Unfortunately, that was before two dudes wielding high-tech gadgets made off with both his kegs and his brother. Now Clyde has to hunt down his sibling with only his most trusted lackey along to help. Will he manage to recover both his beer and Dougie? Will they survive the night as they unveil the mysterious secret of the kidnappers? Will the Earth be destroyed thanks to their bumbling incompetence? Probably that last one, but you’ll have to read it to find out.

    Wake his kid brother Andy up, get tormented on the school bus by the cool kids, try to avoid them while in school. Except it's Field Trip Day to the Science Museum, and now he's stuck with the meanest kids in seventh grade all day! But then the bus breaks down, so he doesn't even get to do anything cool at the science museum. It's okay, because an industrial accident brings science to Todd and his friends in the form of a zombie apocalypse. When the bus driver abandons them in the middle of a zombie outbreak, Todd, his brother Andy, his best friend Tarik, and their tomboy friend Mikayla take shelter in the first place they can find - an adult novelty store. What can you find in an adult toy store to fight zombies? Well…let's just say that the field trip was pretty educational, even if the kids never made it to the museum! Shingles is the comedy horror series from the gang that brings you the Authors & Dragons podcast. Like the podcast, these books are rated Not Safe For Anything.

    In “Commuter Army” – a sly commentary on the ludicrousness of war – a weapons supplier whose rifles cease functioning after just one shot becomes an unwilling conscript in a war zone. “The World is Tilting” imagines a floating city that slowly begins to sink on one side, causing its citizens to reorient their daily lives to preserve a semblance of normality. In “Rumors About Me”, an ordinary office worker finds himself the subject of intense media scrutiny, his every action documented in the tabloids. And in the title story, we learn just how obscenely absurd the environment on Planet Porno can seem to a group of hapless research scientists.With a sharp eye towards the insanities of contemporary life, Yasutaka Tsutsui crafts in Salmonella Men on Planet Porno an irresistible mix of imagination, satiric fantasy, and truly madcap hilarity.Contents:- The Dabba Dabba Tree- Rumours About Me- Don't Laugh- Farmer Airlines- Bear's Wood Main Line- The Very Edge of Happiness- Commuter Army- Hello, Hello, Hello!- The World is Tilting- Bravo Herr Mozart!- The Last Smoker- Bad for the Heart- Salmonella Men on Planet Porno

    If you agree, this is the book for you. If you disagree, it's still the book for you. But enter with caution. On your quest you will encounter anthropomorphic shit-drooling hernias, porn obsessed bridge trolls, chronic masturbators, fundamentalist Christians, voodoo pimps, politicians, hipsters, prostitutes, and also some so-called regular people. Much like the reader, Adelaide DeCarlo must endure the culmination of all these characters to decipher who the true monsters are, and to achieve her dream of self-acceptance.

    When Rex encounters a band of stick-wielding separatists on the planet Chicolini, he thinks he’s found the buyers he’s been looking for. But Rex’s greed knows no bounds, and he’s determined to scam the separatists out of their cargo so that he can re-sell his black-market booty a few more times before leaving the planet. As the complications in Rex’s plan multiply, he becomes a target of not only the separatists, but also of paramilitary thugs, the local cops, and even the Ursa Minor mafia. Will Rex’s long-suffering robot companion talk some sense into him before he gets them both killed? Or will Rex, the self-described “greatest wheeler-dealer in the galaxy,” finally succeed in outsmarting himself?

    Okay yes, all that stuff too, but I'm not talking about that right now. The government has also been lying to us about space aliens. Aliens have landed on the National Mall and are asking to speak with the President of the United States. For the sake of the planet, diplomat Michael Wallenson is tasked with keeping them away from Donald Trump at all costs. Will Michael succeed? Or will these heavily armed, easily offended aliens succeed in reaching our leader? Building the border dome, coal-powered missiles, and the true identities of the men in black - all in Take Us To Your Trump, another hilarious satirical comedy from author Andrew Stanek.

    When a flying saucer crashes into his fishing hole, Jimmy tries to use the stranded survivors to jump-start his TV career. This first contact isn't accidental though. The Galactic Pool's saddest excuse for a politician has committed sabotage while plotting to rule Earth. And he's about to find out what happens when you mess with Earthlings.*81,000 words with a courteous 0.0149% F-word rate*There are sex scenes, but they are strictly telepathic. (sorry)

    When the undead attack they must face the end of the world.It is 1788 and Lieutenant Watkin Tench of His Majesty’s Royal Marines is an officer in charge of transporting over a thousand ne’er-do-well convicts to the great south land. But a mysterious white squall engulfs the Fleet and then it’s not 1788 anymore. Not as Tench knew it. A great and ghostly city of the dead appears out of the storm and the men and women of the First Fleet must fight not just for their lives, but for their immortal souls and the very future of the world.

    V. Larson! This 60,000 word book is an Anthology of short stories. Most are Science Fiction mixed with Horror. Others might be called Dark Fantasy... Many have been published previously in various magazines.The Barrier – What does it take to go faster than light?Symptoms of Godhood – How far can you modify a body and still call the results human?Discharged – A long war and an even longer stay in an automated hospital.Teeth at Bedtime – Technology follows us everywhere.The Insect Requirement – Great sacrifices are required for Earth’s early colonists.Blind Eyes – If we can design our own children, how far will we go?TA96 – Do our genes belong to us?Zundra’s Movies – A future where video is created with the mind, and insanity is fun to watch.Pinball – A young man builds his own watchdog.Love Aboard the Kamadeva – A love triangle between two desperate souls and a digital mirage.Starplay – A window into the universe becomes a door.The One-Way Gang – Leaving Earth is easy, but you can never come back.Rusted Metal – What has spent the last century in the basement?Lunar Lotto – Death comes instantly to outlaws in vacuum.The Rollers – Crime has been mostly eliminated by removing all forms of cash... Mostly.

    Soccer moms and grandmothers gather to show off their family recipes, learn new secrets for the perfect shortcake, and perhaps earn a chance to be on the famous cooking show, How Would You Cook It, Then?When the bake-off is crashed by a federation of pro wrestlers -- including American Badass, Jersey Devil Jill, Tiny Giant, The Village Person, Jonah the Whale, the Hellbillies, and the fan favorite Xombie -- all hell is set to break loose. Your heart beats faster as you anticipate who will come out on top in the ultimate showdown of the century: soccer moms or pro wrestlers. Anything can happen.An infected batch of donuts has transformed most of the wrestlers into mindless brain-eaters and the doors of the convention center have been chained shut, leaving the survivors locked inside, forced to fend for themselves against the hungry dead.Possessing the intensity of a shotgun to the face, Zombie Bake-Off is a stripped-down masterpiece of blood and doughnuts from celebrated author Stephen Graham Jones.

    Here are eleven of her finest stories, surprising tales in which the impossible becomes real, the real becomes impossible, and strangeness lurks at every turn.The end of the world comes not with a bang but a series of whimpers over many years in "The Last of the Winnebagos."The terror of pain and dying gives birth to a startling truth about the nature of the stars, a principle known as the "Schwarzschild Radius."In "Spice Pogrom," an outrageous colony in outer space becomes the setting for a screwball comedy of bizarre complications, mistaken identities, far-too-friendly aliens--and even true love.The last of the Winnebagos --Even the queen --Schwarzschild radius --Ado --Spice pogrom --Winter's tale --Chance --In the late Cretaceous --Time out --Jack --At the Rialto

    Howard” Contains: • An aesthetic cover page. • A beginning click-able Table of Contents for all titles. • Inner click-able Tables of Contents for all individual books with multiple chapters. • Nicely organized chapters and text. Author’s works include: • SKULLS IN THE STARS • THE FOOTFALLS WITHIN • THE MOON OF SKULLS • THE HILLS OF THE DEAD • WINGS IN THE NIGHT • RATTLE OF BONES • RED SHADOWS • THE DAUGHTER OF ERLIK KHAN • HAWK OF THE HILLS • BLOOD OF THE GODS • SON OF THE WHITE WOLF • THE COUNTRY OF THE KNIFE • THE PHOENIX ON THE SWORD • THE SCARLET CITADEL • THE TOWER OF THE ELEPHANT • BLACK COLOSSUS • THE SLITHERING SHADOW • THE POOL OF THE BLACK ONE • GODS OF THE NORTH • ROGUES IN THE HOUSE • SHADOWS IN THE MOONLIGHT • QUEEN OF THE BACK COAST • THE DEVIL IN IRON • THE PEOPLE OF THE BLACK CIRCLE • A WITCH SHALL BE BORN • JEWELS OF GWAHLUR • BEYOND THE BLACK RIVER • SHADOWS IN ZAMBOULA • RED NAILS • THE HOUR OF THE DRAGON • THE HYBORIAN AGE • THE VALLEY OF THE WORM • THE GARDEN OF FEAR • APPARITION IN THE PRIZE RING • ALLEYS OF DARKNESS • ALLEYS OF PERIL • ALMURIC • WORMS OF THE EARTH • THE LOST RACE • EVIL DEEDS AT RED COUGAR • A GENT FROM BEAR CREEK (NOVELLA) • A GENT FROM BEAR CREEK (SHORT STORY) • CUPID FROM BEAR CREEK • GUNS OF THE MOUNTAINS • HIGH HORSE RAMPAGE • MOUNTAIN MAN • NO COWHERDERS WANTED • PILGRIMS TO THE PECOS • TEXAS JOHN ALDEN • WHILE SMOKE ROLLED • PISTOL POLITICS • SHARP’S GUN SERENADE • THE APACHE MOUNTAIN WAR • THE CONQUERIN’ HERO OF THE HUMBOLTS • THE FEUD BUSTER • THE HAUNTED MOUNTAIN • THE RIOT AT COUGAR PAW • THE ROAD TO BEAR CREEK • THE SCALP HUNTER • WAR ON BEAR CREEK • THE TOMB’S SECRET • CHAMP OF THE FORECASTLE • CIRCUS FISTS • THE CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT • THE HAUNTER OF THE RING • HAWKS OF OUTREMER • THE BLOOD OF BELSHAZZAR • THE BLACK STONE • THE FIRE OF ASSHURBANIPAL • THE THING ON THE ROOF • CUPID VS POLLUX • IN THE FOREST OF VILLEFÉRE • WOLFSHEAD • BLACK CANAAN • THE HOUSE OF ARABU • PEOPLE OF THE DARK • THE VOICE OF EL-LIL • SPEAR AND FANG • SEA CURSE • FIST AND FANG • GENERAL IRONFIST • GATES OF EMPIRE • LORD OF SAMARCAND • THE LION OF TIBERIAS • THE SOWERS OF THE THUNDER • THE CAIRN ON THE HEADLAND • THE DREAM SNAKE • THE FEARSOME TOUCH OF DEATH • THE HYENA • THE TREASURES OF TARTARY • THE SHADOW KINGDOM • THE MIRRORS OF TUZUN THUNE • KINGS OF THE NIGHT • NIGHT OF BATTLE • OLD GARFIELD’S HEART • T

    A chocoholic grizzly bear, a talking Christmas tree, mince pie overdoses and a very bloody murder. Will poor old Saint Nick make it out alive? Sad, strange, funny and gruesome, this overlapping, multi-genre collection of tales has a little something for every reader. Curl up with a mulled wine and some fictional festive misery, and discover what Father Christmas really likes to drink when he wriggles down your chimney. Spoiler: it isn’t milk.

    Some are scary. Some are disturbing. Some are funny. Meet werewolves, vampires, zombies, psychopaths, aliens, cannibals, ghosts, and various things that go bump in the night. Previously published in dozens of anthologies and magazines, some of these tales are mild, but some are extreme. Let the reader beware... The stories include: Finicky Eater - It's after a nuclear war, and a mother and her son are in a fallout shelter, the food long long... The Screaming - Van Helsing and vampires, in 1960s England. Mr. Pull Ups - A body modification tale taken to the extreme. The Shed - Two burglars find the door to hell. Them’s Good Eats - Rednecks vs. aliens, on a spaceship ride of horrors. First Time - A coming of age tale where all may not be what it seems. Forgiveness - A dying serial killer asks for a priest to hear his last confession. Redux - Ghost story noir, about a private eye and a deadly haunting. The Bag - What's in the bag? You really don't want to know... Careful, He Bites - Lycanthrope flash fiction. Symbios - A sci-fi novella about man's first encounter with alien life, and how things can quickly turn bad. A Matter of Taste - Zombie flash fiction. Embrace - A bit of gothic horror. Trailer Sucks - Some trailer park jerks kidnap a vampire. Markey - Flash fiction, from a twisted point of view. Punishment Room - A horrific suspense tale about a not-so-distant future. The Confession - Terrible crimes, told entirely in dialog. Basketcase - Hardboiled noir with a horrific twist. The Agreement - A gambler pays the ultimate price to get out of a debt. Well Balanced Meal - The worst restaurant you've ever been in. S.A. - A werewolf novella about a Shapshifters Anonymous group that must battle Santa Claus. Dear Diary - A very twisted pom pon girl reveals the secret of her inner strength. Mr. Spaceman - We've come to mate with earth women. Appalachian Lullaby - What do you do with a radioactive monkey? This 70,000 word collection also includes an excerpt from Afraid by Jack Kilborn, and Truck Stop by J.A. Konrath and Jack Kilborn. It also features a navigable table of contents, optimized for Kindle. About the Author JA Konrath is the author of eight novels in the Jack Daniels thriller series. They do not have to be read in chronological order to be enjoyed, but for those who want to know it is: Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Fuzzy Navel, Cherry Bomb, Shaken, and Stirred. Jack also appears in the novels Shot of Tequila, Flee, Spree, Three, Timecaster Supersymmetry, Banana Hammock, and Serial Killers Uncut, as well as the short story collection Jack Daniels Stories, and the novellas Floaters and Burners. Last Call, the ninth Jack Daniels novel, will be available in spring of 2013. Other novels include Origin, The List, Shot of Tequila, and Serial Killers Uncut. Konrath also writes horror under the name Jack Kilborn, including the bestsellers Afraid, Trapped, Endurance, and Draculas. Haunted House, the new Jack Kilborn novel of terror, will be available in mid 2013. He has sold over a million ebooks.

    Unbearable pain. A night of passion becomes a nightmare for corporate headhunter Adam Walters. In Prague for a few days to do business, he makes the most of his time away from home and commitments, indulging his lustful desires. But when he wakes up hog tied naked on an operating table in a filthy tiled room, he can’t begin to imagine the pain that is about to come his way… WARNING * This is an extreme horror book. It may contain scenes of gratuitous sex, and violence against humans, animals, and inanimate objects that didn’t deserve their fate.