“You’re about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat’s butt.” Keep this book handy, someday you’ll be glad you have it. “Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you just be yourself.” Pick any of the many jaw-dropping insults then laugh at the look on your adversary’s face when you whip one out and use it on them. You’ll leave no doubt in their mind that you are a master of sarcastic insults! ADDED BONUS: In addition to the fresh and hilarious insults in this book, you’ll also find great sarcastic observations about life hidden inside this book’s pages, like… “I think the reason so many people have smart phones is because opposites attract!” You’re no idiot, so you need this book to start your new life as the master of sarcastic insults and put-downs! “Hey! Who left the Idiot Box open? Now they're everywhere!”

    As her full-time carer, Tottie listened to daily recitations of her favourite saying: 'Mother, mother, it's a bugger, sell the pig and buy me out.” Catch up now with Tottie in the AM years – After Mother – as she starts her new life in the rural Livradois-Forez region of the Auvergne, living in Tottie's Grottage. Meet the local inhabitants, from exotic birds to colourful characters like the Bin Pickers, Library Lady and the Bowing Farmer. All are described with Tottie's familiar gently ironic humour. Discover the procedure behind the Frogification of Tottie, and if her bid for French nationality is successful. 'Mother Was It Worth It?' is the concluding part of the Sell the Pig series, which began with 'Sell the Pig' and 'Is That Billinge Lump?'

    54 pages of summaries and analysis on Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.This study guide includes the following sections: Plot Summary, Chapter Summaries & Analysis, Characters, Objects/Places, Themes, Style, Quotes, and Topics for Discussion.

    She is fresh out of rehab, her husband and children aren’t home for the holiday, and her Christmas tree has alopecia.Days from Christmas, Rebecca has to explore her grief about a loss so huge, it tipped her over the edge, and imagine a future that maybe spent alone.But she learns that, while Christmas for one is possible, it’s just a lot nicer when there’s family to share it with.Love, loss and forgiveness come together to make a Christmas that Rebecca will never forget, and one that will unwrap a joyous future, even it’s not at all like what she imagined was waiting for her under the Christmas tree.

     Welcome to The Cove With heavy iron gates, two security stations, and a groundskeeper's cottage, The Cove has everything a billionaire could ask for in a home. Dubbed Billionaire Bachelor Cove because of the residents' single status and income portfolios, The Cove is the perfect place to hide away from the world. But, as the residents soon find out, they can't hide from love. A Christmas List for the Billionaire Christmas is weeks away, but Reese Somersby hasn’t had a moment for traditions like trees, carols and cocoa. She’s too busy keeping handsome billionaire bad boy Crew Russell out of the tabloids. When Crew’s dad issues an ultimatum, he’s faced with a holiday list that Reese can get behind. Between helping the homeless and choosing a charity, Reese starts to see the kind of man she could really fall for behind the suits and Corvettes. When an old flame walks back into Crew’s life, Reese wonders if all the Christmas cheer is just for show. Not many people can make Crew sweat, but a cascade of compromising photos and a list of demands from his dad wake him up to the changes he needs to make in his life. With Reese’s help, Crew gets back who he truly is in his heart. Every task on the list opens his eyes to the needs around him, his desire to improve his community, and the incredible woman in his life. Reese is not only a capable assistant, she is a beautiful, warm and genuine woman. An unplanned kiss and a tender Christmas wish inspire Crew to meet the challenge of winning Reese’s heart.

    As with all Emily Hayes books, you can guarantee some hot scenes and a Happy Ever After.Dr Nicole Graham is a hardworking Pediatrician at Forest Vale hospital. She meets a beautiful newcomer to Forest Vale at a Christmas party and is immediately drawn to her.But, the newcomer has her own complex story and Nicole doesn't do relationships, so it would never work, right?What will it take for Nicole to finally give her heart to another?Join Nicole and Suzie for Christmas parties, carols and festivities. Will Nicole get all she wants for Christmas?

    Drop him into a ghastly Kenya prep school in the middle of Rider Haggard country. A school where cricketing news comes by carrier pigeon, leopards are assaulted with a red-hot poker, and runaway boys are hunted down with spearmen and a pack of foxhounds... For Martin Riddle, the experience is unforgettable. For the riding mistress, Lady Bullivant, it is all part of the day's work. And for the headmaster, a disreputable ex-Guards officer, it is simply a means of staving off bankruptcy for a few more weeks. As for the Masai, tennis may be on the curriculum at Haggard Hall, but midnight meetings with naked warriors definitely are not! 'The funniest book I have read since David Lodge's Small World' - Sunday Times 'Wickedly funny' - Daily Mail 'Less savage than Evelyn Waugh, Best is every bit as sharp... an immensely enjoyable book' - Evening Standard 'Very good entertainment' - Sir Alec Guinness (Sunday Times book of the year) Nicholas Best's books have been translated into many languages. He was the Financial Times's fiction critic for ten years and was long-listed in 2010 for the Sunday Times-EFG Bank 30,000 award, the biggest short story prize in the world. For more details, see www.nicholasbest.co.uk

    Could being snowed in change everything for them? Snowed in at the Villa is a sweet, contemporary romance with a guaranteed happily ever after. Enjoy this fun, flirty Hallmark-style Christmas romance by Chelsea Hale.Kat doesn’t cry over her life. Well not anymore. She is single (again) and happy about it, and with a string of odd jobs from the temp service, she has just the right amount of variety without all the drama. When an avalanche on a narrow mountain road changes her plans, she gets to see her new recluse boss in an unconventional way, and it’s messing with her plans. And her heart.Logan likes living remotely in his villa nestled in the mountains. Solitude has done wonders for his mental health. Mostly he doesn’t think about the past, just guards his wounded heart. When his chef takes the night off, he orders take-out, and when the delivery girl shows up, she has no food.Kat is unlike any woman Logan has ever met, but his new hire has just made his quiet, secluded life a nightmare. It doesn’t help that she’s attractive. Or smart. Or funny. He can’t and won’t get involved with anyone. Not again.Being snowed in brings out a lot of things that Logan would prefer to leave alone, but Kat engages him, and he’s intrigued. Could being snowed in change everything for both of them?

    What this book lacks in length, it more than makes up for with ersatz knowledgeability and diagrams. Particularly helpful for guys who have just come out of a long term relationship - but also universally applicable.

    They’ve experienced all kinds of things but with each other, their families, prayer, and God; they’ve made it through 2019, to the month of December. But not every relationship salvaged will make it to the future. In this Holiday Short Story, Special Edition of When the Vows Break, you’ll get to peek into the lives of these friends and see how they’re spending their Christmas holiday. Will the past they’ve endured affect their present, attempting to shatter their future? Or has the past given them instruction to treasure the present while preparing for the future? You’ll have to read to find out.

    

    Contains all 8 episodes of the international sensation THE INCIDENT, a Sam Jameson Serial Thriller. Where do you run when even the good guys want you dead? Special Agent Sam Jameson is having a bad week. People are trying to kill her.
 
That would be business as usual in the counterespionage world, except that it’s the good guys who have her in the crosshairs. Why are the DC Metro police trying to kidnap her? Do her bosses at Homeland want her in a body bag, too? And why does everyone she talks to seem to end up in the morgue? Will a ruthless mercenary, a hapless American traitor, and a dead man’s cryptic clue hold the key to Sam’s survival? As the noose tightens around her neck, Sam must uncover a brutal and deadly conspiracy before she becomes its next victim. Interview with author Lars Emmerich Q - So, what makes the Special Agent Sam Jameson series special? A - It's a mix of things, really. When I set out to write these books, I wanted to create something that mirrored exactly the kind of books I like to read. My top picks are usually espionage and private detective novels, any of the thousands of thrillers and mysteries best sellers, and, of course, books featuring classic pulp heroes. I also like heroes with problems and villains who are frighteningly human, maybe a little too much like us. The Sam Jameson books are a mix of these genres. The series focuses on the mystery and thriller / espionage genre overall, with a couple of themes borrowed from financial thrillers thrown in for good measure, a healthy dose of the stuff that makes political thrillers great, and a serial killer novel or two to keep things interesting. Why such a mixing of themes? Because life isn't monolithic and book genres are arbitrary. There's murder in spy novels and there's espionage in political conspiracy thrillers. Overall, the Sam Jameson series is designed to keep you turning the pages. I've done my best to make sure there's never a dull moment, and I think Sam's chutzpah and attitude makes for good entertainment. But I'm probably a little biased. Q - What order should I read the books in? A - I’ve written the series so you can read the books in any order, and all the story threads will tie up nicely by the time you're finished. The Incident is a standalone story, and it occurs before the Devolution series. If you do want to read them in order, I'd suggest the following sequence: - The Incident Season 1 - The Incident Season 2 - Devolution - Meltdown - Mindscrew - Balls Deep (A Peter Kittredge espionage and suspense thriller) Q - So, why should readers give these books a try? A - Because the Sam Jameson series is a fast, fun thrill-ride that never lets up! Each of the books has hit the top ten bestsellers list on Kindle for Women Sleuths, and each have been featured on Amazon's Thrillers 100 Must Reads list - which is no mean feat. Ultimately, readers who enjoy a blazing pace, characters with depth and distinctive voices, and a plot that twists and turns all the way to the end will enjoy this series.

    But between her students' lack of English, the rough surroundings and sheriff Elias Parker's doubts and distrust, Savannah's unprepared for both the job and the climate. However, she's determined to prove she can handle anything her new town throws her way. Elias gives it a week—or less—before the pretty schoolteacher packs her dainty dresses and hightails it back home. But no matter how many mishaps he has to rescue her from, Savannah doesn't give up. Yet the real test is to come—a brutal blizzard that could finally drive her away, taking his heart with her…

    Funny jokes, Knock Knock jokes, Kids Jokes.Jokes for Kids, Best Joke Book for Kids is styled for as kids grow older they find certain jokes less and less funny. This means you have to come up with age appropriate jokes to keep them entertained. Jokes are more than just for laughs. They also stimulate thought and educate. That does not mean you go stiff on the kids, far from it. You want jokes that are funny, corny and have some substance. Usually the really good jokes will give even you the tickles.Kids jokes, with over 200 funny jokes, this will keep the kids, and adult laughing for some time.

    get a Christmas tree! It's a simple enough task for any normal person. When he takes his three best friends along for the ride, Geordie, Robbo and Flaky... then nothing is simple... and no-one is normal.This Christmas it's different at the Harding house. They've invited their best friends and children to enjoy the festivities at their home in the heart of the Yorkshire Dales-at least, Will's wife has. Will is not entirely confident he can survive a week in close proximity to his dysfunctional friends.His wife has been asking him for days to buy a Christmas tree, but he insists a tree should only be brought into the house on the day before Christmas.As Christmas Eve arrives, it's time for him to get a tree.He sets off with good intent, with his best pals to lend a helping hand. However, heavy snowfall, the lure of English country pubs, and a disgruntled Lord of the Manor throw a massive spanner in the works. Add to that, Geordie's propensity for stupidity, Robbo's fondness for wacky-baccy, and Flaky's insufferable lecturing-well... what could possibly go wrong?Five adorable, innocent little children await their tree. Will it be delivered? And do they even care? The kids have one thing on their mind - Santa! However, the Santa which appears in the garden later that night is not the one they were expecting.Can Will and his pals save Christmas from becoming another disaster, or will it turn into a bleak mid-winter?Download now and find out!A feelgood Christmas read that will fill your stockings with laughter!A Shooting Star Series Novella