Loving Someone with Anxiety: Understanding and Helping Your Partner


Kate N. Thieda - 2013
    If your partner suffers from extreme anxiety, they may have panic attacks, constantly be voicing their worried thoughts, or may not be able to participate in social events because of a fear of social settings. No matter how compassionate you are, you may sometimes feel frustrated, unable to help, and even find your own life restricted—all of which can lead to conflict, resentment, miscommunication, and ultimately, an end to the relationship altogether.Loving Someone with Anxiety is one of the few books written specifically for the partners of people with anxiety disorders. The book is designed not only to aid you in helping your partner cope with anxiety and worry, but also to help you take care of your own needs. Inside, you’ll learn the importance of setting healthy boundaries, limiting codependent behaviors, and why taking over roles that make your partner anxious—such as answering the phone, driving, or doing the grocery shopping because your partner feels too anxious to be in public—can be extremely damaging for the both of you.Codependency in relationships with an anxious partner can lead to resentment, anger, and a sense of helplessness on your side. This book will help you and your partner overcome these negative behaviors, build better communication and a stronger personal connection.Written by a licensed professional counselor who specializes in helping the partners of those with mental illnesses, this book is the resource that you have been looking for to help you understand your anxious partner and keep anxiety from sabotaging your relationship.

The Things You Would Have Said: The Chance to Say What You Always Wanted Them to Know


Jackie Hooper - 2012
    Friends fall out of touch, loved ones pass away, or sometimes the courage required is simply lacking-and thank-yous, regrets, feelings, and secrets are left unshared. In 2009, Jackie Hooper came up with a way to help people recapture a moment that had once passed them by-she began asking them to write letters.Based on the popular blog The Things You Would Have Said,, this extraordinary collection of letters brings together the moving, surprising, and inspiring stories of ordinary people. By turns heartwarming, funny, sad, and wise, the letters showcase a remarkable range of voices and subjects. From the indignant young boy urging his bully to become "a better man," to the woman apologizing to the girl she picked on in high school, to a man thanking the woman who protected his family from Nazis, the letters bring together an outpouring of emotion that is as compelling as it is cathartic.

The Boy in the Moon: A Father's Journey to Understand His Extraordinary Son


Ian Brown - 2009
    At age thirteen, he is mentally and developmentally between one and three years old and will need constant care for the rest of his life. Brown travels the globe, meeting with genetic scientists and neurologists as well as parents, to solve the questions Walker’s doctors can’t answer. In his journey, he offers an insightful critique of society’s assumptions about the disabled, and he discovers a connected community of families living with this illness. As Brown gradually lets go of his self-blame and hope for a cure, he learns to accept the Walker he loves, just as he is. Honest, intelligent, and deeply moving, The Boy in the Moon explores the value of a single human life.

The Sociopath Next Door


Martha Stout - 2005
    He’s a sociopath. And your boss, teacher, and colleague? They may be sociopaths too.We are accustomed to think of sociopaths as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people—one in twenty-five—has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt. How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win. The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know—someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for—is a sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath is beckoning, do not join the game. It is the ruthless versus the rest of us, and The Sociopath Next Door will show you how to recognize and defeat the devil you know.

Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding


Jessie Sholl - 2010
    Because if my mother is one of those crazy junk-house people, then what does that make me?When her divorced mother was diagnosed with cancer, New York City writer Jessie Sholl returned to her hometown of Minneapolis to help her prepare for her upcoming surgery and get her affairs in order. While a daunting task for any adult dealing with an aging parent, it's compounded for Sholl by one lifelong, complex, and confounding truth: her mother is a compulsive hoarder. Dirty Secret is a daughter's powerful memoir of confronting her mother's disorder, of searching for the normalcy that was never hers as a child, and, finally, cleaning out the clutter of her mother's home in the hopes of salvaging the true heart of their relationship before it's too late.Growing up, young Jessie knew her mother wasn't like other mothers: chronically disorganized, she might forgo picking Jessie up from kindergarten to spend the afternoon thrift store shopping. Now, tracing the downward spiral in her mother's hoarding behavior to the death of a long-time boyfriend, she bravely wades into a pathological sea of stuff: broken appliances, moldy cowboy boots, twenty identical pairs of graying bargain-bin sneakers, abandoned arts and crafts, newspapers, magazines, a dresser drawer crammed with discarded eyeglasses, shovelfuls of junk mail . . . the things that become a hoarder's treasures. With candor, wit, and not a drop of sentimentality, Jessie Sholl explores the many personal and psychological ramifications of hoarding while telling an unforgettable mother-daughter tale.

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's


John Elder Robison - 2007
    It was no wonder he gravitated to machines, which could, at least, be counted on.After fleeing his parents and dropping out of high school, his savant-like ability to visualize electronic circuits landed him a gig with KISS, for whom he created their legendary fire-breathing guitars. Later, he drifted into a “real” job, as an engineer for a major toy company. But the higher Robison rose in the company, the more he had to pretend to be “normal” and do what he simply couldn’t: communicate. It wasn’t worth the paycheck.It was not until he was forty that an insightful therapist told him he had the form of autism called Asperger’s syndrome. That understanding transformed the way Robison saw himself—and the world.Look Me in the Eye is the moving, darkly funny story of growing up with Asperger’s at a time when the diagnosis simply didn’t exist. A born storyteller, Robison takes you inside the head of a boy whom teachers and other adults regarded as “defective,” who could not avail himself of KISS’s endless supply of groupies, and who still has a peculiar aversion to using people’s given names (he calls his wife “Unit Two”). He also provides a fascinating reverse angle on the younger brother he left at the mercy of their nutty parents—the boy who would later change his name to Augusten Burroughs and write the bestselling memoir Running with Scissors.Ultimately, this is the story of Robison’s journey from his world into ours, and his new life as a husband, father, and successful small business owner—repairing his beloved high-end automobiles. It’s a strange, sly, indelible account—sometimes alien, yet always deeply human.

Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A 30 Year Abuser Speaks Out


Austin F. James - 2013
    Experience the awakening that hurled him through a nightmarish journey to the most inner core of his soul. Burrow inside an emotional abuser's head and find out why: he is so charming one minute and a raging manic the next - he blames you for everything - he belittles your feelings, opinions, or your accomplishments - he never seems to support you - he cuts you down in front of friends and family - he causes you to walk on eggshells - he is so angry so much of the time - he can't admit when he is wrong. Discover what Austin learned during his five years of recovery, along with the horror, that his three decade abusive lifestyle stemmed from events that happened as a young teenager, following the unexpected death of his father. Through great sorrow, came the ability to be transformed from the ashes of defeat to the type of cleansing and healing that not only renewed Austin's spirit, but allowed it to soar to new heights.The book answers the questions: how can a too-close relationship with mom affects him - what type of counseling works and which to avoid - how to tell if your mate is really changing or if it's time to bail on the relationship. There are several chapters dedicated to breaking free from abuse and getting help. The book hopes to encourage people stuck as an abuser or as being abused that it is possible to break free from abuse.

Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity


Andrew Solomon - 2012
    He writes about families coping with deafness, dwarfism, Down's syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, or multiple severe disabilities; with children who are prodigies, who are conceived in rape, who become criminals, who are transgender. While each of these characteristics is potentially isolating, the experience of difference within families is universal, and Solomon documents triumphs of love over prejudice in every chapter.All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent should parents accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves. Drawing on ten years of research and interviews with more than three hundred families, Solomon mines the eloquence of ordinary people facing extreme challenges.Elegantly reported by a spectacularly original and compassionate thinker, Far from the Tree explores how people who love each other must struggle to accept each other—a theme in every family’s life.

Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us


Robert D. Hare - 1993
    With their flagrant criminal violation of society's rules, serial killers like Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy are among the most dramatic examples of the psychopath. Individuals with this personality disorder are fully aware of the consequences of their actions and know the difference between right and wrong, yet they are terrifyingly self-centered, remorseless, and unable to care about the feelings of others. Perhaps most frightening, they often seem completely normal to unsuspecting targets--and they do not always ply their trade by killing. Presenting a compelling portrait of these dangerous men and women based on 25 years of distinguished scientific research, Dr. Robert D. Hare vividly describes a world of con artists, hustlers, rapists, and other predators who charm, lie, and manipulate their way through life. Are psychopaths mad, or simply bad? How can they be recognized? And how can we protect ourselves? This book provides solid information and surprising insights for anyone seeking to understand this devastating condition.

Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children


Sheri McGregor - 2017
     As a loving mother to whom the unthinkable happened, McGregor knows the horrible shock that wrings a parent dry, triggers denial, blame, anger, and shame. With empathy and understanding, as well as tools, the latest research, and insight from more than 9,000 parents of estranged adult children, McGregor helps parents of estranged adults plan ahead, prepare for emotional triggers, and prevail over setbacks and pain. You can be happy again. In a calm yet authoritative voice, and with exercises derived from her work as a life coach and her own recovery, McGregor helps mothers who did their best to come to terms with their estranged adult child's choices, and regain their health and happiness. To fathers of estranged adult children—this book can help you, too. "Ninety-three percent of the parents who answer my survey at RejectedParents.Net are mothers," says Sheri McGregor. "That's why the title is directed at them. But many of the book's examples are from couples and highlight the experiences of fathers and their reactions. The principles presented are relevant to fathers, and the strategies for coping can be used by anyone." In this encouraging and comprehensive book, McGregor fully covers the phenomenon of estranged adult children from families who never expected a son or daughter to cut ties and walk away. Nine in-depth chapters provide dozens of inspiring examples from among the thousands of parents of estranged adult children. Gain understanding and practical help from a mother who knows the pain of this devastating loss with all its uncertainty and heartache. Hope can remain, but you don't have to stay stalled, forever waiting. You can move past the disbelief and distress. Take charge. Reclaim yourself and your life—only maybe even better. Recommendations: The book is a must read for parents of estranged adult children and mental health professionals working with these families. Sheri McGregor’s work is a breath of fresh air offering a new perspective and providing support, encouragement, resources, and compassion to good parents who have found themselves in an unimaginable situation. ---Maritza Parks, LMHC, Inspired Journeys Counseling While Mothers are mentioned on the cover, dads, this is for you too! Done with the Crying is for any (and all) family member who wants to heal and move forward. This wonderful book will help you see how you can hold your chin up high, dry your eyes, and get on with your life. ---Joi Sigers, Self Help Dailly.com Done With the Crying also provides much time for reflection, for taking time to think about ones life and to read the stories of other women who are going through a similar situation. The book is easy to read, and provides much support and insight in a gentle and understanding way. ---Hennie Weiss, M.A., Metapsychology Online Reviews This is my best resource to assist families whose adult children have rejected them. In my role as a family life educator, I work with those affected by a loved one’s mental illness, and the sad phenomenon of estrangement is rampant. I’ve searched for resources and education, but there is precious little available to help rejected parents move forward. It did not take me many pages in to see the value for my work, and I often recommend this compassionately written book to parents and families who are in so much pain. ---Mara J. Briere, MA CFLE, President and Founder, Grow a Strong Family, Inc.

Loving Someone with PTSD: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner after Trauma


Aphrodite Matsakis - 2014
    If your partner has PTSD, you may want to help, but find yourself at a loss.The simple truth is that PTSD can be extremely debilitating—not just for the person who has experienced trauma first-hand, but for their partners as well. And while there are many books written for those suffering from PTSD, there are few written for the people who love them. In Loving Someone with PTSD, renowned trauma expert and author of I Can’t Get Over It!, Aphrodite Matsakis, presents concrete skills and strategies for the partners of those with PTSD.With this informative and practical book, you will increase your understanding of the signs and symptoms of PTSD, improve your communication skills with your loved one, set realistic expectations, and work to create a healthy environment for the both of you. In addition, you will learn to manage your own grief, helplessness, and fear regarding your partner’s condition.PTSD is a manageable disability. While it isn’t your responsibility to rescue your partner or act as his or her therapist, this book will help you be supportive and implement strategies for lessening the negative impact of PTSD—not just for your partner, but for your relationship, and, importantly, for yourself.

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality


Jerold J. Kreisman - 1989
    They can be euphoric one moment, despairing and depressed the next. There are an estimated 10 million sufferers of BPD living in America today—each displaying remarkably similar symptoms: ● a shaky sense of identity ● sudden violent outbursts ● oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection ● brief, turbulent love affairs ● frequent periods of intense depression ● eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies ● an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But now, for the first time, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families to understand and cope with this troubling,shockingly widespread affliction.

Bobblehead Dad: 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I Knew


Jim Higley - 2011
    Jim Higley was a forty-year-old bobblehead. Just like those collectible figurines with oversized, bouncy heads, he'd put on a smiling face and bobble through his hectic, overflowing days.Higley's bobbling came to a screeching halt with the diagnosis of cancer, surgery, and a summer of healing. More than a cancer story, however, Bobblehead Dad puts you in a front row seat as the author discovers the illuminating parallels between events in his childhood and his adulthood. Higley, whose weekly fatherhood column appears in the Chicago Tribune's TribLocal, unwraps poignant lessons from his family history with rich, vivid detail. His story reveals meaning in simple moments and the people who fill them--including the surprise discovery of his most important lesson, which had been quietly waiting for over thirty years.

Shadow Daughter: A Memoir of Estrangement


Harriet Brown - 2018
    To say that Harriet and her mother had a difficult relationship is a wild understatement; the older Harriet grew, the more estranged they became. By the time Harriet's mom died at age 76, they were out of contact. Yet Harriet felt her death deeply, embarking on an exploration of what family estrangement means—to those who cut off contact, to those who are estranged, to the friends and family members who are on the sidelines. Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture: family estrangements, especially those between parents and adult children. Estrangements—between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations—are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Estrangement is an issue that touches most people, one way or another, one that's still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame. In addition to her personal narrative, Harriet employs interviews with others who are estranged, as well as the most recent research on family estrangement, for a brave exploration of this taboo topic. Ultimately, Shadow Daughter is a thoughtful, deeply researched, and provocative exploration of the ties that bind and break, forgiveness, reconciliation, and what family really means.

Understanding the Borderline Mother


Christine Ann Lawson - 2000
    Recognizing her face, her voice, the meaning of her moods, and her facial expressions is crucial to survival. Dr. Christine Ann Lawson vividly describes how mothers who suffer from borderline personality disorder produce children who may flounder in life even as adults, futilely struggling to reach the safety of a parental harbor, unable to recognize that their borderline parent lacks a pier, or even a discernible shore. Four character profiles describe different symptom clusters that include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch. Children of borderlines are at risk for developing this complex and devastating personality disorder themselves. Dr. Lawson's recommendations for prevention include empathic understanding of the borderline mother and early intervention with her children to ground them in reality and counteract the often dangerous effects of living with a "make-believe" mother. Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr. Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim. A Jason Aronson Book