My name is Jimmy Plush. I'm a private detective. I'm also a teddy bear. It all started when the original Jimmy Plush entered my life, offering to take my gambling debts away if I agreed to switch bodies with him. But I didn't know that being a three-foot-high plush toy would be such a living hell, especially now that everyone in town wants a piece of me. All I've gotten out of this deal is a faithful Chinese chauffeur, a custom teddybear .45, and a girlfriend who won't take off the fox suit she turns tricks in. Now I've got to keep this town clean and try to track down the real Jimmy Plush without losing my stuffing for good. Only one thing is for sure: Life is hard when you're soft. Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective is a high octane pulp satire. In the tradition of Sam Spade, The Shadow, Dick Tracy, Hellboy and Howard the Duck comes a new kind of hero, a hero that reminds us that the measure of a man is in his guts and his gun.

    Using the knowledge left by his father, the Plague Doctor, he seeks to unlock the secrets of the universe, but weakness of the flesh won’t be ignored. The sordid overtures of his nymphomaniac sister, combined with his own perverse desires, soil his subjects before revelation can be found.Now the return of Philip’s father is imminent. Judgment is at hand, and if the fate of his mother taught him anything, it’s that one mustn’t disappoint the Plague Doctor.

    An obnoxious, toothy, foul-mouthed, pig of a mouth. Luckily, his girlfriend doesn't seem to mind. Marie, the one-legged stripper and cyber-prostitute love of his life is very accepting of it. And then a little too accepting. What would you do if your girlfriend cheated on you with the voracious yapper under your belly button? If you live in Gutmouth's world-a bleak city where gruesome, spontaneous mutations are no big deal, klepto-roaches take anything not tied-down, drugs turn pain into pleasure, consumers are tortured for growing food, and your best friend is a misogynistic rat-man-you might do something crazy. And what if you got caught?

    Contains "The Jackthief," "The Screaming Orchard," "Glowers Point," "Cruel Women with Whiplike Smiles," "The Smoke of Samuel," "Sad Clown, Kentucky," and "Sunruined."

    People are turning into clowns. Society isn’t interested in finding a cure or treating the infected as humans. But when unconventional couriers begin to harass the contaminated, and clowns start disappearing, a band of transformed coworkers set out to find answers.

    Ed Means is a man who loves his country. He loves beer and Johnny Cash and his sparkling beloved Ford Trinidad SUV. He is a good American, a good consumer and a good husband in a troubled--and of course--childless marriage. A former boxing champion, known to most as simply Champ, he now works in a hospital, doing a job most people despise him for. He is, like many others of his ilk, employed by the United States government; fully licensed and registered and carrying the badge to prove it. He doesn't relish his job but knows that it needs to be done and knows that he is the best one to do it. He is a Mother Puncher. A fair, firm and uncompromising Mother Puncher. Breeders beware.

    He hates these Southwestern-style planned suburban neighborhoods. All of the streets look the same. All of the houses look the same. All of the people look the same. Because everything in Eagle Hills looks exactly the same, Tony has trouble finding the dinner party. He quickly becomes lost in the sea of red tile roofs. The streets seem to go on forever. The addresses don't seem to make any sense. After hours of navigating the suburban labyrinth, Tony discovers that there is something terribly wrong with the Eagle Hills gated community. There is something unnatural about the houses around him. There is something inhuman about the people staring at him through the windows. And no matter how far he drives, he can't seem to find his way out. Ultra Fuckers is a work of absurd suburban horror in the tradition of Mellick's previous short novel, The Menstruating Mall.

    It starts when Glinda the Good Witch becomes President and before long munchkins are working at fast food restaurants.

    Having survived the Ebola virus and witnessed the death of his coach in the same 365-day period, he must now withstand the taunts and insults of riders who don't understand his two all-encompassing motivations for living...... the sharing of Agape Love and the protection of bugs everywhere.

    Biblical sharks. Sharks that are bigger than city buses. Sharks that can swim through the air and through the ground just as easy as swimming through water. The Garden of Eden is swarming with these mammoth killing machines and they'll eat just about anything or anyone they come across. A group of fanatical religious tourists from the future travel back in time to meet Adam and Eve. Unfortunately, their time ship crashes, killing the majority of the crew (including the leprechauns) and leaving them stranded in this strange shark-infested land. Among the survivors are: Ernest who has the ability to turn people into mannequins, Ira who wields a razor-edged bible for a weapon, Wayne a giant wizard head with fat lizard legs, Donkey the hunchback halfwit, Anton the birdman, Rattlesnake Doctor, Ancestor, and Sturgeonwolf. This cult of deranged priests soon discover that Eden is a far more surreal and dangerous place than they ever could have imagined. It is going to take everything they've got in order to survive long enough to find another way back home. Shark Hunting in Paradise Garden is a crazy, wild ride of a story. It is what William Burroughs's imagination would look like if turned into Japanese anime.

    Humorous, touching, creepy, but most of all entertaining, this collection is superb." — Tracy Michelle Anderson *** If you're a fan of Roald Dahl or Gillian Flynn you'll love these unsettling stories with a twist in the tale.  Click now to start reading. ​

    Their unlikely friendship leads to an ambitious plan to unite the tribal leaders and, once crowned the first High King of the Britons, Maximus casts his eyes on the throne of the Western Roman Empire. Leading a force of brave warriors to Gaul, Maximus is victorious in battle. But it is not long after his return to Britain that hubris gnaws at him once again. Despite Caradoc's pleas to exercise caution, Maximus is determined to march on Rome itself. But who will pay the price for his bloodthirsty quest for power?

    He has just one hellish week to shoot "Crimson Orgy," seventy-six minutes of mayhem destined to become the world's most notorious cult movie... and just maybe the first true "snuff film" ever made. Struggling to cope with a reluctant starlet, a booze-ravaged leading man, a backwoods cop bent on revenge, a mutinous crew, a devastating hurricane, and his own inner demons, Meyer relentlessly pursues a vision of unrivaled box office horror. He gets what he's after, but at a price no one could imagine!

    When Farts Had Colors is the story of 4th grader Lance Chance who hates Mondays. This particular Monday Lance's mom coaxes Lance to school with his favorite sandwiches and a 'wish-kiss'. On his way to school Lance is tormented by "the biggest, meanest 4th grader ever to stalk the halls of Alfonso Orr Elementary School. Merry Maddox. Bully Extraordinaire…”A legend" and her posse of mayhem, the Crazy M&Ms. If having to hand over his sandwiches and perform a certain humiliating act wasn't enough, Lance gets blamed by Merry Maddox for letting out a fart so horrible it forces the entire school to evacuate. Lance runs away from school and wishes that farts had colors. "Then everyone would have known it was Merry Maddox who sent out those heat seeking missiles of doom and destruction," thinks Lance. And just like that, Lance's wish comes true. Will Lance come up with a plan to expose Merry Maddox and reveal her true colors?

    The intensive education that follows offers Henry a model for future excellence; a model that he is doomed to fail.On his accession, he chooses his brother’s widow, Caterina of Aragon, to be his queen. Together they plan to reinstate the glory of days of old and fill the royal nursery with boys.But when their first-born son dies at just a few months old, and subsequent babies are born dead or perish in the womb, the king’s golden dreams are tarnishedChristendom mocks the virile prince. Caterina’s fertile years are ending yet all he has is one useless living daughter, and a baseborn son.He needs a solution but stubborn to the end, Caterina refuses to step aside.As their relationship founders his eye is caught by a woman newly arrived from the French court. Her name is Anne Boleyn. A Matter of Conscience: The Aragon Years offers a unique first-person account of the ‘monster’ we love to hate and reveals a man on the edge; an amiable man made dangerous by his own impossible expectation.The story continues in A Matter of Faith : Book Two of The Henrician Chronicle.