In this parody of the famous children's book We're Going on a Bear Hunt, two parents set off for a night on the tiles, and encounter a series of watering holes and bars before an alarming encounter with a 'bear' sends them running home to their children.Gillian Johnson is the author and illustrator of the successful Monster Hospital and Thora series for children. Her illustrations bring this story to life, gently parodying the original but adding an anarchic edge as the evening progresses.We're not going on a bar hunt again!

    When you have spent the last sixteen hundred years faithfully guarding a precious hoard of gold and silver buried in the foundations of a Roman villa, the arrival of a bunch of TV archaeologists is seriously bad news.But the little household gods of the Villa Corvo have ways of deterring intruders that the makers of the popular programme "Ready,Steady,Dig!" could never have dreamed of ...

    

     The trade paperback edition of David Bowman's prize-winning first novel, Let the Dog Drive, has developed a cult following. Now Bowman's exuberantly praised second novel -- a hard-boiled comedy about love, abduction, and child care, set in a future where electricity has disappeared and fertility is on the wane, but human passions are as messy as ever -- is also in trade paperback.

    NOW IN DEVELOPMENT TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.‘I defy you to not laugh out loud at the adventures of the most unlikely hero of the apocalypse ever penned. Funny, touching and above all, hopeful’ THE END OF THE WORLD READING CLUBSOME THINGS BEGIN AT THE END OF THE WORLDBen Stone is sick to death. He’s sick of all the endless hatred since the wraths arrived. He’s sick of trying to find a refuge for him and his dog Brown to live out what’s left of their lives. But most of all he’s just sick. As Ben’s cancer spreads he’s left searching for a source of hope and warmth at the end of the world. Unfortunately for Ben it’s just started to snow...Flesh & Blood continues the story of Ben and Brown from the #1 bestseller Before and After, which is now in development to be a major motion picture.

     Ernest Postlethwaite was a man embarking on a new life. No longer for him the routine and drudgery of the commuter... The first part of Ernest Postlethwaite's groundbreaking journal charters the course of a man on a mission to achieve cultural and linguistic integration in a small village in southern Spain. This unadulterated manuscript will bring tears to the eyes of the most hard-hearted amongst us, as we follow his footsteps into the great unknown. - 'This diary, written by my late husband, Ernest Postlethwaite, has been published expressly against his wishes, but with the full and hearty endorsement of my family and friends.' - From the introduction by Pamela Postlethwaite, Javea, Spain, December 2012 "I was captured from the first page. We've all come across expats like this, and Lowe brings together all the laughable elements into one hysterical character, Ernest. This parody of the expat diary genre had me laughing out loud. I can't wait for part two to come out. It reminded me most of Alan Ayckbourn plays in the 1980s (when I was a stage manager), and listening to the audiences leaving ... "Oh that ghastly character, wasn't he JUST like our neighbour / uncle / colleague?". They ALWAYS knew someone just like the dreadful people in the plays - they just never realised it was themselves. Let these posthumous "diaries" be a warning to expats everywhere - read it, enjoy it, and make sure it isn't about you!" - Tamara Essex review. ***** 'Part Two - Invasion' and 'Part Three - Consolidation' now available. ***** (This is a fictional diary.)

    “Just when we thought the lawlessness in Iraq was over,” O’Farrell observes, “even more blatant incidents of looting have begun. With handkerchiefs masking their faces, two rioters roughly the height of George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld kicked in the gates of the largest oilfield and grabbed the keys of the gasoline trucks. ‘Yee-haw! It’s all ours! Millions of barrels of the stuff’ they laughed. ‘Yup!’ added the leader ‘ and this mask guarantees my anonymousinity!’ So after all these years there really is such a person as the Thief of Baghdad. Except strangely his accent sounded vaguely Texan.”A writer for the groundbreaking television show Spitting Image and contributor to the screenplay for the hit movie Chicken Run, O’Farrell meticulously researched his conclusions “by spending five minutes on the internet and then giving up.” And while O’Farrell’s sharpest barbs and stingers have often been written to come out of the mouths of grotesque puppets and Claymation chickens, this time around he keeps the best lines for himself: ‘‘With the election of the 43rd President of the United States, the global village is complete,” O’Farrell writes. “’It has its own global village idiot.’”

    In this book I have set out prove that statement is completely untrue and in fact with customers like these then maybe the opposite could be said. So sit back, grab your self a drink perhaps an alcoholic one if you feel that way inclined and enjoy some of the strangest, ridiculous and most outrageous complaints and statements from all walks of life. The second volume is out now and is much longer and in my opinion even better than the first, though i would say that.

    Combining his trademark humor with an acute eye for the ridiculous, Mark admits his part in bands like The Berlin Airlift, the life-changing punk revolution in Bob Sleigh and The Crestas, and even a flirtation with thirty-something pub rock. Interwoven with the musical disasters is the appealing rites-of-passage story of a middle-class grammar school boy who finally leaves Bolton for university. Splattered with memorable episodes and Viz-like characters, Showbusiness retraces the steps that should have led Mark to headlining Wembley Arena, but which took him to Radio 1 instead.

    My name is Lucy Little, and I’m an author.Actually, my mom thinks I’m a homeless bum with no health insurance, and my dad truly believes I’m as famous as Brad Pitt. He frequently asks me to sign napkins that he passes out like currency at the local police station where he likes to steal doughnuts. He’s a former cop. That probably makes his theft acceptable.There’s only one problem with this whole “author career” of mine, and it’s that I’m not actually making all that much money from it. I like to say I have a burgeoning career; I am making a living, but it’s a pretty dismal living. But that’s all about to change. I’ve got a new game plan, a pen that’s mightier than a sword—but not literally because I’m terrified of violence—and a bunch of words to put down on paper.Unfortunately, my plan gets thrown out the window the day I stumble upon a real live dead body. The next thing I know, I’m wrapped up neck deep in a murder investigation with the superhot cop who is also my ex-boyfriend. It’s all fun and games until the killer starts coming for me, and then I start wondering how I can write the end when I might be next?

    It will cheer up even the most miserable of old gits.

    As mummy to 7-year old Ella, surrogate to far too many pets and with a failed marriage under her belt, Mavis knows she needs to make some life-changing decisions. It's time to strike out into the world, to stand on her own two feet … to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a Police Officer. I mean, what could go wrong? Supported by her quirky, malapropism-suffering mum, Mavis throws herself headlong into a world of uncertainty, self-discovery, fearless escapades, laughter and extra-large knickers. And using her newly discovered investigative skills, she reluctantly embarks on a search to find her errant dad who was last seen years before, making off with her mum's much needed coupon for a fabulous foam cup bra all the way from America.Follow Mavis as she tackles everything life can throw at her, and revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant and moving story of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.

    The RockAteers are born. It must work, and not just for Burt’s sake. Egg has spent his life on the outside looking in, Tea needs to evade a tough future and Clipper wants more than a fast track to football academy. When Egg reveals his song-writing genius, the only way is up… But can they function as a band?Who will win the race to sign them? And who will win the girl?

    Pitch invaders aside, few of us get to experience that adrenalin rush. Of those who do make it as a professional footballer, even fewer realise the giddy heights of success. In the Illustrated History of Football: Hall of Fame, cartoonist David Squires returns to celebrate those who straddle the game like giants; those talented, determined souls who were juggling tennis balls in the back streets before they could talk. There’s more than one way to attain football immortality though, and Squires also turns his comic eye to the mavericks, the pioneers, the forgotten legends and the anti-heroes. From Pele to Meazza, Maradona to Socrates, you will be taken on an unforgettable journey through the good, the bad and the Hagi.

    Meet Bridget and Joan: Thelma and Louise on mobility scooters, reluctant residents of the Second Best Magnolia Retirement Home, and lifelong friends joined at the artificial hip.It’s been a wild year for the two rebellious wrinkletons: sherry and shoplifting, Sanatogen and sexting, and a mysterious toy boy who threatens their lifelong friendship and possibly even more…