moments. ”Pardon My Hearse” is an eye-opening look at secret Hollywood from the man who literally knows where the bodies are buried.

     Ben is everything I could want in a man. But I locked up my heart and threw away the key a long time ago. Now, he’s assigned to guard me during my prosecution of a violent criminal. Will his disarming charm and intense blue eyes finally force me to go after what I never thought I could want again? Ben She held me at arm’s length, but something in her eyes drew me closer. Was it possible that she understood my pain? When the man she was prosecuting threatened her, My instincts went into overdrive. No one messes with what’s mine. And that’s what Liz is. Mine.

    My best friend Jody dared me to take a pack of gum from the Handy-Mart. In retrospect, I'm surprised my bumbling effort didn't land me in jail. It was hardly a covert mission but I did it. I did it, I loved it and I've been stealing ever since. Usually it's something small, just enough to give me the rush. Over the years, I've graduated up to pickpocketing which requires a bit more daring and a lot more finesse. I've never gotten caught and I suppose that's part of the thrill. Every time I take something I have to wonder if this is the day my luck will run out. This is the story of the day I stole from the wrong man. READER ADVISORY:Story contains content some readers may find objectionable, including voyeurism, exhibitionism, anal play, sex with strangers and extended orgasms. If you have a problem with orgasms, do not purchase this book.Book length: 4k words, 15 pages

    We meet. We spend the night together. Then we never see each other again. That’s my rule and I’ve never been tempted to change my mind…until him. A man who wants me to fulfill his every desire… He meets me as Luna, unaware that he’s met me before as another. And when I realize he’s poised to take away the one thing that matters, I do what I have to do to keep what belongs to me. A decision that could break us both… In the secret war between me and a man who may be the one I’d spent my life searching for…will he be the one who gives into my desires…or I into his?Note: This erotic romance is a short novelette and first in a series. Not all situations are resolved! For ages 16-18+ depending on your location.