Well, that is what Rosie did.Buying the house was an accident. She only went out for bananas.Rosie embarks on renovating her 22 room ‘new’ home in Italy with a non-negotiable move-in date of Christmas Eve.Surrounded by a cast of interesting characters, the Irish woman learns the Italian way of life and house renovating in the country she wants to call home. But when the project manager goes AWOL, non-Italian speaking Rosie has no option but to take control with the help of a translation app.With no heating, windows disappearing, mystery holes in the garden, water flooding down the stairs, a pandemic destroyed business and with a move-in date that seems more laughable than doable, Rosie begins to question if she was crazy to follow through on her fabulous midlife crisis dream of renovating a villa in Italy.

    In fact, each setback they experience just seems to immerse them deeper into a life they have totally fallen in love with. 'Seriously Mum, Who's that Chicken?' is the latest installment of their adventures as they continue to seize the day, living off-grid and loving every minute.

    That is what troubles animal-phobic, robotics engineer Smith who just got married. He learns that his bride’s dream is to have a farm where there are lots of animals and she can rescue ex-race horses to retrain and find them new homes. But according to a Meyers-Briggs Personality Test that they took for fun, their marriage is doomed. There is only one problem: the newlyweds took the test after the wedding. Whether Smith is chasing a cow named Pork Chop through the woods with a rope, getting locked in a tack room by the family pony, being snubbed by his wife’s dog, or unsuccessfully trying to modernize their barn using the latest technology, the odds are stacked against him. It seems like everything with four legs is out to get him. Will the animals win, forcing Smith to admit defeat, or will he fight to keep his family and the farm together? Enjoy the true, warm, and frequently hilarious stories of Smith’s journey along the bumpy road from his urban robotics lab to a new life on a rural Virginia farm.

    This irreverent little book gathers together some of the most peculiar and outrageous ways that people across the globe have met their untimely ends. Whether shocking or silly, these true stories are proof at least that the grim reaper has a strange sense of humour.

    Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.

     Meet Wally Moscowitz. His day job is top secret. As ghostwriter for Oral B, the most famous gangsta rapper in the world, Wally is the real mastermind behind Godz-Illa Records' best-selling artist, and the best-kept secret in the Industry. But if word gets out about Wally's true profession, Godz-Illa's kajillion-dollar rap empire will be sunk, and Wally will be dead meat. When Wally comes home one particularly bizarre afternoon to find a ransom note and his best friend and dog, Dr. Barry Schwartzman, missing, Wally goes to great lengths to stop the dognappers while keeping the big secret under wraps. He must, if he wants to walk away with his job, not to mention his life, intact. The hunt for Dr. Schwartzman and the blackmailing thug who is trying to reveal hip-hop's biggest conspiracy becomes a wild-goose chase in which everyone becomes a suspect: Sue Schadenfreude, Wally's girlfriend, who makes a pretty penny massaging Barbra Streisand's papillon, Yenta; Pardeep Vishvatma, Wally's neighbor, who keeps a watchful eye on all the suspicious characters lurking about the hood; Jerry Silver, Wally's slick-rick, self-styled superagent; Abraham "Dandy" Lyons, Wally's boss and Godz-Illa's CEO-badass with Suge Knight's street cred and Tony Soprano's "friends"; Jem, the fiery, achingly familiar vixen who steals Wally's heart; Yo Yo Pa and Teddy Bizzle, Oral B's entourage; and the mysterious mob crew: Five-two Lou, Six-seven Kevin, and Balsamic Vinny, who show up when Wally needs them most. Duck Duck Wally is a hilarious romp through the absurdities of Los Angeles, the bombastic details of hip-hop culture, and a day in the life of what was supposed to be the painfully ordinary existence of Wally Moscowitz.

    When they arrive for basic training they are soft, unfit and mentally weak. The recruit will have no idea what real discipline means. Up to that point, he has lived a life of weakness. He has given into all his natural impulses and has feasted on junk food, surfed the internet and generally lived far under his potential.Very soon he will be thrown into a cauldron of discipline. He will experience for the very first time a life of control and power. When he comes out on the other side he will be a new man. People who know these men will see a transformed person. This is the power of self -discipline.In this book, you will learn lessons in self-discipline from the masters of self-discipline.The Spartans and the Special Operations community is the heart and soul of discipline. The Spartans dont exist anymore but they left a legacy that still lives on today. The warrior tradition of the Spartans is built on a foundation of immense self-discipline.The Modern Special Operations Units carry on similar traditions of extreme self-discipline. Today you can use these lessons in your life to carve out any future you want. This book will guide you through the most important principles of self-discipline.It will show you how to take your life and transform yourself into a powerful individual if you choose to do so and take action.Let's take a look at what you will learn inside this book: The Science and Psychology of Self-DisciplineHow To Develop Self DisciplineSelf-Discipline and FreedomImproving Focus and ConcentrationForming Good Habits and Breaking Bad HabitsHow To Build Mental ToughnessDaily Self-DisciplineAnd Much much more...

    The gods were supposed to preside over Creation with unmatched wisdom and knowledge. Well, that was the idea. But what is Death – a god of terrible majesty and splendour – supposed to do when his daughter asks for a pony? Is he really supposed to just go out and get a mortal one? Like that’s going to work. It’ll keel over and die in a couple of decades. No, his daughter deserves something better, a pony truly worthy of her divine heritage, which means he’s going to have to get a little bit creative. And then there’s Bureaucracy. The Supreme Mother and Supreme Father might have given rise to Creation, but Bureaucracy is the one who has to keep everything running smoothly. But that’s easier said than done when there are hundreds of gods and countless mortals to consider – none of whom understand the importance of filing paperwork in triplicate. Luckily, not even gods can escape the awesome power of divine paperwork. And let’s not forget gods like Mayhem, Mischief, and Rabble. Their names speak for themselves. When the three of them take a holiday in the mortal world at the same time, trouble is right around the corner. Divine Assistance is a collection of fourteen short stories about the gods and their attempts to manage Creation. There are souls to claim, mortals to woo, and even the occasional city to smite. After all, what’s life without a little divine assistance?

    Koalas look cuddly, but they're actually irritable, solitary beasts who do not want belly rubs. What kind of mocking god created creatures with poofy ears and big black noses that don't want belly rubs? BOpossums: North America gets one lousy marsupial, and let's just say it's not going to win any beauty contests. Or even not-ugly contests. C−Wombats: "Wombat" is a great name. It's got a "wom" and a "bat," and an "omba." They're kind of nondescript animals, cute in a generic pudgy mammal way, but their name spelled backward is "tabmow," and that makes all the difference. AThe Book of Ratings is hysterically arbitrary and undeniably infectious.

    for lads!For Billy Ellis, life is one series of disasters after another. His haemorrhoids have just cost him promotion, his new boss is threatening to move in next door, and on the very occasions he need a condom, he can’t even buy a packet without almost getting arrested. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s suddenly woken up to the fact that he’s almost thirty, still single and has the looks that give a new meaning to the word ‘average’.But at the end of last year, as always, Billy read his ‘Log of Life’ and vowed to make things better.And this year, he succeeded. Eventually.Billy’s Log reveals the frustrations of life for a single male and the never-ending battle to understand the workings of the female mind.

    A collection of 45 ridiculous 911 emergency calls, submitted by 911 Call Center Operators across the U.S.Dedicated to you, the Taxpayer who funded these calls.Note: A quick 10-minute read of humorous quotes from real calls.Just enough for a grin of the day!

    Will your mother-in-law present you with yet another hideous jersey this year? How are you going to cope with Granny's peke or the undesirable in-laws? Has the row about where to spend the holiday already started, and it's only August?Jilly Cooper has the answer to everything. Whether you should seek refuge in the cooking sherry or suggest a wholesome family walk, Jilly offers, in her own irrepressible style, sound but often hilarious advice about how to get through the roller-coaster ride we call Christmas.With the help of the perfect Christmas family - Scarlett O'Aga, the Xmasochistic housewife, her wayward husband Noel, his seductive mistress Ms Stress, their four delightful children Holly, Robin, Carol and Nicholas, and their dog Difficult Patch, we learn how to survive this most demanding of occasions.

    Completely original material by the show's writers references events in the show as well as giving character backstory and brand new stories about Will, Simon, Jay, and Neil. Readers should expect lots of rude words, lots of photos, and lots of pissing themselves laughing.

    In this raffish, hilarious, scathing yet often surprisingly humane collection, Gill applies his unmatched wit to the largest and smallest issues of our time. Whether you're struggling to satisfy your other half, having a crisis over your baldness, don't like your daughter's boyfriend, or need the definitive rules on shorts, leather jackets and man-bags, AA Gill has all the answers - but you'd better brace yourself first.

    Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in:* A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain.* The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt.* Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you.* The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD.* Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in You Might Be a Zombie from the twisted minds at Cracked.