The idea of crap lies in the real-life messes, hiccups, disasters and bad meals that many of us dish up and deal with every day. This mum is tired of the photos of perfectly packed school lunches, posts about gourmet family dinners eaten together over the table, and tales of neat, tidy and obedient children with smoothly brushed hair. It's time to reset the bar. Make expectations realistic. Strive to be kind, loving, smart and funny. Perfection is not required.

    Matt Baker is at his happiest on the farm.Away from the bright lights of hosting our favourite television programmes, Countryfile, The One Show, Blue Peter and many more, he is often in the company of his family, dogs, array of sheep, Mediterranean miniature donkeys and a whole host of wildlife in the farm's ancient woodland.Now, following the ever-changing seasons, Matt takes us on a journey with his family on the farm.We see woodland animals emerge after a long winter of hibernation, hear the dawn chorus in the height of summer and see the preparations unfold for the harsh and wild winter months.Peppered with hand drawn sketches, unforgettable moments from his TV career and stories of a landscape you'll fall in love with, Matt offers readers a touching insight into life on the farm, and how the power and beauty of the countryside can be an inspiration and source of joy for all of us.A celebration of the natural year, Matt Baker takes us on a journey through the seasons, his life on the farm and how the power and beauty of the countryside has made him who he is.

    It includes the story of Frank's beloved sister, Eva, who was a top-class West End shoplifter, and his sons David and Patrick, who reveal in shocking detail the full extent of the family's network and the influences that shaped them.With sawn-off shotguns as toys, the Kray twins as family friends and a mother who urged them as teenagers to 'get out of bed and rob a bleedin' bank', it is little wonder that the Fraser boys were heavily involved in organized crime by the time they were in their twenties. Packed with new information, and featuring some of the most famous names in the London underworld, this is a fascinating slice of gangland history seen through the eyes of Frank Fraser and his two renegade sons.

    Boss of the Richardson Gang and rival of the Krays, to cross him would result in brutal repercussions. Famously arrested on the day England won the World Cup in 1966, his trial heard he allegedly used iron bars, bolt cutters and electric shocks on his enemies.The Last Gangster is Richardson’s frank account of his largely untold life story, finished just before his death in September 2012. He shares the truth behind the rumours and tells of his feuds with the Krays for supremacy, undercover missions involving politicians, many lost years banged up in prison and reveals shocking secrets about royalty, phone hacking, bent coppers and the infamous black box.Straight up, shocking and downright gripping, this is the ultimate exposé on this legendary gangster and his extraordinary life.

    He has been a busy man. Yet, for the last two years, he has also managed to squeeze in a weekly column for The Times. Without fail, he sat down every week and wracked his brain to think of something to write 900 words about. Dispatches From the Sofa is the brilliant result. Alighting on such random topics as the potential demise of Margaret Thatcher, the love-hate relationship with your football club, Mike Read's musical of Oscar Wilde, fat pop stars, Serbian breakfast banter, the pleasures of air-guitar, the banking crisis and the evil phenomenon of Jedward, this is a thought-provoking, wide-reaching, hilarious and self-deprecating collection - which also includes the first two chapters from his unpublished novel - from one of our funniest, quickest and most beloved comedians.

    I hurled myself through the doorway and into the room. I didn’t look back.”Caught in an Ecuador hotel room with 8kg of cocaine, Pieter Tritton was no mule or dupe. He had planned and organised everything. The consequence: a 12-year sentence inside one of the world’s deadliest prison systems, where gun fights, executions and riots are a part of everyday life. As a Brit banged up abroad, Pieter had to learn how to survive – and fast – because one wrong move would mean death.This is the insider account of what it’s like to live in a place worse than hell and come out a changed man on the other side.

    We have your favourite table ready and waiting and a selection of tasty and unusual dishes for your delectation and delight (but do bear in mind that the kitchen closes shortly as the Chef needs to go to his second job, rodding out blocked sewers). We have a few choice 'nostalgedy' stories for Starters, some meatier ones for your Mains, a selection of 'curmudgeonly rants' or keen observations (you take your choice) for Dessert, and something unspeakable to go with your Coffee and Mints.Philip Whiteland tickles your fancy (it's not a crime yet) once again with this compilation of stories, often with a food-based theme, from today and yesterday. Pull up a chair and tuck in!

    

    Whether through his writing, live appearances, tweets, or thousands of hours of videos and podcasts, his work has been seen by many. He’s set two Guinness World Records, earned the ire of legendary baseball players, penned two novels about an alligator fighter pilot, raised thousands for charity via custom Super Mario Bros. levels, and works a side job as a professional wrestling manager. These are the stories that people already know. Before jumping headfirst into the public eye, Ryckert’s history was just as unique. He’s been a Catholic schoolboy and an insufferable movie theater employee. He’s befriended the insane and almost been stabbed. Time and time again, he’s taken long shots that have inexplicably paid off in ridiculous ways. Dan Ryckert’s history of unlikely events didn’t start in 2009. They were happening for 25 years prior to that, and the details can be found in The Dumbest Kid in Gifted Class.

    

    What do Postman Pat, Tommy Cooper, Norman Wisdom and George Best have in common with being abandoned in a Costa Rican jungle after a severe bout of flatulence? Indeed, how are they also connected to trying to buy an Australian brewery just to get a beer, owning twenty-two cars, an American soccer team and a Swiss mail-order pornography company?The common feature is of course a certain Richard Wakeman.The Further Adventures of a Grumpy Old Rock Star takes you, the privileged reader, on a trip of absurd excess, a cultural car crash of side-splitting hilarity and an unforgettable glimpse (again) into the life of one of Britain's most legendary showmen, rock stars and all-time great raconteurs.

         Ronan O'Gara has been at the heart of Munster and Irish rugby for the past fifteen years. Now, as he comes to the end of a glittering playing career, it is time for him to reflect on those many successes and occasional failures with the straight-talking attitude that has become his trademark. Never one to shy away from the truth, the result is Ronan O'Gara: Unguarded.     Packed full of anecdotes and analysis of the teammates O'Gara has been proud to share the shirt with, and of the coaches he has played under -- often in controversial circumstances -- this is the definitive record of an era when Munster rose to triumph in Europe, and Ireland to win the Grand Slam, before crashing down to earth again. It is simply the must-have rugby book of the year.

    . ."—Barry LivingstonA true Hollywood survivor, Barry Livingston is one of the few child stars who turned early success into a lifelong career. As "Ernie" on the 1960s sit-com My Three Sons—which also featured his real-life brother Stanley as "Chip"—Barry become instantly recognizable for his horn-rimmed glasses and goofy charm. Five deCAes later, after working on TV shows like Mad Men and Desperate Housewives, and in feature films like Zodiac and The Social Network, Barry Livingston is one actor who knows The Importance of Being Ernie. . .In this fascinating and funny memoir, Barry reveals his most unforgettable anecdotes: Working on set with Fred McMurray, Ozzie and Harriet, Lucille Ball and Dick Van Dyke. Riding a limousine with Elvis Presley. Trying to upstage Ron "Opie" Howard. Even shooting a Superbowl beer commercial with Brad Pitt. At first, Barry's lazy eye and horn-rimmed glasses nearly derailed his career, getting him kicked off his first major film starring Paul Newman. Eventually, his "nerdy" look became his biggest asset, landing Barry a recurring role on Ozzie & Harriet and a regular part on My Three Sons. Fifty years later, Barry is still going strong—from the stage and small screen to to featured film roles opposite Adam Sandler and Robert Downey, Jr.. Like most Hollywood actors, Barry experienced some incredible highs and lows along the way, but he never gave up. "I've been around half a century," he affirms. "And I'm not going away." This is how one child star beat the odds and survived the dark side of the Hollywood dream factory—with charm, wit, determination. . .and big horn-rimmed glasses. This is The Importance of Being Ernie.Barry Livingston has been a professional actor on stage and screen for more than fifty years. Best known for his role as "Ernie" on the long-running TV program, My Three Sons, Livingston continues to appear regularly in feature films and television shows. He is married with two children, and lives in Los Angeles. Praise For The Importance Of Being Ernie "This wryly told saga of a child star who miraculously avoided the crash-and-burn fate of so many of the once-famous. . . an engaging tale of the unusual life of a humorous, modest, and observant man. Barry Livingston delivers a frank and funny tale of TV, movies, and family life." —Brent Maddock, co-author of Tremors and Short Circuit"For a child star, he's almost normal. This poor kid had to sit on William Frawley's lap we're lucky he's not on a roof with a rifle. . .. Barry is one of those rare child stars who grew up to become an accomplished adult actor. Having logged fifty years in show business, working with everyone from Lucille Ball and Jack Benny to Brad Pitt and Robert Downey, Jr., he's got a great story to tell." —Paul Jackson, Producer Charmed and Sliders."I have known Barry Livingston since he was nine years old. He always made me laugh. Now he's kept me awake reading his wonderful autobiography. There's a lot of talent in those size eight shoes." —Gene Reynolds, director of TV's M.A.S.H.and Promised Land

    He was a boxing champion as a boy. He became a dad as a teenager. He has been a barman in a brothel and spent his first years in London working as a carer to some of the capital's most at-risk kids.In this, the first major biography of the star, Neil Simpson reveals the extraordinary highs and the terrible lows of Paul's life. He explains: how Lily Savage was born as a way to make more money - and help Paul take his mind off the horrors he saw every day as a social worker; how tough it was for the 'blonde bombsite from Birkenhead' to break into the entertainment mainstream; and, why Paul decided to risk everything by throwing off Lily's wig and carving out a new career as himself.The depression, the private grief and the near fatal heart attacks that struck as Paul re-invented himself as the funniest and most successful chat show host in the country. Frequently hilarious and sometimes heart-wrenchingly sad, Paul O'Grady has always lived his life on a rollercoaster of emotions. Today he is a proud grandfather, a multimillionaire and a man loved by millions of devoted fans. This is his incredible story.

    These memoirs take him from enjoying the odd cold beer sailing peacefully across the Indian Ocean to being trapped in a war zone. Here he sees life at sea changing from the leisurely days of general cargoes to the hectic computerised containerships. He seems to have done it all – rescuing drug runners from the ice, dredging aggregates in the North Sea and finally skippering a ‘steamer’ on a tranquil lake. This volume is the second of Bob’s memoirs covering his service as master on a wide variety of ships. The first book ‘I think I’ll go to sea’ relates to his experiences climbing up through the ranks. In this book he has to flee the USA to avoid arrest for drug smuggling, assists rescuing a ship’s crew when their ship sinks in pack ice and gets stuck in the middle of the Iraq/Iran war. He also experiences alcohol free ships which take away the pleasure of his ‘cold beer’