Nazi skinheads are cruising the streets and a millionaire tycoon and a weather girl have been kidnapped. It falls to Barry Osgathorpe to discover who is responsible.

    This charmingly funny, self-deprecating resumé of an ordinary man’s career to date and current life in the celebrity bear pit is penned by the author of the Sunday Times-bestselling Where Did It All Go Right?

    . . Now in his eighth decade, Whitehall is a fine raconteur, gloriously unreconstructed and still deeply suspicious of modernity' Daily Mail Standing in front of a full-length mirror in my dressing room at ITV studios, waiting to go on to the set of Backchat, I had a brief conversation with my reflection.'Michael, what the f*** do you think you're doing?'Theatrical agent Michael Whitehall spent a career pushing others into the spotlight. He had been involved behind the scenes with the careers of many prominent actors, including Colin Firth, Richard Griffiths, Daniel Day-Lewis, Tom Courtenay, Ian Ogilvy, Judi Dench, Edward Fox, Michael Fassbender, Angela Thorne and Nigel Havers.But then, much to his surprise, his son Jack becomes a successful comedian and actor and decides that his new comedy partner should be his father. Whitehall Snr. finds himself reluctantly appearing on stage and then television, cast as the archetypal grumpy old man and thrust, in his early seventies, into a whole new career in front of the camera. Minor fame comes at a sedate pace: one of the highlights being a record £300,000 win for charity with Jack on Channel 4's The Million Pound Drop.In this enchanting memoir Whitehall looks back on his life, from growing up in suburban London in the 1940s and '50s with his saintly father and social climbing-mother, who coined the phrase 'à la carte' to describe people who were posher than she was and whose company she craved, to falling into a career as a successful theatrical agent and producer. As he says, 'Actors can be egotistical, greedy and vain, but they're not half as bad as agents and producers.'Charming, gossipy and above all very funny, Backing Into The Spotlight is no ordinary show business memoir.

    While his friends were out getting laid and stoned, he was tucked up at home dreaming of his name in lights, of holding an audience rapt, of perhaps becoming a TV heart-throb, or having someone, anyone, ask for his autograph in the supermarket. This is the true story of an obsessive pursuit of acting fame. It is a life marked by occasional hard-fought successes and routine helpings of ritual humiliation: scout hut Gilbert and Sullivan, dodgy rock operas, sewage farm theatre workshop, Christmas panto hell, straight-to-video film flops, leading roles in Crimewatch reconstructions and dressing up as a chicken to advertise TV dinners. It is a hilarious tale of turgid theatre, tights, trusses and tonsil tennis with Timothy Spall.

    Due to its amusing contents, the writings still could be made relevant to the current situation.

    Poems, sketches, cartoons, short prose pieces and doctored photos.

    It is instant history with added jokes.Read about how John Major learned the English language from his time in Nigeria. There is Tony Blair, with his verb-free sentences which imply everything and promise nothing. Gordon Brown, the grumpiest prime minister of recent years, both Stalin and Mr Bean. And now David Cameron - who really, really hates being drawn with a condom on his head.Let's not forget John Prescott, who can wrestle the English language to the mat and win by two falls to a submission, Michael Fabricant with his hairpiece stolen from the tail of a My Little Pony, Sir Peter Tapsell, a grandee so grand that when he rises to speak, Hansard writers are replaced by a crack team of monks to write up his words in illuminated lettering. Nick Clegg, with his default expression of a man's whose chldren's puppy is still missing. And of course, the famous 2010 press conference in the garden of Downing Street, a love-in that would have been illegal in 44 American states.This book will have you laughing, chuckling, roaring, sniggering, and sometimes despairing.

    This crafty revision of English vocabulary posits that Platypus should signify “to give your cat pigtails;” that Flemish should mean “rather like snot;” and that Celtic is in fact a prison for fleas. With nearly 600 new definitions, this side-splitting resource pushes the boundaries of the English language to riotous new limits.

    The perfect book for the Nana of today, it will make you laugh, it will make you cry...it will make you want to run out and buy something nice for your grandchild!

    Very funny and heartbreaking.' Davina McCallFrom one of Britain’s most popular and prolific comedians comes a hilarious and deeply moving memoir of life lived under the rule of a Silverback dad.The Silverback is considered the undisputed king, a creature whose authority is never challenged and who does not yield to compromise. He walks proudly, feeds greedily, grafts tirelessly, mates voraciously, swears constantly and is threatened all too easily. The Silverback is known to nestle in the misty peaks of central Africa but can also be found in Barking, Essex. Meet Dave Kane, the disappointed, steroid-ingesting, metal-wielding, bouncer father of slight, effete Gamma Male, Russell Kane.SON OF A SILVERBACK is a story about fathers and sons, class and education and how one scrawny, sensitive, fake-tan-applying 'ponce' stepped out of his father's shadow and became a man - whatever that means.

    Kevin Carver is a household name. A popular TV soap star, he’s coasting through life in the same semi-detached, slightly smug way he’s always done. But when he dumps his much-too-young-for-him girlfriend in the same callous way he’s come to treat those around him, he makes the first in a series of mistakes. One poor decision leads to another and, as Kevin wades deeper into a moral grey area, things go from bad to very much worse. The national treasure finds himself the subject of vitriolic press attacks, a police investigation, and so much public loathing he begins to wonder if he has any chance of receiving justice. As the line blurs between his own life and that of the character he plays on TV, Kevin must face the consequences of his actions if he is ever to right his sinking ship. The Star Witness is the story of one self-regarding man’s descent into disgrace and his journey back to join the human race. A pin-sharp satire on the shallows of modern media culture and the dysfunctional relationship we all have with the idea of ‘celebrity’, it will keep you laughing, cringing and guessing until the very last page.

    Following an exposé in a national newspaper, his fiancée Poppy Dunlop has broken their engagement. Heartbroken at the thought of life without Poppy, Zach drowns his sorrows and, when his agent suggests that Zach becomes a contestant in a reality TV show, Jungle Survival, he reluctantly agrees. Plunged deep in the jungle, into a bizarre mix of talent and trials, Zach meets glamour model Cleo Petra, and the cameras go crazy. Will Zach survive and be crowned Jungle King? Or will his latest exploits push Poppy further away... Caroline's books are all stand-alone stories but some characters do make appearances throughout. You might also enjoy: Coffee Tea The Gypsy & Me Coffee Tea The Chef & Me Coffee Tea The Caribbean & Me Jungle Rock "Caroline is a natural story teller with a gift for humour in her writing." Finalist, The Write Stuff, London Book Fair

    A hilarious and touching gift book anthology of poetry and prose on the subject of Christmas from the Yorkshire school inspector and bestselling author of the Dales series and Little Village School series.

    This former bank manager helped them transform three million dollars - stolen from bookies by a gang of robbers - into a rescue package for their dying town.But now the day of reckoning has come.The crims want the money.The cops want the money.A rogue insurance investigator wants the money.And so do Australia's two most notorious hit men.In trying to save his town, Lambert is forced to risk everything - his life, the lives of the town folk, his own daughter, ten thousand barramundi and a really lovable Jack Russell.

    What could possibly go wrong? After saving the Arcadian Confederate from certain destruction, Kevin's consciousness is cast back to Earth. Victory is sweet, but life on Earth is boring. It doesn't take long for him to start missing his galaxy-trotting adventures. But you should be careful what you wish for: when a Kregan operative bent on revenge shows up to hunt Kevin down, everything starts to unravel. The galaxy's in grave danger, and it looks like Kevin's the only one who can save it. Not to worry! The Arcadians have sent their best engineer to help Kevin in his quest...who also happens to be a talking cat with a less than ideal attitude. If Kevin can't whip this motley crew into shape, the galaxy's doomed. Which means Earth is doomed...and as boring as it is, Kevin's starting to realize there's no place like home.