Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    After reluctantly taking over his family’s party supply store following his father’s death, he is approached by a terminally ill family friend who’s had enough. The friend, a retired policeman, has an intricate plan involving something Eli has ready access to – helium. Eli is initially shocked and repulsed by the proposal, but soon begins to soften his stance and, after much deliberation, eventually agrees to lend a hand.It was supposed to be a one-time thing. How could Eli have known euthanasia was his true calling? And how long can he keep his daring underground "exit" operation going before the police or his volatile new girlfriend get wise?

    The novel follows the journey of Ira Overman, veteran of multiple botched careers and a singularly botched marriage, as he makes one last attempt to rise above the guilt, weakness, and self-hatred that have been hard-wired into his soul since birth. Through an unlikely side effect from a seemingly routine surgery, Overman suddenly finds himself trying to reconcile newfound powers with the man he used to be, determined not to repeat the poor choices of his past. Overman succeeds at righting some of his former wrongs, fails miserably at others, but, most importantly, gains a small yet significant window into a life that matters.

    When the system begins to misfire under the workload, the ill-equipped representatives of God and the Devil tasked with managing the process are given an ultimatum. Fix The Afternet or go back to your previous afterlives. They begin an odyssey through the hordes of souls awaiting judgement and the oblivious living in search of a solution. Rich in comic detail and populated with characters real and imagined from throughout time, their quest is never going to be straightforward…

    Legend. Role model. He’s none of those.Blunt Yorkshireman and reality TV show winner, Flint Dugdale, has used his large frame and ‘persuasive personality’ to take charge of Britain’s first mission to Mars. Little does he know that the base, built by an advance party of inept robots, is far from ready, with no food, water or doors. And the ship’s scanners are picking up strange signals. There is life down there. But will it be pleased to see him?

    Dark Zader was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, but when he threw his emperor down a shaft, he found himself without a job. Living with his kids and down on his luck, he finds that he only has one solution, beg for his old job back from the very emperor he thought he'd killed. Read as this family of rebel scum scrambles to prepare a dinner fit for an emperor in the most ridiculous culinary experience ever. Double the excitement. Triple the laughs. Paintbrush illustrations. This is... Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

    Maybe you’ve known them since childhood, or met in college, or while waiting for a child’s practice to end. Maybe you found yourself living on the same street. There’s no single path to friendship. Relationships don’t follow a script and neither do the lives of smart, funny, complicated suburban women. Jill, Anne, Mary, and Rachel met years ago through a neighborhood group that regularly got together to play a dice game called bunco. Although players have come and gone, they continue to use bunco as an excuse to abandon their day-to-day responsibilities and enjoy food, drinks, and the company of their best friends. When new neighbors move in under the cover of night, the foursome sees an opportunity to expand their bunco circle. But within hours, suspicions run rampant as the odd behaviors of the newest residents are interpreted differently. Are they quirky, or kinky? Diabolical, or misunderstood? Time after time, as the truth sheds light on some secrets, more emerge. Each woman finds herself shocked by the friends she thought she knew.Through the friendly banter, intimate confessions, and tongue-twisting insults, you may see yourself or your friends in these characters. Wipe away tears of laughter and loss as you join the four metaphorical rounds of bunco, and feel part of the conversation. Whether engaging in playful exploits, providing unconditional support, making uncomfortable sacrifices, or winding up in handcuffs again, these ladies are those rarest of friends who become true family. Of course, families don’t follow a script either, unless it is a plot-twisting, slightly off-color comedy about the drama of friendship. And bunco, sort of.

    How is love related to sex, and how is sex related to love--and do love and sex need to be related at all?*This book contains profanity and adult situations

    Lord help her… NOTE: This volume contains the first three books of the Jessica Christ series, including ... Book 1: The BeginningBook 2: And It Was GoodBook 3: It's a Miracle!*Plus* the first chapter of Book 4: Nu Alpha Omega The Beginning Jessica McCloud knows first-hand that it’s tough to fit in when you’re God’s only begotten daughter. While she has the power to smite, and she’s privy to most of the juicy gossip in her West Texas town, nobody is knocking on her door with frankincense and myrrh. The Messiah-in-the-making still has to contend with algebra tests, her first crush, and menstrual cramps with the power to spark lightning storms…As if dealing with her overbearing Father and a scheming preacher wasn’t enough, Jessica must face down the demons that lurk around every corner. No matter what she wants from life, everything seems to lead to a final showdown with the devil. The daughter of God has a choice: face the destiny thrust upon her or find some way to forge her own path…And It Was GoodAs she enters the uncharted territory of high school, Jessica McCloud could use a few more friends who believe in her. Of course, that means something entirely different for the daughter of God. After her two-millennia-dead half-brother visits her in a dream and tells her it’s time for her to stop messing around, Jessica begins the hunt to discover what miracles she can perform. And if one of them happens to win the heart of her long-time crush, Greg, then so be it. But when a reporter with a grudge against God catches wind of her first miracle, Jessica stumbles her way through one scandal after another until she wonders if the world wouldn’t be a much happier place with no miracles at all. It's a Miracle! Miracles happen when you least expect them. And if you’re Jessica McCloud, God’s only begotten daughter, they happen when you least want them. Is an uneventful senior year of high school too much for Jessica to hope for?Yes. Yes it is.Instead of focusing on college applications, Jessica must juggle Jimmy’s newest scheme, Eugene’s latest slander, and a gruesome (unpaid) internship at Midland Memorial Hospital. And just when she’s starting to get the hang of it, a serious PR blunder ignites a firestorm of brand new accusations. It would take nothing short of a miracle for Jessica to come out on top this round, and she isn’t holding her breath…

    Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    But he just can't keep up. In a story of hilarious consequences, we find Dale in one week accused of cutting down the sign to his subivision, plagued with a father who has come to live over his garage, and on the hook for being the Rocket Man of his son's Scout Troop. While the price of the American Dream has become nothing short of being rich and famous, Dale heads for the the catastrophe of Rocket Day with one mission--to give his son a sense of independence, and in the process, find himself. ...LAUNCH!

    She is engaged to a handsome artist, lives above an windswept beach, and has a rapidly growing list of clients. But in a heartbeat everything changes, and she is left staring at an empty future. It starts with her naked fiancé disappearing in the rear-view mirror, and ends with news so devastating she collapses, sobbing, on the filthy floor of an airport toilet. It is the day that changes Joanne forever. Paul Clarke looks like a man that has stepped out of the pages of a women's magazine. He is living on Twin Pines Station, a farm shrouded in mystery following the disappearance of his grandmother. The small town community expect Paul to marry his spoilt, pregnant girlfriend, and settle in the area like the previous generations of the Clarke family. But not everything is as it appears, and life for Paul is about to be turned upside down. A tragic twist of fate brings Joanne and Paul together. But neither is looking for romance, and both are struggling with loss and the deceptions of the past. What unfolds is an unforgettable story of friendship, family and changes born through love. "This should become a TV series or a movie. It is that good in my opinion." - Mr Butler "Moving, rousing and beautifully written." - Jackie Parry "Being away from New Zealand it was such an indulgence to be given such wonderful imagery." - Meilyrox “All these threads come together in bold colors and powerful strands in Rochelle Carlton's compelling novel "The Quilt: Unraveled" to render vividly life's harsh realities in a story that is both personal and intimate.. This multi-generation family saga is immense in scope (and intense).” – Mark Fine Mature content warning. This book contains language that may offend some readers.

    Following his dream of becoming a writer, he turns away from everything he knows, and enters adulthood embittered, angry, and resentful.As he struggles to make a name for himself, he is presented with the opportunity of a lifetime. Although it requires a betrayal of his principles as an artist, he resigns himself to what appears to be fate. The writer’s compromise brings money and recognition, but these are fleeting and he soon finds himself caught in a web of depression and financial hardship. Desperate and sinking quickly, the writer begins taking trips to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, where he hopes to reconnect with his muse. During one of these excursions, he meets Nigel Moon, a grizzled fellow author nearing the end of his career. Moon gives the writer a second golden opportunity and the chance to prove himself in the face of personal doubts—but only if the writer is able to set his past aside.Equal parts witty and dark and wry and tragic, the text uses simplicity as its focus. Raw and honest, Becoming Moon is an unforgettable book about exorcising past demons and finding personal redemption.

    Doctor Ravinder Shah speaking. No case too weird, no problem too bizarre. Strangeness a speciality. How can I help you?” London Social Worker Rav Shah moonlights as a paranormal detective, aided by one of his clients and a Border Collie he rents by the hour. It was supposed to be a bit of fun: a search for truths out there; a quest for a life more interesting than the one that fate, destiny, and personal apathy had granted him. But then a case involving a Yorkshire farmer and a herd of flying pigs leads him into a world darker and more dangerous than he’d ever dreamed. The truth is indeed out there. And it’s got Rav square in its sights.

    Although they have been mentioned in the bible and traces of their existence are scattered throughout the globe, Peter Madeloy had always presumed that the myths of the possible existence of an ancient brotherhood, living on Earth for milennia, was nothing more than that, a myth. Until one day his father is brutally murdered and his mother is kidnapped. In exchange for his mother’s safe return, Peter must enter his father’s secret world, uncover the truth about his mother’s kidnappers and find the ancient artefact his father had dedicated his life to protecting. Peter enlists the help of his uncle, Daniel O'Brien, a professor of Philology and avid researcher of veiled organisations and his wife, Emily, a geneticist, to unravel a series of clues his father has left him. Together they embark on a journey that thrusts them into the centre of an ancient battle for supremacy that uncovers a truth that for them, will change the history and future of humanity simultaneously. With the enemy watching their every move Peter, Daniel and Emily must figure out his father's clues in time to save his mother and ultimately protect the world from the true secret that was unearthed from beneath King Solomon's Temple all those centuries ago.