Buses rumble towards Ealing Broadway and I'm expected to do battle with the powers of darkness. It all seems a little unfair...'You could say it all started with the red-eyed tramp with the slimy fingers who put the wind up Neville, the part-time barman, something rotten. Or when Archroy's wife swapped his trusty Morris Minor for five magic beans while he was out at the rubber factory.On the other hand, you could say it all started a lot earlier. Like 450 years ago, when Borgias walked the earth.Pooley and Omally, stars of the Brentford Laboiur Exchange and the Flying Swan, want nothing to do with it, especially if there's a Yankee and a pint of Large in the offing. Pope Alexander VI, last of the Borgias, has other ideas...

    Mr Twiddle is a kind old soul with the best intentions, but he is extremely forgetful, very lazy and more than a little bit silly.

    Charles Goodwin, the garden committee president, would like the garden to stay just the way it is. Lord Vernon of Barnstable, the appalling life peer, has plans for the garden. Bryony Mullins, the gusset-mouthed harridan, doesn't give a flying knicker elastic what happens to the garden as long as it's not what Vernon wants. Angel Tenby, the sexually organic gardener, wants the garden to run free. Mrs Kotzen, the neighbour, wants the garden to be chic. The vicar wants the garden to be accessible and relevant. Lily Ng, the teenage daily, would probably think the garden silly if she thought about it at all; she wants to offer sex in lieu of ironing. Mona Corinth, the Hollywood legend, is dead and may be about to become part of the garden. Iona Wallace is the obligatory love interest. She would like to be a garden: laid, forked, plucked, seeded, mulched, vigorously pollarded, bedded and admired for her natural beauty. The garden wants absolutely nothing at all.Sap Rising may well be a story about dark dank nature both human and vegetable and our uneasy relationship with the mystic natural forces that move the earth. It may be a parable on the fragile consensus that maintains and tends green England. On the other hand, it might just be a farcical love story set in a garden about nothing of any consequence performed by comic grotesques with a lot of swearing and unnatural sex.

    

    This plant is used exclusively to comply with the extremely complicated ritual laws set down in the Tablets of Enku.

    Expensive things in shops. Jelly that is not ready to eat yet. Cigarette lighters. Necks. Dead Things. Dogs. Piercings. Toddlers' cheeks. Each other's knees. People also like to touch death.Jasper wants to get on in the world, but he's got a lot on his plate: A-levels, his mother pushing him to overachieve, weekly visits to his psychologist, comedowns, YouTube suicides and pregnant one-night-stands. Then there's his stepdad - the murderer.Hilarious and heartbreaking by turns, Grow Up is the ultimate twenty-first-century coming-of-age novel. It paints a vivid portrait of the pills and thrills and bellyaches of growing up today. Funny, smart and twisted, it is the story of one young man transformed.

    100 million people viewed those videos, turning Bo into an online sensation with a huge and dedicated following. Bo taped his first of two Comedy Central specials four days after his 18th birthday, making him the youngest to do so in the channel's history. Now Bo is a rising star in the comedy world, revered for his utterly original and intelligent voice. And, he can SIIIIIIIIING!In EGGHEAD, Bo brings his brand of brainy, emotional comedy to the page in the form of off-kilter poems, thoughts, and more. Teaming up with his longtime friend, artist, and illustrator Chance Bone, Bo takes on everything from death to farts in this weird book that will make you think, laugh and think, "why did I just laugh?"

    Set onboard a ship during an unnamed war, the title story is a harrowing account of guilt and responsibility, showing Conrad at his most accomplished as a master of psychological penetration. Accompanying this is another study of the brutal turns of fortune visited on the unwary by war: 'The Warrior's Soul' takes place during Napoleon's invasion of Russia, and traces the interweaving relationship between a beautiful woman and the two men who love her. 'Prince Roman', meanwhile, is one of Conrad's earliest stories, and the only piece in his entire oeuvre that touches on his homeland, Poland. The collection concludes with 'The Black Mate', a witty and light-hearted illustration of life aboard ship." "Spanning Joseph Conrad's entire literary career, these four stories touch on some of his major interests - war, imperialism, life at sea - showing him at his most intimate and ambitious."

    Lady Felicity Vane 19, unwilling client, lures unwitting Lord James Bremmer. Lord Ravenswood 30s quietly donates his town furnishings and servants despite his fiancée Betty.

    Introduction by Robert Silverberg. Afterwords by Norman Spinrad, Vonda N McIntyre, Robert Sheckley, Philip Jose Farmer, Thomas M Disch, and Edward Bryant.

    The economy is collapsing, his health is failing, and around his hometown of Broughty Ferry, Bob is struggling to get the respect he deserves. Fortunately his email junk folder is bursting with offers of assistance from around the world. In these genuine emails, Bob Servant looks to the Internet's worst con merchants and charlatans for answers to his many woes. The author of the bestselling Delete This At Your Peril and the critically acclaimed Radio 4 series The Bob Servant Emails is back with an all-new compilation of emails targeting a fresh batch of email spammers—the false lenders who have bravely stepped into the credit crunch, supposed doctors offering expensive treatments for Bob's ailments, and fake foreign soldiers offering him military advice in his campaign against a local bowling club. They all find a man from Broughty Ferry who is ready and willing to give them his valuable time.

    I had been sending horror stories to mainstream magazines who rewarded me with a stack of rejection slips, many of which included a scribbled note: "A little too weird for our readers."My next step was to send these stories out to the men's magazines, who included "horror stories" in their listings in the Writer's Market. Once again I was rewarded with a stack of rejection slips with this note: "You write very well, but we do not publish any stories that do not include at least three explicit sex scenes." (By this time I'd papered most of my bathroom with rejection slips.) Ah-ha! I said. I shall write an erotic fable. Cat's Karma came out of that effort. Actually, after no one accepted the story I cleaned out the explicit sex scenes so I could show this story to my friends without them thinking I was a hopeless horndog, and this version is the end result. -- Christopher Moore

    Each book in the series has been designed with today's young reader in mind. As the words come to life, students will develop a lasting appreciation for great literature.The humor of Mark Twain...the suspense of Edgar Allan Poe...the danger of Jack London...the sensitivity of Katherine Mansfield. Creative Short Stories has it all and will prove to be a welcome addition to any library.

    Francesca, Kelly, and Kelly's teenage sister Amanda are only meant to spend several hours at the pool together, while their professor parents finish up an afternoon of work at their lush, Oregon college. The younger girls are caught up in hair braiding and Marco Polo, but Amanda is poised on the cusp of an adult realm bursting with cruel secrets. When the girls run into a beautiful, anxious woman and her toddler, Amanda starts to act in ways that may well transform an unremarkable day into a dark turning point in all their lives. By turns enchanting and terrifying, and always bursting with vivid emotion, “Frito Lay” brings us deep into our own childhood memories, reminding us that the dark and sinister were never quite as far away as we might have believed.

    Why not try some microfiction short stories instead? These bite-sized, slice-of-life short stories are crafted with only one hundred words, so they go by in a flash. Perfect for time-challenged fiction lovers, these humorous yet thought-provoking stories can be read when you’re waiting in line, riding the bus, or whenever you need a short mental break. Go on. Try some flash fiction. Grab your copy of 100 Tiny Tales today! 100 Tiny Tales: Short Stories Told in Exactly One Hundred Words is written by K. Kris Loomis, a native South Carolinian and the author of the novels, The Sinking of Bethany Ann Crane and The Murder of Leopold Beckenbauer, as well as the short story collection, The Monster In the Closet and Other Stories. Kris is also a nonfiction author who writes books about yoga, meditation, and the time she spent living in South America, including After Namaste: Off-the-Mat Musings of a Modern Yogini and Thirty Days in Quito: Two Gringos and a Three-Legged Cat Move to Ecuador. When Kris isn’t at her standing desk writing, she can be found playing chess, folding an origami crane, or practicing a Beethoven sonata on the piano. She lives in Rock Hill, South Carolina with her husband and two cats. You can connect with Kris at her website, www.kkrisloomis.com or her Amazon Author page, or find her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram @kkrisloomis.