Whether this is because they haven't yet mastered the 21st century phone or because they live to embarrass you throughout all forms of communication, Text Fails from Mum, is a hilarious collection of our all time favourite texts from Mum.Please stop changing the google logo so much, I like the original one.Mum I don't change the logo. Google changes it.On my computer, you don't run the Google?If I did I wouldn't be driving a 2004 Ford.Andy, I can't find my phone. Can you call it so I can try and track it down?I don't have time to be quippy, mum. It's in your hand.What? No it's not. I've got a bag of groceries in my hand. Are you saying it's in the grocery bag? How do you know these things!?WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING ME WITH!?Never mind! I found it! Thanks!This humour gift book is the laugh out loud answer to the annual conundrum what should I get Mum for Christmas, Mother's Day and her Birthday? Text Fails From Mum is the perfect stocking filler, and a gift all the family can relate to and enjoy.

    

    Kolkata had frozen to its lowest of -15 degreecelcius. Widespread diseases were common. Sharat was no exception as he was forced to quit his Zamindar lifestyle after his parents died. On the other hand in 2018, there was Niharika, living in the best of times - in a fairly modern society. She loved her life - her group of friends, her family and everything around her. Little did they know that something awaited them far away in a deserted civilisation 6 billion years into the future; in the planet Nocturne which was ravaged by compounds of a rare element called Barrenium. A Year Without Summer is a tale on how lives can intertwine with no restrictions in space time and dimensions.

    Still wet behind the ears, he found himself on a whirlwind tour through the seven ages of man and the 57 varieties of human nature. He has to learn how to examine real people, diagnose them without becoming emotionally involved and fend off the crises of confidence which await around every corner. The book is set in the 1970s and there will no doubt be some readers who might think that things were better then. Edward Vernon is a pen name of a well known British doctor/author. Here's what the critics said about the series: Delightfully and wittily written. His descriptions of daunting receptionists, magazine-strewn waiting rooms and hypochondriacal patients will strike many familiar cords, but Dr Vernon is at his best when recounting his encounters in the surgery and at the bedside. For anyone needing to be entertained, and at times moved, there could be no better prescription than one chapter...taken each night at bedtime - Liverpool Echo Truthful, well observed and consistently readable - Daily Telegraph The funniest of the funny doctor books - Richard Gordon Dr Vernon is onto a good thing; we could do with some more - Oxford Times Hilarious - Titbits Thoroughly delightful - Fresno Bee Delightfully funny - Sunday Advocate, Baton Rouge For entertainment, a chapter or two before bedtime is just what the doctor ordered - Sacromento Bee Does for British GPs what Herriot has done for vets - Booklist Hilarious - Grimsby Evening Telegraph Very funny - Citizen, Gloucester Genuinely funny - South Wales Echo Wise, funny, sad and heartwarming - Chattanooga Times Good fun - Homes and Gardens Jolly good reading - Publishers Weekly Views the human species he treats with much the same affection, compassion and humour as Herriot brings to the animal world - Cleveland Plain Dealer Sometimes serious, sometimes hilarious - Lancashire Evening Post Will amuse, amaze and entertain - Yorkshire Post etc etc

    Fresh. Hilarious. Since we love laughing at funny jokes and pictures, we decided to create a series of books showcasing hilarious jokes we find throughout the day from all over the internet. We’ve even found some jokes in that old crusty sock you keep under your bed… Book is not appropriate for young kids. May have adult language or adult themes. Reader discretion is advised HAVE FUN! And let us know what you liked and where we can improve by leaving a review!

    The Babylonian gods are in a cataclysmic struggle with the Jewish god; King Nebuchadnezzar has become a savage beast; murderous traitors surround Queen Amytis and her children; and evil creatures prowl the streets at night.The high priestess of Marduk prays for a saviour to deliver the city from evil. Ereshkigal, the Queen of the Underworld, hears her entreaties and searches through time for a dark champion. Touched that Longinus sacrificed himself to save Lilith, she rescues him from Hell and brings him back to ancient Babylon. She reveals to him that the terrifying demoness, Lamashtu, is intent on breaking open the gates of the underworld and letting the dead spew forth across the land. Smitten by her beauty, Longinus pledges to be her champion. But time is running out for the lovers. The King of Demons in Hell is using all of his diabolical power to recapture Longinus and destroy the goddess.His quest is long and perilous. In a dangerous paradox, he confronts Lilith before she created him and prior to him infecting her with the weak human emotions of love, empathy, and pity. Armies of the dead, evil mortals and hideous vampire priests seek to kill him, but he must crush his enemies and ride forth until he reaches the Valley of Death. And in that vile pit of obscenities and corruption, he will fight in a final, apocalyptic battle and face his malevolent nemesis - She Who Destroys. This is a time for heroes - at the Gate of the Gods - in the Golden City of Babylon.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Longinus the Vampire: Babylon is an epic roller coaster ride of thrills, chills and wickedly erotic pleasures. Some Amazon UK Reviews."Bloody hell! That was some story!""Another brilliant book by Alan Kinross, who has become one of my favourite authors.""Brilliant - a book I couldn't put down!""Incredible read, would recommend.""I almost cannot find the words, but I will try. This is one of the few Vampire novels that has gripped me from start to finish. It is exciting and I love the way historical figures are interwoven in the story. Look! It's an amazing read. Get the book!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is the third book in the Longinus The Vampire series.; however, it can be read quite easily as an exciting stand-alone novel.

    

    The Voxians had just lost a brutal war to a superior foe, the Kingdom of Saucia. The Saucians crushed the Voxians with their superior magic and took anything of value from the defeated kingdom. Due to trickery and traitorous activity, one of those items of value was Cason himself, one of the only heroes on the Voxian side informally known as the Blade of Voxia. Cason along with any other handsome young man or woman was taken as war trophies and married off to Saucians who had proven themselves in battle. The Saucians practiced a different type of marriage than what he was used to, the strongest member was allowed to take more than one spouse. The person he was married off to not only had three other husbands but may have been directly responsible for his parents' death. Join Cason as he attempts to get his revenge on the Saucians and the traitors they corrupted and prove magic, no matter how strong is a match for the Blade of Voxia.

    When the queen buys him at auction he doesn't know if he should be happy or not. When the chance arises for his freedom he takes it. Stumbling through the woods he comes across a mysterious book and learns the lost art of magic. Even with his new power he cannot escape his own kind nature that pulls him into danger for the sake of helping the very ones who would imprison him.

    A busty mercenary. A stuck-up blonde who will submit to me.I never planned to collect a harem, I swear. But when an elf with a secret lures me away from my family farm, I can’t stop racking up the ladies.The problem is our party starts to rack up enemies too. I’m cultivating as fast as I can, but danger and intrigue threaten us at every turn.What did I do to deserve the blood-thirsty beasts hunting me? Why does it feel like I’m more powerful every time I give it to my insatiable elf? And most importantly, am I going to live long enough to figure all this out?Warning: If you couldn’t tell, this book contains adult content. Read it only if you can handle explicit scenes featuring women, elves, demons, and all three at once.

    The nights are dark, the days a stumbling venture from one horror to the next. In one place, William Hill stands in the center of a town where the scattered remains of the dead lie next to the road like litter tossed from passing cars, where the search for the living fails to turn up even one soul. Infected by a parasite destined to steal his mind, hunted by the Chosen, and dogged by a beautiful woman who claims to be an elf, he sometimes wonders if life can get any stranger. Then Daniel offers a glimpse of the coming world, a place where cavorting beasts feast upon the dead, where dragons haunt nearby forests, where the hordes crawl from the ground by the millions and sweep across the earth. The elf says she needs his blood to repair the rift between worlds, to finally put an end to the madness. He doesn't mind donating a little to the cause, but the more he hears, the more he doubts her intentions and the more the ceremony sounds like a full-scale sacrifice. In the end, William discovers that he can count on nothing, not even his sanity.

    They have lifelong endearing names for each other – Lard Arse and Fat Man. Whilst on a fishing trip in Spain, they hatch a plan to travel around the Iberian Peninsula on motorbikes. No problem for Dave as a proficient biker of many years, but Martin is a complete beginner to riding motorcycles. He doesn’t even have a motorcycle licence. Follow Martin through the trials of taking his bike test, juggling a busy life and planning the journey with Dave while they live in different countries. Nothing can be taken for granted when these two plan anything. When everything is in place their journey through Spain and Portugal begins, starting in Marbella, then riding west along the Spanish coast and up through Portugal, through the northern coast of Spain and over the Pyrenees, finishing with the east coast of Spain and heading back into Marbella. Expect to laugh in places at their simple boyish behavior, as they act like two teenage, middle-aged men with mental age of young men going through puberty. They experience many comical events, as well as close calls for Martin the novice on his first-ever ride out. This book is a light-hearted but a true travel journal of two good friends enjoying their journey on the road in the sun.

    Just be ready world, because I might not be very tall but my attitude is six-foot seven and a half.One fae bounty hunter and a cute boy support me. With them and a few friends at my side I'll learn how to use my natural gifts that were hidden and discover who I really am.They wanted a fight? I'll give them one. I just hope I last long enough to learn what I need to do.Scroll UP and click Read Now or Read for Free to learn the history of the Fae Princess!Please note: This is a large(r) book.The Halfling Fae Academy Trilogy is three books in one giant compilation. At some point in the future we may release them as three normal sized books.There are approximately 180,000 words in this trilogy.

    A successful business, wealth, and a beautiful baby girl. The only area in her life that she seemed to be lacking in was romance. Although she and Mendesses—her drag racing baby father—does a great job co-parenting they didn’t work well as a couple. Instead of focusing on love, she hustles and put all of her energy into taking care of her daughter and building her business. That is, until the charming and extremely handsome Lamont Morehouse sweeps her off her feet. Lamont grew up on the mean streets of Detroit, but because his parents saw so much potential in him, they relocated to Atlanta Georgia before he could get himself into something he couldn’t get out of. Luckily, getting Lamont out of the hood took him down another path in life. Ultimately, though, Lamont ends up right back in Detroit, but this time, instead of breaking the law, he’s enforcing it as an undercover cop. Mendesses has been running the game in underground racing for years. As the undisputed champ, quitting is the furthest thing from his mind. He’s determined to keep his championship status despite a few things lurking, threatening to compromise his livelihood. Karisma is just as beautiful and ambitious as her best friend. Tahiry, Like Tahiry, Karisma is single, but she’s ready to mingle. She has her eye on the young, money getting street racer, James but unlike most, she’s a little soft spoken about it. Luckily for Karisma, fate pushes the two together eventually. But old habits die hard and Danielle is definitely James old habit. Collins, Karisma's out of town cousin, is fresh out of a relationship and isn’t interested in starting anything new, anytime soon. She relocated to Michigan, in search of a fresh start, definitely not a new love. But when she meets the intriguing, and slick talking Mendesses, everything changes. Despite her greatest efforts, Collins ends up falling hard for him. What started out as a good year for this group of friends drastically takes a turn for the worst when a snake infiltrates the crew. Brace yourself as Londyn Lenz takes you on yet another wild journey laced with drama, deceit, lies and bloodshed.

    After losing their small business and life savings to the government’s unfathomable shutdown, the author and her husband are forced to sell their home and move into a travel trailer. Still reeling from financial loss and the deaths of two of their beloved dogs, the pair embark on a new life in a trailer park, populated with some of the most unconventional characters you’d ever hope not to meet. There’s Gretchen, the park’s unsympathetic and conniving manager, and her puny, perverted husband, Lloyd, who “maintains” the park grounds and who gives pool algae a bad name. Daisy and Lonnie May are the author’s closest neighbors, and are, perhaps, the park’s most devoted couple. Only Daisy May happens to be Lonnie’s dog. Trailer Dogs will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even a little angry. But it will never make you bored.