It is not for the faint of heart or for the whining masses. It is for those willing to serve as my devoted minions while I plan my greatest feat yet: surviving life as a human boy and returning to my rightful place as the ruler of the Dark Lands. Before I can exact my revenge, I must infiltrate this world and learn its ways.How, you might ask, is it possible that I, the Dark Lord, the Master of the Legions of Dread and Sorcerer Supreme, could be reduced to human form? And how is it possible that the Lord of darkness could be forced to attend school and befriend such pitiful life forms?Only by reading my tale will you learn the truth behind the cataclysmic defeat that left me stranded on this accursed planet, Earth. But make no mistake, revenge will be mine... as soon as I finish my homework. Mwah, hah, ha!Yours insincerely,Dirk Lloyd(aka the Dark Lord)

    Chapters: The Stars' Tennis Balls, Making History, the Liar, the Ode Less Travelled: Unlocking the Poet Within, Moab Is My Washpot, the Hippopotamus, Paperweight, Stephen Fry's Incomplete and Utter History of Classical Music. Source: Wikipedia. Free updates online. Not illustrated. Excerpt: The Stars' Tennis Balls is a psychological thriller novel by Stephen Fry, first published in 2000. In the United States, the title was changed to Revenge. In the Afterword to the 2003 American edition, Fry admits that the story "is a straight steal, virtually identical in all but period and style to Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo" but denies plagiarism, since Dumas also admits that the plot was taken from a contemporary urban legend. The main character, Edward (Ted/Tedward) Maddstone, is a seventeen year old schoolboy who appears to be the sort of person for whom everything goes right. He is captain of school, talented at sports and following in the footsteps of his father towards Oxford University, then a career in politics. He is happy and has fallen in love with a girl called Portia. But a few bizarre twists and turns of fate ensure that his life is turned upside down. As mentioned above, the plot is extremely similar to the story of The Count of Monte Cristo. The original title comes from a quotation taken from John Webster's The Duchess of Malfi. In full it reads: "We are merely the stars' tennis balls, struck and banded which way please them." The novel's dedication reads simply "To M'Colleague" - "M'Colleague" being the name by which Fry and Hugh Laurie referred to each other in their TV sketch show A Bit of Fry and Laurie.

    Starjik, King of Winter, steals Ivan's little brother and Ivan braves the bitter cold to find him.

    It includes the following titles: Slimes and Misty Wieners Great Balls on Fire Your Anus is a Gas Giant Clear and Present Ranger The Mimic's Chest Styxian Stoners May Break My Boners If you've already purchased all of these books, there is nothing new for you here. If you haven't yet purchased any, you can save a few bucks by buying this collection. If you've only purchased some of these already, you'll have to do some math.

    Or so everyone in Omaha thinks. In reality, Oliver’s a mad evil genius on his way to world domination, and he’s used his great brain to make himself the third-richest person on earth! Then Oliver’s father and archnemesis makes a crack about the upcoming middle school election, and Oliver takes it as a personal challenge. He’ll run, and he’ll win! Turns out, though, that overthrowing foreign dictators is actually way easier than getting kids to like you. . . Can this evil genius win the class presidency and keep his true identity a secret, all in time to impress his dad?

    

    Like the bungling burglar who logged on to his own Facebook page at his victim's house - and forgot to turn the computer off when he left, or the stupid bank robber who made his escape in his own car - complete with personalised number plates, or the idiotic criminal who tried to hand himself into the police... in order to collect the reward. Award-winning writer Andrew Penman has scoured the country for this hilarious collection of those who are not just bad, but also dim very dim. 'Andrew Penman enjoys a laugh at the expense of Britain's most stupid burglars' - The Mirror 'Exploits so dim-witted it's surprising they ever managed to keep themselves breathing long enough to commit any crime' - Wales Online Illustrated with cartoons drawn by Neil Kerber.

    If E.T. the Extra Terrestrial is still “right here” in your heart, then you’re sure to fall hard for the misunderstood Perijee and the one girl who’s desperate to save him. Caitlin is the only young person living on Middle Island. On the first day of vacation, she finds a tiny alien on the beach. Caitlin becomes close to her secret friend, whom she names Perijee, teaching him everything about her world and treating him like a brother. There’s only one problem: Perijee won’t stop growing. And growing . . . Caitlin will have to convince the adults around her—and Perijee himself—that the creature they see as a terrifying monster is anything but.

    Meet Osbert Brinkhoff, the unlikeliest of avengers. His is a tale of dark delights and ghastly goings-on, of injustice and revenge. The villains are vicious. The settings are sinister. And good does NOT always prevail...If you prefer cleavers to kittens and fiends to fairies...then welcome to the GRUESOMELY FUNNY Tales from Schwartzgarten.

    First, Shawna Lanchester, the prettiest girl in his class, doesn't invite him to her party. Then he gets picked last in gym class. Things couldn't get any worse…until he gets doused with an experimental serum that turns him into a half-dead zombie!Nathan soon discovers that being half dead isn't all bad. He doesn't need any sleep, so he can stay up all night and play games online. He doesn't feel any pain, so there's no need to worry about Rodney the bully anymore. Still, Nathan would rather be human. Will he find a cure? Or will Nathan be half-dead forever?Fans of David Lubar's popular Weenies short story collections—which have sold more than one million copies—will love My Rotten Life, the first of a series of hilariously rotten adventures starring Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie.

    They keep out squirrels and imminent intruders. They make sure there are no stray meatballs or muffin crumbs in the kitchen. And most of all, they protect their boy, Stewart. But something is wrong. Every day Stewart trudges off to an awful place called school. The dogs know it's awful because Stewart's parents ask him what he does at school, and he says, "Nothing." And he smells like a weird mixture of boredom and anxiety. They have to save him! Plus maybe there's an evil overlord! Or a squirrel!Waldo and Sassy hatch a plan to save Stewart by disguising themselves as a human. They can be a new student! Have they figured out any other aspect of their plan? Nope. They'll just figure it out as they go along. That's sure to work. But they find out that being a human student isn't quite what they imagined. There's gym (frisbee!), music (singing!), an alleged bully, and a teacher who is deeply suspicious of this new student. And best of all, they get lunch.This book kicks off the "Two Dogs in a Trench Coat" series. Be sure to read to learn if Waldo and Sassy can save Stewart from the evil overlord, if they can use their sad puppy eyes to get more than one lunch, and if they can get all the humans to think they're good dogs without actually revealing the fact that they are, you know, dogs.

    Not only is Milrose aware of these ghouls – he’s on a first-name basis with all of them. Of course, some are more likeable than others: the third floor is the home to nearly all of his good friends. Most of them – like Imploded Ig, Deeply Damaged Dave, and Toasted Theresa – were the victims of science experiments gone wrong though they do manage to maintain a sense of humour about their demise. Then there are the ghost athletes who lurk in the basement – a pretty disagreeable group, the majority of them having died after a particularly clumsy manoeuvre on the school’s sports field.After Milrose is given yet another detention for offering his teacher an answer that was just a bit too clever, his life takes an unexpected turn. He is sent to a hidden den in the school’s basement to receive Professional Help. Here, he and the quick-witted Arabella, a fellow captive, are put under round-the-clock supervision of the maniacal Massimo Natica. Fortunately for Milrose and Arabella, once they join forces with their ghostly friends, Massimo Natica doesn’t stand a chance.In the tradition of Edward Gorey and Roald Dahl, the dark comedy and imaginative brilliance of Milrose Munce and the Den of Professional Help will appeal to adults as much as it will to younger readers.

    Eddie Dickens is sent off to stay with his aunt and uncle and a riotously funny comedy of errors ensues. When both Eddie Dickens's parents catch a disease that makes them turn yellow, go a bit crinkly around the edges, and smell of hot water bottles, it's agreed he should go and stay with relatives at their house, Awful End. Unfortunately for Eddie, those relatives are Mad Uncle Jack and Even-Madder Aunt Maud. . . . This hilarious historical spoof, the first in the Eddie Dickens trilogy, has been called ""a scrumptious cross between Dickens and Monty Python.""

    A trap is set for him, but he cannot be kept down. Then, when a terrible monster from outer space threatens to lay waste to the planet, it is the Iron Man who finds a way to save the world.

    Filled with magic, wit, and bathroom humor, Doctor Proctor will keep boys and girls laughing until the end.Eleven-year-old Nilly is new to the neighborhood, but he is quick to make friends: Doctor Proctor, an eccentric professor who invents wacky potions and powders; and brainy Lisa, who is always teased by the twin terrors Truls and Trym. All is good farty fun when Nilly and Lisa help Doctor Proctor develop his latest invention, a powder that makes you fart. The powder makes Nilly and Lisa VERY popular at school when they sell it for 50 cents a bag. (And they get revenge on Truls and Trym by giving them an extra-strength dose of fart powder that shoots them up into a tree!)But when Doctor Proctor creates an industrial-strength version that can send people to outer space, the kids must go to great lengths to protect the invention and keep it out of the hands of their neighbors, who want to use the powder for evil purposes.In the spirit of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket, Doctor Proctor offers a winning combination of humor, adventure, and absurdity that kids (of all ages) will love—proving that Jo Nesbø can keep you on the edge of the seat and make your sides split in equal measure.