Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    Join the O'Reilly family once again as they meet around the Jack O'Lantern on Halloween night and share ghost stories that will make you shiver and have you looking over your shoulder to see if there is "a little something extra" wandering through your home tonight.

    The Spot and Smudge series explores the love of a unique family, the loyalty of their very special dogs, and the perils of underestimating them. These smart, imaginative stories weave together elements of horror, thriller, mystery, espionage, crime, medical drama, and genetic engineering. Note: This series contains some colorful language and mature themes. "Shove over brother, let me show you the proper bloody way to strangle someone." The Hogans weren’t looking to start a war. They just wanted to leave their troubles behind, move closer to grandma, and let their kids adopt some damn puppies. But their quaint new town is harboring some gruesome secrets… …and their strange new pups are not what they appear to be. There’s a dark connection between these mysterious orphaned canines and the town’s twisted criminals…and that connection is dragging the Hogans into a ruthless fight they aren’t prepared to win. But the grit of a devoted family, like the loyalty of a faithful pair of dogs, shouldn't be underestimated… …Especially when those cunning dogs are the most significant leap forward in the forty million years of canine evolution.

    By day he works for a familiar sounding, power hungry, media controlling, mega rich American businessman who represents everything wrong with society today. Whilst investigating this politically loaded story arc Kurt accidentally acquires a super power like no other. The ability to teleport! Before he can think about saving the day, Wiseman must endure a journey of self-reflection by earning the trust of his friends and overcoming his greatest weakness, booze. Even if the path is filled with comic book cliché, inappropriate one liners and genre busting fourth wall action. Not all heroes in this world are the same and with great power comes the possibility to go viral! This is a story that will unite humanity… Kurt Wiseman is the Teleporter!

    “The Memory of a Salt Shaker” first appeared November 2011 in issue 15 of Up the Staircase Quarterly and was nominated by the editorial staff for the 2012 Million Writers Award.Cover designed by Sabine KraussPhoto by Robyn Oliver

    We all do it. Don’t try to tell me that you’ve never checked that weird mole on your thigh on WebMD. Or how to fold meringue on Epicurious. And, there’s no way that I’m the only one who clears her search history after looking up how to give a great bl— (Um, that last one’s not important.)" When newspaper reporter Avery Fowler discovers her husband is having an affair, the online help site HowTo.com is where she turns to navigate this challenging stage of her life. If the Internet is Avery’s information god, then HowTo.com is her Holy Grail. Its live chat option is like having a virtual life coach for the low, low price of $14.95 a month: Add into the mix a new boss whose managerial style calls to mind the Wicked Bitch Witch of the West—or the Anti-Christ—and the poor girl needs all the help she can get! The stakes rise and hilarity ensues as our heroine struggles to take control of her personal life and topple her boss after she learns Victoria’s guilty secret. With Clementine (virtually) in tow, our heroine tackles such tricky situations as dating after divorce, sex once nothing points north anymore, and how to cover attempted murder scenes (despite a paralyzing fear of blood) as the new and improved Avery Fowler 2.0.

     Her marriage to Max was the first thing to come under scrutiny and on one sexless night in May, Mollie decided that their relationship was over. However, when a grouchy divorce lawyer convinces Mollie there’s a chance she could bow out of this life being eaten alive by a pack of cats, she starts to search for an alternative. Opening the can of worms that is her marriage makes Mollie realise she might not be as blameless as she initially thought… Will Mollie be able to rescue her marriage or has the lure of a life without wet towels on the bed turned her head? One thing is for sure… Mollie McQueen is NOT getting divorced. Praise for LACEY LONDON... "One of my favourite books of the year!" "An eye-opening, thoroughly enjoyable and very relatable read." "I honestly couldn't put this book down!" "Entertaining, sometimes desperately sad, very often uplifting and hugely life-affirming." "Another magnificent achievement for Lacey's remarkable pen. I'll never forget it." "A highly addictive roller coaster ride!"

    And the dead white man is his half-brother. Once his lily-white lawyer lady learns the truth, everything changes. Can she save him from swinging? Will the bedwarmer murder the one she’s been bought to serve? From the antebellum South, come travel the dusty trails of Jim Crowe Dalton, Georgia with slave and master, saint and sinner. See if God is really big enough, if He truly cares about His children. McAdoo has done it again, this time in a brand new way. A delightful morsel for the palates of Christian readers world round.

    A delicious premonition she shares every Monday evening with the bachelors of Buttermilk Falls as they gather at the Sugar Spoon bakery for Batter Up night. Investigative reporter Jason Levine just found himself as the man candy for a bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Roped into attending the Vegas nuptials, was he hearing things when the groom shares that the only reason he’s getting married is because a small town baker conjured up the name of his soulmate in her cake batter? Sparks fly when Jason tries to expose Emma as a fraud, but reality and logic go out the window as he begins to fall under her spell.

    They way they are proven innocent? Evade, escape, and survive their hunters. At nineteen, Marisol never thought she would be a tracker of humans. In this post-apocalyptic world where justice is determined by a system of Absolution, Marisol steps up to do her duty. She hates everything that Absolution stands for, but there's nothing she can do about it. Nothing, that is, until one of her Runners turns out to be the key to uncovering a vast conspiracy that threatens to topple the dictator of New Chicago and change their lives forever.

    Chosen by the Ascended. Destined for Darkness.Valrin was born of the sea. Raised by his adopted elven aunt on a small fishing island he knows nothing of his past and wonders of his future.... until the unexpected arrival of a mysterious ship changes everything.Joining a misfit crew running from a dangerous dwarven empire, Valrin learns quickly what it means to be Stormborn. In this epic three book set, you will meet the strangest of the strange. From men forbidden to die to cannibalistic shadow elves and a dwarven necromancer. Embark upon the cold, dark Glacial Seas and unlock the power of an ancient lost race.Embrace this epic fantasy adventure and discover that sometimes the most dangerous enemy can be your own dark desires.

     Or so Oak Jones thought. He’s wanted on the Police Dinosaur Unit all his life. Now that he’s in, he’s discovered that training a Police Working Velociraptor is a lot harder than he ever imagined. And if he thought training would be difficult, living with a Velociraptor is a whole new level. Banshee can clear a six-foot fence like it was nothing, and he has a love for eating the neighborhood cats, which is putting Oak on the outs with his next-door neighbor, Christy Dao. But there is a reason for everything, and when Oak discovers why Banshee struggles, it breaks his heart. Terrible Lizard is a funny and endearing look at life with Banshee, a great working dinosaur, but one terrible lizard. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Officer Hendricks sat at the temporary desk for training leads. He was without his sunglasses for the first time ever. His bright blue eyes burned with intensity. “I wanted to talk to you about Banshee,” he said. “I know it was rough yesterday,” I said, “but we’ve made good progress.” “You have, and it’s to be commended. You are the best handler here. But it’s a team effort, Oak. I called you in because I wanted you to be the first to hear that I intend to fail Banshee.” “What? No. There’s still two weeks left.” “Less than two weeks left. And this isn’t the kind of thing that gets fixed in less than two weeks.” “Give me a chance.” “Oak, you will be returned to your station until I can place you in Violent Offenders. Renato has given you a great review, and the captain there can’t wait to have you. Next year, you can re-apply. I cannot guarantee you that you will be accepted, but based on what I’ve seen over the past four weeks, I like your chances. You will definitely have my vote.” Officer Hendricks extended his hand to me, and I shook my head. “No. I refuse. Give me two weeks.” The open hand pinched Officer Hendricks’ nostrils. “You are not the first officer to work with Banshee. This was his third time in the course. Three strikes, and the raptor is gone.” “So that’s it? There’s nothing more that can be done?” “Not in my experience, Oak. I’m sorry.”

     Eve is an 18,000 word novella originally published as an ongoing story on Reddit's Writing Prompts forum by user /u/psycho_alpaca.

    Once you've met Jim Fosse you'll never feel quite the same about opening your e-mails ...A darkly humorous short story of obsession from John Dolan, author of 'Everyone Burns'.WARNING: Contains sexual references and some really terrible grammar.

    I lifted the hinged lid of the trash can, swung it open, and tossed in the diaper. That's when Destiny not only called my name, she also spit in my face, thumbed her nose, and blew me a big old raspberry. Lucky me."         Those crazy Madams of Mischief, Destiny, Lady Luck, and Fate seem to be out to get Marty Sheffield! Marty just wants to live her quiet life in her quiet town while recovering from being left at the altar by up-and-coming country music star, Ricky Ray Riley. The Doom Divas seem to  have other ideas, though. While babysitting her sister's kids, Marty finds the body of a former classmate wedged in a ninety-gallon trash container at a local park. With the help of her sister, Marty sets out to solve the mystery and save her own hide before it's too late.    Also available in the Doom Divas series of humorous mystery novels for Kindle and in paperback: The Divas of Doom (Doom Divas Book 2) and The Floozies of Fate (Doom Divas Book 3)