I am Brandon Thighmaster. Monk. Hero. Inspiration. I enjoy crunching, squats, looking at myself, looking at other people looking at myself, and long walks on the beach. I also do adventures and stuff, and I guess you can read about them here. But enough about you, let's talk about me. Brandon Thighmaster."

    Alexander McCall Smith's Swedish sleuth Ulf Varg makes his eBook debut in a Valentine's Day puzzle for the super-cool detective with the cult following on Twitter.

    What’s worse is that every time she leaves the house, she winds up in some kind of altercation. She can’t help but wonder if she’s an idiot magnet, or if she’s the smart-mouth stirring things up. Hoping for a little peace of mind, Ace gives in to the advice of her best friend and goes to see a therapist. But she quickly discovers that the road to nirvana isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. And as Ace goes from one therapeutic misadventure to another, the plus-sized spitfire becomes more determined than ever to find enlightenment—even if it means bending herself into a pretzel to do it.

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    SABOTAGE. THEFT. PANTO. What's the connection between a scheming Russian oligarch and his bungling henchmen, an ardent eco-protester and a faded Hollywood bombshell? And why are they leaving crime scenes all over Scotland - from Largs to Orkney, Stornoway to the Borders? And what has any of this got to do with Cullen? He just wants to be bloody left alone. It’s a series of bizarre mishaps in a plot full of incident, humour and Scottish salmon. Oh no it isn’t! OH YES IT IS!

    Reichert.The McCready Family Funeral Home and Bait Shop has crickets running rampant in the store and hot sauce in the Snack Shack’s ketchup bottles. But as the county coroner, Frankie has enough on her plate without worrying about the increasingly mean pranks being played at her family’s business. And the arrival of Sheriff Eric Linden, both devastatingly attractive and painfully taciturn, is enough to push her over the edge. Linden, who didn’t seem to get the memo about men in uniform and Southern charm, is condescending and cold, revealing absolutely nothing about his past as an Atlanta police officer, while also making Frankie’s job as coroner as difficult as possible. And with the town’s Fourth of July celebration coming up, it’s essential for McCready’s to be cricket-free and in good working order. Strangling the sheriff will make her job even harder. Can Frankie hold off the threats to preserve her own sanity? With her trademark “clever humor, snark, silliness, and endearing protagonists” (Booklist), Molly Harper invites fans to return to the family they first met in Sweet Tea and Sympathy. Y’all sit down and stay a while, won’t you?

    Sometimes it feels like we are all on a different planet earth. Sometimes we are!

     Finding Elizabeth Abducted from her home just before her third birthday, Elizabeth is taken in by the Bennets. It is only with the arrival of a new tenant at Netherfield that her true identity is discovered. According to Mr Bennet, Elizabeth was found wandering in the gardens of Longbourn but will the truth of the matter ever be known? Her Grandmother’s Wisdom Elizabeth and Mary Bennet on holiday with their Aunt and Uncle Gardiner in Derbyshire. It is there that they first meet Fitzwilliam Darcy a year after his father’s passing. Four years later, Darcy is pleased to discover the young lady he had thought of often resides on the neighbouring estate to the one his friend Bingley has recently leased. Miss Bennet’s Adventure Following the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy, Mary is invited to join her sister and new brother at Pemberley. There she meets again a certain colonel in His Majesty’s Army. Sequel to Her Grandmother’s Wisdom. Hurst Knows All What if Hurst was more aware of what was going on around him at Netherfield and shared his wife’s and sister’s liking for gossip. Storms over Hunsford The morning after the ill-fated proposal at Hunsford, Elizabeth is walking aimlessly in the grounds of Rosings Park as she reads Darcy’s letter. So caught up in reading and re-reading the missive, while chastising herself, she does not notice the approaching storm until it is too late.

    The story is a dark comedy about a suicidal young man named John Campbell who, after a failed suicide attempt, heads to Virginia to visit an aunt he hasn’t seen in ten years. But his rental car runs out of gas deep in the mountains. When he decides to walk in the middle of the night, he winds up in a town that is isolated from the rest of the world—Strangeville. Unable to leave, he meets an assortment of loveable oddball characters—the beautiful Delilah, Klemm Johnson, Clarissa Puddworthy, Biff Flannigan, Jeboriah Varmint, Cleetus McChoparooski, and others.

    A wave of sinkholes appears on the anniversary of a rural tragedy, and local residents begin to hear the voices of the dead. A woman encounters a predator from her youth—and a chance to turn the tables. A child’s inner beast takes on a sinister life of its own. An undetectable serial killer raises tensions on a college campus. Experimental physics reveals another world, and it might mean the end of ours. Shrouded in darkness, lurking in the shadows, NIGHT TERRORS III awaits you. The third installment of the chilling Night Terrors anthology series includes stories from Jack Ketchum, Steve Rasnic Tem, Dennis Etchison, Taylor Grant, Eric J. Guignard, Aric Sundquist, Jennifer Brozek, John McNee, Simon McCaffery, Patty Templeton, and many more!

    One crooked politician blames the local teenagers, but sophomore Megan Svenson smells something fishy—and it's not just her job at Brabender's Bait, where she runs into three out-of-towners visiting for musky fishing Opening Day. The sheriff is hot on the trail of the mailbox thieves, but Megan suspects she’s the only one who can exonerate her classmates. With a little creative thinking, Megan is determined to save Mistake’s beloved fishing holiday in this humorous tale of the eccentric Northwoods.

    Two stories from this collection have been adapted into the films Viscosity and A F*ckload of Scotch Tape.

     Eve is an 18,000 word novella originally published as an ongoing story on Reddit's Writing Prompts forum by user /u/psycho_alpaca.

    "Oh, ho! You'll love this one, Dollar!" Bobby Dollar, Advocate Angel and perpetual thorn in the side of Heaven, is about to save the holidays for a very special someone. Or somewolf. Or maybe even some pig… Bobby is summoned on Christmas Eve to do his part in the heavenly judgement of a man who is not prepared to go lightly. You see, the family of the gentleman in question are victims of Nazi war crimes, and the crimes are still occurring — in fact, the worst is yet to come. With special dispensation from an Angelic Judge named Ambriel, Bobby Dollar has until Christmas Morning to right some serious wrongs and bring some justice (and a little seasonal cheer) into a rotten world…

    But that doesn't mean the people celebrating it are always so nice. Criminals get the Christmas spirit, too!In this collection of hilarious short stories, you'll see what the thieves, killers, psychos and scumbags are up to come the holidays...and it's not caroling door to door. Well, not unless they're casing the neighborhood for a break-in, as a rag-tag gang does in the title story. You'll also meet a mall elf menaced by a very, very bad Santa (in "I Killed Santa Claus"), a London police inspector hunting for the man who murdered Ebenezer Scrooge (in "Humbug"), a trucker out to save his shipment of Cabbage Patch Dolls from bumbling hijackers (in "Special Delivery") and many more characters you'll never forget.Originally published in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine and Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, these nine tales from award-winning short story master Steve Hockensmith (Holmes on the Range, Dreadfully Ever After) are sure to have you ho-ho-hoing from the first page to the last.