Cows Can't Jump
Philip Bowne - 2020
It’s 2016, and as a grave-digger, he’s working the ultimate dead-end job. To make matters worse, he’s a virgin, and there’s no hope of him meeting a girl any time soon. The only women at work are in coffins. Billy’s home life isn’t any better. In the evenings, he observes his dysfunctional family: his grandad’s engaged to a woman half his age, his dad’s become obsessed with boxing, and he suspects his mum is having an affair. All the while, celebrities are dropping like flies and Britain is waiting for the EU referendum. Everything is changing, and Billy hates it. Billy’s life gets a jump start when he falls in love with Eva. Just as things are looking up, Eva travels back to her home in Switzerland. But Billy won’t give up that easily. He gambles everything for a chance to be with her again. When things start to go wrong, Billy’s journey across Europe involves hitch-hiking with truckers, walking with refugees, and an encounter with suicidal cows. But the further he goes, the harder it is to be sure what he’s chasing – and what he’s running from.
The Cat Manual
Michael Ray Taylor - 2012
The author "discovered" the feline world's best-kept secret in a file hidden on his mother's computer by her cat, Cleo, and now shares it with humanity for the first time. Topics covered range from avoiding visits to the vet, to the artful display of captured prey, to getting in the way of a human trying to read anything, including this paragraph. Upon publication, Cleo denied authorship and hired a team of lawyers, all of whom have their claws out, but despite her best efforts the word is spreading: The Cat Manual is hilarious for cat-lovers of all ages. From the author of Cave Passages and Dark Life.
Dinner at Mine
Chris Smyth - 2012
But Rosie is adamant. Four couples, each hosting a dinner party on a different night of the week, with a prize at the end for the best one. It'll be a good laugh, won't it? And a great way for everyone to get to know each other. What could possibly go wrong?What Rosie doesn't anticipate are the lengths her fellow hosts might be prepared to go to in order to claim the prize -- outlandish recipes, rare ingredients sourced from abroad, and a chocolate tart that looks just too good to be homemade… But perhaps she should be more worried about the mounting tension between the guests, as backbiting breaks out over the appetisers and a glass of wine too many leads to indiscreet flirtation. As the pressure in the kitchen rises, relationships begin to crack under strain, high-minded principles collide and the oven gloves come off… But that's all part of the fun. Isn't it?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Gina Kirkham - 2021
The laughter continues to flow in Gina Kirkham's brilliant sequel to the hilarious Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong.Our hapless heroine, Constable Mavis Upton, is preparing to walk down the aisle with her fianc� Joe, but has to deal with her temperamental teen daughter, as well as investigate a serial flasher on a push bike.Throw a diva drag queen into the mix and you can expect more marvellous Mavis mishaps...Revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant, and moving stories of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.
Damon
J.C. Daniels - 2017
Daniels / Shiloh Walker supporters on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Shilohwalker.This is a prequel to the Kit Colbana series featuring Damon
We Need To Talk About Ross: A True History Of The Ocarroll Kelly Gang
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - 2009
Lover. Bon viviant. Cad. Ross O'Carroll-Kelly is many things to many people. But 10 years after he lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, Ireland's most beloved rogue remains one of its most misunderstood figures.
Another Nice Mess - The Laurel & Hardy Story
Raymond Valinoti Jr. - 2010
The public not only found Laurel's serene simpleton and Hardy's pompous buffoon hilarious, but they also thought of them as friends. Laurel and Hardy may have been nitwits, but they were loveable nitwits.Another Nice Mess: The Laurel and Hardy Story explores the lives and careers of Laurel and Hardy. The book examines how the comedians teamed up and it explains why, nearly half a century after their deaths, their films continue to enchant people all over the world.Raymond Valinoti, Jr.. is a resident of Berkeley Heights, NJ. He has a Master's in Library Science from Rutgers University and is a freelance researcher. His articles on film have been published in the magazines Midnight Marquee and Films of the Golden Age. He also writes film reviews for an online news publication, The Alternative Press.
Fat Dogs and French Estates, Part 5
Beth Haslam - 2021
In this fifth sparkling episode of the Fat Dogs series, they take on an accident-prone puppy, an impossible forest project and murderous pheasants. Renewed tangles with French authorities and an unexpected animal adoption add to their challenges.Join the pair as they hunt down rampant mushroomers, raise countless critters and build witches with knobbly knees in their eccentric corner of rural France.
Nobody Loves A Ginger Baby
Laura Marney - 2005
Not being happy all the time makes them stressed out of their tights. Carol practises uninhibited sex which ends with her panty liner stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. Donnie, after a mystery bite in a third world country, thinks he's incubating a nest of spiders up his bum. Daphne gets fat. She makes soup all the time and wonders if Woolworth's sell a hose pipe to fit a Vauxhall Vectra. Pierce is a poet; a fat balding womaniser who's only steady relationship is with a cup at the sperm bank. He's the only one not on anti-depressants, and he's the hero.
Excess Baggage
Judy Astley - 2000
But as a penniless and partnerless house-painter with an expired lease on her flat and a twelve-year-old daughter, she could hardly turn down her parents' offer to take them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Caribbean. She'd just have to put up with her sister Theresa (making no secret of preferring Tuscany as a holiday destination) and brother Simon (worrying that there might be some sinister agenda behind their parents' wish to take them all away) with their various spouses, teenagers, young children and au pair.
In a luxury hotel, with bright sunshine, swimming, diving, glorious food and friendly locals, any family tensions should have melted away in the fabulous heat. The children should have been angelic, the teenagers cheerful, the adults relaxed and happy. But...some problems just refuse to be left at home.
Woman of a Certain Rage
Georgie Hall - 2021
Eliza is angry. Very angry, and very, very hot.Late for work and dodging traffic, Eliza's still reeling from the latest row with her husband Paddy. Twenty-something years ago their eyes met over the class divide in oh-so-cool Britpop London, but these days their eyes only meet to bicker over the three-seat sofa.Paddy seems content filling his downtime with canal boats and cricket, but Eliza craves the freedom and excitement of her youth. Being fifty feels far too close to pensionable, their three teenage children are growing up fast, and even the dog has upped and died. Something is going to have to change—menopause be damned!Woman of a Certain Rage is a smart and funny novel for all the women who won't be told it's too late to shake things up, and Eliza is a heroine many will recognise. She may sweat a lot and need a wee all the time, but she has something to prove.
We Are Animals
Tim Ewins - 2020
He’s in Goa, dreaming of the passport-thief who stole his heart (and his passport) forty-six years ago. Back then, fate kept bringing them together, but lately it seems to have given up.Jan has not. In his long search he has accidentally held a whole town at imaginary gunpoint in Soviet Russia, stalked the proprietors of an international illegal lamp-trafficking scam and done his very best to avoid any kind of work involving the packing of fish. Now he thinks if he just waits, if he just does nothing at all, maybe fate will find it easier to reunite them.His story spans fifty-four years, ten countries, two imperfect criminals (and one rather perfect one), twenty-two different animals and an annoying teenager who just…His story spans fifty-four years, ten countries, two imperfect criminals (and one rather perfect one), twenty-two different animals and an annoying teenager who just…Will…Not…Leave.But maybe an annoying teenager is exactly what Jan needs to help him find the missing thief?Featuring a menagerie of creatures, each with its own story to tell, We Are Animals is a quirky, heart-warming tale of lost love, unlikely friendships and the certainty of fate (or lack thereof).
For the first time in her life the cow noticed the sun setting, and it was glorious.
Secrets of Retail
J.W. Martin - 2010
This wasn't always the case, but years in the soul-shattering world of retail have made Wade a bitter, cynical young man. Impeded by a lack of direction and nearly infinite levels apathy, Wade idles through his days avoiding waves of annoying customers, his obtrusive boss and any kind of work in general. When a management opportunity makes itself available Wade finds himself facing an unprecedented weekend of opportunity and distraction, a gauntlet of women he can't begin to understand, and a potential mental breakdown that could destroy his personal and professional life at once.
The Daring Debutantes Series (7-Book Bundle)
Ann Fairfax - 2015
These headstrong women cannot help but keep London society dangling on a string, but will they find a husband or lose themselves in the game? Immerse yourself in the Daring Debutantes world with this seven-volume series from #1 New York Times bestselling author M.C. Beaton. Henrietta (Book 1): Henrietta’s plain features seemed to guarantee her a solitary future. But with some unexpected wealth, Henrietta sets out to conquer London's high society and win the heart of Lord Beau Reckford. Molly (Book 2): She was a precocious American upstart who thought beauty, brains, and bravery were enough to conquer London society. Well, he'd show her! Nobody spurned Lord David Manley, the most eligible bachelor in town. Penelope (Book 3): Penelope, golden-haired and fresh from the county, has stolen the heart of the desirable Earl of Hestleton. But the Earl begins to doubt Penelope's true love. Can the belle keep her beau? Lucy (Book 4): How could lady’s maid Lucy Balfour hope to win the favor of Andrew, Viscount Harvey? Hamish MacGregor, the wily old butler, proposes they conquer London society as "father" and "daughter" and meet the king himself. Annabelle (Book 5): Annabelle Quennell gets a chance at a London Season to snare a wealthy husband. But before she sets off, Mad Meg the Gypsy predicts trouble ahead! Kitty (Book 6): Kitty Harrison, once achingly poor, is now a wealthy heiress. But Kitty realizes that to save her life and win the man she loves, she’ll have to learn to play the game. Sally (Book 7): "Aunt Mabel", the lovelorn magazine columnist, is summoned to prevent the Duchess of Dartware's son from a terrible marriage. Who would guess that behind Aunt Mabel's ageless wisdom is the real eighteen-year-old Sally Blane?