We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. 'The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life' is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

    His book, You’re Not Helping… is a collection of short comedy articles that guide you through his delightful, inventive, and often nonsensical take on everything from attention-seeking dolphins to home invasions by the The Barenaked Ladies. You’re Not Helping… blends both humor and heart in what literary critics around the world are describing as “technically a book.” Join the 10s of readers worldwide enchanted by Ryan’s unique brand of wit.Ryan Patricks lives in San Francisco via Philadelphia. He is an aspiring comedy writer and once saw John Cusack at a Jamba Juice. You can follow him on Twitter @Ryan_Patricks or you can choose not to, it’s totally up to you.

     I’m going to show you examples, rock solid proof, that unknown authors used the keyword phrases in this book to rank higher than superstar authors like J.A. Konrath or Barry Eisler. You can start getting visibility today because...This Book Marketing Guide Answers The Most Critical Question You Face As A Fiction Writer:What keyword phrases should I use for my novel? I’m not going to show you how to find them. I’m going to tell you what they are. This Kindle selling book is quite literally an encyclopedia of keyword phrases that buyers type into Amazon’s search engine when they try to find books in your genre. It’s your biggest challenge answered: Discoverability.Writing a Young Adult novel? Click on the “Young Adult” link in this Kindle selling book and it’ll take you to a list of keyword phrases people use to find YA books. Writing a thriller? A romance? Same thing. My team of researchers pulled the keyword phrases directly out of Amazon’s “Leading Indicators.” Special Bonus! They include Amazon’s “Relative Importance” ranking, which shows you which keyword phrases are more likely to lead to a sale. Get excited! This is your ticket to huge sales! Inside This Kindle Publishing Guide You Will Find The Most Effective Keyword Phrases For Books In: • Romance- Christian- Contemporary- Fantasy & Futuristic- Historical Romance- Paranormal- Romantic Suspense- Time Travel- Vampires- Westerns • Fantasy- Alternative History- Contemporary- Dark Fantasy- Epic- Historical- Paranormal- Urban • Mystery & Thrillers- Crime- Mystery- Police Procedurals- Thrillers• Horror- Dark Fantasies- Occult- Ghosts• And...- Science Fiction- Action Adventure- Contemporary Fiction- Erotica- Literary Fiction- Historical Fiction- Christian Fiction- Gay & Lesbian- Medical- Men’s Adventure- Sea Adventures- Sports- War How To Sell More Books On Amazon, Part Two. Every book buyer goes through nine decision points on their way to a purchase. Will they click on your cover? Read your book description? Click on “Look Inside? Wince at your price? Read your reviews? I’m going to show you how you can influence each of the nine decision points so they result in a sale. This includes how to:• Come up with clever, must-click titles.• Create mesmerizing covers.• Write a book description that ignites click lust. • Use HTML to format your book description.• Use the “look inside!” Feature to clinch the sale.• Set the right price for your book.• Get reviews that jump-starts sales.About Michael AlvearWhen I published my first books on Kindle, I’d check my anemic sales and let out a string of cuss words that made my dog blush. Then I developed my Attract•Engage•Convert strategy and sales took off.

    Here is Erma Bombeck, laughing her way through childhood, marriage, motherhood, and celebrity status, even keeping her sense of humor as she battled terminal illness.

    Welshman has had a lifetime filled with exciting encounters with animals. As a lad in Nigeria, he is attacked by soldier ants and terrified by a snake in his treehouse. His treasured companion, Poucher, an African bush dog, prevents him and his mother from being savaged by baboons. Once qualified as a vet Malcolm has to attempt life-saving surgery on his beloved parrot. On a road trip across the Sahara, there is a tussle with a lame camel and the operation on an Ostrich gored by an antelope. Settling back in West Sussex in England, he tackles a cow that’s got stuck in a tree, wily cats and battles with cunning badgers and baby bats. He shares all these fascinating experiences in this gently humorous memoir that will guarantee to tug at the heart strings while bringing a smile to your face. Anyone who loves animals will be enchanted and enthralled.‘A witty take on a young vet’s life that pet lovers will find endearing.’ – Bel Mooney, Daily Mail.‘A joyful read full of animals and fun.’ – Celia Haddon, author and former Daily Telegraph columnist.‘Bursting with exotic creatures and eccentric characters, this touching memoir makes for a spellbinding read where the author’s love of animals shines through.’ – Jenny Itzcovitz, editor of Sixtyplussurfers.co.uk.

    this book is a magical journey through life from the beginnings of time to the birth of a child and the adventure that we take on our way to the grave and beyond to the starsit is a celebration of being human and all of the beautiful things that is in between.if you like books that are about:why we are herehow we are madebabies shedding their baby legs and growing their child legsthe innocence of childhoodthe warmth of papas backteen lifebody harethe first kissfalling in lovebeing alonethe gift of a feathertales of witchessaturday nightsmonday morningsthe mystery of old peoples earlobesdeathghostsand the meaning of lifethen this book is for youbecause inside of this book there is all of those things and after reading about 5 pages of it you will be the main expert of human life and there will be nothing in this world that you will not know love from your friend chris (simpsons artist) xox

    Since ours is the only guidebook that's official, this book includes the most accurate information on prices, changes, and new attractions for 2014: --As the pixie dust settles on the newly-expanded Fantasyland, Birnbaum describes everything this Magic Kingdom neighborhood has to offer, including the highly-anticipated Seven Dwarfs Mine Train coaster-an E-Ticket attraction for the whole family.--Can't get enough of the Disney characters? We'll help you find them. A great place to start is at the brand-new Pete's Silly Sideshow, where you can mingle with circus stars Minnie Magnifique, Madame Daisy Fortuna, The Great Goofini, and The Astounding Donaldo!--There's no doubt about it: Fastpass really does cut the time spent waiting in line for the most popular theme park attractions. We give the scoop on this free system and list all the attractions that offer this golden opportunity to skip the standby line.--Big doin's at the Grand Floridian resort! The old favorite has new rooms (courtesy of the Disney Vacation Club), a refreshed (and refreshing) state-of-the-art spa, a splashy new Alice In Wonderland-themed "sprayground," and more. Turn to Birnbaum for the full report.--With or without the Disney Dining Plan, you still need to pre-book those meals or risk missing out on your family's favorites. Birnbaum explains the WDW reservation system, along with descriptions of each and every eatery on property. There's also a handy chart detailing all the opportunities there are to dine with Disney characters and a Restaurant Round-up highlighting the best cuisine the World has to offer.--More money-saving coupon offers than ever before, all geared to help you stretch your Walt Disney World vacation dollar.--And a very special Birnbaum exclusive: A brand-new Kingdom Keepers Quest from bestselling author Ridley Pearson.

    It can turn professionals into jelly and dominate the games of most amateurs. It alters swing paths, causes “tap-in” putts to go awry, and transforms a golfer from a brilliant shot-maker on the practice range into an incompetent hack on the course.Most golfers understand this, but do not have the tools to overcome it. That’s where Dr. Gio Valiante comes in. A pioneering sports psychologist, Valiante has studied the sources of an athlete’s fear, investigated the physiological and neurological impact of fear on performance, and, most important of all, developed a groundbreaking program for conquering it. With Valiante's help and by applying Fearless Golf, Justin Leonard went from three consecutive missed cuts to three consecutive top tens, and Chad Campbell recently moved from 98th in the world to 7th. Davis Love III went from zero wins in 2002 to four wins in 2003, and Chris DiMarco made the 2004 Ryder Cup Team.Emphasizing the need to replace a fixation-on-results with a commitment to mastery of one’s body and one's mind, Valiante’s approach will not only help golfers reach their true potential, it will make playing every round fun again. Through concrete confidence and mastery drills, he presents specific ways readers can break free of fear’s grasp and perform at their best—even under the most extreme pressure. With detailed quotes and anecdotes given exclusively to Dr. Valiante from the best players in the game—including Jack Nicklaus, Ernie Els, and other tour professionals, Fearless Golf is the ultimate guide to the mental game, the hottest topic in golf today.

    An illustrated compendium of humorous facts such as the recipe for oxygen tart and an explanation of how man evolved from small rocks.

    His humor and short fiction appear in various publications throughout the Southeast.

    Now updated for Pro Tools 10 software, this new edition from the definitive authority on Pro Tools covers everything you need to know to complete a Pro Tools project. Learn to build sessions that include multitrack recordings of live instruments, MIDI sequences, and virtual instruments. Through hands-on tutorials, develop essential techniques for recording, editing, and mixing. The included DVD-ROM offers tutorial files and videos, additional documentation, and Pro Tools sessions to accompany the projects in the text.

    Could you keep your cool while talking to all levels of stupid? Would you be able to wear a headset all day without wanting to throw it out of the window? All calls are recorded, analysed and timed to the second. Average handling time (AHT) is discussed as if it's the very meaning of life and managers are always coming up with new ways to shave milliseconds from each call. Is it acceptable to only have a total eight minutes a day for visits to the toilet or coffee machine? Imagine not being allowed to hang up on someone who is screaming abuse down the line at you. Welcome to the Call Centre! Izabelle worked in call centres for many years; from insurance to home shopping, from selling advertising to discussing loans. Finally in the early hours one morning, she decided enough was in fact far too much and left her final call centre job the same day, never to return. On her way out of the door for the final time she vowed she would write a book about life in a call centre. Here is that book. Read about call centres in general, memorable customers and staff. How do staff stay sane? What is Big Red? Are cranberries the true meaning of Christmas? Why would you have leather trousers round your ankles in a lift? How not to impress your boss. Izabelle shares these and many other true tales from her years of incarceration in UK call centres.