Helium


Rudy Francisco - 2017
    Rudy's poems and quotes have been viewed and shared millions of times as he has traveled the country and the world performing for sell-out crowds. Helium is filled with work that is simultaneously personal and political, blending love poems, self-reflection, and biting cultural critique on class, race and gender into an unforgettable whole. Ultimately, Rudy's work rises above the chaos to offer a fresh and positive perspective of shared humanity and beauty.

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation


Olivia Judson - 2002
    It explains all this and much more. It discloses the best time to have a sex change, how to have a virgin birth, when to seduce your sisters or eat your lover. Quirky and brilliant, it takes as its starting point all creatures great and small worried about their bizarre sex lives, and the letters they write to the wise Dr Tatiana, the only agony aunt in all creation with a prodigious knowledge of both natural history and evolutionary biology.

My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover If Not Being A Dumb Ass Is the New Black, or, a Culture-Up Manifesto


Jen Lancaster - 2010
     Readers have followed Jen Lancaster through job loss, sucky city living, weight loss attempts, and 1980s nostalgia. Now Jen chronicles her efforts to achieve cultural enlightenment, with some hilarious missteps and genuine moments of inspiration along the way. And she does so by any means necessary: reading canonical literature, viewing classic films, attending the opera, researching artisan cheeses, and even enrolling in etiquette classes to improve her social graces. In Jen's corner is a crack team of experts, including Page Six socialites, gourmet chefs, an opera aficionado, and a master sommelier. She may discover that well-regarded, high-priced stinky cheese tastes exactly as bad as it smells, and that her love for Kraft American Singles is forever. But one thing's for certain: Eliza Doolittle's got nothing on Jen Lancaster-and failure is an option.Watch a Video

Movies In Fifteen Minutes: The Ten Biggest Movies Ever For People Who Can't Be Bothered


Cleolinda Jones - 2005
    And that's with no toilet breaks. And all you'd get to eat and drink would be giant buckets of coke and popcorn, and six inches of horrible pink gunk extruded on a bun. And your left hand will keep wandering down to that tacky gobbet of someone else's chewing gum under your seat. You know it will.Even if you saw one a week it would take three months: you'd miss all those trips down the pub and your friends would stop speaking to you and you'd be in danger of turning into Jonathan Ross. And no one wants that.Or perhaps you could watch them at home on DVD and never be able to get up out of your sofa ever again. Even when the pizza arrives.But then Hollywood Blockbusters are a guilty pleasure you'd really not want to be without. Never fear. Help is at hand. Well, in your hand actually. Ten of the biggest movies of the last thirty years. Condensed. Made (intentionally) funny. Made (intentionally) very funny. Simple really.

An Altogether New Book of Top Ten Lists from Late Night With David Letterman


David Letterman - 1991
    Can sit naked in front of book without fear of radiation 9. Reader not distracted by Dave's awful haircut 8. Can be readily enjoyed in Amish households 7. If you fall asleep while reading the book you won't wake up to fat weather guy wishing Happy Birthday to one hundred-year-olds 6. Can use your imagination to picture lists being read aloud by handsome actor George Peppard 5. Origami! Origami! Origami! 4. Can be enjoyed by inmates who have lost their TV privileges 3. Carrying book around proudly announces to rest of world, "I can read large print!" 2. Easier to shoplift than 26-inch Trinitron Stereo Sony 1. Any book is better than Dave's TV show

The American Association of Patriots Presents: How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety


Zachary Auburn - 2016
    Modern cats must confront satanists, online predators, the possibility of needing to survive in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, and countless other threats to their nine lives.For over four decades, the American Association of Patriots have stood at the vanguard of our country's defense by helping to prepare our nation's cat owners for the difficult conversations they dread having with their pets. Written in a simple Q&A format, How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety answers crucial questions such as, “What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?” and “What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?” and especially “Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can’t he just play with yarn like cats used to do?”Our country—and our cats—stand at a precipice. It will take courage, and it will take hard work, but armed with the knowledge within these pages, we can make our cats—and America—great again!

Oh, Yuck!: The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty


Joy Masoff - 2000
    From the liquids, solids, and gases--especially the gases!--or their own bodies to the creepy, crawly, slimy, slithery, fetid, and feculent phenomena in the world at large, kids with a curious bent just can't get enough. Oh, Yuck! The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty brings together, in one book, all the good things about some of the baddest things on Earth.Exhaustively researched and impeccably scientific, yet written with a lively lack of earnestness, Oh, Yuck! is an ants to zits encyclopedic compendium covering people, animals, insects, plants, foods, and more. Here are vampire bats, which sip blood and pee at the same time so that they'll always be light enough to fly away; and slime eels, wreathed in mucus and eating fellow fish from the inside out. Oh, Yuck! explains why vomit smells; where dandruff comes from; what pus is all about; and why maggots adore rotting meant. Other features include gross recipes, putrid projects, 10 foods that make you airborne, and more.With hundreds of cartoon illustrations and real-life photographs, Oh, Yuck! is the complete guide to the irresistible--at least to an 8-to-12 year old--underbelly of life.

Toddlers Are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault


Bunmi Laditan - 2015
    It’s just that a little psychopath who walks through life 100% convinced that he or she is the center of the universe does not care that you have a heart, a mind, or a soul. You are simply a skin-covered robot tall enough to reach the candy on top of the fridge. And clean up the rage-vomit when you make the fatal mistake of cutting off the crust on your toddler’s toast. (Or not cutting it off—seriously, you can’t win.)Includes:The theory of toddler evolution Mealtime (AKA Hell)Your unraveling lifeAnd how not to die inside

The Tough Guide to Fantasyland


Diana Wynne Jones - 1996
    That place is called Fantasyland. The Tough Guide to Fantasyland is your travel guide, a handbook to everything you might find: Evil, the Dark Lord, Stew, Boots (but not Socks), and what passes for Economics and Ecology. Both a hilarious send-up of the cliches of the genre and an indispensable guide for writers, The Tough Guide to Fantasyland has been nearly impossible to find for years. Now this cult classic is back, and readers can experience Diana Wynne Jones at her very best: incisive, funny, and wildly imaginative. This is the definitive edition of The Tough Guide, featuring a new map, an entirely new design, and additional material written for it by Diana Wynne Jones.World Fantasy Award FinalistA Hugo Award Finalist (Nonfiction)

Don't Turn Your Back in the Barn


Dave Perrin - 2000
    Dave Perrin has been in practice for two days in the Creston Valley, and already he's found trouble. He has encountered William, the aggressive billy goat, and Theo, the intrepid Doberman. (Theo has recently discovered the delight of chasing chickens on the neighbour's property.) "Sweet" William and Theo are just two of the fabulously entertaining characters that the country vet encounters. There are times he's not sure if he's in the right business, even though he's wanted to be a veterinarian since he was a kid growing up on a mountain farm near Trail, British Columbia. The fascinating human characters he befriends help him through his first year of practice. Don't Turn Your Back in the Barn focuses on the humorous incidents that inevitably happen in a rural practice that treats cows in the morning and kittens in the afternoon. He relies on Doris, his steadfast assistant, to help him in the surgery and to organize the daybook, but even she sometimes has trouble balancing his hectic schedule. This first volume of stories provides a real-life look at the rigours of practising veterinary medicine in a country setting. Pathos is a given as Dr. Perrin deals with his own emotions and those of his human clients, who must often make hard decisions about their beloved animals. The introduction to this best-selling collection says, "Dave Perrin is not afraid to display his emotion in his writing nor to reveal his own frailties. But the element that runs through each story is his passion—for his work, for his patients, and for the mountains and fertile flat lands that surround the Kootenay River."

The Villain's Guide to Better Living


Neil Zawacki - 2004
    Within lie the answers to such trying questions as: Home decor -- Gothic? Apocalyptic? Ikea? Friends -- Do I have any? Can I make them? Work -- Should I be a mad scientist or a corporate bastard? Written by the author of How to Be a Villain, this fiendish lifestyle guide is a must-have for any villain who knows more about programming TiVo than about entertaining with panache.

The Mental Floss History of the World: An Irreverent Romp through Civilization's Best Bits


Erik Sass - 2008
    As audacious as it is edifying, here is a hilarious and irreverent—yet always historically accurate—overview of the ascent (or descent) of humankind, courtesy of the same rebel geniuses who brought you Mental Floss presents Condensed Knowledge and Mental Floss Presents Forbidden Knowledge. Updated with all the hot topics and events of the past few years, The Mental Floss History of the World is proof positive that just because something’s true doesn’t mean it’s boring.

It Wasn't Always Easy, but I Sure Had Fun


Lewis Grizzard - 1994
    But reading his comments is like having a chat with an old friend, with intervals of belly laughs."--The Richmond-Times DispatchLewis Grizzard is not the only one who had fun. Over the course of seventeen books and countless columns, this feisty son of the South established himself as one of the most entertaining raconteurs--and provocateurs--across the nation. Whether he's trying to make you laugh, make you mad, or make you misty, his mixture of opinionated humor and down-home philosophizing is impossible to resist. Now this definitive collection brings together the cream of Grizzard's comic crop."STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART."--The Indianapolis Star"VERY MOVING, VERY FUNNY."--Headland Observer"RECOMMENDED."--Library Journal

Tharoorosaurus


Shashi Tharoor - 2020
    In Tharoorosaurus, he shares fifty-three examples from his vocabulary: unusual words from every letter of the alphabet. You don't have to be a linguaphile to enjoy the fun facts and interesting anecdotes behind the words! Be ready to impress-and say goodbye to your hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia!