101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

     Part One: Bears in Underwear Olivia - I never intended to drive through this part of Colorado to begin with. It was a total fluke. But when a stop for gas in the tiny town of Rocky Top leads me to a male butt more perfect than I have ever seen before, I decide its fate. After all, I’m in Colorado to shoot an ad campaign for Tight Buns Underwear. If anyone needs the perfect butt, it’s me. Del - I have never bothered to look at an underwear ad and I definitely never considered the possibility of being in one. But that was before Olivia Talpin came stomping into my life. She ramrods my family’s outfitting company and soon enough we are all dancing to her tune and setting up photo shoots all over the mountain. That girl is lucky she’s so dang cute or I might be tempted to show her just how grouchy a bear can be. Part Two: Bearing All Trip - There is nothing more useless than a magazine article. Can’t say I’ve ever looked at one myself. Even worse is the fact that I have been elected—as the most personable member of the Olsen family—to be interviewed by a female writer staying in one of the cabins down by the river. Who ever heard of a woman writing articles and ads for a fishing magazine anyway? But Kiesha isn’t like anyone I’ve has ever met. The woman loves to fish, enjoys the outdoors, and doesn’t seem interested in much else. Not even me. Kiesha - There is no doubt in my mind that Trip Olsen is the most full of it man that I have ever met. But the guy knows fishing. For now, I figure it’s in my best interest to put up with Trip until he shows me the secret behind choosing just the right bait for mountain trout. After that the guy is history. The funny thing is that the longer I spend with Trip, the more I get the feeling he is the most intriguing person Iwill ever meet. Part Three: Grin and Bear It Lilly - I am sick and tired of bears. I’m tired of Rocky Top and conspiracy theories about rival bear clans and all of the other nonsense that goes along with being part of a family that seems to have gotten stuck back in the days of rival blood family feuds. I want something more. Painting is my passion and I don't care if I have to sneak onto Olsen property to get the one view that I have been dying to paint for years. Jared - Catching Lilly Mandeville trespassing on Olsen land might just be the best thing that ever happened to me. I have about as much interest in being a fishing guide as Lilly does in being a hunting guide. It doesn’t seem to matter to either one of us that our families might be horrified by this strange new friendship. Then me and Lilly happen upon something else. Something that will explain all of the strange animosity between our families and show everyone that it’s not the bears you have to worry about. It’s the wolves.

    Some things last forever...so of all people, you'd think tattoo artists would use spell-check! Get this e-book and laugh your @#$ off at what happens when questionable taste and lack of foresight collide.Note: As the title says, there's some pretty inappropriate stuff in here...not for children!

    She may have been pompous and arrogant, but she had a body that was built for sin. She was sweet and succulent, the textbook definition of a MILF. She also happened to be my brother's wife....... She never liked me, and I have only ever tolerated her. That is, until I found out she has a secret. A deep, dark secret. And she’ll be willing to do almost anything to keep her secret from being discovered. It looks like it's time for us to get to know each other better... *** This is an erotic first in series about a submissive relationship between two consenting adults. Who are married to other people. And one of them is quite twisted. It is lewd, tawdry & over the top, enjoy if you dare! FF, MF, FFM, Bondage, BDSM ***

    The economy is collapsing, his health is failing, and around his hometown of Broughty Ferry, Bob is struggling to get the respect he deserves. Fortunately his email junk folder is bursting with offers of assistance from around the world. In these genuine emails, Bob Servant looks to the Internet's worst con merchants and charlatans for answers to his many woes. The author of the bestselling Delete This At Your Peril and the critically acclaimed Radio 4 series The Bob Servant Emails is back with an all-new compilation of emails targeting a fresh batch of email spammers—the false lenders who have bravely stepped into the credit crunch, supposed doctors offering expensive treatments for Bob's ailments, and fake foreign soldiers offering him military advice in his campaign against a local bowling club. They all find a man from Broughty Ferry who is ready and willing to give them his valuable time.

     Sometimes society is wrong. Meet the best of the absolute worst-the perpetrators of the most wretched demonstrations of moral conduct ever:Super Snorer Terrible Baby Namer Hot Water User-Upper Express Checkout Cheater No-Umbrella Etiquette Lady Eight-Minute Voicemail Leaver Dude Who Takes Board Games Too SeriouslyPeople Who Deserve It exposes everyone and everything whose behavior, life choices, and sometimes odor leave humanity with only one painful option: a punch to the face.

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    Join Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant and Karl Pilkington as they probe the nature of human society.In this episode: Athenian democracy and arboreal investments; Karl on road safety; President Pilkington's pronouncements; Malthusian musings; Karl's adoption agency; the ins and outs of organ donation; social injustice on the busses; morality and entomology; Karl's Luddite attitude to plate sanitation; euthanized ensifera; social orthodoxy at the orthodontist's; and splenetic etiquette.

    Jaden is the new boy in town, as quiet and stoic as a teenager can be. From the moment they meet, their lives entwine. They’re meant to be together, simply fated since they laid eyes on each other. Together, they outlast the odds for years, through high school and college, loving and learning as they go. Headed in different directions, as Hazel develops a talent for writing and speech, while Jaden has harbored a romantic athlete inside him all his life, somehow they stay as united as two souls in love should be. But there are warnings, small signs which hint at an impending disaster. What will happen when that tragedy strikes, and upends everything they made together?

    It’s about how bringing up kids can be a tough business, but we’re all going through the same things, and it’s easier if we can have a good laugh about it. The book covers a range of themes relevant to modern parents, from pregnancy and potty training to school, sex, and nits. There are fun features like Sex Positions For Parents, quizzes such as Did Our Husbands Really Say That?, and Scummy Mummy Life Hacks.

    Who Stole My Spandex? is a witty selection of stories from Doyle’s madcap world of menopausal pitfalls, wardrobe malfunctions, and a family full of pranksters. This clever compilation includes laugh-out-loud pieces like "Queen of Klutz,” "One Size Fits None," and "Hands off my Egg Roll!" From couples' colonoscopies to nightmare holidays to disappearing spandex, no topic—no matter how crazy or unimaginable—is too taboo. With a heavy dose of self-deprecating humor, and a dash of sentiment, this marvelous collection of anecdotes will resonate with anyone who’s ever felt the call of nature at exactly the wrong time. Welcome to the nuthouse that Marcia Kester Doyle calls home.

    But are they? He is probably the only man who has ever requested the recipe for an airline’s lasagna or wanted to enjoy his flight with an inflatable rubber woman sat on his knee. Prepare to meet the man who must have his diet of stir-fried mulberry leaves accommodated and the man who left his false teeth on a flight and is sure he recognized them on a later flight—in a flight attendant's mouth. Ravenscroft's correspondence tackles travel annoyances like excess baggage charges alongside more surreal letters, such as the one starting out asking an Australian airline if they offer an authentic Australian experience (for instance, Australian cuisine or in-flight movies) which then moves on to the question of at what age a baby is safe from being swallowed by a dingo.

    This book goes through all the miserable people you love to hate. Do you hate morning people? How about the guy who doesn’t wipe the ketchup top after using it? Or people who just don’t care? After all, isn’t hating just another form of caring?It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.

    Stuck at a boring family party, on an awkward date, in a below-par job interview, or any number of other situations in which conversation has become more of a trickle than a flow. Well, fear the excruciation no more, as Richard Herring's Emergency Questions is about to change your life. Containing 1,000 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who've appeared on his hundreds of podcasts, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights.