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The Onion Presents a Book of Jean's Own!: All New Wit, Wisdom, and Wackiness from the Onion's Beloved Humor Columnist


Jean Teasdale - 2010
    Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!)A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to!Among the many nuggets of fun:* I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name!* I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting!* Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own!* Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs!* You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party!* Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree!* Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!)* Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!)I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

Bones: Hilarious Early Reader


Jolie Canoli - 2018
    Simple language, repetition, and colorful illustrations help beginning readers fall in love with reading. Buddy Bones goes on a journey to find what is most precious to him, teaching kids the value of perseverance. Written in a similar style to Mo Willems and Tedd Arnold, this popular easy reader reminds kids that they will succeed if they keep on keeping on! Bones contains conversation starters in the back of the book, encouraging parents and caregivers to go beyond the story into practical life applications, reading comprehension, and critical thinking. We believe learning happens best when it is filled with love. Our stories seek to create opportunities for a relationship to grow. Bones conversation starters discuss the virtue of hard work, understanding personal value, managing loss, and even include prompts for sharing your own stories with one another. * Written for ages 2,3,4,5,6,7, and 8 years old * Free downloadable audio book and song included. If you enjoy this picture book by Jolie Canoli and Friends, you’ll love our other fun to read stories too!

Next Top Villain


Suzanne Selfors - 2014
    While their personalities are very different, they bond over not quite fitting in with the other Royals. Lizzie, however, has one thing that Duchess doesn't: a happily-ever-after at the end of her story. While Lizzie and the other princesses train for the day when they will rule their kingdoms, Duchess is torn between her role as the perfect, dutiful princess and her rebellious ambition to be a queen. When both girls are selected to attend General Villainy class, Duchess sees an opportunity to be a rebel while following the rules. But can she play a prank on her roomie to ace the class? Find out if Duchess' desire to change her destiny will make her Ever After High's Next Top Villain!

My New Fighting Technique Is Unstoppable


David Rees - 2003
    The New Fighting Technique may have sprung from the crucible of cubicle culture----Rees created the strip while working a deathly boring temp job, harnessing the potential energy of his PowerPoint software, Internet connection, laser printer, and vast expanses of fallow hours into this Unstoppable ass-kicking phenomenon----but the result has less to do with clockwatching than with the explosive energy of freestyling gangsta rap, airborne Bruce Lee maneuvers, and a profane, deadpan sense of humor that just may establish David Rees as the Lenny Bruce of our times. As soon as Rees began faxing MNFTIU comics to friends, those friends were faxing it to friends who were faxing it to more friends. It was the birth of a genuine underground publishing sensation. Soon it was a regular serial, then there was merchandise, then a website that received 25 million hits last year.

On The Seventh Day


Mark Wilson - 2015
    Regardless of religion, race, sex, sexuality or nationality. He hates all of you. Basically, you are fucked." God is pissed off. He has run out of patience with humans and decided that our time is over. We've had our chance and its back to the drawing board. "Fuck the lot of them" is his newest gospel. Mo, and Jay, best Friends who've fucked up in the past, beg him for one more chance to get the humans back on track. Alongside Mr Saluzar, the head of a global charity foundation, and Nick, The Fallen Angel, they hurtle towards Armageddon and their one chance to prove God wrong. They have seven days to save us. On The Seventh Day contains strong language and religious irreverence which some may find offensive. Irreverent dark humour from the author of Lanarkshire Strays and the dEaDINBURGH series.

AKBAR AND BIRBAL: TALES OF HUMOUR


Monisha Mukundan - 2015
    In this lively collection, learn how an ordinary young man, Mahesh Das, became the beloved Raja Birbal we all know today, and how he uses his famous wit, time and again, to build a ‘celestial palace’ for Emperor Akbar, order a census of crows, trap a thief using a magic bamboo, and much more.Replete with wisdom and wit, and brought to life by Tapas Guha’s beautiful illustrations, this clever collection of stories also offers valuable life lessons hidden beneath its humour.

The Pop-Up Book of Phobias


Gary Greenberg - 1999
    And these pop-ups place you in the hot seat--whether it's the dentist's chair as the drill comes spinning toward you; looking over the edge of a skyscraper whose sheer face plummets thousands of feet to the sidewalk far below; or the window seat of a plane as the oxygen mask deploys, your drink spills, and the horizon line shifts to an angle that is suddenly, terribly wrong . . .Brought to life by outrageously macabre artwork and startlingly innovative pop-ups, "The Pop-up Book of Phobias" is an engineering marvel and cult classic in the making--an offbeat holiday treasure sure to become this season's most talked-about gift book.

Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream: Thoughts on Life from Erma Bombeck


Erma Bombeck - 2003
    The result was a classic column full of Bombecks signature wit and warmth. Now the beloved column that has hung on hundreds of refrigerator doors has been cheerily illustrated and designed as a handsome gift book, Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream. In it, Bombeck gently reminds us of what is really important in life: If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.I would have cried and laughed less while watching television . . . and more while watching real life.But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it . . . look at it and really see it . . . try it on . . . live it . . . exhaust it . . . and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. . . . Long-time fans of Erma Bombeck will be thrilled to have this favorite column in the form of a beautiful keepsake. Readers discovering Bombeck for the first time will become fans instantly. Eat Less Cottage and More Ice Cream offers wisdom to inspire all of us.

Instructions For Falling In Love Again


Lucy Mitchell - 2019
    Buried at the bottom of a drawer are a collection of notebooks full of Dan's advice on how to live without him. Pippa's notebook is red and contains his instructions on how to fall in love again. But Dan doesn’t just want Pippa to fall in love with anyone - Dan’s crazy suggestion is that Pippa should date his handsome friend, Mikey Stenton, a known thrill-seeking ladies’ man. Reluctant to follow Dan’s advice, Pippa enters the world of dating. She embarks on a humorous journey of self-discovery, with the help of her children and two best friends.  It isn't long before Pippa is finding it hard to ignore Dan's instructions and Mikey Stenton. Is Mikey really the man that everyone thinks him to be? Or was Dan right, and Mikey’s simply been misunderstood?   An uplifting and heart-warming story about friendship and finding love, the second time around.

Goth-Icky: A Macabre Menagerie of Morbid Monstrosities


Michael J. Nelson - 2005
    What is it about vampires, zombies, skeletons, and other mutants brought to life in the darkest recesses of the imagination? Goth-Icky celebrates modern-day goths, their culture, and the morbid monstrosities that inspire them. Containing over 200 images from the print and advertising archives of the Charles S. Anderson Design Company in combination with a hilarious text by the legendary Michael J. Nelson, this book is an amazingly rich and weird testament to the pervasiveness of goth aesthetics, the appeal of kitsch, and our love of horror.

The World of David Walliams. Book of Stuff


David Walliams - 2018
    In glorious colour throughout!Welcome to the World of David Walliams. This spectacularly funny book is bursting with Walliams wonderment!Insider sneak peeks, brilliant character quizzes, fabulous fun facts, design your own Walliams book cover and meet Raj in a brand new comic book adventure never seen before. You even get exclusive access to behind-the-scenes content from David Walliams himself.Hours of entertainment for all the family and the perfect companion to David’s novels. Featuring colour illustrations from the iconic Sir Quentin Blake and the artistic genius Tony Ross.

I Hate Other People's Kids


Adrianne Frost - 2006
     From the dawn of time, other people's kids have found ways to spoil things for the rest of us. Movie theaters, parks, restaurants -- every venue that should be a place of refuge and relaxation has instead become a freewheeling playground complete with shrieks, wails, and ill-timed excretions. Now, I Hate Other People's Kids delivers a complete handbook for navigating a world filled with tiny terrors -- and their parents. It boldly explores how children's less- endearing traits have disrupted life throughout history ("And they say Jesus loved the little children, all the children of the world, but he never had to dine with one. He chose the lepers") and classifies important subspecies of tyke, from "Little Monsters" (Dennis the Menace, Bamm-Bamm Rubble) to the "So Good It Hurts" variety (Dakota Fanning, Ricky Schroeder in The Champ). Dotted with illuminating sidebars such as "Parents Think It's Cute, but It Isn't" and featuring tips on ingeniously turning the tables without seeming childish yourself, I Hate Other People's Kids is clever, unforgiving, and sidesplittingly funny.

Defunctland Guide to the Magic Kingdom


Kevin Perjurer - 2018
    

Monster Zoo


Doug TenNapel - 2008
    Earthworm Jim and Cat Scratch creator, Douglas Tennapel, brings his next graphic novel following Iron West and Flink -- Monster Zoo! Monster Zoo tells the story of a young boy who discovers his local zoo may be more frightening than he imagined!

Horseradish


Lemony Snicket - 2007
    Witty and irreverent, Horseradish is a book with universal appeal, a delightful vehicle to introduce Snicket's uproariously unhappy observations to a crowd not yet familiar with the Baudelaires' misadventures.