Because after you have read this book, you, Good Sir, will know how to be a pro athlete. And pro athletes don't need books. Or strong family bonds. Or any of that stupid crap. Not when they have ready access to millions of dollars and scores of smoking hot chicks with questionable judgment. This book will be all you require to cast aside your boring life as some jackass who cruises around bookstores hoping to score grad-school trim. With Men with Balls, you will learn how to: Showboat using classical pantomime techniques Figure out whether or not a stripper actually fancies you Emotionally cope from the emotional fallout of rookie year hazing games Find out which free locker room amphetamines will give you a shot of energy, and which will cause you to run down terrified schoolchildren with your Escalade (NOTE: Some do both) Avoid media scrutiny by directing beat writers and columnists to the nearest hot buffet So grab your balls, bookboy. You're about to become a home-run hitting, steroid-injecting, angry-orgy-having Turbostud. They're gonna need a whole ocean just to wash your jock.

    He has to gather his ex-girlfriend and his youngest daughter with his ex-wife (you remember Eve, right?) and his oldest surviving son (Cain) and get them across the country for a meeting with Archangel Michael and Lucifer to determine the fate of the world. Along the way there are strip clubs, cheap beer, expensive whiskey, biker bar fights, shotgun blasts in motel parking lots, sing-alongs in public parks and other wild adventures as our group of intrepid immortals and universal icons travel to save the world.

    When a flying saucer crashes into his fishing hole, Jimmy tries to use the stranded survivors to jump-start his TV career. This first contact isn't accidental though. The Galactic Pool's saddest excuse for a politician has committed sabotage while plotting to rule Earth. And he's about to find out what happens when you mess with Earthlings.*81,000 words with a courteous 0.0149% F-word rate*There are sex scenes, but they are strictly telepathic. (sorry)

    Tadie Longworth doesn't mind acting the maiden aunt in Beaufort, North Carolina. She has a gift shop full of her own jewelry designs and a sweet little sailboat to take her mind off the guy who got away. But now he’s back . . . with the fashion-plate wife he picked instead of Tadie . . . and he’s hitting on her again. When widower Will Merritt limps into town with a broken sailboat and a perky seven-year-old daughter, he offers the perfect distraction — until that distraction turns into fascination when Tadie offers shelter during a hurricane. Over candlelit games of Slap-Jack and Monopoly, Jilly becomes the daughter she could have had and Will the man she always wanted. Only, he’s sworn never to let another woman in his life. Any day now, he’s going to finish those repairs, and that ship's going to sail — straight out of Tadie’s life.

    In the industry, I'm known as a "Freight Dog." I fly canceled checks and other types of high-value cargo around the country, mostly at night, in airplanes that are older than I am. Flying freight-or "work" as we call it-in small, twin-engine aircraft is a lesser known side of the aviation world. Our day starts when banker's hours end. Thousands of flights move millions of pounds of work from city to city every night while the rest of the country is asleep. We're out there in the freezing rain getting de-iced when you're laying down for bed. We're sweeping the snow off our wings with a broom at three in the morning. That horrible thunderstorm you heard last night while you were sleeping, we were flying through it. The fog you woke up to in the early morning hours, we were landing in it. Hauling Checks is a comedy about the darker side of aviation. A cast of degenerate pilots, who work for a shady night time air cargo operation, take you on a flight through the unfriendly skies. The pilots abuse every Reg in the book in their quest to make deadlines for their high value cargo. As the company falls on hard times, management resorts to questionable measures to save the failing airline.

    Joyce Brown, President of Fashion Institute of Technology Go behind the window displays.  Behind the racks.  Two personal shoppers for Manhattan's biggest department stores have written a wildly dishy novel that goes behind the dressing rooms of New York’s fashion elite. At Frankel’s New York, the wives of billionaires and Hollywood celebrities sip champagne while stylists and tailors cater to every whim.  And one person has made it her career to help these Amex-wielding shoppers create the perfect look. Bonnie Salerno Madden knows all of her client’s preferences, whims, and fantasies.  She knows the price they paid to gain access to the salon where having Bonnie as their private shopper is a first-class ticket to being the toast of the New York high-fashion social scene. But while Bonnie is all elegance on the outside, she’s barely keeping it together on the inside.  A single mom to a special needs child, she needs her high-pressure job to care for her family.  And when that job is put in jeopardy, Bonnie will need to make some of the riskiest choices of her life to guarantee a better future for her son, and for herself.  With the opportunity to live in her own fairy tale, will Bonnie have what it takes to make the trade off?  “THE TRADE OFF is a riveting page-turner even for a non-shopper like me. The ultimate tale of New York life.”—David Patrick Columbia, newyorksocialdiary.com

    Fortunately Greg's best mate Stu has come to the rescue. Now it's Stu's job to lead Greg down the path of enlightenment, where woman swarm by their hundreds and will pay for Greg's company. Welcome to the Meat Market, where everything has a price, even love.

    2017 Foreword Reviews Humor Book of the YearA Southern librarian fights back when the city cuts off the funding for her library in this funny, angry book from award-winning author Michael Guillebeau.

    Bestselling Author of We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier and Bless Your Heart, Tramp Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.” With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on:--The joys of remodeling Tara--How Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew--Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up--How rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day--Why French women suck at competitive eating--The truth about nature deficit disorder--The difference between cockroaches and water bugs--The beauty of BedazzlersAnd much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.

    She was found abandoned on a park bench in Glasgow, Scotland when she was only two years old. Being unable to talk or explain herself meant that growing up within the Scottish welfare system was depressingly harsh.This all changes the day a young social worker named Kim comes into seven-year-old Emily's life. Kim suspects that there is definitely more to Emily than the workers in the social system have surmised. A suspicion that Emily is no ordinary sufferer of domestic trauma. Emily, through Kim, finds hope, guidance and the chance of a normal life. But when a teenaged Emily becomes a victim of assault, leading to the death of her attackers, it fires off an urgent need to find out who she actually is.Through the first person accounts of a social worker, a teenager, a gymnastics coach, an investigative agent and a sickly, elderly man, we observe Emily's often-perilous journey to discover her true identity and what led to her abandonment in the first place--what she eventually finds may be truly extraordinary.

    But Percy Dwayne wouldn't give in. Nope, instead he saw fit to go all white-trash philosophical and decided that since the world was stacked against him anyway, he might as well fight it. He hit Nick over the head with a fireplace shovel, tied him up with a length of lamp cord, and stole the mint-condition calypso coral-colored 1969 Ranchero that Nick had borrowed from his landlady. And he took the TV with him on a rowdy ride across the Mississippi Delta.Nick and his best friend Desmond, fellow repo man in Indianola, Mississippi, have no choice but to go after him. The fact that the trail eventually leads to Guy, a meth cooker recently set up in the Delta after the Feds ran him out of New Orleans, is of no consequence—Nick will do anything to get the Ranchero back. And it turns out he might have to.An original and ballsy road-trip of a crime novel—most of it in Desmond's ex-wife's Geo—Ranchero is an unforgettable read and a fantastic series debut.

    Dr. Spock may tell moms to trust their instincts, but Lynch's Misfit Mommies want to do every last thing but that. They feel like frauds and imposters, and Lynch's real-girl's voice will be instantly recognizable to them. Lynch will walk and talk new moms through it all: from lamenting the hot dogs and second-hand smoke they were raised on (and, of course, "you turned out just fine") to the realization that kids are kind of germy and gross (but feeling that way doesn't make one a bad mother) to keeping it together at work with Cheerios in the old nursing bra.

    If Eddie wants to wed Menaka, it is Thilak Rupasinghe, her orthodox terror of a father, whom he must woo and whose farts he must kiss – Thilak wants his daughter to marry someone of the same race, religion and caste, and if possible from the same locality.In a desperate bid to make his dream a reality, Eddie tries to connect with Thilak in other ways – eating curries that make him bleed spice and breathe fire, driving drunk through red lights, threatening co-workers with violence, and sleeping with snakes. But will Eddie ever be good enough for a man who hates the colour of his skin?Sparkling with wit and featuring an endearing cast of characters, The Amazing Racist is the story of a man who finds a home among strangers, of a father-in-law whose bark is worse than his bite, and of bonds that grow to be stronger than family ties.

    An explosion rips the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris apart during celebratory mass, killing hundreds and revealing a hidden crypt with a most gruesome find: the crucified body of a naked young woman; twelve tombstones inscribed with a single phrase -- in domina nostra salus. CIA agent John Russell, an expert in religious crime, is summoned to investigate a wave of atrocities that surges through Europe: Bodies on cathedral towers covered in baffling tattoos; the massacre of a Cistercian monastery; the relentless execution of senior Cardinal Bishops. Sorting through the bizarre crimes, Russell and his team are plunged into a web of age-old conspiracies involving the Vatican, the Ceile De, spouses of the gods, warrior priestesses and their quest to settle a primeval score. In a race against time, Russell drags his team through Europe in a desperate struggle to prevent total cataclysm. In just four days...

    Bradwick snaps when he and James bust in on a kidnapping ring, enslaving children for pornography. He brutally executes the three kidnappers, stunning James. He sets up the scene to pass for self-defense with Ellie James cooperation. Their ruse succeeds, triggering a two cop crackdown on crime the city of Oakland’s leaders scurry to stop. Dedicated to end ‘look the other way’ crime suppression tactics, ending in destruction and death for the common people in Oakland, Bradwick and James decide it’s time to go on offense.Connor explains it this way after they rescue the kidnapped children, “The kids made me start thinking about how I want folks to look at us. I don’t care anymore to visit someone to tell them we found the people who broke into their business or house and robbed them blind. I want them to wave at us from their house or business as we go by because we prevent the gangbangers, drug dealers and thugs from terrorizing them.”The crime war takes on different meaning when they bust an MS-13 El Salvadoran gangster’s illegal alien processing center. Connor and Ellie run headlong into a corrupt politician on the gangster’s payroll, and the terrorists behind him. Soon, everyday crime fighting busts become a fond memory. (Taken from Amazon.com)