Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    Everything Mark's not, Paris is a man of the world with a thirst for adventure - even his name is better than Mark's.But after a catastrophic argument, Mark finds himself setting off alone on his voyage, instead emailing an unresponsive Paris from the road. A cocktail cruise on the Seine, mindful pastry making in Foix, a graffiti tour in Barcelona: Mark will be forced to engage with life and strangers as he never has before, with poignantly recognisable results.But questions remain: will he ever be able to have an authentic interaction? Will Paris ever reply to his emails? And crucially, will he manage to write SEO friendly copy for every place he visits?After all, it's not the destination that counts: it's the homes and experiences you encounter along the way.

    1965.  War's found himself deep in the glamorous yet lethal world of international espionage. Unhappy with both the treachery and restrictive dress-code, when a name from the past reappears in his life War realises he must risk everything to keep the world safe once again. This short story follows on from the How To Be Dead series and continues the tale of everybody's favourite grumpy Horseman of the Apocalypse...  What Amazon readers are saying about the How To Be Dead Comedy Fantasy Series: ★★★★★ “Dave Turner is a funny man and ‘How To Be Dead’ is a brilliant read.”★★★★★ “If Neil Gaiman and Simon Pegg sat down to write a story together they might come up with something like this.”★★★★★ “Hilarious and unexpectedly moving.”★★★★★ "Laughs and excitement combined!"★★★★★ “Laugh out loud funny… It’s been a while since an author has made me laugh more than Pratchett does.”★★★★★ "If you like Tom Holt, Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett, Dave Turner's books will fit perfectly into your collection."

    Hal SpacejockAn incompetent space pilot, a massive debt and a twenty-four hour deadline...Freighter pilot Hal Spacejock has a life to die for: His very own cargo ship, a witty and intelligent flight computer ... and a debt so big it makes the GFC look like a rounding error.Hal's an upright sort of guy, and he won't take jobs from gun runners, drug smugglers or politicians. On the other hand, the finance company's brutal enforcer is on his doorstep, and Hal has barely twenty-four hours to pay him off. Miss the deadline and he - and his ship - will go under. Way, way, under.Faced with an impossible choice, Hal chooses an impossible job ... and gains an impossible new co-pilot into the bargain.Hal Spacejock is the first novel in the Hal Spacejock series (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)2. Hal Spacejock: Second CourseRex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers.Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy.Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.Hal Spacejock: Second Course is book two in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx 350 pages)3. Hal Spacejock Just DessertsPlanet Cathua has a proud history where robots are concerned. Their legendary factories produced the best, the fastest, the most efficient robots in the Galaxy ... but no longer.Now they must go cap in hand to neighbouring planets, haggling and bartering for the very  robots they used to be so famous for.One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation, and Hal Spacejock lands in the middle of his sinister plot ...Hal Spacejock: Just Desserts is book three in the Hal Spacejock series. (80,000 words, approx  350 pages)Plus ... Hal Spacejock: VisitHal returns to his ship after a shopping expedition, and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... they're booked in for a school visit!Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this 3500-word short story. Visit slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock (book one), but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone.

    56 pages of chapter summaries, quotes, character analysis, themes, and more – everything you need to sharpen your knowledge of The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove. This detailed literature summary also contains Topics for Discussion and a Free Quiz on The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove by Christopher Moore.

    A London flat nestled in a small cul-de-sac, a beautiful courtyard with bright shining sun, and as many books as he could read.It was going to be quiet, calm, and... Oh wait, it's actually the demon apocalypse. With incursions, hauntings, and poltergeists to take care of, Damian is one of the only priests his church can call on.At least for now.They did send a welcoming gift in the shape of a young trainee, Max, who may or may not know his head from his... Well, you get the point. Will Damian, with the help of some friends along the way, be able to kick the slaying and start to save the souls of his attackers? Or will his red-eyed granny of a neighbor poison him with a pie first?If his demon has anything to do with it, exorcisms will only be done in the most fashionable style. Secrets and action await you as you follow Damian up his path from hell. Scroll back to the top and click "Read for Free" or "Buy Now," and kick back for a fun supernatural action-packed adventure that will have you yelling for the good guys and laughing at the arguments between Damian and his prot�g�.---NOTE: This book contains cursing. Perhaps humorous cursing, but cursing nonetheless. If this offends you, I suggest you don't read this book.

    

    For almost three years, the Federation and the Klingon Empire, allied under the Khitomer Accords, have contended with the nascent coalition on a predominantly cold-war footing. But as Starfleet rebuilds itself, factions within the Typhon Pact grow restive, concerned about their own inability to develop a quantum slipstream drive to match that of the Federation. Will leaders such as UFP President Bacco and RSE Praetor Kamemor bring about a lasting peace across the Alpha and Beta Quadrants, or will the cold war between the two alliances deepen, and perhaps even lead to an all-out shooting war? Raise the Dawn After the disastrous events in the Bajoran system, Captain Benjamin Sisko must confront the consequences of the recent choices he has made in his life. At the same time, the United Federation of Planets and its Khitomer Accords allies have come to the brink of war with the Typhon Pact. While factions within the Pact unsuccessfully used the recent gestures of goodwill—the opening of borders and a joint Federation-Romulan exploratory mission—to develop quantum-slipstream drive, they have not given up their goals. Employing a broad range of assets, from Romulus to Cardassia, from Ab-Tzenketh to Bajor, they embark on a dangerous new plan to acquire the technology they need to take control of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. While UFP President Bacco and Romulan Praetor Kamemor work feverishly to reestablish peace, Captains Sisko, Jean-Luc Picard, and Ro Laren stand on the front lines of the conflict...even as a new danger threatens the Bajoran wormhole as it once more becomes a flashpoint of galactic history. Brinkmanship The Venette Convention has always remained independent, but it is about to become the flashpoint for a tense military standoff between the two power blocs now dominating interstellar space—the United Federation of Planets and the recently formed Typhon Pact. The Venetan government turns to the Typhon Pact’s Tzenkethi Coalition for protection in the new order, and has agreed to allow three of their supply bases for Tzenkethi use. But these bases—if militarized—would put Tzenkethi weapons unacceptably close to Federation, Cardassian, and Ferengi space. While Captain Ezri Dax and the crew of the U.S.S. Aventine are sent to investigate exactly what is happening at one of the Venette bases, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the U.S.S. Enterprise are assigned to a diplomatic mission sent to the Venette homeworld in order to broker a mutually acceptable resolution. But the Cardassian delegates don’t seem particularly keen on using diplomacy to resolve the situation, which soon spirals out of control toward all-out war. . .

    Follow his adventures as he faces ruffians, dragons, the wrath of the Clergy, the intrigue of the nobles and fends off invading armies as he tries to win the heart of a girl he never had the courage to speak to.

     THIS BOOK CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT DANGEROUS BEAUTY... This first novella in an exciting new series will take you to a future unlike anything you’ve ever seen. The world of BRIGAND is as beautiful as it is cruel - a landscape of sharp edges and sharper characters. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes harsh, always sexy, it's a world filled with people who play power games that span multiple planets and the life of a scut can be bought for a few ounces of fresh water. Genetically modified and cybernetically augmented before she even left the womb, Subject 11 was to be one of the Mandate of St. Nicolo's most potent tools of statecraft. With her contract bid out to one of the great families of Marajo Lift, she would become a crucial wheel within the many thousands of wheels that formed the Mandate's legendary engine of intrigue. But 11 had other plans... NOTE: The cover illustration for this novella has been changed to more accurately reflect the main character. DO NOT buy it if you have already purchased The Wraith's Story. ~22,000 words

    He can see into the mind of everyone he meets - a useful ability when you're job is to destroy celebrities on live television.But when he stumbles upon a hundred-year-old photograph in which he sees himself as a boy, Elliot's gift spirals out of control.His only hope to retain his sanity lies in the hands of a group of misfits who claim to have lived before...and who know Elliot very well.Can Elliot discover the secret of the photograph, and of who he really is, before he loses his mind forever?

    Doctor Ravinder Shah speaking. No case too weird, no problem too bizarre. Strangeness a speciality. How can I help you?” London Social Worker Rav Shah moonlights as a paranormal detective, aided by one of his clients and a Border Collie he rents by the hour. It was supposed to be a bit of fun: a search for truths out there; a quest for a life more interesting than the one that fate, destiny, and personal apathy had granted him. But then a case involving a Yorkshire farmer and a herd of flying pigs leads him into a world darker and more dangerous than he’d ever dreamed. The truth is indeed out there. And it’s got Rav square in its sights.

    Meet Bridget and Joan: Thelma and Louise on mobility scooters, reluctant residents of the Second Best Magnolia Retirement Home, and lifelong friends joined at the artificial hip.It’s been a wild year for the two rebellious wrinkletons: sherry and shoplifting, Sanatogen and sexting, and a mysterious toy boy who threatens their lifelong friendship and possibly even more…

    Their objective is classified, marked only by coordinates leading them into a deserted city at the heart of the fighting. From the beginning, everything possible goes wrong. A missile strike rocks the carrier mid-launch, and only a fraction of the unit reaches the surface alive.Outmanned, outgunned, and scattered, with a hard deadline to orbital bombardment looming, it is up to Drop Commander Tyco Hale to rally his troops and reach their objective. But what they find, hidden deep in the tunneled passages under the city, will change everything about what he fights for and what he believes in. With the unit in tatters and loyalties divided, the choice he makes in the dark will seal all of their fates - and much more besides.

     A short story in the Oddjobs universe that tries to answer the age-old question: what Christmas present do you get for the demon who has everything?